Friends,
I’ve been sitting on this for a while, staring at a blank text post and thinking, “Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow. Maybe I’m just being sensitive. Maybe if I wait a little longer, it’ll pass.” But it hasn’t passed. It’s only gotten heavier. And I think it’s finally time I say it out loud: I’m leaving Tumblr.
This isn’t something I say lightly. This blog has been a part of me for a long time. I’ve laughed here, cried here, made memories, made friends—real, wonderful friends who’ve gotten me through tough nights and reminded me that there are still kind people in the world. I’ve posted silly things and overshared at 2AM and poured my heart into my writing and, for a while, this space felt like home.
But lately, that feeling has been slipping away. The energy here has changed, and I don’t feel safe or happy in the way I used to. I wish I could pretend that wasn’t true. I wish I could hold on tighter. But the truth is, being here has started to hurt more than it heals.
The anon hate has been relentless. And I know that’s a common thing on this site, but that doesn’t make it easier. I try to brush it off, to not let it get to me—but it does get to me. How could it not? These messages aren’t just annoying or rude—they’re personal. Cruel. Designed to make me feel like I’m not wanted, like I’m not good enough, like I should just stop trying. And when that kind of thing hits you over and over again, it starts to stick. I’ve found myself second-guessing everything. My writing. My personality. My presence. My worth.
And on top of that... I feel invisible.
I put so much of myself into the things I share here—my writing, my ideas, my love for characters, for stories, for this community—and lately, it feels like none of it matters. The interactions have slowed to a trickle, and even when I try to be excited, to start conversations, to cheer on others... it’s been quiet. Too quiet. And I know this isn’t about clout or notes or whatever, but it hurts to feel like I’m shouting into a void. Like I’m the only one clapping at a show I put on for a crowd that isn’t looking.
It’s hard to keep showing up for a space that doesn’t feel like it sees you anymore.
I don’t say any of this to guilt anyone or point fingers. I know life is busy, I know people are going through things, and I know Tumblr is weird and ever-changing. But I also know that I’m allowed to want connection, to want kindness, to want to feel like what I create matters to someone. And right now... I don’t feel that here.
I’ve tried so hard to push through. I’ve stayed quiet about how bad it’s gotten because I didn’t want to seem dramatic or needy. I kept telling myself, “Just wait. It’ll get better.” But it hasn’t. And I can’t keep pretending I’m okay when I’m not. I need to step back for the sake of my own mental health.
This isn’t an easy goodbye. I love so many of you so much. You’ve been my people. You’ve made me laugh when I needed it most. You’ve made me feel heard, seen, and supported in ways I’ll never forget. You’ve given me so many moments of joy and comfort, and I will always carry those with me.
If you want to stay in touch, please reach out. I’m not disappearing completely—I’m just removing myself from a space that’s been doing more harm than good. I need to find peace again. I need to write because I want to, not because I feel like I’m screaming just to be noticed. I need to remember what it feels like to enjoy being creative, to feel inspired, to feel safe.
So... thank you. Thank you for the love you’ve given me. Thank you for reading my stories, for sending kind messages, for just being here when it mattered. You’ve made a difference. You really have. And I hope, in some way, I’ve been able to do the same for you.
Take care of yourselves. Be kind—to others, and to yourself. And if you’re feeling the way I’ve been feeling, please know you’re not alone. You matter. You’re loved. You deserve better, too.
I’ll miss you. But I need to do this—for me.
With love, always,
Alyssa, @soleillunne.
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⤷ writing blog (also archived as of today): @amalythea
