Shitty the Bard

I blog about archaeology, Classics, and history. Coming up soon: fuckboi Alcibiades, seems-better-in-comparison Achilles, and my favorite subject of all- hacksilver. Follow me on Twitter @ socratitillated. (blog title from a lecture series titled King Arthur: History and Legend by Dorsey Armstrong)

[we-kant-even]

[greekromangods]

Dionysos and Ariadne

Italian, Rome, ca. 1815, after the Antique

Attributed to Bartolomeo Pinelli (1781–1835)

Gilt terracotta

** My Other Blogs & Facebook Pages

[translesbianethics]

[aristocraticmonarchy]

Oh You Think I Am Wrong? You Think You Will Find Some Way To Own Me? Prove Me Wrong Diogenes. I Dare You.

[epitoma-rei-militaris-deactivat]

[aristocraticmonarchy]

[thoodleoo]

ancient greek and roman names

greek names: this is my son, demosthenes son of speusippus, the son of aristarchus, the son of ariston, the son of arion, the son of glaucon, great-great-great-great grandson of zeus

roman names: this is my son, gaius julius caesar. and his father, gaius julius caesar. and my father’s uncle, gaius julius caesar. and their cousin, gaius julius caesar, and his father, gaius julius caesar, and-

[thoodleoo]

this is the description from a poster one of my old professors made about a class he’s teaching on roman decadence this fall and i don’t think anything describes the ancient romans better than this

[dunsparce]

life is hard for this dog

[shinvermouthea]

how do i explain plato’s allegory of the cave  to a dog

[socratitillated]

What I find most interesting about Socrates isn’t his philosophical views (though they are fascinating, especially in the context of the political theater during/after the Peloponnesian War). We get most of our information on his life and ideas from Plato, Xenophon, Aristotle, and Aristophanes (plus a handful of others). Each man takes a different perspective; the argumentative and morally sound Socrates of Plato, the helpful and wise Socrates of Xenophon, and the satirical and absurd Socrates of Aristophanes. 

We see Socrates as a mentor, a friend, a public menace. Like in Plato’s dialogues, Socrates seems to take on a different role, as necessitated by the work’s particular agenda. Scholars have been trying (with degrees of success) to separate the real man from the biases of these authors. 

Some people loved Socrates, some people hated him. That’s what I find most interesting. ~2,500 years later, we’re still debating his ideas, his character, and his life. He is the embodiment of the results of political and personal bias. That, almost more than anything, reveals the state of Athens after a devastating war. Socrates’ trial, his death, and his legacy reflect the desperation, the blame, and the division of a people, who just lost everything and weren’t sure how their history would move forward.

[socratitillated]

The Symposium did not end with Alcibiades drunkenly stumbling away from the party, but with a strange love-triangle between Socrates, Alcibiades, and Agathon. Chemistry was in the air. Sparks were flying and then were immediately dampened. Classical Greek sex and gender roles can be....complicated and I’m not going to attempt an explanation without doing much (much) more research (and you can bet your ass I’m going to do it).

But I will say one thing; Plato consistently wrote young, sexy, powerful men trying to bone Socrates, and scholars have been worshiping the man ever since. If that isn’t the height of literary achievement, I don’t know what is.

[socratitillated]

“[...]the turn of Aristophanes was next, but either he had eaten too much, or from some other cause he had the hiccough, and was obligated to change turns with Eryximachus the physician, who was reclining on the couch below him.

‘Eryximachys,’ he said, ‘you ought either to stop my hiccough, or to speak in my turn until I have left off.’

‘I will do both,’ said Eryximachus: ‘[...] while I am speaking let me recommend you to hold your breath, and if after you have done so for some time the hiccough is no better, then gargle with a little water; and if it still continues, tickle your nose with something and sneeze; and if you sneeze once or twice, even the most violent hiccough is sure to go.’“

For some reason, I was shocked to read that the cure of hiccups has been the same for the past 2,300 years.

