i can’t sleep at night because i’m up wondering why i wasn’t enough & why i’ll never be enough. Fuck all i wanted to do was love you. I wish you didn’t do the things you do. I wish i could trust you again. I wish i knew what some fucking self worth felt like. I just want to be enough for once. I can’t believe how ready i was to marry you. I was so naive. What’s a ring gonna change? Will that make you love me? Will that make you honest? It won’t change a damn thing. I know that now. I wish I could turn back time. Stop myself from seeing that shit on your phone. But i can’t. we can’t go back. All there is to do now is figure out if we can move forward. If I can move forward. I’m not sure yet. At this moment that feels impossible. Lying next to you feels like lying with a stranger. Who is this man i have my arms around? I know it’s not the same boy i met two years ago, that boy that made me see I was beautiful for the first time. That boy that kissed me so gently I thought I’d melt. That boy that gave me butterflies, real, genuine butterflies every time he came around. That’s not you anymore. What changed? What made you want to hurt me instead of protect me? I can’t help but blame myself, that’s the worst part of it all. I think back to the days my depression was at its worst & i couldn’t bring myself to take a shower or brush my teeth or clean up after myself. In those days, the days i needed you to love me the most, were you starting to resent me? Did i drive you away? Was i too much? I’m always too much. Except for when I’m not enough. I’ll never be enough, will I? I’m starting to accept that. You’re holding on because you’re scared of what I’ll do if you leave. I know that. You don’t want it to be your fault. You don’t want my blood on your hands. It’s not because you love me. God I wish you’d stop saying that. You love me. How could you love me?
prguitarman
romaincrisis
theartofmadeline
2087
vaporwave
