Could I request Azriel and Plus Size reader where theyâre both new to the mate bond and she overheard Azriel and Rhysâ conversation about the âCauldron being wrong.â She left before she was able to hear Azriel call himself a fool for even believing it for a second, knowing that heâs already kissing the ground his own mate walks on. She starts comparing herself to Elain and then starts lashing out, going to Ritaâs every night and avoiding Azriel whenever she sees him.
Those words played and replayed in my mind again and again, all day, every day, for the last week.
Wrong.
He said that the Cauldron was wrong- about us, about me.
Me, his mate- wrong.
It had been an accident, me overhearing them that night, a coincidence I had decided to come home early from my girl's night with Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie. Though with the Cauldron, there was no such thing as an accident, no such thing as coincidence.
I'd waded through the House of Wind, tipsy on wine and giggling softly to myself as I banged into the walls, thumping clumsily against the art pieces hanging and tripping over my own two feet. Giddy, I had been giddy, stumbling through the halls in search of him.
Azriel, my mate.
Only a few hours apart and I missed him, yearned for him, I felt the distance as if it spanned miles and the more I drank, the more I craved him. That's all I had been thinking of when I trekked through the empty halls, closer and closer to the lounge- just of my mate.
And that's when I heard it.
"The Cauldron works in mysterious ways," Rhysand's laugh drifted out to me in the corridor, and I came to an unsteady halt at the sound. "Feyre was my salvation; I didn't expect anything good to come to me Under the Mountain."
I smiled to myself, my hand coming to my mouth, shielding any sound that threatened to slip past- Az always teased that my lips loosened when I drank too much. Instead, I lean against the cold wall, warmth filling me as he gushed about my High Lady.
They were Cauldron blessed, that was clear to see.
"I think five hundred years of waiting for her was enough, brother," Cassian snorted, and I heard the faint sound of liquor pouring into a glass, wings rustling as one of the powerful males moved. "I know I never imagined my mate as a twenty-five-year-old human female, with a bite worse than mine."
I bit my lip as Cassian laughed, a loud, bellowing sound, so full of joy, so full of content, the mere memory of Nesta, human and utterly indomitable against him something that still brought him to his knees.
"The Cauldron must have a sense of humour," Rhysand teased, and I could practically envision Cassian rolling his eyes, a vulgar gesture thrown between the two males. "Connecting people in the most unexpected pairs, in the most unexpected ways."
"Like Elain and Lucien," Cass scoffs, loudly chugging back the remnant in his glass, "There's a pair I could never have foreseen, not in a thousand years."
"Proof that the Cauldron isn't always right," Azriel muses for the first time since I arrived, and my body almost croons at the sound- low and rough, moving over me as sure as if it were his hands. "She deserves better than any male friends with Tamlin, that's for sure."
She deserves better.
It was silly I knew, for the mere mention of her, the thought of her to make me feel nauseous, make my smile instantly fade, but I couldn't help it. It was hard for me to see a female as lovely as Elain Archeron and not feel inadequate by comparison.
Another who was blessed, so lovely that she had been gifted her seer abilities by the Cauldron itself as if her beauty and delicate demeanour weren't gift enough.
"Brave words, Az," Rhys whistled, and I had to force myself to blink away the picture-perfect image I had conjured of the middle Archerson sister, forcing myself to focus on their conversation instead. "Openly opposing the Cauldron."
"Brave or stupid?" Cassian counters tauntingly, and I knew he was drunk just from how loud his voice was, practically bouncing off the walls. "You think the Cauldron makes mistakes?"
"I know it does," Azriel challenges and it was that voice, that sure, quiet demeanour that I adored and desired so fiercely. I inch closer to the door, grinning at the idea of popping out and scaring them- but then he says it.
Says the thing that makes me stop dead in my tracks, makes my heart stop dead in my chest.
"Look at me and Y/N," Azriel sighs, and there's no joy, or adoration or yearning in his voice in memory of me, not like Rhys or Cass- no, there's dread. "The Cauldron made us mates... the Cauldron was wrong, so wrong."
There's a loud crack that echoes through the room, and it's that sound, and the feel of sharp debris against my palm, that pulls me from my memories. I blink through the tears, looking down at the crumbling marble sink, the corner pieces breaking off into my hands.
I sob through my teeth at the sight, small cuts leaking stark red blood down my fingers as I bring my hands to my chest. I can't see the looking- glass before me, not through the haze of tears, tears so strong it's as if I were made of them.
As if they had become a part of me.
It was all I had done the past week, cry and cry and cry- and avoid Azriel.
Every morning I skip training and breakfast, feigning fatigue or a full stomach, just so I wouldn't see him there. Each afternoon I'd get lost in the stacks and stacks of books in the library, so vast and endless that Azriel never stood a chance of finding me in the maze.
And at night I'd find solace wherever I could find a drink- Rita's, taverns, the Music Quarter, anywhere. Anywhere but at home, anywhere that I didn't have to see him.
I couldn't bear it, couldn't bear the sight of his face, even now the thought of his tilted smile, the beam of his soft hazel eyes, the touch of his scared hands and wild shadows, it made my whole body wrecked with sobs.
I couldn't bear any of it anymore- because none of it was real.
Every smile and touch, every kiss and moment where our bodies joined as one, where he confessed his love and devotion to me, it wasn't real. Azriel thought we were wrong, a mistake, a confusion, just wrong.
My hands shook as I wiped the tears from my cheeks, rougher than necessary, blood-smearing, but I was tired of tears, I was tired of crying, of feeling so unworthy. I was unworthy of him; he was beautiful inside and out and deserved so much better than me.
I sniffed as I lifted my gaze to the looking glass before me, and my heart hurt at the reflection, knowing that this was what Azriel saw, that this was why he knew the Cauldron was wrong. Every curve and roll and inch of flesh that I had, all of it, it was all wrong.
And I hated myself for it.
Wrapping my arms around myself, I take a step back and then another step, away from the reflection that taunted me, and mocked me, before forcing myself to look away. I swallowed against the dryness in my throat as I moved across the cold floor of my bathing suit, my body desperate for my bed.
And as I step over the door's threshold, and back into my old room in the House of Wind, I know it's not the same as when I had left it ten minutes ago.
He was here.
"Azriel," I gasped, halting at the sight of him- sat on the edge of my bed, his broad shoulders and powerful wings rising sharply at the sound of my voice, those hazel eyes meeting mine and filling with something honeyed and warm. "Wha- what are you doing here?"
He rises from the bed, elegant and still, his shadows dancing around him at the feel of my presence, the scent of my skin, and I shiver as he watches me, keen eyes gracing my stiff figure.
"Y/N," He sounds almost relieved as he says my name and my breath is caught in my lungs as I stay rooted to my spot, and he seems to sense my unease, as he doesn't move any closer to me. "You've been staying here for a week now; I missed you at home."
Home- the apartment we shared in town together, a cosy space that we had made our own.
Another thing I couldn't bear to face.
"I've been catching up with the girls," I say quietly, ripping my eyes from him and walking forward on numb legs. I tug at the hem of my nightshirt, his nightshirt I had stolen, feeling too bare before him and his eyes narrow at the movement. "It's just easier to sleep here when we have plans every day."
As spymaster it was Azriel's job to scrutinise, to observe and I felt every single part of that slot into place as he watched me now, watched as I moved toward the bed. I wasn't looking at him, I couldn't hold his stare- and he couldn't figure out why.
His shadows dance through the room, through the distance between us and I jolt, biting my lip when one brushes against my bare thigh- before scurrying back to Azriel in surprise. He inhales a sharp breath when his shadow whispers to him, telling him that something is wrong, I was wrong.
"I know you've been spending time with the girls," Azriel continues slowly, his voice tentative and soft as I move to the other side of the bed, furthest from where he stood. "I just feel like I haven't seen you at all... I miss you, sweetheart."
Sweetheart.
A sob threatened to rip from me at the name, so soft, so endearing on his lips and it took everything in me to not fall apart at that moment, to not crumble under the weight of it all. I shake my head, my back turned to him now and he watches as I tug back the duvet, my actions angry now.
"It's only been a week Azriel," I breathe through my clenched teeth, my tone so at odds with his and my body locking tighter at the sound of his impending footsteps. "Sometimes space can be good, it can be eye-opening, show us things we don't want to admit but know deep down."
My words hit him head-on, like a slap across the face- I don't need to see him to know it, I can tell just from the stillness in the room, the silence, so strong that even his shadows have withered.
I clench my eyes at the feeling, at the touch that strokes against my soul, him reaching out to me through the mating bond- and me slamming up every wall I have to keep him away.
"What does that mean?!"
I don't hear him until he's right behind me and when his large hand touches the small of my back, I jolt, stumbling into the bed to get away from it. I turn on shaking legs to face him, and I'm pressed into the mattress to keep the distance.
"What? Y/N-" His face pales, and I see the pain in his eyes, unlike anything I had ever witnessed from him before. It was raw, vulnerable as if five hundred years of existence couldn't hide the hurt, knowing that I had flinched from his touch, flinched from him.
A rejection- something he feared the most.
"Sweetheart, please, I don't understand," He shook his head, his beautiful face twisted into an agonised frown, and his voice trembled, weak, as weak as the hand that now reached for me, shaking as if scared to touch me. "Why won't you let me touch you? Why are you pulling away from me, why-"
He stops, and for a moment I think it's because of the tears steadily leaking down my face, the way my bottom lip trembles with the effort to hold myself together- but it's not. His nose flared, and the hazel in his eyes turned dark, narrowing down upon my hands.
"You're bleeding," He mumbles hoarsely and the pain in my chest triples when his scarred hands inch closer, my eyes fluttering shut the second he touches me, holding my palms in his and examining the small cuts. "What happened, sweetheart-"
"Don't! Don't- don't call me that, don't touch me," I croak out, my voice breaking and Azriel flinches at the cry in my voice, wings rustling when I yank my hands-free from his hold, as if his touch burned me. "Stop pretending, stop making me think you care, just-just stop."
"I don't understand, what do you mean pretending-" He pleads, his voice splintering, and I can see him thrumming with emotion, desperate to reach out to me, to hold me, but trying to respect what I had asked him. "I don't understand, help me understand what I did wrong-"
"I know how you feel about me, a-about us," I sob, my weak hands coming to my face, and I cry into them, so loud that nothing can muffle them, and I feel Azriel's' helplessness down the bond, still reaching for me, "It was cruel, to make me think-to make me think you loved me-"
"I do love you!" He snarls and my eyes snap open when I feel the familiar roughness of his hands against my wet cheeks, his grip unrelenting and needing as he draws me to him- and I don't have the strength to fight him. "Of course, I love you, why would you say that?"
His thumbs brush away the tears that won't stop leaking from my cheeks and somehow my fingers have found purchase in the material of his shirt, nails digging desperately, clutching him as tightly as he held me.
"You said it was wrong," I whisper, the words slurring in my throat, and I force my heavy eyes to his, force myself to look into those teary hazel eyes and confront him, with the burden I had been carrying alone this whole time. "You said that we were wrong, that the Cauldron was wrong."
His forehead creases, lines forming between the thick, dark brows as he peers down at me, and his hands don't release me, if anything they draw me closer.
And I see the moment realisation hits him, like ice-cold water seeping through his veins.
"I heard you talking to Rhys and Cass, you said we were proof," I gasp, feeling his shadows curl and wreath around my wrists and fingers, as if afraid to let go, as if trying to comfort me as I sniff. "You said we were proof that the Cauldron could be wrong, so wrong."
"I didn't mean you, Y/N, I would never mean you," He beseeches, his breath caressing my face, my lips and his eyes are so intense, so vibrant that I can't look away, "I didn't mean you, I meant me, I'm wrong!"
I suck in a harsh breath at his outburst and I feel it then- the self-deprecation, the vulnerability, the fear, it was all aimed at himself, it was all about him.
The silence stretches on as we stare at each other and my face must hold every ounce of my surprise and confusion, because he sighs, his forehead resting against mine. I see his wings sag behind him, as if defeated.
"I don't know how much you heard but I did not mean that the Cauldron was wrong to pair you with me," He mutters, his words unsteady, and my eyes flutter shut at his words, "I meant that the Cauldron was wrong to pair me with you- the Cauldron has blessed me but forsaken you."
"Azriel-" I gasped, and it was now my hand that lifted between us, my hand that cupped his stubbled cheek, forcing his eyes to mine. "That's not true, I'm not forsaken, I'm blessed, I'm Cauldron-blessed, Mother-blessed to have you-"
"Y/N you deserve the world, the sun and the moon and the stars," Azriel's voice breaks, a sob gurgling in his throat as he nestles against my palm, now wet with his tears. "I have spent five hundred years being unworthy of anything, and now that I have you, I will spend the next five hundred being unworthy of you."
He felt unworthy of me, he thought that he did not deserve me.
"Don't say that don't- you've given me the world and more," I shake my head, forcing every inch of surety and strength into my voice, "I love you, so much, so much that the thought of you thinking we were wrong, it killed me Az, because you're all I need."
He shakes his head against my hold, but his hands slip down my back, down my waist and to my hips and thighs, fingers digging into my flesh, holding onto my meat for leverage and pressing my soft body against his firm one for dear life.
"Not once did I ever think you were the problem, I thought it was me," His brow furrows deeper at my words, and I see the denial in his eyes, in his face, "I see a male who is beautiful inside and out, who is powerful and skilled, who has been a saviour to this Court in so many ways and I can't come close, I can't ever be equal to that Az."
"Y/N, no-" He growls, nails carving crescent moons into my flesh.
"I'm not a warrior like Nesta or a ruler like Feyre," I continue, and I open up the walls I erected to keep him out from my soul and mind, letting the mating bond flow freely again- to let him see all I had thought these few days. "I'm not beautiful like Elain... I'm not enough."
"You are everything," He hisses, and I can feel his overwhelming pain as sure as if it were my own as he graces over my feelings and thoughts- as he takes in every disgusting, horrific thing I had thought about myself, about my body. "You are everything and more to me, Y/N."
Power flashes through his eyes and then his head ducks toward me, capturing my lips in his.
Time seems to slow when his lips meet mine in a gentle collision, the kind of impact that steals the breath from my lungs, the kind I can't get enough of. Azriel grumbles at the taste of wine on my mouth, his tongue lapping at mine as if devouring the sweetness.
"Azriel," I sigh, like putty in his capable hands, and like always, he's skilled with how he handles my body, so easily turning us so my legs hit the mattress, my body weightless as he lifts me to sit on the edge.
"I have seen you navigate politics and arrogant High Lords in a way that has us all on our knees," He mutters against my lips, and I croon at the feel of his hands languishing up my thighs and hips, squeezing the flesh, his eyes dark with desire now.
His nose brushes against my cheek, so bare, as he kisses and trails his tongue along my jaw, moving down my neck and I can't do anything but moan softly as he lies me flat on my back, his powerful body towering over me, covering me wholly.
"I have seen you cut down soldiers triple your size as if they were little more than weeds in a field," His canines scrape against the racing pule-point at my neck and my eyes flutter, neck exposing for him and back arching when his hand cups my breast over my shirt.
