Society's Reject

Poetry has been a constant when nothing else was. It's been a majorly important aspect of my healing, my sanity, and using my creativity. My imagination is my gateway to my soul.

[theheightofdepression]

Find the Flaw

I told you once,

I told you twice,

Still I pay the prize,

I let you in,

I let you win,

My guilty pleasure,

My beloved sin.

[poetrylovingfan]

Broken; we either enter or leave  this world as such. 💛

[societiesreject]

Derealization

Derealization

I want to cry but I can’t

To feel anything real would be relief

all that comes out is a rant

I look at this place in Disbelief

The world, supposedly real

All I view, an aberration

Different realms, none appeal

Everything’s a mutation

The beings that surround

They crawl down the barriers

A hue so profound

They are ruthless harriers

They pounce upon my skin

And rip apart my insides

A contentious, uncontested win

My psyche cracks and divides

The scene surrounding my vision

Is like lots of distorted realities combined

With such indecision and imprecision

Even the ground under my feet, undefined

To describe such a chaotic, deluded, place

Or its dreadful population

Would be like looking Satan in the face

Like a live hallucination

[spaceysworld]

Veinte años

***************

20 years past

They’ve gone so fast

20 years ago

I couldn’t bear to let go

20 years since

I reflect with tears and a wince

20 years later

Once again almost met my creator

Every year on this day, I reflect

On the suffering I still can’t deflect

I desperately try not to obsess

But even now I miss your caress

I was yours

From pleasure to sores

You were mine

Despite reality’s design

You’re here with me

Even though no one can see

Alone I hear

Your voice, my fear

You had every single solitary bit of control

You even inhabited and consumed my soul

You Manipulated me in every way, shape, and form

You masterminded a deep, fierce, sultry storm

You slithered thru my veins

And held my heart in chains

I have never been the same

You changed the definition of my name

BUT…No matter how much I’ve wanted to do die

And no matter how many times I try

I won’t let you have the satisfaction To think my end will ever be a direct reaction

I may not know where my life is headed

Or how long it’s going to last

But you are no longer wholeheartedly imbedded

And you will eventually be surpassed

By: Casey Howe

[societiesreject]

Unique

I miss your touch I miss your feel Kisses and such Wish you were still real I see you in the shadows of my room Logic tells me that you are not true Of course my emotion wouldn’t assume But in my heart I can still feel you Sometimes I wish you would speak There’s been a few cases Our relationship now is very unique But I do miss our embraces I do believe in my heart That someday we will truly meet again But until I depart I must stand strong and not complain

[siaware]

Twist

At what seems like the end of the road They want me to go but I do not They’ll have to push me over the edge Here’s the twist in the plot I was lost and alone Not that long ago I pleaded for death To finally beat this foe The only way Was to beat them at their own game Or so I thought Till I had a glimpse of who I became It was no longer about the end result It was about the journey all along About the strength and courage acquired And the lessons that were lifelong.

By: Casey Howe AKA SiAware

[siaware]

Fists and Wrists

One hand in a fist A new cut on the wrist Anger seethes inside of me But you’re too oblivious to see

So much to say But I know it won’t go my way Your every mistake Makes me more of a fake

I can’t talk to you Especially if you knew Language barrier blocks all flow But you don’t even know.

The consequences are unknown But past results have shown I’ll be dead to you before long Even though I’m not the one in the wrong

By: Casey Howe AKA SiAware

[siaware]

Secrecy

Losing sleep over this distraction Please God, give me some satisfaction To keep me here To release this fear All signs point to nowhere  And no one seems to care But only I’m to blame Secrecy is the game If one knew my inner core They would certainly abhor It’s a lonely place To be such a disgrace I regret this decision But I’ve made it with such precision There’s no going back Not without an attack

By: Casey Howe AKA SiAware

[siaware]

Like a deer in the headlights That’s how it feels most nights It catches me by surprise In remembering, flashes before my eyes Little snip-it’s of time Compressed into one big eruption Past and present intertwine Vivid senses focus on the corruption You’re there, but you’re not This...

