btw, if you are in a space and you notice there is a lack of trans men, trans women, mascs, fems, nonbinary ppl, intersex ppl, black, Asian, Hispanic, indigenous people, any marginalized group, your first question should be, where are they? the second one should be: and why?
i go to a local pride center with some small hangout groups and I noticed recently that there aren't a whole lot of transfems there. there ARE transfems and trans women, but compared to the trans mascs and men as well as nonbinary people there aren't all that many of them. I asked one of my friends, who is a trans woman who always comes to the center itself to hang out but not to the groups as much as she used to, why she thought that was. and she told me it was because she feels a bit like the group at large wouldn't get it if she talked about transfem-specific things because they're mostly not transfem. so I started asking my other transfem friends, only three of whom actually go to the groups, and that seemed to be the general consensus. I also heard from a lot of them that they would invite a transfem friend who would come with them, go to the group, and then not come back because they felt a little lonely without more other transfems. it wasn't that they were actively discouraged by anyone from participating or from sharing their experiences, or even just that they felt they wouldn't be understood--a lot of it was simply "I don't see that many people like me in a space where I thought there would be."
so one of my friends and I got together with one of the coordinators at the center, and we decided to set up a Transfem Appreciation Night. we asked all our friends to invite any of their transfem friends as well to share and hang out with others.
and it went great! we set up two specific groups: one was Transfem Support, transfems only (including nonbinary, bigender, agabless transfems as well as trans women) and the other was for everyone, with the focus on transfems (people would share their transfem experiences and would then be asked if they were open to questions or comments. some people vented, some shared transitioning stories, some simply talked about their daily lives or their dogs). we had these cute cupcakes with the transfem flag on them and lots of tea, and I heard a lot of really cool speeches from transfems. as the night ended, we had people going around with a survey, asking all the people who came if they felt that this was a safe space for transfems, how the event made them feel, and if they thought they would be coming back in the future.
and it did exactly what we hoped. we got a lot of responses saying that they'd come once, felt lonely, and left, but that the event had changed their minds and they wanted to give it another go. we had all kinds of transfems sharing their experiences with people listening attentively and respectfully. we also got a bunch of suggestions for how to improve the groups, like adding Intersex Transfem, Black Transfem, and Indigenous Transfem support groups. the event was a few weeks ago, and since then, every time I go to group at least half the group is transfems. and the transfems who come to group talk and actively participate in the discussion and laugh and have fun and get to share in the community that is for them.
so, yeah: always look for who's missing around you and why, and find a way to include them.
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