He settles between my thighs, and he groans when his hard length brushes my wet core, the smell of arousal heavy in the air, the kind of stimulation that made us both dizzy with need. I arch my hips up to meet him, needing to feel something, anything from him.
"And I have seen males and females alike marvel at your beauty, at your body, desiring to see you without a scrap of clothing on," Azriel's voice turns furious, dark, as if the mere thought of someone else seeing me naked made him violent, honed to kill.
"Az, please," I mewl, fingers clawing at his back, feeling the muscles ripple under my touch, his shadows in a frenzy, caressing and dancing and wreathing around my body, feeding off every moan that escaped me. "I need you Az, please."
He presses long, wet kisses against my jugular and I sigh in relief when I feel his body shift, hips lifting and the sound of a belt clinking as he unhooks his slacks, freeing his hard length from within.
"I love you, sweetheart," His head lifts, face tight with sincerity and I can feel the thumping of his heart against mine, those intense eyes capturing me wholly. "I love all of you, I love all that you are-"
"Body," His fingers hook into my underwear, and I gasp as he tugs the wet material to the side, fingers brushing my clit.
"Mind," Our sounds meld as he rubs the tip of his cock against me, parting my folds, spreading my arousal from my entrance to my clit, and his breathing deepens as I whimper.
"And soul." He pushes into my entrance, stretching me just from the tip and automatically, my thighs clamp around his hips and my back arches at the feeling of him.
"I love you, Y/N," He pushes in until his long, thick length hits my cervix and my cunt is stretched thoroughly, throbbing around him. I trace my hands up his arms, nails scratching along every muscle, every strong, lean plane of him.
"I love you too, Azriel," I whisper back, and when my eyes flutter open, I see him above me and I know that nothing else, no one else could feel this right.
He doesn't move, merely staring down at me, his eyes burning like embers- feeling the thought as intensely as I did.
Okay, you write the most delicious smut, so I think the plus-size reader is watching Cassian and Azriel spar and gets lost in her imagination about what they could do to her. And the duo finds out (maybe from Rhys), and one night at dinner, they offer to make her dreams reality. If you already have something like this in mind, please feel free to ignore it. I just think Az and Cassian would be down bad for a plus-size reader đ
Take it | Azriel & Cassian (I)
Azriel x Cassian x Plus Size Reader
Rhysand's playing Cupid and his meddling has you experiencing something you never would have thought possible.
Warnings: Mature content (18+) mild violence, mature language, illusions to smut (smut in part 2)
PART II
MASTERLIST - 1 and 2
I knew I should have skipped training today.
From the moment Mor told me that she wasn't attending, that Feyre wouldn't be coming either and that I was alone with Rhysand, Cassian and Azriel- I knew I should have skipped.
Because now I was here, the scorching sun beaming down over my sweating skin, the barren wind a bare caress through my damp pleated hair- and my eyes unwavering upon the two Illyrian males before me.
Sparring.
"C'mon Azriel," Cassian taunted, hazel eyes gleaming with mischief as he danced around the Shadowsinger, his arrogant demeanour so at odds with Azriel's still, quiet form. "Don't tell me you're already tapping out."
Azriel smirked, the smallest tilt of his lips and I felt a shiver trace down the curve of my spine, watching as his powerful thighs rippled with every step he took, scarred hands angled out before him- waiting.
"And miss all the fun?" He mused softly, head cocking, a purely predatory move and the laugh that escaped Cassian was rough as if the banter between them made this all the more exciting.
It didn't usually affect me like this, I didn't usually feel such a strong, visceral response to the two of them. Yes, they were both unbelievably gorgeous and yes, I enjoyed watching them as much as any female did.
But it never affected me as much as it did right now, as strongly as it did from the moment I stepped onto the rooftop and greeted them. It had been hard to deny how my body felt then and it was even worse now.
Especially with them like this- shirtless, sweating, muscles rippling, powerful wings splaying wide, and taunts being thrown between them that made my thighs clench.
I pressed my back into the jagged wall behind me, anchoring myself down with the bite of the concrete against my skin, cutting in through the thin material of my legging and top. The shield I'd erected around me rippled, my emotions overwhelming my control over my magic.
Cassian grunted- raw and grumbling as he swung a fist out aimed for Azriel's rib but was swiftly blocked by a scarred hand shielding close to his tanned skin. Azriel gritted his teeth, his free hand slamming forward, palm connecting brutally with Cassian's shoulder, sending him stumbling back a few steps.
Cassian grinned, feral.
Azriel's eyes narrowed, tongue flicking out to moisten his lips.
And the wetness between my thighs grew and grew, the throbbing ache now incessant, so strong that no matter how hard I clenched my thighs shut it did nothing to quell the need. I swallowed against the dryness in my throat, my body thrumming the longer I watched them.
A deep grunt, a rough, taunting laugh, bodies colliding, wings erected high, sweat and blood over perfect tan skin, trailing down corded muscle and carved abs. Movement so fast that I forced myself not to blink in case I missed something, fighting so intense it was impossible to look away.
And a heat coursing through my body so forcefully I felt like I was going to explode.
'What do we have here?' A voice crooned through my mind, a voice like starlight and I jolted at the intrusion, 'The shield can hide the smell of your arousal, Y/N, but it can't hide the lust in your eyes.'
"Rhys," Cassian grinned, canines bearing to show the blood coating his teeth, and Azriel laughed softly as the male wiggled his brows, eyes upon our High Lord as he stalked in. "Care to join the fun?"
Rhysand smirked, a lazy sight, ringed hands tucked into the pockets of his slacks and my body grew hot, mortification filling me as his long legs brought him closer to where I stood. His violet eyes flash to me- knowingly.
"I think Y/N might be more interested in joining actually," Rhysand mused, his tone dripping with amusement and teasing, and I felt my eyes narrow irately as I glared up at him. "I'm sure she could take it."
My hands clenched as Rhysand's smirk grew, pearly teeth peeking through, seeing how my throat bobbed when Cassian and Azriel both glanced at me expectantly, panting.
"Alright angel," Cassian winked, and I managed a strained smile, feeling my cheeks growing unbearable hot- and Rhysand laughing through my mind. "You're sparring next."
'If only he knew that this wasn't the kind of sparring you were interested in,'Â Rhys taunted through my mind and I felt his claws racking down my mental shields, so strong I clenched my jaw to stop myself from snarling at him.
'Fuck off, Rhys' I sent a shock of my power through my mind and Rhysand's spine straightened beside me, though that smirk never once left his lips. 'I don't know what you're even talking about.'
'No?' He muses and I roll my eyes as his shoulder brushes mine, my body so stiff as I grab hold of my water bottle, my fingers shaking and weak as I uncap the lid. 'So, you're not having some very naughty thoughts about my General and Spymaster right now?'
'No,' I gritted out mentally, hating how I was falling for the bait, hating that he could see just how caught off guard I was. My eyes flutter as Azriel grumbles, shadows coiling around his lean waist and broad shoulders as he and Cassian circle each other. 'No, I'm not.'
Another rumbling laugh through my mind, a brush of Rhysand's shoulder against me, and the water bottle shakes in my hand as I bring it to my mouth, needing to distract myself desperately.
The mouth of the bottle touches my lip, the lukewarm water just barely tracing my tongue- and then my mind shifts.
And the images leak in.
Scarred hands cupping my breasts, toying with my hard nipples.
Canines scrapping my pulse point, my fingers curled around silken locks of dark hair.
I hear myself moaning as a head slips between my soft thighs, my eyes clenching shut as I rock my hips against the skilled tongue, back arching when another mouth finds purchase around my taut nipple.
I'm trapped between those two magnificent, corded bodies, massive wings shielding our nakedness- but I feel every touch, every kiss, every whispered praise as they worship me.
"Y/N!"
Another blink and the images are gone from my mind, replaced by the world around me again. And three pairs of eyes on me- all of them wide, unblinking, worried as they watch me.
"What happened, sweetheart?" Azriel breathes, chest rising and falling fast as he sucks in air, and I trace over the dark whorls covering his skin as I blink away the thoughts. "Are you okay?"
"I'm uh- I'm fine," I clear my throat, skin burning with heat and that embarrassment only grows when I spot my water bottle dropped at my feet, water already drying up on the concrete. Rhysand snickers as I swiftly reach down and grab it and my hands tremble as I hold it to my chest.
'You should tell them what you want, Y/N,' Rhys mutters through my mind and when I glance sideways at him, he merely smiles, bland and natural, as if he wasn't currently wading through my thoughts. 'They'd be more than happy to make it happen.'
"I think I'm done for today, boys," I manage a small smile, as I turn to grab my training bag at my side, glad for the reprieve from their eyes, even if I felt them wholly on my back. "Too fucking hot out."
'Y/N,'Â Rhysand called through my mind again, and the teasing was gone- replaced by something sincere.
'They won't be interested,' I hiss back, a lump lodging in my throat as I turn toward the males behind me, still standing watching me. ' I'm not going to embarrass myself by saying something.'
"I thought you wanted to spar?" Cassian raises a dark brow at me, hazel eyes watching carefully as I walk past Rhysand, not sparing him a second glance. "I'll go easy on you if you're scared, angel."
"Didn't she kick your ass last time, Cass?" Rhysand snorted, and I watched Azriel's lips tilt into a full-blow smile, a breathtaking sight as Cassian rolled his eyes, grinning as he flipped off the male behind me.
'You're lying to yourself if you think they're not interested in you,' His voice made me grit my teeth, my back steeling as I inched toward the door. ' Why don't you just find out?'
"Don't rough each other up too bad," I chuckle, ignoring the ache in my chest as I glance between the three of them, ignoring Rhysand's claws in my mind, "Seeing your pretty faces is the best part of my day."
Cassian grins, winking fiendishly at me.
Azriel smiles, red tinting his cheeks.
And Rhysand just cocks his head- almost as if to say see, I told you so.
I turn on my heel, my smile fading as soon as my back is to them and I'm walking toward that exit.
'Drop it, Rhys,' I warn, letting him feel how utterly serious I was, 'I mean it.'
***
'You're lying to yourself if you think they're not interested in you.'
Rhysand didn't know how wrong he was.
It was kind of him, sweet even, to say that two males as beautiful and perfect as Azriel and Cassian would have any interest in me, any sexual desire- even if it couldn't be further from the truth.
Not when I didn't hold a candle to Mor, who they both wholly desired, whose face and body and beauty were incomparable, something that I couldn't have, have never had, not in a million years.
And not when in all the years I've known them, neither of them have ever looked at me the way they look at her- with true lust. No desire, no primitive focus, no carnal need, I was their little sister, the female they loved but could never love like that.
I swallow down that bitter dose of reality as I make my way through the silent corridors of the House of Wind, my heels clinking against the smooth floor, as I get closer to the dining room. There's no sound in the house, unusual for this time of day.
I run my hands down the soft silk dress I wore, the dark green material clinging to my waist before cascading down my thighs, stopping mid-calf. It was more effort than I usually bothered with for dinner with the court, but Rhysand had insisted.
'A special dinner' he had said in his note 'Never hurts to dress up and celebrate our family.'
But as I turn the corridor, pushing past the ajar dining room door- it doesn't seem like much of a celebration.
"Y/N," Cassian greets, smiling over his broad shoulder at me, the material of his black shirt melding perfectly to every hard inch of him. I take a few tentative steps into the room and his eyes grace down my figure, over the dress I wore.
"Hey Cass," I mutter, brow furrowing as I take in the two glasses of red wine, a third sat empty and clean beside them and only three chairs surrounded the oak table Cassian stood before. "Where is everyone?"
My body shivers when something dances around my right ankle, the touch unbearably soft and I giggle when I glance down, noticing the shadow that wreathed around my calf, inching higher up my dress.
"Feyre's cycle started so Rhys is looking after her," Cassian said, wincing in a way that told me he was thankful not to be a female enduring that kind of pain. An amused snort came from behind me, and I didn't need to turn to know that it was Azriel, could feel his quiet scrutiny and recognise it anywhere. "And Mor and Amren had some Hewn City crap to deal with."
"So much for dressing up and celebrating the family," I mumble taking a few steps forward, and when Azriel places his large hand on the small of my back, I feel the touch through every inch of my body. I swallow, glancing over my shoulder at him, meeting those bright hazel eyes.
"It's just us three tonight," Azriel muses lowly, and my dress feels like a non-existent barrier between his hand and my back, his scarred thumb brushing soft circles there. "Is that alright Y/N?"
"Y-yes," I mentally curse myself for the stutter, my cheeks blazing when Azriel's lip tilts into a bare smirk, his eyes glancing to Cassian and gleaming with something dark. I clear my throat, managing a strained smile, "Me and my two favourite Illyrian males, should be fun."
"We won't tell Rhysand you said that" Cassian winks and I grin as Azriel leads me forward, his hand still on my back, burning and igniting my skin, guiding me to the chair- he pulls it out for me, his touch gentle as he helps me take a seat and tucks me in.
"He's my favourite High Lord though, so it's fine," I tease, waving a dismissive hand and I try to force myself to be calm and at ease as Azriel and Cassian take the two seats in front of me, their powerful bodies so foreboding as they settle into the chairs.
"Feyre's my favourite High Lady, Mor's my favourite blonde," I prattle on, ignoring their intense stares as I fiddle with my hands in my laps, trying to babble through my unease. "And Amren's my favourite short, angry person."
"We definitely won't tell Amren you said that" Cassian snickers and I release a tight breath of relief when Azriel begins to pour me a glass of wine, his eyes locking with mine as he hands it to me- my hand brushes his and I swear something flashes through his eyes at the contact.
"Thank you," I whisper, and I don't waste a second before bringing the glass to my lips, my eyes fluttering shut as I tip my head back, the bittersweet liquid sliding down my throat, and I keep drinking until it's all gone.
I feel the tingle the alcohol induces instantly, fae wine so much stronger than the regular stuff and it's exactly the kind of buzz I needed right now, the kind that distracted me from the way my body felt when in the same room as these two males.
I bring the glass back down to the table with a clink and only then do I realise the tense silence in the room. I blink away the haze, and when my eyes meet Cass and Az again, I'm surprised by the look on their faces.
Their eyes are dark, wholly dark- and zeroed in on my lips, watching every breath and move with predatory focus.
"Is-is there something on my face?" I raise a brow, chuckling uncomfortably and when I lift a hand insecurely to my mouth, Cassian releases a tight exhale, shifting in his seat so that he's leaning back, long legs and strong thighs spread under the table.
"No, you're okay," Azriel shakes his head, beautiful face soft with contemplation, though the darkness never leaves his eyes, the emotion behind them that I can't seem to decipher as he stares at my lips still. "That's a pretty shade of red, is all- don't you think so Cassian?"
"Definitely," Cassian mumbles roughly in agreement, a lazy smile pulling at his lip as he takes a long sip from his glass, his tongue flicking out to lick off the wine gathering there- and the sight was more provocative than it should have been. "Red might just be your colour, angel."
