Recently, two of my HS friends just had a quick reunion in the States. My little bird told me that my ex from HS had not dated any one since then. Everyone was surprised because it was at least 10 years ago.
Dating life must have been hard for him. I just remember that he was hanging out with our other common friends and asked if I could come to hang out. It was during office hours, so my other friends were sensible enough to refuse the request. That was weird.
I think there could be a few reasons why dating life has been a disappointment for him.
Just like my single HS little bird, that ex may have so high standards that he can hardly find love. Looking back, most of the (practical) married couples are like âwe were just fooling aroundâ until they cannot leave one another. What high standards can that be?
I once explicitly told him that I want money, lots of money, which I am also currently tell my bf so. The thing is that I want my partner to make money so that we can have a comfortable life. I derive pleasure from squandering my money for extravaganzaaa, not spending my partnerâs or my parentsâ money. I wonder if this is the deal-breaker for him. He did leave me with a long email detailing how we would not work out. I couldnât remember what was the exact reason but the vague idea was that he didnât want me as a lifelong partner. Looking back, it could have been one of the reasons that I have a huge red flag waving on my forehead. I was a poor young girl, with little future prospect while his family can afford his tuition, room, and board in much more expensive country. Of course, I think that his family could have given some sort of disapproval. I mean I was wayy below his standards if you only judge on where I come from (not asset-wise, which I think I have an upper hand thanks to my parentsâ frugality). Plus, the blatant gold-digger attitude is definitely a red flag.
Education can also be one. However, as far as I know, a college holder should not have higher standards than me, right? Or it could simply he is looking for is someone with whom he can exchange some intellectual conversations. I cannot say that I am intellectual, considering how I am compared to my bf, but somewhat engageable in those conversations.
Good-looking? Well, that is not a very high bar, considering my appearance. If he wants to have a gym partner, then well, itâs hard. Nutrition can either go to your brain or your muscle. Another point is that while I am slowly hitting the wall (at 30), the wall is smashing his appearance. Hard. It is hard to ask for a same-age good-looking partner without a fortune to rest on.Â
Anyway, I feel like standards are good to have, but it also restricts potentially good match. Like the long-term relationship couple I talked about earlier, things happen organically. People build relationship with trust, collaboration, and frustration every now and then. I canât leave my partner alone in his darkest pit, neither should or does he.
I donât think that anything from that time lingers so much that he couldnât date anyone. It was more than 10 years ago, and we were a couple of clueless (late) teenagers. Or was it just me who was clueless? Was he too calculated in our relationship? I should have noticed that earlier.
I have no idea why he thought it was a good idea to ask my friends to call me. I think it was platonically driven. He met quite a few people over the years. I was someone who was close to him during that HS time. I can totally see that it is normal to want to greet and meet.
I still believe that he would have really good marriage prospect. Males donât really need to get married at this age anyway. While womenâs eggs are failing us, men may get younger girls as they age (with money).