Randy!

Digital journal & music blog

[someoneyoudadmire]

I can’t tell if it’s all going to be over soon, or if it’s all just beginning. Feeling prophetic. My dreams mean something. I’ve lost one thousand copies of my house keys. I feel lucid.

[someoneyoudadmire]

I need to change something soon. I still dream about you. You take up so much space in my brain.

4 years together. 7 years apart.

I feel like I’ve lost a limb. I feel like I’m rotting from the inside out. I wish I could hurt your feelings one last time. I’m going to cast an evil curse on you. I love you.

[someoneyoudadmire]

I’m feeling lucky

[someoneyoudadmire]

Today I cleaned up my messes and looked at old photos of myself. I miss my long curly hair. I’ll never be happy no matter what I decide. I’m wasting my best years!

[someoneyoudadmire]

This is in my top 10 songs. Simply perfect

[someoneyoudadmire]

Warmer days are coming. I’m reconnecting with my 13 year old self. I’ve always been a fucking weirdo. I miss my old friends. I miss being a barefoot dumbass kid smoking cigarettes on the swings

[someoneyoudadmire]

It’s been over six years since I last saw you. A little longer than six years since I touched or held or kissed you. I feel like an obsessive freak, but I think about you so much. I think about how much I fucking hate you for leaving me. I think about how much I loved you for loving me back. I dream about you. I need a psychic or shaman or pharmacist or exorcist to cleanse Me of You. Your ghost has taken up residence in the empty space you left and I really don’t want him there. I just want to be myself again.

[someoneyoudadmire]

Today felt really long in the most neutral way. I’m having trouble coming to terms with my existence. I suck at being in school. I’m only good at drinking until I black out and regurgitating sitcom quotes. I’m like if abed nadir was truly doomed

[someoneyoudadmire]

I just ate really spicy food, and my mouth is pleasantly burning. I thought about everything today. A lot of things. Just everything.

I texted my ex boyfriend today. We haven’t spoken in four years. I loved him so so much. Somehow I still love him a little bit. I still think about him often. He broke up with me. I think it was because he thought I was crazy. I am still crazy. I doubt he’ll respond, and if he does respond it’ll probably be scathing and hurtful. I don’t know why I messaged him. Maybe it’s a form of self punishment.

I’ve never believed in god, but I have been feeling pretty catholic lately. Mostly because I’m scared. I have sleep paralysis often. Horrifying demons and false sensations of movement. Something is in my room. Weird sounds. Nightmares and bad feelings. I need guilt and shame and hunger and pain. Maybe god would take this away. Lol I’m going to fail all my classes except acting I think I might be schizophrenic or something lol

[someoneyoudadmire]

I think it’s amazing that we can feel strong emotions in our skin. Goosebumps and chills and hairs standing on end.

[someoneyoudadmire]

Ive been reminding myself lately that nothing is ever that serious. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, hurt people, acted like a fool. But isn’t that the human experience? There’s no use focusing on the past like that. Just have to keep living

[someoneyoudadmire]

I’m fucking losing it dude. In the first moments of waking up, I’m losing it bro. When the first cup of coffee tastes like washing up you KNOW I’m fucking losing it then too

[someoneyoudadmire]

You hurt me so badly!!!!!!

The misery is haunting!!!!

[someoneyoudadmire]

Feeling sleepy and empty. There is much to do, but today is not the day. My hair smells like stale pot smoke.

[someoneyoudadmire]

This is posted in honour of the 2,523 minutes of Sufjan Stevens I listened to this year

[someoneyoudadmire]

Underrated mcr song!!

[someoneyoudadmire]

One of my favourite albums. It was impossible to pick a favourite song from it, so I chose the one that is the most painful to listen to. This song is dense with grief. It makes me really sad, but I also find it soothing.