"Thanks, uh- it was a present from Mor for Winter Solstice," I swallow thickly, fighting the urge to grab the wine bottle and chug from it. "She said it was one of the most popular shades, I can't remember the name, but I thought it was funny to call it blowjob red."
Cauldron, the air shifts so fast, so severely at those words-Â blowjob red.
The second I say it it's like the darkness in their eyes, the intensity of their stares, their teasing remarks, it all slots into place- and their shields come crashing down. Arousal, stark and powerful, so raw and filthy that my core ached in response.
"Is that why you wore it tonight?" Azriel spoke, his voice like death incarnate, so quietly violent that my thighs clamped shut at the sound, at the heat behind every slow word. The air caught in my lungs as he cocked his head at me, predator eying prey, "To have us contemplating the feel of your pretty, red mouth?"
Pretty, red mouth.
Cauldron, I must be dreaming.
My lips parted- surprised, and for a moment, all I could do was blink dumbly, staring between them with confusion creasing my brow. They didn't speak, utterly silent as they watched me piece everything together, but I could sense their amusement when my brow furrowed deeper.
"I suppose it's only fair, for you to paint your lips that distracting shade of red, to wear a dress that hugs every curve on your body, it's fair for you to taunt us so mercilessly," Cassian smirks and my eyes widen at every word, at the sincerity behind them. "Especially since it seems we unwittingly were doing the same to you this morning during training."
Training?
Oh, shit, shit, shit- Cauldron fucking spare me.
"Unless Rhysand was being an asshole and lied to us?" Cassian continued, but his words were starting to blur now, the thrumming in my head overwhelming my senses, making it hard to hear, making it hard to see, to speak. "Y/N, did he lie?"
He told them.
He told them.
Fuck, he told them.
"Hey, hey, hey-" I flinch, my knee slamming against the table when something brushes over my hot cheek. Still, I calmed my alarm upon seeing the tendril of darkness flittering past my eye-line, Azriel's shadows caressing my face, anchoring me down from the panic that was building.
"I don't-uh-," I shake my head, tears lining my eyes and I clenched them shut- I wasn't sure why I felt like cryingâŠembarrassment? Shame? Insecurity? I guess I could pick one and it would be right. "I don't know-"
"We were hoping he wasn't lying," Azriel coaxed gently, and my burning eyes lifted to him, his lovely face was so sweet, so unfathomably kind that it forced me to take a stabilising breath.
"You were?" I question hoarsely, my throat as dry as sandpaper as I glanced from Az to Cass, something coiling in me at the sight of their perfect faces, their broad shoulders, their massive wings, and their attention solely on me.
"Angel, if we haven't made it clear how badly we want you right now, then we must be shitter at flirting than I thought," Cassian snorted and I couldn't fight the smile, the breathy laugh that escaped me at his words.
He grinned at the sight, Azriel too- as if something as small as me smiling, laughing, made their day.
'You're lying to yourself if you think they're not interested in you.'
Dammit Rhysand was right.
"Rhysand wasn't lying, he's an ass but he didn't lie," I say, releasing a long breath and this time, when my eyes lift to them, when I meet their gazes, I let them see exactly how honest he had been.
I tuck a strand of hair behind an arched ear, and I don't think either of the males is even breathing as I push out of my chair, the wood screeching against the floor before I rise to my feet.
My chest aches as their gazes instantly drop down my body- over my breasts, waist, stomach, thighs, over every inch of me.
"I'm going back to my room," I whisper, and both of them go utterly still, and their eyes sharpen, primitive, completely Fae, so strong that Azriel's shadows quieten, and Cassian's wings twitch.
Slip into something daring and explore the courts this October. Don't be shyâknock on the doors of your favorite characters. Will you uncover a dark, twisted secret, or indulge in a sinful treat?
⊠. ăâș ă . ⊠. ăâș ă . âŠ
author's note:
this is my first ever kinktober!!! ideally, i'll be posting every day from october 1st through 31st, but i'm in school full-time so we'll see lol. these will vary in length, but will all be relatively short
this is all 18+ (duh) so please mdni!
taglist is closed!
enjoy!
⊠. ăâș ă . ⊠. ăâș ă . âŠ
solo days (not reader insert; only 2 lol) will be denoted with a âŸ
01. Sweet Surrender â Praise | Cassian
02. In the Wake of Absence â Caught Masturbating | Lucien
Day 4: Virgin | Rhysand x Reader
word count: 4.3k
authorâs note: this was not a kink i thought i had but during planning, the thought of rhys getting a dark look in his eyes, losing himself and going feral when he finds outâŠâŠ yum :)
⊠. Kinktober Masterlist . âŠ
A blizzard rages outside, snow swirling in the darkness. Itâs been relentless; for two days, its winds clawed at windows and howled through the night. Snow accumulates in thick drifts outside, burying Velaris in a frosty silence. Inside the townhouse, the warmth of the fireplace provides a cozy, safe haven.
You and Rhysand are curled up together on the couch, wrapped in a heavy blanket. The house is quiet; Amren is back at her apartment, Cassian is in Illyria (Gods help him, you canât imagine the storm there), Azrielâs away on reconnaissance, and Mor winnowed to the cabin last night, claiming she needed some âalone time.â But you had a feeling she just wanted to leave the two of you here, together.Â
Youâve known each other for centuries, since you were all young and reckless, before the world became complicated. Over the years, youâve become more than friends â youâve become constant in each otherâs lives, someone to rely on through war, heartbreak, and everything in between. For a while, there was something between you â something unspoken but undeniably there. The way his hands lingered when he touched you, or how youâd catch him looking at you a little too long.
But whatever it was, it never grew beyond that. Time passed, and eventually, it seemed like heâd moved on. You told yourself you had, too. You never let it become a big deal, never let it interfere with the easy friendship you shared. It was just⊠there, hovering in the background, a feeling youâd long since learned to live with. And now was no different, chatting and playing card games on the couch, sharing a blanket by the fireplace. You wouldâve thought it cliche if not for the fact that youâd been in this exact scenario more times than you could count â and nothing had happened.
Nothing will happen.Â
âPlace feels off,â you muse absently, shuffling the two cards in your hand as you consider your next move.
Rhysand chuckled softly, running a hand through his hair. âOff how? Too quiet without Cass?â
A small smile tugs at your lips. âWell, yeah, that⊠but also just calmer.â You glance up at him, noticing the way the firelight casts soft shadows across his face. âWeâre usually out doing something or surrounded by other people. Just not used to this much quiet, I guess.â
He nods thoughtfully, drawing a card from the deck and placing it face up next to the 10 of clubs. Ace of hearts. âThatâs true,â he agrees, glancing at the cards on the blanket. âBut itâs a nice change of pace, donât you think? A well-deserved one.â
You eye your own cards â 10 of spades and ace of clubs â two pair. You toss two peppermints into the makeshift betting pool. âRaise. Itâs definitely safer,â you say with a shrug.
Rhys matches your bet, tossing in two more mints. âSafer? From what? Drunk fae trying to chat you up? Or Cassian making an ass of himself with every female in sight?â His brow quirks up as a grin spreads across his face.Â
You burst out laughing, the image of Cassianâs failed attempts at flirtation all too vivid. âBoth, actually,â you manage between fits of laughter, shaking your head. âThat last time at Ritaâs⊠that was something.â
Leaning back against the couch, he shakes his head with a mischievous grin. âDo you remember that awful line Cass used on that poor girl? Something about his sword andââ
You burst out laughing, nearly doubling over. âOh gods, donât remind me. He really thought he was being clever.â
Rhys chuckles, rubbing his jaw. âHe always thinks heâs clever. Like thisââ He suddenly leans toward you, his voice dropping into a ridiculous impression of Cassianâs deep tone. âYou ever heard the phrase, âbigger the sword, bigger theâ'â
You both dissolve into laughter before he can finish, your sides aching from how ridiculous it sounds.
He grins, gaze still playful as he mimics Cassian again, this time reaching out and gently cupping your cheek, his thumb brushing the corner of your mouth. âBut then heâd get all serious,â Rhys murmurs, his voice dropping lower, soft and teasing now. âHeâd do this⊠look into her eyes and say, âI could spend hours just watching the way you blush, imagining what else I could do to make you look like that.ââ
The sudden shift in his tone and the warmth of his hand against your cheek make your breath catch. You freeze, the playful atmosphere suddenly charged. He holds your gaze, the firelight flickering in his violet eyes, and for a moment, itâs hard to remember this is supposed to be a joke.Â
You laugh, but itâs quieter now, more nervous. âCassian really said that?â you ask, but itâs hardly louder than a whisper.Â
Rhys doesnât drop his hand, his thumb absentmindedly brushing your skin as he looks at you. âWell,â he says softly, his smile softer now, uncertain. âMaybe not like that⊠but, I guess⊠something like it.â You feel your face grow warm, a quiet tension slipping between you. His eyes search yours, and something unspoken passes between you both â something neither of you can ignore anymore.Â
His voice is quieter when he speaks again, as though heâs only just noticing the change himself. âYou okay?â
The question feels loaded like thereâs more behind it than just casual concern. You nod, but your voice is stuck in your throat. You canât tear your gaze away from his. Heâs still so close. Rhys leans in slightly, his thumb moving to brush along your jawline now, the motion slower, more deliberate than before. His eyes flicker over your features, lingering on your lips for just a second too long.Â
You swallow, heart pounding. âJust⊠surprised.â
âSurprised?â His brow lifts slightly, but his tone is softer, more serious now. âBy what?â
By the way his touch sends a ripple of heat through you, by how your heart races under the intensity of his gaze. You donât say that though. Instead, you let out a shaky laugh, trying to play it off. âThat youâre taking this Cass impression so seriously.â
Rhys huffs a quiet laugh, but it doesnât reach his eyes. His fingers pause for a second, lingering on your neck. He doesnât move away. âIâm not, really⊠just⊠Youâre looking at me differently,â he says softly, almost like heâs noticing it for the first time. The room feels suddenly smaller, the crackling fire and storm outside fading into the background.Â
You hold his gaze, your heart pounding. Thereâs a question in his eyes, and you canât help but feel the pull between you growing stronger. Youâre both so close now, the warmth of his skin against yours more pronounced.Â
Without breaking eye contact, Rhysâ hand gently slides down to rest at the back of your neck, his touch sending a shiver down your spine. His gaze drops to your lips, and for a moment, time seems to stretch.
He leans in slowly, giving you the chance to pull away. His lips brush against yours in a soft, tentative kiss. Itâs a slow exploration, a testing of the waters. When you donât move away, his kiss deepens, his lips melding with yours as the warmth between you ignites into something more intense.Â
As the kiss between you and Rhysand grows more heated, the heat becomes almost unbearable. Clothes are shed in a frenzy of passion, and you find yourself in your undergarments, sinking to your knees on the plush carpet before him. The firelight flickers across the room, casting a warm glow that dances over both of you. You start to reach for the waistband of his boxer briefs, but suddenly, uncertainty creeps in. Your hands falter, and you pull back just enough to look up at him, a mixture of nervousness and determination in your eyes.
âIâm not really sure what to do,â you admit, your voice trembling slightly. âItâs my first time.â
Rhysandâs eyes widen, his expression shifting from surprise to an intense, almost reverent focus. He takes a moment to process your confession, clearly stunned.
He speaks softly, his voice a mix of awe and disbelief. âAfter all these centuries, youâre stillââ
He pauses, searching for the right words. âYouâre still a virgin?â His gaze sharpens, the intensity of his stare turning into something more primal.Â
When your only response is a nod, a slow, hungry smile spreads across his lips. âGods, thatâs incredible,â he breathes, his voice low and tinged with a dark thrill. Leaning in, his breath warms your ear. âYou have no idea how much that turns me on. The thought of being the first one to touch you like thisâŠâ His hand slides over your head, fingers threading through your hair with a possessive caress. âThe first to make you feel things youâve neverâŠâ He inhales deeply, his nose brushing against your neck, ââfelt beforeâŠâ
Rhysand pulls back slightly, his hand gently gripping your chin, and he tilts your face up to meet his eyes. âYou have no idea how much Iâm going to enjoy this⊠Guiding you through it, showing you everythingâŠâ His eyes flash with a mix of hunger and satisfaction. He traces his thumb over your lips, his touch charged.Â
âNot everything; Iâve read romance novels,â you clarify, shifting your weight back onto your calves.
Rhysandâs lips twitch and he lets out the barest breath of a scoff, shaking his head as if in awe. His eyes flicker with a dark amusement as his hand trails from your jaw to the nape of your neck, fingers toying with your hair. âRomance novels,â he repeats, his tone light, but the glint in his eyes betrays something darker. His thumb brushes your cheek, and his lips curve into a slow, teasing smile. âWell, then⊠youâre practically an expert, arenât you?â
You feel the weight of his gaze as you fumble for a response, a nervous laugh bubbling up. âWell, I meanââ
Rhysand cuts you off, his voice edged with raw desire. âIâm going to show you everything you need to know.â His grip on your hair tightens just slightly, his eyes locked onto yours with a possessive intensity. âJust focus on me and let me take control,â he murmurs, his voice low. âIf you need anything, you speak up, alright?â The intensity in his gaze makes you feel like youâre melting.
You nod, feeling a mix of apprehension and excitement, and his gaze doesnât waver. His fingers trail lightly over your collarbone and down to the swell of your chest, his touch a teasing whisper against your skin. With a deep breath, you lean forward, your hands cautiously pulling down his underwear, and Rhysandâs breath hitches slightly as you expose him. âThatâs it,â he murmurs, his hand resting lightly on your head, guiding you as you lower yourself, taking him into your mouth.
The room is filled with the soft sounds of your movements and his encouraging murmurs. As you cautiously take him into your mouth, you focus on finding a rhythm, the unfamiliar texture and warmth making your pulse race. Your hands rest lightly on his thighs, feeling the tension in his muscles as you move. Each gentle stroke is executed with trepidation and eagerness, guided by Rhysandâs soft, approving sounds.
Rhysandâs hands gently cradle your head, his grip firm but tender. âDamn,â he groans, his tone laced with surprise. âYouâre a natural.â His praise sends a shiver through you, mingling with the heat of your desire. Though he guides you slightly, his touch remains light and encouraging. His voice drops to a low murmur, filled with adoration. âThatâs it, just like that,â he urges, his breath hitching as you experiment with different motions. His nails gently graze your scalp, and he lets out a soft, appreciative groan when you press a flat tongue to the underside of his cock. âYou feel so good, baby. Just keep going, youâre making me lose my mind.â
Every word from him makes you more determined to continue, your movements growing more confident as his reactions heighten your arousal. âYou can take me deeper, I know you can,â he murmurs, his voice low and urgent. âYouâre doing so well, you got it,â and his hips start bucking into your mouth. Your own breathing becomes shallow as your throat constricts around him, the new sensation is overwhelming yet intoxicating.
