The big "C".... Could it really be? I cant stop thinking about it. Cant stop the tears from flowing. But not for me. For the little ones I might have to leave behind. Who will love them like I do? Who will care for them? I've failed at building them something to take over and provide them with everything they deserve if I should die. I'm so close, but not quite there yet. I've been feeling this pain that keeps reminding me of what could be in store for me. What my future might hold. A painful fullness that shouldnt be there... After all this pain and suffering. After so much loss and so many adversities. Could it really end like this??? I'm getting ahead of myself. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe I'm overthinking it. At least I hope I am. With every fiber of my being, I hope I am. Because the alternative leaves too many questions, too many terrible options. Things I cannot control if I am no longer here.
I guess....for now...I'll take a deep breath. I will wipe the tears from my eyes, wash my face to hide all the evidence of crying, and come out with a brave face. Love my babies and hope for the best.