Grace In Between

Ad astra per aspera

[solagracita]

Forgive 77 Times

I reflected on what it truly means to forgive—not just once, but over and over again. Forgiveness isn’t about pretending the hurt never happened or allowing others to keep hurting me. It’s about choosing not to let bitterness take root in my heart.

I realize that forgiving is often harder than holding on to anger. It requires humility, grace, and trust that healing will come with time. Just as I hope to receive mercy for my own mistakes, I am called to extend that same mercy to others.

There are still wounds that hurt when I think about them. Some days forgiveness feels easy; other days it feels impossible. But today I choose to take one step toward letting go. I don’t have to forget, but I can choose to release the burden of resentment.

My prayer is that God softens my heart, gives me wisdom to set healthy boundaries, and helps me forgive again and again—not because others always deserve it, but because my heart deserves peace 🙏🏻

💕EGM

[solagracita]

two truths

Sometimes I wonder if, in another life, I wouldn't have chosen motherhood.

Not because I don't love my child. I do, in ways I never knew were possible.

But love and longing can exist in the same heart.

I miss the version of me who only had herself to think about. The freedom to be spontaneous. The quiet. The uninterrupted sleep. The person I was before everyone needed something from me.

Motherhood has given me joy I can't explain and grief I didn't expect. It has changed me, stretched me, and asked more of me than I thought I had to give.

Some days, I mourn the life I didn't choose. Most days, I choose this one anyway.

Maybe that's the part people don't talk about enough: you can deeply love your child and still wonder who you might have been if life had gone differently.

It doesn't make me a bad mother. It makes me human.

So tonight, I'm holding space for both truths: I love this life. And sometimes, I miss the one I'll never get to live. 🤍

[solagracita]

🌷 Soft Mom Tumblr

Almost a year after delivery.

Two new jobs. Still working with carepool. A home that's never perfectly tidy. A heart that's fuller than I ever imagined.

Life has stretched me in ways I never expected. There were tears, doubts, exhaustion, and days when surviving was the only goal. But there was also laughter, tiny hands reaching for me, unexpected opportunities, and people who stayed.

The bumps along the road didn't disappear. We just learned how to keep driving through them.

Life is good. Not because everything is easy, but because we've witnessed how resilient we can be.

A year ago, I was learning how to become a mother. Today, I'm still learning—how to balance, how to let go, how to trust that it's okay not to have it all figured out.

And somehow, despite it all, we're moving forward.

Slowly. Imperfectly. Beautifully. 🤍

[solagracita]

Journal Entry – July 8, 2025

Yesterday, I officially lost the job that had been my way out after spending 11 long years in my previous company. It was unexpected, and even though I had tried to prepare myself emotionally, nothing really softens the sting of an ending—especially one that comes so soon after a new beginning.

Leaving my old company was a huge step. That job had become a comfort zone, even if it wasn’t always the healthiest place to grow. When I joined this new role, it felt like the fresh start I’d been needing. It gave me a glimpse of what was possible outside of everything I’d known for over a decade. I learned a lot—about systems, about people, and most importantly, about myself. Even in an environment that at times felt negative or limiting, I did my best. I showed up. I adapted. I kept growing.

There’s sadness, of course. A part of me feels disappointed, even a bit tired. But underneath it all, I feel thankful. Thankful for the chance to try. Thankful for the skills I gained. And hopeful—for the days ahead, for whatever’s next, and for the strength I now know I have to keep going.

This isn’t the end of my story. It’s just a pause—a necessary one. Tomorrow will come, and with it, new purpose. For now, I’ll rest, reset, and believe that something better is already on its way.

[solagracita]

Pregnant at 39

Today, I sit with a heart full of wonder, gratitude, and a little bit of disbelief—I’m pregnant at 39.

This chapter feels different. I’m not the same person I was in my twenties. I carry more wisdom, more patience, and yes, a bit more caution. But with all of that, I also carry a deeper sense of purpose. This life growing inside me came at a time I never fully expected, but perhaps right when I was most ready for it.

There’s beauty in becoming a mother later in life. I’ve lived. I’ve grown. I’ve loved and lost and learned. Now, I get to bring all of that into this new role. I’m not chasing perfection. I’m chasing presence. I want to be here—for the quiet kicks, the sleepy mornings, the laughter, the mess, all of it.

