I needed time to really process this and honestly... it still doesn't feel real. But I think I can finally talk about my feelings. I found out about 1D when I was 18 and just getting started out in life. I'm 31 now and I really don't know where my mindset/life would be if I hadn't found them. I was sad. Really sad. And they brought a light and fire to me that I needed to keep me going. They helped me reconnect with my best friend growing up and I am so thankful for that. And Liam was my one. I adored him so deeply. When I saw pictures of him smiling, I couldn't help but smile. He was everything to me over the years. If you knew me IRL, you knew how much I loved him.
And it broke my heart these last few years to see him struggling so bad. To see him making choices that hurt others. I will never stand by that, ever. It wasn't right and it's not right. I just wanted him to get happy and healthy and one day maybe make amends if he could. Make the right choices. Find peace. And god it breaks my heart that he didn't, it really does. This whole situation is just so devastating. I don't know if I'll be able to stop crying for a while.
I love you, Liam. I hope you find peace wherever you are, I really do. Thank you for being light when for so long I only saw darkness. Rest in peace, my sunshine.
I don't think I'll be able to come back to this blog again. There's just too many memories. So to anyone who still follows me after all these years, thanks for the memories and I really hope you guys are doing okay. Stay strong and just keep moving forward.
From invaderpayne to lirryaf to solopayne, see you guys. <3