With a low groan of approval, Rhysand suddenly shifts, his hands coming to rest of your shoulders. âHold on a moment,â he says, helping you up from the floor, and guiding you back onto the couch with him, a dark hungry glint in his eyes.Â
A hand reaches under you, deftly unclipping your bra with a single, smooth motion. He moves the other to the waistband of your underwear, and he slides both off of you tantalizingly slowly. He discards them with a casual flick, leaving you completely bare and vulnerable under his intense, appreciative gaze.Â
âGo on, letâs get you a bit more comfortable,â he says, adjusting you with deliberate care so youâre sprawled out comfortably across the couch. His gaze smolders with hunger as he moves between your legs, his breath fanning over your inner thigh.Â
The anticipation is almost unbearable as he begins to tease, his tongue a tantalizing caress that makes you gasp and shiver. The sounds of his enjoyment mingling with yours create a symphony of shared desire, each touch sending waves of sensation through your body.Â
Just as his tongue delves deeper, the sensation blurs your senses, making the room seem to spin and float. The combination of his skilled tongue and the disorienting rush of winnowing overwhelms you with a euphoric intensity. When your vision clears, you find yourself in Rhysandâs bedroom, his tongue still lavishing attention on you. He takes his time to savor every part of you. His movements are masterful, each flick and stroke of his tongue tailored to make you writhe in pleasure. He alternates between gentle, teasing laps, and more focused, firm strokes, finding the rhythm that has you gripping the sheets.Â
His hands are relentless, roaming your body, occasionally tracing the curves of your thighs or the sensitive skin of your hips. He clasps your hands tightly, anchoring you as his deep, guttural moans vibrate through you, heightening every sensation and leaving you squirming with need.Â
Amidst the physical pleasure, Rhysand begins to invade your mind with a barrage of filthy, electrifying thoughts. His voice, though unspoken, reverberates in your mind like a seductive whisper. âItâs going to feel so good when I fuck you,â he promises. âPicture how good itâs going to feel when Iâm buried deep inside you, how youâll be trembling under me.â The mental imagery is a pleasant surprise â he shows you vivid scenes of him thrusting into you with relentless vigor, making you gasp and shiver. âItâll feel so much better than your fingers, darling.â
âCan you see it? Feel it?â he sends into your mind, his thoughts a sultry whisper caressing your consciousness. âFeel me pushing into you, filling you completely. Every thrust, every stroke⊠I want you to feel every inch of me, how your body will mold perfectly around my cock.â The intensity of his words only drove your arousal to a fever pitch, leaving you moaning and writhing with an urgent need.Â
His thoughts also weave images of you coming undone, of him making you see the stars with his touch. âIâm going to make you come so hard, you wonât know what to do with yourself. Iâll have you screaming my name, begging for more.â The raw, possessive desire only drives you closer to the edge, each thought and image adding to the pleasure building rapidly within you. âYouâre my sweet little virgin now,â his voice growls in your mind. âBut not for long. By the time Iâm finished with you, youâll be begging for my cock every chance you get. Youâll be a little whore for me wonât you? Needing to be filled again and again.â
When your climax finally crashes over you, itâs intense and all-consuming, leaving you gasping and trembling. Rhysandâs mental presence remains, a constant, darkly, satisfying presence as you ride out your orgasm.Â
After youâve come down from your high, Rhysand pulls back slightly, his gaze dark and hungry. He leans over you, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks softly. âSee how easy that was? Youâre going to be amazing, just like that. â
He shifts, positioning himself between your legs, his cock slick and hot against your folds. As he aligns himself, his voice is thick with desire âFeel how hard I am for you? Feel how much I want you? Iâm going to fuck you so good, make you feel things you never imagined. You ready for me, sweetheart?â He looks up from where the tip of his cock lines up with your entrance, eyes locking onto yours with a burning intensity.
You meet his gaze, your voice trembling slightly but filled with determination. âI⊠I want you, Rhysand. I need you.â Your breath hitches as you look up at him, the vulnerability in your eyes matched by a fierce desire. âPlease, donât hold back.â
Rhysandâs smile turns predatory, his eyes alight with satisfaction. He maintains eye contact as he pushes inside, inch by inch, savoring every second of your tight, untried body struggling to accommodate him. âDoes it hurt?â his voice drips with mockery and satisfaction when you squeeze your eyes shut. âDoes it hurt having this pussy stretched out for the first time?â He watches your reactions intently, delighting in them as your expressions shift from nervous anticipation to surprised pleasure, your brows furrowing with the intensity of it all.Â
He cradles the back of your head, tilting it down toward where your bodies are joined. âLook at that,â he breathes, his tone full of wonder. âLook at how you wrap around me. So⊠fucking tight â itâs like youâre sucking me in.â
The mewl you let out would be embarrassing if not for the overwhelming pleasure and mind-numbing stretch of his cock inside you. âRhysand, please,â you whisper, your breath coming in shallow gasps as you try to steady yourself.
âPlease, what? What do you want me to do, darling?â his voice is a lazy drawl, as though he has all the time in the world to tease you, to make you beg for more. His hips are still, the need to move evident in the tense muscles beneath your hands, but he holds back, watching you writhe beneath him.
âPlease, Rhys, just move,â you whine, your body yearning for more, the slow stretch making you desperate. âJust want you⊠Want you to move.â
âMove?â He raises a brow at you, feigning confusion. âMove where? Move off of you?â He starts to pull out, slowly, torturously, and for a moment, the sensation feels good â until the realization hits that heâll leave you empty. Without thinking, you wrap your legs around him, arms clinging to his neck to keep him in place. Â
He chuckles darkly, a low, amused sound. âYouâll have to be more specific, I need to hear what you want, orâŠâ He pulls out further, the head of his cock barely inside you now.
âFuck me,â you gasp, your voice trembling with need. âRhys, fuck me, please.â
The glint in his eyes is dangerous, primal. He leans down, brushing his lips against your ear, his breath hot against your skin. âThatâs what I wanted to hear.â
He thrusts back into you, slow but deep, filling you completely. âYou feel that?â he murmurs against your neck. âYouâve never had anyone touch you like this before, have you? Iâm the first⊠and Iâll be the only one to make you feel this way. Your fingers donât even reach this deep, huh? You canât even pleasure yourself the way that I will.â His words are gentle, but the power behind them is undeniable. âSo pure, so untouched. Youâre mine now. Iâm going to make sure no one else gets to fuck you like this.â
The way he speaks, the deliberate pace of his thrusts as he starts to push in and out of you, has you melting beneath him, pleasure and helpless surrender pooling in your belly. Every inch of him fills you perfectly.
âYouâve no idea what you do to me,â he whispers, his thrusts growing harder, deeper. âLook at how you take me, so well. So fucking tight and sweet, like you were made for this,â he growls, his breath puffing against your skin as he thrusts again, deeper this time. âYou feel that, darling? Thatâs me, stretching you open, shaping this pretty pussy so itâll only ever fit me.â
A gasp tears from your lips, your body overtaken by the sensation of him inside you, deeper than anything you could have imagined. Your nails dig into his shoulders, your legs trembling as you try to keep up with the rhythm heâs setting. âRhys,â you whimper, your voice soft and breathless. âItâs so⊠so much.â
He leans down to capture your lips in a heated kiss, a dance of tongues and lips, exchanging breath ang longing. When he pulls back, his voice is a low rumble. âItâs going to be more, sweetheart. So much more. You can take it though, I know you can.â
You shudder at his words, the physical and mental onslaught of pleasure overwhelming. âRhys, Iââ you gasp, struggling to speak as your mind spins. âIâve neverâ fuck! I didnât know it could feel this good.â
âOf course you didnât,â he purrs, his pace quickening slightly, making you moan with every deep stroke. âYouâve never been fucked before. You didnât know what you were missing, did you?â
Your breath catches, your hands fisting in the sheets as his words sink in. The sensation of being filled, stretched, and dominated by him is getting to be too much. âRhys, please,â you whisper, âplease, donât stop.â
His lips curve into a wicked smile. âIâm not stopping. Not until Iâve ruined you for anyone else.â He thrusts into you harder now, making your body jolt with each sound of skin against skin. âNo one else is ever going to fuck you like this. Youâll always want me. Youâll always need me.â
The pleasure building inside you is almost too much, the sensation of his cock slamming in and out of your tight heat. âIt feels so good!â you cry out, your pretty noises spurring his desire. âIâ I canât⊠believe how good itââ
âYou like that, donât you?â he growls, his voice dripping with satisfaction. âYou like the way I stretch you out. The way your body squeezes me like itâs never going to let go.â He moves faster, his thrusts becoming rougher, more demanding. âTell me, sweetheart. Tell me how much you love it.â
Your head is spinning, your body trembling as the pleasure builds. âI love it,â you gasp, your voice high and breathless. âI love the way you feel inside me, Rhysand.â
His eyes harden, his lips brushing against your ear as he speaks. âThatâs right. You love being fucked by me, donât you? You love the way I make you feel, the way I take your virgin cunt.â His hand slides down your body, gripping your hip to keep his unrelenting pace. âAnd Iâm going to keep fucking you until youâre screaming my name, until you canât think of anything else but how good my cock feels inside you. So innocent⊠But not anymore, darling, youâre going to want this every single time you see me.â
Your muscles shake as you respond wantonly. âI want more, I want you to fuck me harder.â Rhysand groans, flipping you over without pulling you off his cock. His hands grip your hips as he pulls you closer, his cock slamming into you with renewed force.
âOh, sweetheart,â he growls, his voice rough with lust. âYou donât even know what youâre asking for. But Iâll give it to you, if thatâs what you want?â He glances at you for confirmation, though he already knows what heâll see.Youâll look back at him with a blissful nod, your eyes heavy and barely open. You cry out as his pace turns punishing, far beyond what youâd imagined during those restless nights spent desperately rubbing your clit to thoughts of him. You can barely catch your breath as he fucks you for all youâre worth.Â
âThatâs it,â he groans, his voice thick with desire as he pulls you up, holding you flush against his chest. His hands wander over you, the swell of your breasts, the soft skin of your neck. âYouâre going to come for me again, arenât you? I can feel it. Youâre so close. Youâre going to come all over my cock, arenât you?â
You canât speak, your voice lost to pleasure. âRhys, please,â you gasp, your hands gripping the sheets as you feel yourself hurtling toward the edge. âIâm so so close.â
He teases your ear lobe between his teeth as he whispers, âCome for me, go on. Show me how good it feels to have your virgin cunt fucked for the first time.â
âFeels so good, feels soââ
With a final thrust, you fall apart, your body convulsing as your orgasm rips through you. Rhysandâs name is a broken moan on your lips as the pleasure floods through you. Rhysand watches you as he continues to fuck you through your orgasm, his pace never slowing. âThatâs it,â he coaxes you through it. âThatâs my girl. Youâre mine now, sweetheart. Only mine.â
Hello!! I loved your fic Back to December (love the Taylor Swift reference) and it had me in tears. Is there any way you could write a Liam x reader where they meet on the day on the parapet and then become friends and it slowly turns into a friends to lovers situation? I love your writing and I canât wait for more Fourth Wing fan fics <3
thank you so muuuuch! youâre so sweet, and thank u for your request!
sorry if this took so long, but I did my best so I hope you like it!
Snow On The Beach
FOURTH WING ONE SHOTS: Liam Mairi x reader
summary: wellâŠneed I to explain it? Snow On The Beach - Taylor Swift ft. More Lana Del Rey, duh
tw: none
âItâs gonna be ok, itâs gonna be ok, itâs gonna be okâŠâ
You repeated over and over again trying to calm the nerves in the erratic beats of your heart.
But was it? You were about to cross the parapet, the most fucking deranged way of welcoming students into their first year. Yet you had actively, willingly chose to be here, to do this.
âWhy am I so impulsive,â you murmured under your breath, whining internally about the series of bad choices that had led you to this very moment in your life.
It had all begun with your awful, hating sisters making a passive-aggressive comment about how you couldnât actually ever survive becoming a dragon rider, how you wouldnât even survive crossing the parapet to begin with. They were two of the best healers with the best ranks, coming from a long family of the best healers; in the best ranks. All your family had ever done was try to brainwash you into becoming a healer, but you had never actually found the profession interesting at all, you had been obsessed with dragons since the day you learned to talk.
But you had just read about dragons, you had never actually seen one up close, only when they occasionally overflew your city, but that was it, that had been the closest you had ever gotten to a dragon in all your 20 years of life, how were you supposed to survive bonding one? Yeah, you had made a biiig mistake.
First it had been your sisters comments, then everything went downhill when your ego got bruised and offended, and that same day you sent your application to Basgiath for the Riders Quadrant.
An now you were here after your stupid, impulsive decision to shut your sisters mouths up, in the line of stupid people that were about to cross the stupid parapet.
âHey,â someone touched your arm, but you were so focused in your prayer to the Gods you did not noticed the guy standing in front of you talking, so you jumped in surprise by his touch.
Good Gods, those were some deep blue eyes.
âIâm sorry, I didnât meant to startle you,â his smile was just as beautiful as his eyes, and just as beautiful as his blond hair as well.
âNo worries, Iâm just in a perpetuate state of paranoia right now,â he laughed slightly, and you couldnât help but smile at the deep rich sound.
âYou dropped this,â he extended you something, and you looked down at his palm.
You couldnât help but grimace at the awful necklace that stared right back at you. It had been a âgiftâ, supposedly.
âYou can keep it, my big sister gave it to me, and Iâm not entirely sure that she didnât curse it to give me bad luck,â the guy lifted an amused eyebrow, and you sighed in defeat. âForget it, I guess I will know if itâs cursed when I fall into my death hearing Malekâs and my diabolic sisterâs laugh in my head,â but just as you were about to take the necklace from him, he snatched it back, and you stared up at him with a furrowed brow.
âNow, we donât want that to happen, do we? Iâll keep it and clean the bad vibes off of it for you until you cross the parapet safe and sound,â he put in his pocket, and you couldnât help but look at him with confusion and amusement at the same time.
âAnd how do you pretend to do that, exactly?â
âWith my charming good vibes, of course,â you stared at him with an eyebrow raised for a second in total silence, but then inevitably laughed out laud.
You saw the guyâs smile lighting up as you tried to cover up your laugh with your hand, and you would be lying if you said that your heart didnât jump at the sight of those white, beautiful teeth.
âLiam, by the way,â he extended his hand towards you again, this time with the purpose of introducing himself.
âThatâs such a sweet name,â Liam arched an eyebrow with a pleased smile on his thin lips.
Had you actually said that out loud? Oh Gods. You felt your cheeks burning with embarrassment, you could only hope now that he didnât notice it.
âWell thank you, and may I know your sweet name?â You extended your hand to him to go for a shake, and he immediately accepted it with his.
âY/N.â
âY/N,â he breathed when you both released each others hands, like tasting your name in his mouth.
âNext,â you both heard someone say behind Liam, and your gazes, that had been held on each other, finally turned towards the guy behind.
Liamâs face fell instantly pale, and you saw how he sucked in a breath for a split second.
You peaked over his shoulder, as he was impossibly tall, to see the guy standing in front of Liam, and you saw, hands down, the most intimidating man you had ever seen in your life.
In the most arousing way, for some strange reason.
