I honestly feel like the end is coming, which is very saddening. I hate how someone could be your best friend for years and then the universe just has different plans. There is so much sadness in drifting friendships. It just don’t understand, do people have the ability to change over time so much that you get to the point where you don’t know how you didn’t realize all the toxic things they did before? Or do people’s true colors just really show after you’ve known them for a prolonged time? The thing is, I’m going to remember my college years and especially my graduation pictures (that are not cheap BTW) for a long time and if she isn’t going to make an effort or stop throwing herself a pity party all the god damn time, then I really don’t want her in them. I’m honestly really struggling because part of me has the thought, I am the problem? I had the same issue last year but with different people, I mean it would be dumb to think I’m not the problem here, but she was also in the same equation with me last year. The major difference between her and M though, is that M actually tried to hangout with me and my friends but I just didn’t want to hangout with her, I don’t get those feelings towards her like I did M. I actually want to hangout with her!!! But she is making it so difficult to want to spend time with her when she ignores me, acts like she doesn’t care, and is just down right dismissive. Like news flash, grow up first of all, that is NO way to deal with any of your issues, it’s really not that hard to come up stairs and just try to spend some quality time instead of moping about everything and how sad you are to everyone but actually talk to the people who you have an issue with. I’m just frustrated and honestly feel like I’m at a loss with her because if she doesn’t start putting in an effort or acknowledging the effort I’m making, then nothing is going to change, and I sure as hell will not continue to be so NICE to someone who constantly just makes me feel dumb for even trying to talk to them. Like how can you constantly play the victim in every situation, I downright told you how dismissive you are to me when I try to talk to you and once again you completely disregard everything I have to say. Oh and don’t even get me started with the fact that you literally are obsessed and purposely got close with someone I had a fling with, yeah, don’t think I’m that dumb, bitch. I know, and I’m not dumb, the best thing to do is for you to think I am though. Also, maybe, just maybe, you would think to ask me how I am doing, with my mom in and out of the hospital AND my brother being in the hospital as well, but no. You’re actually the one crying about everything, not me, which I have way more reasons to be upset and depressed than you ever will. I will be the last person to call you toxic before maybe you start to believe it, because if myself plus at least five other people have said something, you probably should reevaluate yourself and how fucked up your head is. I have to acknowledge that a friendship works two ways, it is union that is ever changing, but it can’t just go one way. It has to go two ways, two people have to make the effort, two people have to acknowledge the feelings of the other person and two people have to want to be in the union. I have to accept this, I have gone out of my way now on three occasions to make things right, also have been very very understanding, nice, and validating. If she does not make an effort, or continues to be dismissive then there is nothing I can do further about this and I need to accept that, sometimes, people’s true colors show.