Of course, there are fears—about health, about the unknown, about being enough. But those fears don’t drown out the calm voice inside me saying: You’re ready. You’re capable. You’ve got this.

Pregnancy at 39 isn’t late. It’s right on time—for me. And I’m embracing it with open arms, a strong heart, and so much love.

[solagracita]

Choosing Responsibility, Not Victimhood

Today, I made a conscious choice: I refuse to see myself as a victim of anyone else’s behavior. Life isn’t always fair, people don’t always act how I wish they would, and situations don’t always go according to plan. But even in those moments, I still have power—the power to own my part, to rise above, and to keep my peace.

I’ve learned that blaming others or seeing myself as helpless only holds me back. It gives away my control. I don’t want to live in that space. I want to be accountable for how I carry myself, not for how others choose to carry their own weight.

At the same time, I hold myself to a standard—I don’t want to be the reason someone else stumbles. I don’t want my words or my energy to trigger someone into making a mistake. We all have our own paths, and we all trip up sometimes, but I want to be a person who contributes clarity, not confusion. Support, not stress.

So from now on, I remind myself: I’m not a victim, and I’m not a scapegoat either. I stand in my truth, I own what’s mine, and I release what isn’t. I move forward with intention, making sure I’m not someone else’s excuse—only their encouragement.

[solagracita]

Learning to Let Go of What I Can't Control

Today, I reminded myself of something simple but powerful: I can only control myself—my thoughts, my choices, my reactions. Not other people, not outcomes, and definitely not everything that life throws at me.

There are moments when I catch myself getting frustrated over things that are completely outside my influence—someone’s tone in a conversation, a delayed response, or a decision made without my input. I notice the tension it brings, the drain it causes. But then I pause. I breathe. And I bring myself back to what I can control: how I show up, how I speak, how I choose to respond.

It’s not always easy. Sometimes it feels unfair, especially when you care deeply about something or someone. But I’ve learned that peace doesn’t come from controlling everything around me—it comes from managing what’s within me. My energy is better spent on growth, not resistance.

So today, I choose to realign with myself. To be intentional. To take ownership of my space, my boundaries, my values. Others will do what they do. Life will unfold however it unfolds. And through it all, I’ll stay grounded in the one thing I can always guide: me.

[solagracita]

Boundaries

Start putting boundaries to the negativity and abuse.

This is me, moving on and shielding myself.

[solagracita]

Detachment SZN

I broke down again last night just because he went out with his friends and I was left all alone by myself.

Heart beat fast, shivering, lots of negative thoughts and rage - overflowing with low self-esteem. It's sad, it's lonely and it felt like it eats me alive.

All I know is I don't like this. I kept pretending I could control it. I don't like this :(

[solagracita]

Truth Hurts

That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.

I have been keeping and controlling everything inside my heart and mind that although I felt loved and that although it felt so special right now, the pain has been looking at me and yearning to be felt.

It is so goddamn hard that every day you will have to live up to the expectations that you will be OK and you can forgive or worst forget all the wronged they have caused you.

[solagracita]

"I wish I knew how to quit you."

[solagracita]

Come clean

Just give me a reason, just a little bit is enough Just a second, we're not broken, just bent and we can learn to love again It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again

[solagracita]

Peace

When love is stronger than lies, betrayal, and anxieties

[picsandquotes]

“Becoming fearless isn’t the point. That’s impossible. It’s learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it.”

— Veronica Roth, Divergent (via picsandquotes)

[picsandquotes]

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”

— Lisa Kleypas, Blue-Eyed Devil (via picsandquotes)

[picsandquotes]

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

— Anonymous, Holy Bible: New International Version (via picsandquotes)

[solagracita]

Twilight 🌒

As I am trying to process all these revelations, I am slowly trying to lose myself and gaining everything all at once. My instincts were all true. Everything is a lie. I am looking to myself - eyes to eyes. Looking at strength and weakness. I don’t talk. I stopped talking trash. The high road was far from what I expected. But I trust the time, I trust the universe. I am hopeful despite this long years of battle secrets and betrayal.