HEHEHE OKAY maybe perhaps reader had a shitty day and so she comes home and simon notices and does silly stupid nonconventional shit to cheer her up
Thank you goddess, I hope you enjoy :)
You are bone tired, feet swollen and red, pushing out of your thrift store flat that Simon warned you would give you blisters. Do you listen, no? Are they super cute, yes?
The hike up the stairs to your shared apartment makes your legs feel like concrete with every step; the belt on your slacks is somehow too low and too high, your chipped nail won’t stop creating little pills on your dress shirt, and the clip you so fashionably put in your hair is pushed in so tightly that it’s giving you a crooked face lift. Not to mention your purse won’t stay on your shoulder and the groceries you know aren’t going to be cooked tonight are cutting into your swollen, purpling fingers.
You were ready to be done. Work sucked, coworkers sucked, and now it was time to rot on the couch with your man.
You push open the peeling green door with what little strength is left and Simon stands on the other side, a horrified look on his scarred face.
“Good god, woman ! You look awful!”
You know he’s joking, you know he’s joking, you know he’s joking, you know—-
You can’t help it; the tears come before you’ve had a moment to step foot into the apartment and the water works begin; all of your bags crash to the ground and your dissolve breaks. Fat, blush tinted tears roll down your face and o to your lunch stained sweater.
Simon quickly gets his ass in gear, understanding that his “cheeky” comment has made an ass out if him and hurt your feelings. While you stand in the open door way, sobbing, Simon takes the bags, hangs up your purse, throws the keys in the bowl, and puts away the groceries.
When he’s done he gently takes your shoulders and guides you to the couch where you’re stripped of your sweater, badge, shoes and claw clip, all the while whispering soft apologies and how he’s going to make it up to you.
You remain the same, coughing up phlegm, pushing out an eight hour works days worth of exhaustion into dried cracked hands.
There’s a moment of silence and your overwhelming anxiety has convinced you Simon is gone, gone forever to run off with a nameless, faceless girl who he’s secretly been in love with for years and is living you alone.
Instead, reality gives you a firm slap on the ass and before you stands your stupid boyfriend with three oranges in his hands, two others sit in the dusty tv stand.
“Wha…Simon?” You sniffle , wiping your eyes with the tissues you didn’t know he placed in front of you, as well as a cookie warmed in the microwave.
You feel like you’re dying; nothing else about this day can be normal.
He smiles, in that stupid , I’m-about-to-do-something-dumb , kind of way that is as equally boyish and charming as it is annoying.
Then, to overstimulate even more, he begins to juggle; the three oranges go around and around in different patterns and directions while you just sit there, annoyed and slightly impressed.
Then he asks the question again. How do cows do math?
And, of course, before you can answer he answers for you, just as he adds another orange.
The four oranges go around and around and you feel the sudden urge to slap him and also kiss him passionately. What ultimately wins is you settle into the couch, curled up with a blanket and your warmed cookie, watching him as he tells stupid jokes and juggles.
….that is until your vase breaks and waters gets all over the floor.
But the gesture was nice.