The guyâs face flinched just a split second as well, and you didnât got to read the looks in their eyes before Liam gave his full name to the man and rushed away, looking back at you and winking an eye before stepping into the parapet.
The weather outside had to be fucked up today, seems like your sister had done a really good job cursing that necklace.
âName?â The intimidatingly hot guy asked, and you took your eyes away from the blond hair of Liam to set it on the guyâs onyx eyes.
Your eyes couldnât help but drift to the tattoo peaking out of his shirt.
âLast chance to take a step back,â the dark-haired guy, the Marked One, said.
Through your mind crossed every passive aggressive word your sisters had said, the look of disappointment in your parents eyes when you told them you would not become a Healer. And then, before you could stop your mouth or think outside your pride:
âY/N Y/L,â you replied, sucking in a breath.
The guy nodded slightly, and the other guy beside him wrote your name on the list he was trying to protect from the rain.
âGood luck,â you saw sincerity in his harsh onyx eyes, and with one last nervous, but thankful smile, you turned around from him.
You took a deep breath, braced yourself, and stepped onto the parapet.
âŠ
You were so close, so so close, you could already see the end of the parapet, feel it, yet the wind was making those last steps harder than the whole way.
Liamâs blonde, wet hair was the first thing you noticed, then his encouraging smile, and then his hopeful eyes.
He stood near the entrance, as ifâŠas if waiting for you.
When you arched your brows slightly, and he deepened his smile, you confirmed it; he was waiting for you.
âYou did it, seems no curse is strong enough to stop you,â when you finally stepped into safety, his words were the first thing that greeted you.
With the inicial panic, and overall fear of the parapet finally over, after you gave your name to the girl with the beautiful red hair, you were able to take him in completely. And Holy Gods, your mouth went instantly dry at how gorgeous that man was.
His intense blue eyes, his white sideways smile, his ruffled and wet blond hair, his wide, big shoulders and muscular arms, his heightâŠGods he was tall. AndâŠand that rebellion relic. You hadnât seen it before, hadnât noticed it at the beginning of his wrist and disappearing under his sleeve.
He noticed your eyes lingering on it, and his cocky demeanor immediately changed into an uncomfortable one. You hadnât meant to make him uncomfortable, itâs just that you had never interacted this much with Marked One, your parents had always told you Marked Ones were awful people, rude and brutal and violent and dangerous. But this guy had been the opposite to all those words they had used to describe him. It didnât surprise you tho, that your parents had only been full of venom and no truth at all.
Then you started laughing, out of the blue. You just laughed out laud, making everyone around you turn to look at you as if you had grown another head. You may as well have, for how insane you were looking right now.
âIâm sorry,â you tried to say over your laughter. âIâm sorry, I justâŠIâŠâ But you couldnât stop laughing.
Liam raised an eyebrow in utter bafflement, but his lips slightly twitched upwards in amusement when you couldnât help but put a hand on his chest to support your shaking body.
He laughed slightly with you then, your laughter being contagious, and both of you laughed with everyone around you starting to worry you had already lost your marbles.
âIâm sorry, itâs justâŠoh, my mother is going to have a heart attack,â you laughed, tears already streaming down your face. âAnd my sisters, good Gods, my sisters are gonna choke in their gasps!â
âAre you ok?â Liam asked with amusement, raising a blond eyebrow.
âI did it!â You beamed.
âYou did,â he nodded.
âI did!â
You had survived the parapet, you had actually survived. And it felt so damned good.
âHere, I cleaned the bad vibes for you,â Liam took out your sisterâs necklace and gave it to you.
You thanked him, and sighed while looking at the horrible thing.
âAt least weâll know how to recognize your body with this,â those had been your sisterâs words, accompanied with faked sorrow and a quick hug.
You looked at Liam with a smile, and then turned around, walking again towards the edge of the end of the parapet and tossed the damned thing out.
âIt can rot in hell, for all I care,â you said going back to Liamâs side, and sighing with deep relief.
Liam laughed, and you both made your way to where cadets were being gathered now.
Your new life started right here and right now, and you couldnât have been more grateful than to start it with a mischievously handsome new friend.
âŠ
âOuch!â you complained as the healer cleaned your bloodied lip.
âSorry,â the tiny guy apologized, and you sighed as he continued to clean one of your many wounds.
The mat had been brutal today, probably the most brutal youâve had so far. Ivana Harlow was a ruthless, massively tall girl who had already killed two of her opponents on the mat, and today, she had almost kicked your ass back to your motherâs womb as well. Luckily for you, Liam had taught you just the right way to break someoneâs leg, and even tho every inch of your body was in pain right now, at least your pride was intact.
âWhere is she? Is she ok? Can you please let me see her?â A voice you had grown to know so well spoke behind the closed door of the treating room.
You tried to stand from the stretcher, but your body instantly protested in waves of intense pain that made you moan.
âTold you to stay still,â the healer warned you, and you huffed and ok.
The door flew open seconds later, and an extremely concerned looking Liam entered with panted breaths.
âAre you ok?â He sighed in partial relief when he saw you awake, and you tried to smile without a grimace to calm his worries down.
âIâm fine.â
âSheâs not,â the healer answered, and you shot him a look that he ignored.
âSheâs not?â Liamâs worry came back in a second.
âI am,â you said again, but he was now not paying attention to you but to the healer.
âShe has a broken rib.â
âNothing a mender canât fix,â you tried to say to calm Liam a little, but his face had already gone pale.
âAnd a broken ankle.â
âAgain, a mender.â
âAnd her stomach was one punch away from bleeding out internally.â
âBut it did not happen!â
âAnd-â
âAnd can you stop? Before he passes out,â you signaled Liam with your head, who looked so pale you started to worry he may replace you in this stretcher.
âIâll leave you two,â the healer said, disposing of the bloodied cotton with which he had been cleaning the blood off your lip. âDonât try to stand up,â he warned you with an accusatory finger, and you only nodded and murmured your thanks.
When it was only you and Liam in the treating room, you smiled at him.
âIâm fine, I am,â he sighed and rubbed his eyes, approaching you with a frown of worry in his beautiful face.
âWhen Ridoc went to look for me and told me Ivana had left you passed out I ran here. I shouldâve been there, Iâm sorry,â you shook your head and went to grab his hands with yours.
âYou had other things to do, besides, Ridocâs an overly dramatic idiot, I didnât pass out. Besides, you wouldâve been proud, I broke that bitchâs leg after she broke my rib,â Liam finally laughed slightly, and you smiled at the sound.
âI am proud,â your smile turned into a slight blush, and he let go of one of your hands to take it to your cheek and softly, being extra careful not to touch the red spots that were already turning purple, rubbed sweet circles in it.
âThank you, for what you taught me,â you said to fill that beating gap in your chest that was making it really hard to breath.
Youâve been lately feeling that way around Liam, specially since heâd been changed to the Flame Section, and youâve stopped seeing each other as much since then. But every chance he got, he looked for you, and you were grateful he hadnât yet forgotten about you.
But now every time you got together was even more special than the last one, every training session or glance across the dinning room or time together during class. It hadnât been until you stoped having him next to you every time that you started noticing the effects of his absence. You missed him more than you thought you would, and you realized you probably liked him more than you thought you did.
It was complicated, he was your friend, and there were yet a lot of things he hid from you, you knew for the way he stoped himself while speaking sometimes or avoided certain topics.
âYou donât have to thank me, Y/N, you know I would do anything toâŠâ Again, as he now usually did, he stoped himself.
âTo what?â
He didnât answer, only stared into your eyes with his deep blue ones. Every time he looked at you, you felt like you could drown in his ocean eyes and you wouldnât mind one bit. But you couldnât explain that, because he was your friend, and nothing else. Or at least he had never hinted he would be up to being something else at all, and youâd seen him flirt, a lot.
âLiam, to what?â You insisted a little more, and when he lowered his head, you released his hand and moved your head away from his other hand.
âTo keep you safe, Y/N, I would to anything to keep you safe.â
You stared at him with an open mouth, not knowing exactly what to say, or think of his words. He looked so unlike him with his serious expression and tormented gaze, you couldnât help but to grab his hand and squeeze it.
âI know,â you murmured in a low, much rasp voice you thought you had at the moment.
âYou scared the shit out of me,â he got closer to you, drawing circles in the back of your hand with his thumb, and making your heart stupidly speed up.
âI know, Iâm sorry,â he wasnât looking up from your hands, but he got slowly closer to you until your legs instinctively parted to let him get between them.
âShe couldâve killed you, she has already killed opponents,â his other hand went to cup your cheek again, and you felt how the air got trapped on your throat as his intense blue eyes met yours.
âBut she didnât.â
âYou broke her leg,â he stroke your cheek delicately, and you couldnât help but to close your eyes and lean into his sweet touch.
âI did,â you confirmed with a devilish grin, and Liam let out a shaky breath, like he was too having trouble breathing this close to you.
âGods, Y/N, I canât believe youâre doing this to me.â
You arched your eyebrows in confusion and pursed your lips, unable to think with clarity at all.
âWhat? What am I doing now?â
Then Liam backed away from you, so far that you couldnât reach him now. Suddenly you felt too cold, too unprotected of the harsh breeze that went between you two. You were absolutely confused and out of words, his eyes now didnât let out a single feeling for you to try to read, and before you could get words out of your already opened mouth, he spoke.
âGet some rest, the mender should be here in no time,â and just like that, he was gone.
What the actual fuck. You asked yourself as you stared at the door with an astonished expression, and a disappointed, turned-down heart.
âŠ
You were fine now, after a week of rest, the pain had completely disappeared, and your energy was back at the top as you excitedly tied the laces of your riding boots, getting ready to finally be able to go on a ride without the ultimate danger of your pain making it way too difficult to hold on. It had been Luainthr, your dragon, who suggested you didnât step a foot on one of his scales before you fully recover. He had been worried for you, even if he wouldnât straightforwardly say it.
The door of your bedroom sounded with three simple knocks, and so you strapped your last dagger on your boot before you stood up from your bed and walked towards the door.
Once open, Liamâs tall frame and beautiful eyes looked down to yours, and you abstained yourself from frowning as he took a deep, nervous breath.
You hadnât seen him since that day in the treating room, when he had you left so abruptly with a knot on your heart and head.
âLiam, what-â
âI made you this,â he didnât even let you finish speaking when he handed you a little wood-carved necklace.
You almost gasped at the beauty of the hand made magnolia.
Your favorite flower.
âLiam, this isâŠâ You looked up at him with stars of gratitude shining in your eyes, making him smile as well. âBeautiful, absolutely beautiful. Thank you.â
âYouâre welcome. To replace the cursed one, I guess,â you couldnât help but laugh while putting on the beautiful necklace.
Magnolias symbolized endurance and perseverance, both things you had clung onto so tightly since you got here. In one of your late night talks, you had told Liam about your love for magnolias, you hadnât thought, tho, that he remembered up till now.
âLiamâŠâ You said with a sigh, watching as his shoulders were tense and he sucked in a breath, there was something bothering him, you saw how his blue eyes mimicked a relentless ocean and knew immediately something was up with him. âWhat are you doing here?â
âIâm sorry,â he said with a sigh, finally getting something he apparently really needed out of his chest. âFor how I left the other day, and for not coming to visit you. Iâm sorry, Y/N.â
âWhy did you leave like that?â He looked away from you, only giving you more reasons to be curious. âLiam, what is it?â
âBecauseâŠâ He blurted out, seeming to struggle with his words.
Watching Liam flustered like this was something you had never expected to see. He was overly confident, cocky. He flirted his way out and in of everything. He was the best cadet in your year, the best fighter, simply; the best. But here he was, at your door, all flustered and appearing to be a wreck of nerves.
âBecause I had to leave you,â there was a certain pain in his eyes that made you feel a crush in your own heart.
âWhy?â Your voice was more of a whisper than you anticipated.
âBecause I didnât wanted to kiss you when you were like that, and I desperately wanted to.â
The words struck late in your head, and your eyes widened as they finally did.
You saw it then, how he so desperately wanted to kiss you now too, but you hadnât said it yet. That you wanted it just as bad.
So you grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and dragged him inside your room, closing your door with your boot before you pushed your lips to his.
His hands wrapped around your waist immediately as yours grabbed both sides of his face. And the most wild, desperate kiss you had ever given took all the rational thoughts completely out of your head.
âFucking hell, Y/N,â he moaned in a rasp voice when you both needed some desperate air, nipping your lower lip and making you moan as well.
âTook you long enough,â your voice was just as shaky and out breath when you spoke.
Liam smiled in your mouth, and kissed you deeply again, once, twice, grabbing the back of your neck and tilting your head up, stroking gently but somewhat so possessively your jaw.
âIt sure as hell did,â his low voice sent a shiver down your entire body, the sound reverberating in yours, causing heat to rush from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, curling them up, and building an insufferable pulse between your legs.
And he made sure to make up for all that time after that, bringing you to the depths of a pleasure you never thought possible before you had him worshiping every inch of your body.
Lipstick, heels, and jewelry - all the accessories you needed to pull tonightâs outfit together. This was the first time in a while that you had been able to just go out and spend a night with your family. With Mor and Amren out on missions, you had planned to just spend the night with your boys getting very drunk and dancing. Ritaâs dancefloor hadnât seen the type of action you had planned in decades.
You touched up your makeup and gave yourself a once-over in the mirror before leaving your room and heading towards the living room right on time.
Unfortunately, you were greeted by your three stubborn bats who were decidedly not dressed appropriately for a night of good old-fashioned drunken revelry. You marched up to them with your hands on your hips and huffed, âOh by the Cauldron, what the hell is this? Why are you not ready?â.Â
Cassian threw back his head and barked out a laugh while Rhys threw a placating, courtly smile your way to appease you. âWe figured it might be a better idea to keep the party here, canât have you getting distracted by any pretty fae while weâre supposed to be spending time together.â, Rhys added a playful wink. You rolled your eyes and pouted your lips at the dig at your tendency to wander while out with them.Â
âAnd you couldnât have told me this before I got all dressed up?â, you questioned him with a seething glare.
To your left, Azriel shifted in his place on the couch and his eyes grazed up and down your firm before a smirk settled on his face. âWell then you would be here all pretty and dolled up for, now would you?â His heated gaze caused a rosy blush to sit on your cheeks as his hand slid up your thigh to play with the hem of your dress that conveniently ended right under the curve of your ass.Â
Before you had a chance to retort, his rough palms gripped your waist and pulled you down onto the couch next to him with your legs draped over his lap. Cassian and Rhys shared a humorous eye roll, knowing how close you and Azriel are - often not seeing one without the other. Whether they picked up on the thinly veiled sexual tension between you two, you werenât sure.Â
Rhys placed a warm hand on your knee before standing up. âRelax, princess. Iâll break out the good wine and you donât even have to pay for it.âÂ
You rolled your eyes and whispered under your breath as he sauntered over to the wine cellar, âNot like you werenât going to pay for it anyway.â
As Azriel wrapped a strong arm around your waist and pulled you into his side, you felt Rhys slip into your mind.Â
I heard that, darling.Â
You lightly chuckled and smiled to yourself before commenting with a sarcastic tone lacing your words.