[societiesreject]

Schizo

I'm a victim of my brain But I must refrain From the commands And the lofty demands My head It spins round and round The voices have said I need to be 6 feet underground I'm apparently the worst person on earth And there's no way out I've been this way since birth This is what they shout There's no such thing as quiet  My mind has always been a riot There's people living in my head From the time I wake up, until I go to bed There's people in my room Giving me the feeling of doom I'm a prisoner of the so called unreal But without them I could not deal I'm stuck in this land that I perceive This is real, but only to me Others tell me it's make believe But they don't see what I see

[societiesreject]

Shove it down

The words I want to speak Get shoved down so deep The weight from their consequences Makes them almost impossible to keep I fidget and bounce The anxiety rises up my throat I hold my head between my knees I'd die if anyone saw what I wrote I can't keep it all down forever Sometimes, even now, I leak It's beginning to overflow The weight of the world makes me weak I fear the consequences When I blow my top God only knows what tragic words I'll spew Who knows when the volcano will stop

[societiesreject]

The one that isn't me

Every time I laugh There's a madness creeping within I'm a facade Inside I'm crawling out of my skin My opinions and thoughts don't matter So I keep them trapped in my brain My emotions and feelings are constantly discounted So I keep quiet and refrain I wish I could speak up But I'm too afraid of the fallout I hate making people upset or angry I'd rather just go without I care too much What other people think of me It's just ingrained in my existence I just wish I could be free So I shall continue to being someone I'm  not And hope that no one ever finds me out Some times I just want to run away Because if I don't, I'll start to shout

[societiesreject]

I've learned

In a life full of suffering and pain I've learned to use it for my gain I could've easily given in But I searched high and low within And found an unshakable strength One in which could go the length I'm not the person I used to be I've found a way to be free From the treachery I once lived I've learned that I must forgive Those who have hurt me in the past Because the past doesn't last This doesn't mean I cannot fall It means I can rise above it all I thank God each and every day That I've let go and decided to stay

[societiesreject]

Beats and Blood

Your heart beats in my chest Your blood runs through my veins Now that you're gone Nothing is the same There's a hole in my heart Where you used to reside An emptiness tears me apart A pain that won't subside My tears have run dry But the emotions still fly I wish I could've said goodbye And I'm still wondering why You were everything to me I still needed you But God's word was decree Who am I to construe Every day that ends I miss you that much more Every moment I spend Missing you to my core

[societiesreject]

Envelopment

There was a time Where my depression was the norm I became comfortable in its arms It quickly took my world by storm Many years passed The hours were short but the days were long I felt no need to leave its enveloping embrace I couldn't see it was singing a liar's song Half my life was spent under a spell But one day a glimmer of hope showed through I was confused and blinded by its light It was a reality even I couldn't misconstrue Slowly the light began to poke holes in my darkened cave I started seeing things from a different view My gloomy, blackened world Took on a new, exciting hue Soon there was so much light  That I became afraid What was to become of my darkness? Was I willing to make this trade? I wanted more than anything to be free Now that I was able to see My depression fought me But I knew who I wanted to be More time passed I kept fighting the battle for my desire Unsure and uneasy I trudged on The more I fought, the more I acquired In the end I had won And it was time to freely explore There's a whole new world out here There's nothing holding me back anymore

[societiesreject]

Keep your eye on the prize

Keep your eye on the prize Be your very best Shed the pain and rise Just forget all the rest Set your sights high Believe that you can Beat the odds and defy But remember where you began Heartache and pain will come and go But we're strong enough to overcome We're the only ones that know Who our tragedies will make us become In our lives and in our soul We are built to survive We are meant to be whole We are destined to thrive But this rarely comes without pain We have to make the choice Choose between the sunshine and the rain Between wallowing and rejoice

[societiesreject]

Spreading my wings

Strengthening my wings So I can fly away Soar above the things That keep getting in my way My wings were broken and frayed I was stuck amongst the pain I was too afraid To let go and break the chain Through time and healing I'm proud to say Those memories are no longer stealing My happiness today I look up at the sky The sun shining so bright No longer asking why Just enjoying the beautiful sight So much potential So much hope Attitude is essential In order to cope I set my sights high Because I know I can succeed The limit is no longer the sky Because I have finally been freed