Color Me Curious
Doug Jones
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Claire Keane
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@soitisandgoes-blog
Because nothing hurts more than knowing if the world were ending in five minutes, I would call you to tell you I love you, but the line would be busy because youâd be on the phone with someone else.
(via beatricelucia)
At what point does unrequited love cross from poignant to horrifying?Â
I found out Zoe Kazan (Emily in The Big Sick) looked familiar because she was in The F Word (US: What If). Then, I found out she was in In Your Eyes and Bored to Death and several other rom coms or shows as the love interest, but sheâs also the writer for Ruby Sparks and specifically did not want to do more rom coms or play the love interest again until she actually learned about The Big Sick (http://www.indiewire.com/2018/01/the-big-sick-zoe-kazan-rom-com-1201911335/).Â
How do certain performers recurrently become a love interest, on screen or in PR, and how does that affect how we view relationships or types of people? What does it say that movies rely on types of people and create that structure in our head? Also, how does the typecasting of actresses result from a lack of roles or character arcs for women in film and television?Â
The reason love sucks is because we grow up with stories that tell us weâll find someone amazing who weâll bond with over great adventures and weâll do things that inspire endless loyalty in one other when in reality itâs like âIDK use this app to find one that looks okay, have an interview style first date and hope they donât kill you on the way home, I guess?â
Someone in class mentioned that a lot of people use Tinder with the mindset of âitâs fun and maybe something will develop,â and I find it interesting that is the dynamic of relationships sometimes. We do not know when the right time is or who the one looks like, so we leave it up to destiny to put us in each othersâ paths. We actively position ourselves into relationships that are meant to fade out or are not given weight, which is valid, but then if we find someone we enjoy spending time with, weâve hindered ourselves and get disappointed when what was not supposed to happen does not happen. This becomes extra disappointing because we have been primed to believe that people randomly being overwhelmed and deciding to take each other seriously simultaneously is how dating should work, making it a personal and ideological slight when someone doesnât return the newfound desire for commitment.Â
On the other hand, dating sites also remind me of the resumes that get exchanged in The Big Sick and in systematic dating. I think putting information into peoplesâ hands about who you are frees up the ability for people to have fun and consider interpersonal compatibility without turning it into an awkward interview experience like many movies frame commitment-oriented first dates. Knowing about a person from the beginning and deciding on chemistry also seems better than the converse of being attracted and then later getting to know major information about them. Sometimes you get really attached to people only to discover some dealbreaker that you know should end the relationship, yet the attachment from having put so much into your relationship tricks you into coming up with justifications because maybe the aspect is so small that you can make it work anyway.Â
âSure, she makes money by networking the sale of children to warlords, but sheâs nice to me and she technically is not the one selling or enslaving them...â
So, like, chemistry is romantic. In its most basic motifs, you find these goofy love undertones that read like a childrenâs story...
âChemistry is focused on elements that are looking to find fulfillment through balance within themselves and the world around them by achieving their perfect state. To do that, many elements engage in partnerships.
Elements express partnerships differently. Some partner with elements very different than themselves. Some partner with elements that are the same as themselves. Some form multiple partnerships, and some donât need to partner at all because theyâre great the way they are and are comfortable with that (you, go, noble gases).
Elements handle existence in partnerships differently. In ionic bonds, sometimes they give to their partner, and sometimes they need support from their partner. In covalent bonds, some elements are rigidly fixed to each other, like in triple bonds, and some have space to rotate while still being connected, as in single bonds. However they connect, their connection brings peace between them through open communication and sharing (of electrons). Itâs very sweet.
Of course, sometimes partnerships dissolve, too, for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes they dissolve because their environment changes, and they literally dissolve in solvent. Sometimes they dissolve because one of them feels a better element has come along. Sometimes they just decay. When these partnerships dissolve, elements can move calmly along into their new state or explode! Whether quiet or loud, these reactions elicit a lot interest for outsiders, some of whom try to push elements together to create balance or tear them apart to see what will happen.
Whether an element is naturally reactive or solid, basic or highly complex, an element is an element like people are people, trying to express themselves as best they can. Sometimes that happens alone, but often, by forming relationships, romantic or otherwise, elements have great potential to affect each other in powerful ways that can change the world!â
Because everything in the universe is a metaphor for life and love.