You were meant to, my Lord.
Rhys speedily returned with copious amounts of wine and 4 glasses. Hours later and multiple glasses later, you found yourself quite tipsy and giggly. You were still nestled into Azrielâs side. When Cassian started to recount one of your most recent escapades at Ritaâs, you blushed madly and curled to hide your face and embarrassed laughter into Azâs chest.Â
You felt Azrielâs small snicker through his chest, âCâmon Cass, Iâm sure that she doesnât remember that moment quite as fondly as you do.â You peeked your head out and started to lazily stretch out of his hold.Â
âTo be fair Cass, he was quite pretty. You couldâve done without hitting him.â Cassian beamed over at you, completely unaffected by you chastising him.Â
âWhoâs going to defend your honor if we donât? People have to know who you belong to after all.â, he added with a wink.Â
You scoffed as you hopped off the couch. As you headed to the kitchen for a snack, you made sure to ruffle Cassianâs hair on the way, âI think we both know I can handle myself, General.âÂ
He made sure to call out to you before you disappeared into the kitchen, âJust because you can, sweetheart, doesnât mean you should have to.â
You returned from the kitchen having peeled an orange and shared it with your boys before sitting back down on Azriel with your legs stretched over Rhysâ lap. Rhys gripped your ankles before glancing over at you with a mischievous smirk, âI have an idea - let's play Truth or Dare, or well Truth or Drink I guess.â Despite knowing they were likely just going to joke around, you had a bad feeling.
After a few rounds where you all got progressively more drunk, you had pretty much lost all propriety and common sense. So much so that you didnât even mind when the questions started to take an erotic turn.Â
Rhys proposed a question to all of you - âSo sexually speaking, whatâs something youâre not willing to do.âÂ
Everyone shared a look before simultaneously laughing. âHey! Iâm serious, Iâm just curious.â, Rhys managed to get out through a sea of snickers.Â
You werenât planning on answering but you figured you couldnât embarrass yourself more than you already had. You always thrived well within chaos. âWell, me personally, Iâm not a big fan of being told what to do.âÂ
A beat of silence passed as the boys shared a look with each other. Another mute moment, it seemed that they were talking without you. You scooched back on Azrielâs lap, completely missing the strangled groan you tore from his lungs, âYou know, itâs not quite nice to leave someone out of a conversation in front of them. Care to clue a lady in?âÂ
Azriel pulled you back to his chest with one arm before pulling your hair back and whispering in your ear. âLetâs be serious now, love. We all know that you can be a good girl for the right person.âÂ
Your eyes fluttered shut as he started to kiss and nip down your neck. Your breath hitched as you tried to collect your thoughts. âAz, wha-what are you doing?âÂ
He smirked as he sucked a bruise into the crook of your neck. âCalm down, little one. Iâm sure they donât care, do you boys?â At Azrielâs subtle nudge, Rhys slid over on the couch, throwing one leg over the arm. Cassian laid back in his armchair, preparing for whatever the hell Azriel had planned.Â
Azriel picked you up and sat you back down on the couch. He sat on the other arm of the couch and placed a hand on your back to steady himself. His other hand came up to your jaw and angled your head up toward him, âNow, if you can be a good girl, then I think we can all have some fun, yeah?â You looked up into the sea of greens and browns in front of you and quickly nodded your head.Â
Azriel rubbed his thumb over your lower lip before leaning down and kissing you. Your stomach leaped up to your chest as you melted into him. His tongue slipped into your mouth as a hand tangled in your hair. You were utterly distracted by everything Azriel was giving you and you didnât even notice that Rhys was inching closer and closer to you. Your breath hitched in your throat as Rhysâ hand slid up your bare thigh and up towards your hip.Â
One of Rhysâ hands rested on your stomach while the other went up to your neck. He gently pulled you away from Azriel and caught your attention. His violet eyes sparked at the blissed look on your face and your puffy lips. âDo you trust us, darling?â, he softly spoke as his hand wrapped in your hair.Â
âOf course, Rhys.â, you whispered while getting lost in his eyes. He quickly picked you up and moved to place you on the chaise lounge next to the couch.Â
Rhys kneeled next to you, âMake sure to let us know if anything makes you feel uncomfortable or if itâs too much.â. He leaned in to kiss you as you hummed in agreement. One hand slipped around to your back and started to unzip your dress and it fell down around you.
You felt like you had stepped into an alternate dimension, there was no way that this was happening. An hour ago, you had been having a good time with your best friends and now all three of them were about to fuck you. And you were definitely going to let them.
You were pulled out of your internal monologue by the chilled wind against you. Only a sheer black slip covering your chest and barely reaching past your ass. A rosy blush stained your cheeks as you glanced at the boys, all of them seemingly distracted by you. âFor the record, Iâm feeling quite alone over here. Are you all just going to stare at me or get on with it?â.
Rhys darkly chuckled next to you before pulling your hair back to arch your neck. He snapped his fingers and misted their clothes into the void, leaving all of them in their undershorts. âBetter?â, his hand lightly traced down your bare arm.
You looked up at him and smirked, âMuch.â While you had intended to keep his attention, you found yourself distracted by how clearly you could see all three of them and the evident bulges under their shorts.Â
Cassian slowly rose from his spot on the armchair across from you, where he had been watching all of this play out. He sauntered over to stand in front of you. He sweetly smiled but you could see the mischief hiding within his gaze. He grasped your ankle and pulled you forward so only your torso was lying on the lounge. The slip you were wearing floated up to barely cover your breasts. He smirked at you before slowly sinking down with his face in between your thighs.Â
He took his time and teasingly placed searing open-mouth kissing up your legs. He hiked your legs on top of his shoulders before placing a teasing kiss on your clit. Before you could take a breath, he gripped your thighs and dove into your wet pussy - licking up your arousal. You threw your head back and writhed on the chair at the much-needed stimulation.Â
You pushed yourself up to lean back on your forearms. Rhys tugged the slip off of you and immediately started to kiss your neck, working his way down to your nipples. You were already seeing stars and could barely pay attention. Azriel appeared next to you, twirling your hair around his fingers as one of his shadows came to float around your neck and shoulders. âYou enjoying yourself, love?â.
The touch grounded you and you smiled up at him, taking your time grazing your eyes up his body. Your soft palm grasped his thigh and inched up to his hips. You brushed over his bulge and he let out a low groan as you gripped his hard cock through his shorts. He bit his lip at the wicked look in your eyes and tugged on your hair, âYou want more, baby? So needy.â
You licked your lips before looking back up at him, âWell you canât just stand there and tease me and not expect me to act on it.â You gripped the waistband of his shorts and slowly tugged them down, revealing his obscenely large cock. You tentatively wrapped your hand around it and gave it a few testing strokes. You were already on the verge of drooling just at the thought of having his cock in your mouth.
His hand replaced yours and angled your mouth over towards him. You reached out and took the weeping head into your mouth. The hiss he released sounded like music to your ears. You quickly gained confidence and took more and more of his heavy cock into your mouth, tongue swirling around him. Azrielâs grip on your hair tightened, you could tell he was holding back.
Once you were comfortable with the sheer size of his member, you looked up into his eyes and nodded. He placed another hand along your jaw and the side of your neck. You relaxed your jaw as he started to slowly thrust into your mouth. While you did have to keep yourself from gagging, the sensual feeling of his cock dragging in and out of your lips sent a new wave of arousal right to your center.Â
You moaned around his cock as you felt Cass thrust two fingers into your wet cunt as he wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked harshly. The constant stimulation was almost too much - Az in your mouth, Rhys playing with your tits, and Cass sucking your soul out through your soaked center. You could all hear how wet you were, quickly barrelling towards your release.Â
Azriel gently wrapped a hand around your throat, âFuck baby, youâre so wet for us. You ready to cum for us?â Your eyes fluttered as your mind started to go fuzzy. It took all of your energy to look up at him and nod. He started to buck his hips into you harder, seeing how much it turned you on to let him use your mouth. This finally pushed you over the edge, clenching around Cassianâs fingers and whimpering around Azrielâs cock.Â
Azriel made sure to gently wipe the tears from your cheeks while he worked you through your orgasm. However, you werenât given much time to recover when Cass and Rhys switched places - Cassian kissing up and down your torso while Rhys positioned himself between your legs. Rhys gripped the base of his cock and ran the head through your soaked folds. He stepped closer to you and easily slipped into your messy cunt.Â
The addicting stretch already had you nearing the edge again. Rhys firmly gripped your leg and tossed it over his shoulder, reveling at the new angle. He slowly groaned at the tight grip your pussy had on him as he fucked into you.Â
Azriel glanced down at his brother roughly fucking you and started to feel himself getting close. He slowed down his thrusts and gingerly pushed his cock farther down until it brushed against the back of your throat, coaxing a shaky moan out of him. âThatâs it, baby girl. Youâre doing such a good job, taking us all so well, just like that.âÂ
Rhys lowly growled before kissing and biting into the skin on your knee to muffle his groans. You tightened around his cock, feeling him twitch and start to spill into you - his warm cum filling you up and making you groan around Azrielâs cock as your second orgasm crashed into you.Â
Az suddenly stilled and pulled back so the tip of his cock rested on your tongue. A whiny groan was the only notice you got before he released in your mouth. You slowly sucked his cock, pulling him through his orgasm. He finally pulled out of you, letting your jaw rest.
âOpen your mouth, baby.â. Your jaw dropped open, showing him his cum sitting on your tongue. He smirked before grasping your face and spitting your mouth. He tilted your chin up as you swallowed all of his release. He leaned down and kissed you, tasting himself on your tongue. âI told you you could be a good girl, didnât I?â.
WARNINGS: 18+, mentions of sex, jealousy-schemes, depictions of violence, blood, angst, fluff, Roman using his powers for no good as always
summary: many questions have been left unanswered-- was Roman really going to take revenge on the girls that hurt you, and would the avalanche of events lead him to finally tell you the words you've longing to hear?
word count: 9,208 (holy fuck)
PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5
a/n: celebrating 400 followers (???) with an extra long chapter!! thank you all again for the support of this series!! all the comments have warmed my heaaarttt omg hope you enjoy!!!<3333 love u!!
Roman had always been highly unpredictable-- but this, I should've expected.
My hands trembled as I reached for the brand new phone in my locker, realizing he had bought me the most recent model he could find. As I picked it up, I slowly pried away the attached post-it note;
taking care of things - the one thing I do well
Knowing I had asked him not to do this, I could only sigh as I tucked my new phone away in my pocket. The day had certainly started on an odd note, but my main concern wasn't this-- it was rather the question of what Roman had done after he stormed away from my house that kept my mind occupied.Â
Roman could be scary, and I was aware of this. But gifting me a brand new phone for several hundred dollars? It just proved I could never foresee his next moves. This only made me more anxious to learn why he had left my place in such a hurry shortly after seeing the cuts Jasmine had left on the back of my hands.Â
As I closed the door to my locker, a group of girls passed me, their whispers catching my attention. I turned around, ready to face off with another group of bitches just like yesterday, all until I realized what they were whispering about. It wasn't me.Â
I followed their gazes which were focused on something further down the hall, and it was at this moment that I spotted the man who hadn't answered any of my panicked messages or calls-- instead, he stood talking to Jasmine.Â
Thankfully, it seemed to be quite a heated conversation, unlike how he usually spoke to girls. Roman's brows were drawn together in anger, nearing her slowly in his typical tactic of intimidation, clearly telling her off; I stood frozen by my locker, not bothering to suppress my growing smile at the sight. My stomach fluttered with warmth as I realized that he was standing up for me.
... However, my smile quickly faltered as I caught the change in Jasmine's face. Her lips had been pursed, her finger had been drawn forward to point at him in defense, but her whole fight-back demeanor faded within the snap of a second. It was as though she lost all the blood in her face, eyes not blinking as they met Roman's intense gaze-- everything about her state reminded me of mine yesterday, when I suddenly couldn't control my own words when I looked into his eyes and he interrogated me about my wounds.Â
I couldn't deny how dangerous Roman looked, watching as he told her one last, short thing, before harshly nudging her shoulder and disappearing out of view.
Jasmine stood by her locker, completely frozen. I wondered whether she was still breathing, all until she finally moved. She slowly turned to stare into her reflection in the mirror she had hung up on her locker, still not blinking.Â
I didn't think I could shriek the way I did-- the extent of my voice was something I discovered as Jasmine unexpectedly slammed her head against the mirror, a loud thud echoing through the hall.Â
I wasn't the only one who had been caught by surprise, and I watched the people around her jump away in a mix of both fear and shock.Â
Jasmine didn't look like herself; her eyes were dull, hollow, as she brought her head to her locker once more, now leaving bloody cracks in the mirror.Â
I recognized Jasmine's posse of girls flocking to make their way through the crowds, and Letha appeared almost out of nowhere to grab her and pull her away from her locker. A shrill cry followed from Jasmine, who was clawing at Letha as though possessed. I watched as she fought, yelled-- I couldn't look at it anymore. I couldn't look at the tiny trickle of blood running down her nose, similar to Roman yesterday, or the small shards of glass she had managed to get lodged into her forehead.Â
I turned away, clasping a hand over my mouth as I squeezed my eyes shut; something told me that the sight of the whole thing would burn itself into my mind forever.
ïœĄïŸâąâàšâĄà§ââą ïœĄïŸ
Oh, how right I was. I kept replaying the whole scene, but I had oddly enough fixated on something that wasn't the blood-- suddenly, my mind kept replaying how ridiculously hot Roman looked leaned over Jasmine with his intense, big eyes.Â
I did my best not to think too much about it. IÂ couldn't;Â it all brought back thoughts of how soft his lips were against mine.
Speaking of Roman, I didn't expect to talk to him at all today. He still hadn't answered any of my messages, so I assumed he needed time away to cool off. Â However, I knew I had him cornered when I accidentally walked into the chemistry lab, catching him in the middle of... an experiment?
This was certainly a new side of Roman which I hadn't seen before-- I had never seen him do anything school-related, as I had gathered he didn't care much for it from our study sessions at Letha's place before everything happened. But here he was, so consumed in whatever he was doing that he didn't acknowledge that I had closed the door, leaving us alone in a confined space.
I pressed my back against the cold door, watching him from afar. Something about how calm he was made me uneasy; why was he so focused? Roman, captivated by the small, compact container before him, kept his eyes on his work as he spoke; "Are you lost?"
My brows drew together as I watched him pour a liquid gel into the container which contained what looked like blood-- he was so meticulous that it gave me an inkling that he had done this several times before. "No," I mumbled, clearing my throat as I fought my queasiness at the sight of his experiment. "What are you doing?"
Roman barely reacted to my question, busy with putting the container into a machine nearby. "Genetic testing,"
"Since when do you know how to do that?"
Annoyed by my continuous interruptions, Roman's gloved hand put the blood-box into the machine and pressed a button to start it, finally looking up to meet my nervous, flickering gaze. "You certainly have a lot of questions today," he huffed, adjusting his protective glasses. "My turn. How are your hands?"