[socratitillated]

Me: I’m enjoying the Symposium so far, but there’s something I forgot-

Phaedrus: “Very different was the reward of the true love of Achilles towards his lover Patroclus- his lover, not his love (the notion that Patroclus was the beloved one is a foolish error into which Aeschylus has fallen, for Achilles was surely the fairer of the two, fairer also than all the other heroes; and, as Homer informs us, he was still beardless, and younger far).”

Me: oh yeah

[socratitillated]

I finally got off my ass and started to read the Symposium. I was worried that the actual text wouldn’t live up to my mental image of Alcibiades crashing a party, confessing his love to Socrates, and then leaving in a drunken shamble. I’m only a few pages in, but I’m already certain I worried for nothing.

So far, Socrates invited Aristodemus to another friend’s party, asked Aristdemus to walk in front of him, and then was nowhere in sight by the time Aristodemus got to the party. 

Agathon: nice to see you Aristodemus, but where is Socrates?

Aristodemus: oh, he’s right behind-

Empty space:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Turned out that Socrates just FUCKED OFF to some other neighbor’s porch. Doing what, you ask? I don’t know yet, but I’m sure he’s annoying some unsuspecting person to death.

Agathon: should we call him over?

Aristodemus: don’t bother

[socratitillated]

Embarrassing Classicist confession: for years I (SOMEHOW) thought the Elgin Marbles were large stone balls. I stood in the British Museum, surrounded by beautiful Greek statues, and asked my friend "so where are the giant marbles?" At that point I'd been studying Greek and Roman language/literature/culture/archaeology for 8+ years.

[archaeologicalnews]

Handprints of Pictish smith found on excavated anvil

Archaeologists have discovered the hand and knee prints of a Pictish metal smith while excavating a settlement in Orkney.

Imprints of the smith’s hands and knees, believed to be around 1500 years old, were found on an anvil discovered in his workshop on the island of Rousay.

The building is part of a substantial Iron Age settlement at the Knowe of Swandro which is gradually being destroyed by the sea.

It is being examined as part of an excavation project directed by Dr Julie Bond and Dr Stephen Dockrill, both of the University of Bradford.

Dr Dockrill said: “Work by archaeometallurgist Dr Gerry McDonnell, including analysis of crucible fragments and the floor deposits, has demonstrated that a copper smith worked in the building. Read more.

[socratitillated]

the .3 second limbo between when you try to write “lieutenant” and when the red-squiggle appears under the word

[archaeologicalnews]

Oldest evidence of horse veterinary care discovered in Mongolia

A team of scholars led by William Taylor of the Max Planck Institute for the Science of Human History analyzed horse remains from an ancient Mongolian pastoral culture known as the Deer Stone-Khirigsuur Culture (ca. 1300-700 BC). Deer stones, with their beautiful deer carvings, and their accompanying stone mounds (khirigsuurs) are famous for the impressive horse burials that are found alongside them by the dozens, hundreds, or even thousands. Through careful study of skeletal remains from these burials, published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Taylor and colleagues found that Deer Stone-Khirigsuur people began using veterinary dental procedures to remove baby teeth that would have caused young horses pain or difficulty with feeding—the world’s oldest known evidence for veterinary dental care.

Previous research has shown that these early herders were the first in eastern Eurasia to rely heavily on horses as livestock for food products, and may have been among the first to use horses for mounted riding. Read more.

[historyisntboring]

Apparently, this is… supposed to be the Egyptian Pharaoh and his army, drowning in the Red Sea after Moses closed it behind him (found in Speculum humanae salvationis, a book made in Mons in 15th century Belgium).

Source:

“Enluminures” (culture.gouv.fr)

[ancientgoatart]

Ibex petroglyph

Sak-Usun period, 800 BCE to 500 CE

At the State Historical open air Museum Issyk-Kull at Cholpon-Ata, Kyrgyzstan

image and text by Zde via Wikimedia Commons