I'm just a collection of atoms

Personal Blog est 2009

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lmao I love my coworkers

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my clothes still have your hair on them

my car too

I’m afraid your blanket is starting to smell less like you

but there is evidence of you everywhere my sweet baby girl

we miss you so much

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How lucky are we to have had this life with her.

How lucky I was to love her and be loved by her.

How lucky are we to have had a dog that was so incredibly amazing we have to contact an entire list of people to let them know she crossed the rainbow bridge

I feel so so so sad - I really thought she would live forever. She seemed invincible. She would snuggle instead of anything else. She snuggled until the very end. I can’t imagine life without her.

I also feel incredibly honored to have been her mamma for 8 of her 15 years of life. My baby 😭

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no, 2019 me would absolutely not believe you

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I don’t have a problem (yet)

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um, wow

I’m allowed to just do this

anytime I want

cheese and crackers and a beverage and a book? by candlelight in the hot bubble bath with meditation music?

my wife reading on the couch with the dogs snoring? while it’s snowing outside?

this is what it feels like to be relaxed?

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camera camera camera

a girl with her camera

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Jamie and I met at a queer camping weekend last fall. She booked a photoshoot with me when I did a fundraiser to raise mutual aid funds for a friend to maintain housing. The next week, the creative for her new album was due in order to make the print deadline for the show - and the printers were rejecting all of their files. I spent 6-8 hours over two days working with their photos, resizing files, picking new fonts, and realigning the content.

We made the deadline, and last weekend I got to see the work in physical form and capture the album release. Today, I’m seeing it on Spotify. It’s a beautiful story of community that only we will know.

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“adderall is addictive”

“she doesn’t have adhd”

I forgot to take my adderall this morning and just zoned out in the bathroom when I went to take it and took my endo meds for the 2nd time instead.

😐🤦💀 I have so many moments like this every day (that luckily aren’t usually as risky as taking the wrong medication lmao) - I’ve just set up so many coping skills around them over my lifetime that I can barely recognize it myself - it took backing myself into enough corners, having multiple train wrecks, and a decade of therapy/mental health work to untangle

when I describe my childhood through adulthood to my therapist, sometimes she just covers her mouth like 🤭 and I’m like, this was upsetting why tf are u giggling - and she says something the lines of, “sorry it’s just that this is the most adhd shit ever and I really can’t believe it took so long for somebody to clock it” 😐🫨😵‍💫🤪🤠

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I created a silly video out of clips in the office yesterday and sent it to two people, who then forwarded it to HR and the CEO because they liked it so much lmfao

This is the first time content has been sent to them with the direct label that I created it

No matter how silly it is, they get to see what I do and how it brings people together, and that’s cool

I really wish I could tell my younger self what we are doing right now - let her know that every time she is goofing around with creativity and technology, she’s learning something valuable she will use later

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I know I’m healing bc my reactions are shifting from physical sensations to my internal voice saying “whatever” or even laughing

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making it ours, one lil’ project at a time!

my wife is encouraging me to see our space as a functional playground for my ideas and I never could have imagined how that freedom and love feels

after three decades of boxing myself up and squeezing into whatever space I can fit in, this room to breathe and play and find what works for us is incredibly liberating - and through the process I’m learning and relearning who I am, what I like, who we are, and what we like

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Yes, you will.

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dots and squiggles

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little things

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A very good weekend