I suddenly became very aware of the cuts on the back of my hands, and my eyes diverted down to watch my thumbs nervously brush over my wounded skin. "They'll heal. I'm not too worried about it," My next inquiry was one I was wary to say, but it became obvious to me that I had to; "I'm more worried about why you stormed off like that last night."
Roman didn't move a muscle, watching me with a blank look on his face. "You told me to go,"
"Come on," I was reminded of what my state had led me to yesterday; the way I wanted to push Roman away, to never see him again. But here I was, standing before him with no greater wish than to run to him. "I was worried sick that you'd do something... You looked like you were ready to kill someone." It was at this moment that I dared to look back at him and suddenly caught a glimpse of the hickey I had left on the side of his throat-- I immediately felt a familiar warmth creep up my cheeks, leaving me with a flustered, reddening expression on my face. "What did you do?"
Roman tilted his head to the side, scanning my state. "I haven't done anything--"
"Then why did you?--"
"Major," Roman bit down on his lower lip, trying to suppress his shameless grin. The familiar spark in his green eyes returned, and I could see it perfectly clear through his protective gear-- no matter how worried his words made me, that look never failed to make the butterflies in my stomach explode all over the place.Â
I had to pull myself together, but my voice came out frail and shaky; "You're kidding, right?"
I recognized Roman's wish to remain reactionless and the way he fought the rounding out of his big, green eyes. It seemed to dawn on him that I was genuinely concerned. "... Sure. But what did you think of what happened this morning with Jasmine?"
"What?" That was certainly unexpected-- "Why?" I wanted to ask what he had said to her, but something told me he wouldn't tell me the truth about it anyway. Instead, I opted to find comfort in the fact that he had confronted her for my sake.Â
Roman shrugged before his attention moved back to the machine. It was beeping rather obnoxiously, a sound impossible to ignore. He got back to work, pressing a few buttons here and there; "Just wondering. Did it not make you feel good to see her like that?"
I couldn't put my finger on why he was asking these peculiar questions. "Well... No? I was mostly scared. I've never seen anyone have a nervous breakdown before, and I didn't expect something like that to happen to Jasmine,"
"Nervous breakdown," Roman echoed, checking some numbers he had written down on a sheet nearby. Something told me he was upset I wasn't over the moon about it. "Don't you feel like she deserved it?"
It was mind-boggling to hear him talk like this, with such nonchalance about a girl slamming her head bloody-- I had suppressed the memory of this side of him. The inclination to anything pain-related, the scorching look of amusement in his green eyes at the sight of my flaring anxiety, and the infamous fucking needles. How he had gotten hard when seeing how scared I was when we hid from Letha on our first date.Â
I hated every reminder of this side of Roman. Hated it.Â
"I don't think anyone deserves to be driven to that," I mumbled, picking at my nails out of nervous habit. "I didn't know she was dealing with anything that would lead her to do that. Maybe that's why she acted out yesterday? I hope that's the reason, and not because Letha sent her to do it... " With a sigh, I brought my hands up to rub my temples. "It was so damn scary... The whole thing. And ever since, my head has been hurting like crazy."
Taking in the silence that ensued, Roman tapped the spot next to him on the counter--Â come here.
I held my breath as I made my way over with shy steps, hoisting myself up on the cold surface. I watched as Roman removed his gloves along with the protective glasses, now reaching forward to part my legs and make space for himself between them. He listened to the hitch of my breath as he laid his hands on my hips, his calculated gaze scanning mine whilst pulling me towards him.Â
By instinct, I rested my hands on his broad shoulders, taking in the moment our breaths became shared. Right now, it was impossible to believe that I had made the wrong choice in choosing him over my friendship with Letha-- something about the tenderness with which he was touching me, told me he was changing right before my eyes.Â
With baby steps, of course.
Roman seemed to be taking pity on my state, softly nudging his upturned nose against mine. "Try not to think about it too much," he breathed, watching as I closed my eyes to savour the moment. "Trust that I know how to take care of this."
No, no, no-- "Please don't say that," I pulled away, my hands slowly reaching for his face, searching for the intent behind his eyes. "I know you well enough to know that you're capable of things I don't want to get into, and honestly? You scare me when you say shit like that."
Roman's brows drew together in a troubled look; "I scare you?"
"Yeah," I breathed, stroking my thumbs across his cheeks. "You and your infamous needles and stuff."
A drawn-out groan ensued-- "Again with the fucking needles!--"
"Roman!" My grip on his face hardened in an attempt to keep his focus. I watched his green eyes widen, clearly not used to being handled like that. "Whatever it is, please snap out of it! You can't even tell me that you're into me, but you're ready to go back to being all dark, and for what? My honour?"
Something in Roman's eyes changed-- For once in his life, he was stunned, unable to utter a proper response.Â
Overcome by a newfound sense of confidence in his unproclaimed feelings for me, I gently twisted my fingers into the nape of his neck, pulling him in for a soft kiss. Roman let out a relieved sigh against my lips, his grip on my hips tightening as he moved me closer to the edge of the counter, closer to him.Â
It took a lot of willpower to disconnect our kiss, the warmth of his touch luring me in. "I'm serious," I said, nudging his nose as I felt his breath hot against my upper lip. "I can stand up for myself--"
"Shut up," Roman's lips came crashing against mine with a hunger I hadn't expected, especially knowing we could be walked in on at any moment. But I gave in, letting his greedy hands travel further to grab my ass, pressing me against him as his tongue moved softly against mine.Â
Usually, I'd taste the hints of his cinnamon cigarettes, but today there was nothing-- I knew he didn't smoke the days he knew he had to be focused. There wasn't much time to ponder why, especially now that our kiss heated further.
As I felt Roman drive his teeth into my lower lip, I could only whimper against him. My grip on his hair tightened in an attempt to pull him even closer, but the sharp sting of the tug only fueled Roman's obvious growing need for more.Â
It was building in me as well-- in my anxious daze, I had forgotten how good it felt to feel him against me. How thrilling every touch, every kiss, every little breath was. And if anyone had told me a month ago that Roman Godfrey would be grabbing my ass in the chemistry lab, I would've probably fainted; which I struggled not to do right now.
And I knew we would've gone further, beyond all restrictions and rules of the school, had the door not opened with a loud creak.
Squeaking, I pushed Roman away out of pure instinct. He didn't go very far, feet planted to the ground, as his hands trailed down to rest comfortably at my thighs when he met the eyes of the intruder of our moment.
Letha still held onto the doorknob as though her life depended on it, knuckles nearly turning white at the sheer force-- she inhaled sharply, not yet able to exhale.Â
I felt like an icicle, frozen by fear on the counter after meeting the eyes of my ex-best friend. Roman's hands on my thighs burned, the realization of being caught in such a compromising position making me want to burst into flames like the witches of Salem.Â
Roman took the lead, catching onto the intense staring-contenst which ensued between me and his cousin; "Did you need anything?" he asked, gaze hardening.Â
Letha cleared her throat, letting go of the door. I couldn't help but notice the slight shake of her hands. "I need to talk to you, Ro,"Â
"I don't want to talk,"Â
She sighed, visibly fed up with her stubborn cousin; "We didn't finish this conversation yesterday. Don't act like we're not still talking because she's here,"
Oh? I held my breath, my nervous gaze moving to Roman. He remained unfazed, but the minuscule twitch of his eye revealed that he didn't enjoy that information being aired out. "What do you want?"
"To talk. It's important," Letha glanced at me once more, an unintelligible emotion glossing over her eyes as she looked back at me; "Could you please leave?"
It took a few seconds before I realized she was talking to me. The coldness in her voice broke my heart all over-- I didn't have the energy to fight her. Uncomfortable and mortified by the situation, I nodded to myself before sliding off the counter, Roman's hand never leaving me. He now held onto my arm, not letting me gi just yet. Leaning down to my level, he made sure he had my attention before he spoke in a hushed tone; "My number is already in your phone. Give me a text when you're free for lunch,"
My heart leaped up into the air as Roman pressed his lips against my forehead, the sincerity of the gesture flustering me beyond any previous point-- it was especially meaningful now that he did it in front of Letha. Realizing there was no going back, I got up on my toes to give him a short, soft kiss, feeling the plushness of his lips against mine before making my way to the door.
Passing Letha might've taken less than a second, but it felt like hours. I felt her green eyes burn into me, a sense of shock apparent in her body. We exchanged a short look, and I wondered whether I imagined the look of longing that so clearly streaked across her face; I didn't allow myself to dwell on it.
After closing the door behind me, I realized I had been holding my breath. I took a moment, regaining my composure before I got ready to kick off the door-- all until it dawned on me how clearly I could hear Letha's voice through the wall. My heart stopped, realizing I was about to do something I never thought I'd do; I pressed my ear against the door, mentally beating myself up for doing this.
"I see you guys are still getting along," Letha said, her fingers tapping against the door. "That's longer than any of the other friends you've stolen from me."
Roman groaned-- I didn't need to see him to know that he was rolling his eyes. "Get to the point,"
I drove my body closer to the door to hear them better, hearing Letha stepping away from the other side of it to come closer to her cousin. "Tell me why I had to drive Jasmine to school today because the wheels of her car had been punctured? Or even worse, how she got a note under her bedroom door saying she should watch her back?"
There was a long silence before Roman finally answered, a hint of humor in his voice; "... Maybe she should, then?--"
"Ro, you were in her house! Are you out of your mind?!"
As he groaned, I could almost see his usual annoyed stance and the way he grabbed the surface in front of him as his anger simmered to a boil. "Me? I would be more concerned about your own mind if I were you! Your cunt of a friend would've done it all again in a heartbeat if I hadn't scared her a little!"
Letha gasped; "What are you talking about? You have no right to call her a!--"
"That bitch hurt her!" Roman's fist came down against the counter, the thud making me jump away from the door. "Have you seen the state of her hands? How do you expect me to react when our petty bullshit comes down to this?!"Â
I imagined the stunned look across Letha's face, the way her eyes widened as her lips parted, unable to find the right words. Eventually, she spoke; "Jasmine did what?"
I pressed myself harder up against the door, closing my eyes as it dawned on me how concerned Letha sounded. Everything about it made my heart swell with hope-- this meant she hadn't been the one to send Jasmine and her girls. If anything, she sounded horrified about the ordeal.
"Yeah... She did. And when I talked to Jasmine this morning, she seemed quite proud of it. You should be damn happy I didn't kill her on the spot," I heard the humming of the blood machine starting again, along with the snapping of gloves being pulled back on, indicating that Roman was back to work. "But does Jasmine suspect it's me?" he asked, a certain nonchalance about him. "The car and all?"
Letha sighed, trying to contain her outbursts; "She has no idea. And now she's just rambling incoherent things after what happened this morning... I think she's concussed,"
A hum. "Good,"
I clasped a hand over my mouth to suppress a snort. Against my palm, I could feel my growing smile as I realized this confirmed that Roman wasn't motivated to take revenge on Jasmine to quench his thirst to cause fear, but that he cared for me.
He cared for me.
My smile only grew as I stepped away from the door-- He cared for me. He cared for me!
Now, what remained was for Roman to actually own up to it... And I realized I was grinning as the perfect idea of how to get it out of him came to mind. But my plans came to a hard stop when Letha's voice sounded through the door once more; "Whose blood are you using this time?" she joked, trying to lighten the mood. I grimaced as I walked back to the door; I felt bad listening in on their conversation. Still, I imagined Letha was pointing at the machine Roman was using, as it kept making noise.Â
"Jasmine's," Roman mumbled. "Got enough scraped off her locker to make a sample."
"Ro, that's not funny!--"
"Why haven't you girls made up yet?"
Letha sounded confused as she mentioned my name, not having foreseen the change of subject. "Are you seriously asking me that?"
"Yeah? It's getting annoying at this point. I thought this would blow over several weeks ago," With another loud beep, Roman stopped the machine. "She talks about you a lot. Gets all quiet when I tell her we're having family dinner at your house... And she still has a picture of you two by her bed."
"Oh, and how do you know that? Did you spot it one of the times you were reaching for the condoms on her nightstand?"
His breathing got harder, choppy, before his frustration sounded through his answer; "It's not like that,"
"Okay, then," Letha snorted, clearly not sold. "I'll put it simply for you. How would you feel if I fucked your best friend?"
"Ew, don't give me that mental image!--"
"Fuck you, just imagine a world where I would be enough of an asshole to do that! Imagine I slept with Peter. How would you feel?"
Roman took his time to answer, clearly flustered. "... I get it, okay? I get it!"Â
"No, you don't," I could almost see the way Letha now avoided his gaze. "But... did it have to be her? Why couldn't you mess around with anyone else, why did you choose the first girl I trusted to get close to me after you screwed all my other friends?"
Learning of his previous conquests with Letha's long line of friends made me sick, but I focused on the fact that Roman remained quiet. Honestly, I would've cut off my left arm in exchange for seeing him right now. I wondered whether he could meet her eyes or not, and whether he was defensive or anxious.Â
Eventually, Roman answered; "She... sees me. And she makes me feel good about myself. So I'm sorry your bitch-friend got hurt or whatever, but I'm just trying to return the favour,"
I had to do a lot to contain my instinctual jump of joy-- I was two seconds away from skipping down the hallway like a German child in a fairytale. Everything about this conversation made me want to squeal and melt into the door.Â
However, the other part of me hurt for Letha. Hurt for the girl who knew me better than anyone else, hurt for the first person to have shown me true friendship. I hoped that we could get together someday, to talk it out like people, and not like the two crazy families from Romeo and Juliet.Â
The rest of the conversation quickly became a childish spat similar to one between siblings-- I stepped away from the door, making sure to keep breathing.Â
The most important thing I gathered from that conversation was the fact that Roman saw me and that he definitely had feelings for me. However, I couldn't quite put my finger on why he couldn't say it to my face. If he was willing to go so far as to scare off Jasmine for my sake, why couldn't he look me in the eye and tell me what he truly felt about me? I knew it would make me feel much better to get his feelings for me confirmed-- the fact that he was evading it left me uneasy. Uncomfortable. And quite frankly, it only made me further insecure.
What if I had sacrificed my relationship with Letha for someone who would never commit to one with me?Â
My mind returned to the plan I previously made up with my ear pressed to the door; maybe Roman just needed a push in the right direction?
Either that, or I had been led on like the biggest idiot of the century.
I couldn't do this anymore--Â I needed to know.
ïœĄïŸâąâàšâĄà§ââą ïœĄïŸ
And so, it was all set in motion.Â
The first part of the plan was to find out whether it was necessary to have a plan at all. This, I decided to investigate in the backseat of Roman's car.Â
It used to be a place that I refused to step foot in after hearing of his cheerleader-conquests. However, right now, it was a place of comfort and peace; he had parked it somewhere desolate, per my request. My parents had gotten suspicious after hearing steps on the roof the other day, and were now watching the whole area around our house like hawks to spot any possible intruders. So, as I didn't want to be caught sneaking a boy into my room, I told Roman to get creative-- and he had hit the jackpot.