6 Bizarrely Specific Scenes Hollywood Wonât Quit Using
Yesterday, we spoke about Maura coming out serving as the inciting incident, and I came across this. While a little blatant in its function (which inciting incidents arenât) and still vaguely familiar territory, this post helps me realize how much I appreciate any media that do not start with walking in on an affair, particularly love-oriented media. It teaches everyone to have trust issues, and because itâs usually women, it breeds misogyny. End it.
While Iâm on BoJack Horseman (kind of). We make it out like being alone is such a handicap to life, but thatâs when you sometimes understand yourself best.
Locked Away.
I always found this song really problematic. I know there are ways to listen to it, enjoy it, and read it the way the lyricist intended that feel reasonably romantic. That said, early on in a relationship, asking someone to ride and die for you, stand by you when you get convicted for life, cry for you, hold you down, and require little maintenance themselves is a little unrealistic.Â
The song is mainly concerned with financial troubles, and thatâs reasonable. Unfortunately, money can sometimes play a role in determining the viability of relationships, and the hegemonic default pushes men into anxieties over providing to determine their worthiness for a long-term relationship. That certainly fueled this song. Also, love feels like the only distinguishing component between the relationships that weather lean financial straits and the ones that cannot withstand the tests and burdens brought on by the financial difficulties, so I can understand the whole correlation between the purity of love and its existence when one doesnât have money, but...
If the relationshipâs just starting out and no one is in love yet, maybe theyâre not so beholden to imagining putting themselves in a rough situation to stay with you. It may especially be different if youâre not only asking them to love you in a less-than-desirable financial state, but youâre also planning on going to prison for life and asking them to ride for you and potentially die for you while youâre stuck there. All without offering anything in exchange but love. Most people promise to at least be supportive or make someone laugh, but saying âI love you, therefore you have to do all of this for meâ and not understanding why that is not appealing to someone requires an intense inability to comprehend another personâs perspective. As a romantic material, it contorts the message of âwe all deserve loveâ to âlove is my right; why arenât you giving it to meâ which has historically caused issues. It also puts the burden of the relationship on the partner completely.Â
The only people who barely know each other expecting love to carry them through a crazy relationship threatening lifelong incarceration and mortal danger that is acceptable are the kids from The End of the F***ing World.Â
Catchy, though.
Once an instructor for a theatre workshop pointed out to us that even though most songs are love songs, most songs arenât really about love or we connect to them with different meanings. I wonder if as we connect to love stories for different reasons or allegorize in love stories, we endorse problematic messages for actual love.
An interesting dimension to love that media--from Happy Potter to the Beatles to news stories and histories--highlights is that love has this aspect of power to it. Something about love has the capacity to transcend, elevate, and bond humanity. It gives us the ability to endure, and it gives us the ability to inspire change. Sometimes, it even gives us the ability to perform superhuman feats like lift cars off of babies. We are taught early and reinforced that love is an ultimate cause and function, and it motivates us to care for each other, inspires us to reach out, and helps people work beyond conflicts. In this case, âloveâ is not defined to any particular aspect of it and meant to refer to all areas in its parts and as a whole. When translated to the romantic realm, this leads us to want to serve as sources of strength for our partners and want to move the earth for them but can also lead to obsession, affairs, and crimes of passion on the other end of the spectrum. Taking this gestalt concept and applying it to its parts, then, can result in positive and negatives, and narrative medias can help us negotiate where the boundary between them are or confound them further as we attempt to practically apply it. Nevertheless, considering the impact of the concept of âlove, the ultimate moverâ in its holistic sense is a worthwhile idea to explore in our discussion of love and media.
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.
Billy, Age 4
Itâs from some internet thing where kids are all cutesy, but this kidâs not just cute. This kid is BRAIN.
A 99-year-old Italian man is divorcing his wife of 77 years after he stumbled across letters she had written to a secret lover in the 1940s.
