Black Rose

It’s all about the view baby ✨

[somewhere-to-hide]

To be really honest and truly tell what’s alive inside of me and to witness spaceholding for that is… of another level. I loved the honest conversation we had, thankyou ❤️

[somewhere-to-hide]

Happy birthday bebie

Today feels weird to not talk to you anymore, but I truly hope you’re doing well. I have no idea how you are celebrating your birthday today, but I wish you an amazing day, filled with friends and lots of love, in whatever form.

Even though lots happened and I don’t regret my decision, I do still love you and sometimes I miss you. Especially in my dreams when we cuddle or are intimate. These moments meant the most to me and so I will carry them forever within the creases of my heart.

You have thought me so much and for that, I will be forever grateful.

Always,

Bebie

[somewhere-to-hide]

Late happy bdayy to you B. I did think about sending you a message, but I proved my healing point to myself last year and didn’t feel the need to do it again. I did talk about you with my now bestfriend, about how time heals and how grief works strangely sometimes. She expects that eventually I will heal a 100% and never think about you again. I don’t know if I will ever get to that point or even want to get to that point. It’s still familiair to hold onto you. I am not sure if I can ever let you go fully. And that’s okay, we will see. I do wonder if you still think about me too, but that’s a question I will probably never get an answer to. Even though I would still be up for an end conversation. It’s up to God if that will happen. For now, I truly hope you had an amazing day and that you’re happy. I deeply wish for you to be happy.

Sending you love as a birthday gift.

Forever, Nutella

[somewhere-to-hide]

You have the same look as him and mannnn I love it 🫠

[somewhere-to-hide]

Did you really forget your packages? Or did you do that on purpose to have an excuse to come to the store today? Either way, loved seeing you

[somewhere-to-hide]

I still dream about you

[somewhere-to-hide]

My colleague said about SH: “There is a whole process happening inside someones head before they get to the act of it and a whole process after they decide to quit”. And I felt that. It’s been 8,5 years and it’s still a process for me. Which was a confronting thought and a triggering one. But I am still clean and I will continue to do so.

[werenotreallystrangers]

Curiosity is a form of love.

[somewhere-to-hide]

Curiosity and checking up

[stuckinapril]

I’m not the woman I was a few years ago or even a year ago but I still like to hold her hand and remind her she did her best with what she knew

[somewhere-to-hide]

I loved talking to you today. Was it really a schedule question? Did it need to be discussed today? I would be at work at Wednesday again. But anyways, I’ll leave the truth somewhere in the middle. Thankyou for calling and checking up on me 🫶🏼

[somewhere-to-hide]

The past few weeks and especially today, I decided to step in a few amazing spaces:

- Writing course by Christopher Sexton

- The steps we take by Victoria Pippo

- Ai by Anne

- Inside Out by Lauren

- ALIVE by Sophia

Super curious to see where this will all take me 🤍

[somewhere-to-hide]

“Will you be careful on your drive home?” 🥺 yes love, always. Thankyou for caring about me. I hope you accept my oil offer, so I can take care of you too.

[somewhere-to-hide]

It’s been 9 years and sometimes, I still cry about you. It says a lot about the love I had, and in some ways still have, for you

[somewhere-to-hide]

“I put your pasta in the fridge and drink your water, it’s hot today”

Thankyou for caring about me 🥺

[somewhere-to-hide]

8,5 years clean of SH

Something that was the hardest battle to fight and honestly I am still fighting it today. Way less than was needed in the past, but it’s still a struggle. There are still triggers. Thoughts. “Should I” questions and “let’s not” answers. But I am still clean. Even after the last few days that have been really dark. Even looking back at old messages on here and feeling what I felt there. Even after getting triggered by that police program in which really fresh sh wounds were being shown. Even with my worry about meeting my new colleague next week who appears to have quite some (old) sh scars. Still fighting the battle but still clean. And so I will continue to be. ❤️

[neckkiss]

LOVE

[somewhere-to-hide]

And now I feel a distance between us and I hate it