you make me sick!

blog for @the-great-nostramagus' bad days will be semi active as it is doing better currently

[sol-screams]

im fine im perfect im going to throw up and then im good river water cant be all that bad can it ahahahahhahahahah

[the-great-nostramagus]

euthenasia of me when

[sol-screams]

actually, fuck it

i think i am an egotist or something similar because i feel bad when i think my friends value someone over me (even if it is their partner or best friend), when i don't talk to someone often enough to confirm they haven't started to hate or forget me, and when i feel like someone's talking about me behind my back in any context (despite the fact i do the same). i am so desperate to know what people think of me really because i truely do believe my "friends" are only that because they pity me or don't have anyone else or feel obligated to stay.

i overthink all my messages, i reach out infrequently so i don't overwhelm them, i see them everywhere i go and i wish i wish they did the same but i know that isn't true

do you agree with my initial assesment?

yes, you are an egotist

yes, you are [something similar] (comment)

this is not enough information for me to gauge

no, you are not an egotist

no, but you might be [something else] (comment)

Remaining time: 5 days 4 hours

[the-great-nostramagus]

ehm

i think i should be killed for all the incredible people ive fumbled a friendship with

theyre so kind. and interesting. and they dont care that im not very normal. and i cant fucking stay in contact with them. what is wrong with me.

[the-great-nostramagus]

for FUCK'S SAKE i dont have sensory issues like ever. (u sure bout that hoss?) why does my skin hate me. why couldnt i have brpught my headphones. why did i not wash this stupid shirt. why are these stupid pants so stupidly short. why does my everything ITCH.

[the-great-nostramagus]

a thing for me ik its dumb

(picking you up and shaking you around) you are allowed to be inconvenienced by your own problems even if your friends are going through much worse. getting better does not mean that whatever happened -whatever was- didn't matter.

[the-great-nostramagus]

i wish i was [specil so v] helpful to the folks i care for

i should be

in some cases i could be

i'm just a little sick of my life and numb except when its horribly incovenient

[the-great-nostramagus]

how to opt out of dreams i dont want them anymore

[the-great-nostramagus]

i do believe that i'm a not good person, and not good people should be by theirselves, but i really wish anyone wanted to be around me because heavens above i am so damned lonely

[the-great-nostramagus]

i'm going to start killing people

DON'T FUCKING HAVE ASS-MR OF CHEWING SOUNDS IN YOU UNSKIPPABLE AD IT MAKES ME WANT TO PEEL MY SKIN OFF ASHUT UP AND GO AWAY

[the-great-nostramagus]

*

i should call my friend back but im so tired of everything. im so fucking tired and this is the break. ahahha this is the easy part and i still. just want to be done. i can't see straight anymore. everything is so loud and empty. i hate everything i used to like. i haven't changed since i was fourteen and i've wasted so much time. ive been blacked out since i was thirteen. i'm such a fucking failure.

i'm such a fucking loser.