I came across this old article the other day, and while itâs more relevant to earlier topics, the quick blurb is worth the read to ask what the nature of infidelity is. The affair happened so long ago, the coupleâs children likely happened after, and the effects have been seen, but the freshness of the discovery kept the act raw. Is it the discovery of the secret or the act itself no matter the distance from it?Â
I made reference to this SNL sketchâs trope of parody in regards to the âmeet cuteâ in class today.Â
I also cannot remember what I had recently viewed beyond this that used memorized poetry as a vehicle to represent connection (did anyone recite poetry at some point in The Big Sick?), but I remember looking at the examples and saying, âWhy does this feel so weird and inorganic?â I think part of it comes from no one I know memorizing vast amounts of poetry, part from thinking of it as a too convenient metaphor movies have since overused to represent people vibrating with the same emotional end intellectual themes with the same intensity, and part from amusement at a childhood self being really concerned that if he didnât memorize a lot of poetry, heâd never meet cute his soulmate (which could be worth unpacking: being programmed to expect real love to come as a meet cute). I think people realistically identify connections this way (not necessarily romantic), but today, it takes the form of quoting Mean Girls or Rick and Morty or a favorite sports team chant or something.Â
Lady Bird (2017)Â dir. Greta Gerwig
âson? i think it's time for the talk". u see, when 2 grownups love each other very, very much, capitalism forces them to work wildly conflicting hours, and the brief pockets of time they do have together are spent too exhausted to enjoy one another's companyâ
Indie Media Response
Please respond to this post in lieu of our class on Wednesday:
Independent films and media are generally, according to Tim Dirks at FilmSite.com,
ââŠmade outside of the established studio system, by a little-known director who is working on a shoestring budget. Independent films, often with unconventional plots and characters, usually attract only small audiences (although can sometimes be breakthrough films for a director), and have little access to prime distribution markets. They often contain groundbreaking subject matter designed for sophisticated audiences, and are not necessarily produced with commercial success as the goal.â
The most recent form of independent media to make waves is the web series, often shot on an extremely minimal budget, sometimes just in the writer/directorâs home and with minimal cast and crew. Some web seriesâ have gained commercial success and have been picked up by networks and developed into full-length television shows (Broad City and Insecure [previously Awkward Black Girl] are some examples of web series turned television shows). For this response, find a web series that at least loosely relates to one or more of the themes in this course (love, marriage, friendship, sexuality, etc.) and watch at least 3-4 episodes (often, web series episodes are only 5-10 minutes long a piece). Write an approximately 200-word reflection on any aspect of the series (what you found compelling, how it relates to our class topics, questions it sparked for you, questions it answers, how the characters are handled, etc.). You can use one of these lists as a starting point or find a series on your own: http://www.indiewire.com/2017/12/best-web-series-2017-1201911701/
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/new-web-series-to-watch_us_57fcf114e4b068ecb5e1b4c7#
I watched a few episodes of âSaudade,â a local comedy webseries created by ASU students. The show begins with the end of a coupleâs relationship and follows their perspectives as they deal with the aftermath. The cause of the relationshipâs dissolution and the questions the two wonder aloud to their friends raise resonating questions and issues in modern, college-aged dating.
The relationship between the coupleâHailey and Justinâends after Hailey decides itâs the best course. Sheâs been unhappy in their relationship, finds herself unable to characterize what distinguishes their pairing from a friends-with-benefit arrangement, and has given Justin chances to change up the dynamic to no avail. Itâs not a clean break, and the question begs: what does make that distinction? Is it certain behaviors or simple designations? Whatever it is, itâs more than hanging out and having sex to Hailey, but Justinâs attempts at staging dates have proven inefficient and seem odd for people two years in. What is the essence of a relationship that makes it so much more significant than casual sex with a friend, and whatâs missing that keeps them from staying together?
From their musings post-break-up, the answer to whatâs going wrong becomes clear for this case that good people who care about each other will sometimes have incompatible goals and lifestyles. The reality is all-too-familiar, and the disentanglement is messy, with plenty of leftover, connecting strands neither feels ready to cut. Itâs a test we relate with, in addition to their questions about love and life. Hailey doesnât know when weâre supposed to be young and âmake mistakesâ or become âgoal-oriented and want a family.â Justin wonders why he expected Hailey to stay when his father wouldnât, echoing the concerns of those whose parents divorced or left whether love works long-term or whether theyâre worthy of love. The show is rife with passing, loaded questions like this, and these questions at the end of Justin and Haileyâs relationship are worthwhile for viewers to ask themselves and outline for relationships of their own. Â
âSaudadeâ touches deeply. The show has real flaws, which themselves inspire worthwhile conversation, but those conversations are only worthwhile because it is a stylized-but-unfiltered representation. As a comedy, it uses its silly situations to showcase the thematic questions bothering the series, but in the open, vulnerable space of sorting out the end of a relationship with close friends, the show allows real fears and concerns to come to light.