This summer night was nice and warm, and we lay curled up in the back of his car as we stared up at the starry sky; this was one of the perks of Roman's car having the function of pulling down the roof. He sat with his back against the car door, me between his legs with my head leaned on his shoulder, the both of us looking up at tonight's constellations decorating the darkness above.Â
"I'm not even going to act like I know what that one is," I mumbled, pointing up at the scatter of stars. I wrapped myself further up in his sweater, tracing patterns over the arm he had around me-- the night air was crisp, filled with the earthy scent of grass and the faintest hint of rain as my body filled with a certain satisfaction I hadn't felt in a while.
Roman chuckled, pressing a kiss against my cheek as his arm pulled my back flush against his chest. Like this, I could spot my hair ties still worn around his wrists. "It's the Little Bear constellation," he murmured, his long, slender fingers rubbing circles into my side. "See how it looks like a bear cub?"
I decided not to lie; he'd see right through me, anyway. "... No,"
"No?" Roman reached forward to grab my hand into his, closing one eye to position my hand properly with his vision. "Even if I trace it for you?"
It was impossible not to blush. His hand against mine, his warmth against my skin-- everything about this was so incredibly intimate, and I had to hold myself back from simply jumping him out of pure joy. "I-- Well," It was hard to speak when I was this flustered. I swallowed hard before trying again; "I don't think bears have long tails like that."
Roman seemed amused by my answer; "You make a good point," he purred, gently intertwining our fingers before bringing my hand towards his lips, pressing a kiss against my cuts. "As always."
I only blushed further, not bothering to suppress my smile anymore. Turning to him, I watched his big, green eyes meet mine with a softness that nearly made me melt right into him. "How do you even know all of this?" I asked, leaning my head on his shoulder. "You don't strike me as a constellation nerd."
Roman rolled his eyes, feigning annoyance. Something told me he was charmed by the subtle compliment of his intellect; "Is it hard for you to believe I'm not braindead?"
"Maybe," I turned back towards the stars, hoping he wouldn't spot my grin. "Pretty boys usually don't even know how to count to forty."
Chuckling, Roman nuzzled his cheek against the top of my head, wrapping both arms around me again. "So now I'm pretty, huh?"
"Yeah," I mumbled, deciding to be blunt-- I didn't gain anything by lying to him about it, anyway. Not after everything we had been through. "I think you're really damn pretty."
Something told me he hadn't expected the frankness, or for me to even be truthful at all. Roman remained quiet, taking in the sweetness of the moment. He took the time to kiss my temple, humming against my skin; "I think you're pretty too," he murmured. "Very, very pretty."
There was no way to suppress the blush burning its way up my cheeks, and I closed my eyes to savour the moment he kissed me. Roman was being so gentle, so loving-- I couldn't believe this was the same boy I had been running away from because I was scared he'd prick me with his scary needles. He seemed to notice how flustered I got from the compliment, letting out a warm chuckle as his gaze turned up at the sky again. As he pointed out a new constellation, Roman's voice was laced with a kind of wonder that made me smile; "If you want the full answer, it is the fact that there's something more up there that makes it interesting. Something much bigger than us... Something worth reaching for, y'know? The stars are just a blatant sign,"
I turned to look at him, watching the way his green eyes sparkled almost as brightly as the stars above us. Roman was so painfully beautiful, and so wonderfully at ease-- there was nothing I wanted more than for him to feel this peaceful all the time. I knew it would be good for his soul.Â
I wondered whether Roman knew that he was something worth reaching for, as well.Â
Everything about this evening made my body feel like gelatin. I couldn't even feel my fingers anymore, engulfed in the euphoria that was Roman. This was the perfect distraction from everything that had happened this week, and I realized it was also the perfect time to set my plan in motion; "So... you're willing to admit I'm pretty, but you're not going to say it?"
"Say what?"
I shrugged, feeling myself grow nervous. Roman was usually the one to mess up cute moments by saying something stupid, but I wondered whether now was my turn. "That you like me,"
However, he remained unfazed-- or, at least he was very good at acting like he was. His silence made me further anxious, now starting to wonder if I was the reason he wasn't able to say it to my face. Maybe he wasn't as into me as I had thought? Maybe this was just how he treated every girl he liked?Â
I knew it wasn't, but I realized I was spiraling; I needed him to spell it out for me. I really, really hoped he would-- then I wouldn't have to go that dreaded extra length and go into phase two of my plan.
Roman pressed his lips against the top of my head, clearly lost in thought as he brought me back from mine. "Do you need me to?"
That was a good question-- one I knew the answer of. "I think so, yeah..."
"You need it spelled out?"
"Yeah,"
"Verbatim?"
"Verbatim, Rome,"
The nickname seemed to throw him off; he let out a breathy chuckle, shifting to get a good look at me. "Since when am I Rome to you?"
I shrugged, meeting his green eyes. "Since... now?"
Roman smiled down at me, clearly flattered. "Cute," he breathed, leaning in to place a sweet kiss against my cheek. I giggled as Roman's fingers dug into my skin, pressing me further up against him in a flash of passion-- although this moment was perfect in theory, I knew I hadn't gotten what I wanted out of him tonight, and I dreaded what I had to do because of it.
Quite frankly, I dreaded it mostly because I was very well aware that the second part of my plan was incredibly high-risk. Stupid. Reckless, even.
However, I didn't see any other way of forcing those three words out of Roman that I needed so much. How else was I supposed to prove to myself that I hadn't sacrificed my friendships for nothing?
I dreaded every single step up I took as I made my way through the cafeteria the next day. In my peripheral view, I saw Roman sitting next to his best friend, Peter, chatting away about something as none of them had noticed me yet. It was only when I caught Roman's eyes that my heart started racing-- I watched his confusion build as I started walking in the opposite direction.
Determined, I knew this was the perfect moment to execute the second part of the plan. I did my best to keep my face neutral, hoping not to be visibly bothered by Roman's watchful stare, as I deliberately sat down next to Daniel-- the guy who had flirted with me at an assembly a month ago.Â
I specifically chose Daniel because I remembered Roman saying he had noticed me talking to him; I also knew that this guy was the key to making him see the consequences of staying unofficial.Â
I didn't need to look at Roman to know he was seething.
Daniel turned to me, putting down his fork. We hadn't talked since I started seeing Roman and stopped responding to his messages-- he was visibly confused, but there was a certain sparkle in his blue eyes that gave away his delight. "Hi?" He quickly turned to his friends who were all staring at us and motioned for them to get back to their own shit.Â
"Hey, you," I shifted in my seat, attempting to make myself comfortable whilst Roman's gaze drilled holes into the side of my skull. "Haven't seen you in a hot minute. How are you?" Putting on my nicest smile, I tilted my head a little as I spoke-- that used to work on him.Â
Daniel blinked twice, clearly unsure what to say. "Uh... Yeah, of course I haven't seen you, you've been busy with Roman," His eyes darted over to the latter, watching as my very unofficial boyfriend glared daggers his way. "I'm fine now, but I'm afraid I won't be later if you don't move soon."
This had been one of the driving factors of me not falling for Daniel-- this guy was an absolute wuss. I did my best not to roll my eyes, knowing how to rope him back in again; I placed a gentle hand against his arm, rounding out my eyes as Daniel turned back to me. His blonde hair fell over his eyes, a bright contrast to the dark blue of his varsity jacket, as his heart visibly skipped a beat.Â
"You want me to move?" I tried, keeping my tone soft as I gave his arm a short squeeze.
In my peripheral view, I caught a glimpse of Roman stiffening in his seat. His green, intense eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched, and his fingers tapped impatiently against the table as his mood darkened. That same, unmistakable anger looming over him like a dark cloud worried me-- I knew I didn't have much time to make my point before he'd explode.Â
However, distractingly comical, was the sight of Peter next to him, debating whether to put his hand on his best friend's shoulder in an attempt to calm him down; his hand kept jerking back and forth, jumping with every twitch of Roman's eye.
Daniel swallowed hard, his gaze never leaving mine. "Well... You don't have to move," He cleared his throat, giving in to a nervous chuckle. "You're already here, I guess. Pretty as always."
I had to fight my instincts to not throw up in my mouth-- it made me physically ill to flirt with him when I was so sickeningly crazy about Roman. "Oh, you're too kind," I tried, forcing a smile.
Daniel flashed me that typical heartthrob smile of his, finally giving in to my antics. He tilted his head, mimicking me, as his eyes sparkled with want; "Fuck, I've missed seeing you around,"
That seemed to be enough for Roman-- his possessive intensity came to a simmer, boiling over. He kicked away his chair as he got up, an angry groan escaping him as stormed off with balled fists. Peter sent me a sharp look of come on before he left his food behind to follow his best friend.
That was my cue to leave. "I, uh... Sorry," Releasing Daniel's arm with a quickness I didn't know I had in me, I practically jumped out of my seat, allowing myself to shudder when I was out of view. I didn't like touching any other guy like that, but I hoped that Roman would take the time to let it dawn on him that this could be his reality if he didn't step the fuck up.
... I really hoped that would be his conclusion.Â
However, it dawned on me that this might've been my biggest misstep so far. I had learned that one of the most important things for Roman, was loyalty-- maybe I shouldn't have toyed with his perception of mine?
Putting it all together, I realized I should've expected it to blow up in my face.
The third and final part of my plan had been simple in my head; Roman would confront me about what had happened in the cafeteria, and then he'd tell me he couldn't stand the sight of me with another man and therefore wants us to be official.
... It seems that I had gotten in over my head.
The exact opposite of that happened. Now, Roman wasn't answering my calls. He would walk past me in the hallway as though I was a ghost, even though the fading hickey on the side of his neck served as a reminder of our time together. I hadn't expected him to ignore me like this, I really hadn't-- he was utterly unforgiving.
It had been three days of no contact. No shared glances, no exchanged words, simply because I got too confident. Why had I thought it would be so easy to get what I wanted? Why had I felt the need to drag a confession out of him when his actions spoke for him?
Roman had made sure none of Letha's friends would touch me again-- or, at least in the near future, seeing as the main instigator was at home with a severe concussion. He had put in a good word for me with Letha, he had bought me a new phone, and he had opened up enough to both accept and enjoy physical affection. Why hadn't I seen it this clearly before I messed it all up?
It all came down to one moment in the hallway.Â
Exhausted and alone, I had zoned out like I usually did to distract myself from everything as I rummaged through my locker for my book. My body felt heavy with the sadness coursing through my veins, knowing I had no one anymore. No one. My every moment was slow, not having the energy to hurry much as I spent an unusual amount of time looking for the specific book I needed.
Up until my body froze at the sight to my right.
My head slowly turned to watch what was happening a few meters down the hall. There he was, the man that had haunted my every waking moment, vexed my every thought, with a girl.Â
Roman had that classic heartbreaker look about him as always, leaning his hand next to the girl's head against the locker. From this angle, I could see the upward turn of his nose, the way his smirk painted across his lips, and the way his eyes practically sparkled at the sight of his next prey.
The most jarring part about it was the fact that I could still see my hair ties around Roman's wrist as his palm lay flat against the locker behind her, almost as though it was on purpose.
It became downright nauseating when the girl giggled and started twirling her finger around her hair-- I did my best not to throw up my breakfast. Questions raced through my mind, fogging up my brain; why was he doing this here, in front of me? Why was he doing this at all?Â
I was sure this was what people meant when speaking of tasting their own medicine.
I stood frozen by my locker, one hand still shoved beneath the rubble of books, as involuntary tears pressed up against my eyes. I tried to ground myself with a few deep breaths, yet the world around me felt as though it was crumbling. All these games were so damn childish from the both of us; when would it end? I was living through my worst nightmare, and it became a hundred times worse when I realized I had been warned about this before by Roman himself.
I was reminded of the first night we kissed in that closet during seven minutes of heaven;
Roman stilled, eventually letting out a hum which sent a shiver down my spine. "You know nothing about nightmares," he breathed against my lips. "If I tell Letha we fucked in here, you'll be living through your worst one."
Oh, if only he'd known how right he was. Now I had no one to run to, no one to seek comfort from, all because of my own stupidity. Not only had I managed to lose all my friends, but now I had lost the one thing I had sacrificed everything for; Roman.
A pit formed in my stomach as I watched him lean closer to her, laughter dancing between them. Didn't he know how much that hurt? Didn't he see me standing here, shattered? I was so lost in the shock, that when Roman turned to face me, revealing that he knew exactly where I was and that I was watching, I barely registered it. My eyes had welled up in tears, looking completely shell-shocked as I watched his smirk immediately falter at the sight of my watery gaze.
In a flash of action, I slammed my locker shut, not bothering to look for my book anymore. I needed to get away. Now.
ïœĄïŸâąâàšâĄà§ââą ïœĄïŸ
When I got home that same day, I had expected to be left in peace-- that was the most logical conclusion. My parents were at a loss with what to do with me, and of course I had no friends reaching out to check up on me. I was quite sure I had hit the lowest of the low, simply sinking into a state of forced apathy as I lay with my face down into my pillow, spreading out on my bed wearing Roman's enormous sweater. I was quite sure I had been like this for hours, not getting up, not eating-- I didn't care anymore.
I couldn't care; it would break me. Just like that sight of Roman with that girl.Â
I touched my neck, feeling the soreness of my fading hickeys as lightning struck outside. There were barely any traces now, and the realization that they would be gone in a day or two hit me like a truck. Thankfully, I didn't have many tears left in my body. I lay in the coldness of the puddle of grief I had left on my pillow, shivering as it dawned on me that I might never feel Roman's lips against mine again. Never feel his hands around my waist, never be in the back of his car, and never get to lay in his arms ever again. As the heavy rain continued to tap against my window, every drop felt like a reminder of the moments we'd shared, slipping away.
He wanted me. Roman Godfrey wanted me, and I threw it all away because of my incessant need for him to commit.
And just as I was about to choke out any remaining tears, I heard a knock at my door. I didn't care to move, knowing my parents knew of my state, as my words got muffled against my pillow; "What is it? I'm not having dinner!"
"That's not it," My parents seemed to be whispering between themselves before one of them continued; "Sweetie... there's a boy for you at the door."
I bounced off of the bed as though I had heard a gunshot, and I landed on the floor with a groan as I crashed down against the hard wood. Wondering whether the thud had sounded through the ceiling downstairs, I realized I didn't have time to think about that; "Okay, give me-- Give me a second!" I got up from the floor, feeling my breath get stuck in my chest as I ran to my mirror, doing my best to fix the way I looked before leaving my room.
My thoughts were racing as I made my way past my parents, realizing they were staying upstairs to give us some space. I didn't need to guess who the boy at the door was-- still, I froze halfway down the stairs at the sight of him.
There he was, drenched in rain. Roman took a deep breath at the sight of me, watching the way his sweater draped over my shoulders with his big, green eyes. He, too, seemed to have frozen to his spot like an icicle, and a thick silence ensued as I gripped onto the banister of the stairs-- I was afraid I'd faint and roll right down. As he stood there, cold and vulnerable, I felt the walls of insecurity I had built up begin to crumble; his presence was both a comfort and a reminder of everything I'd lost.
Even worse was the way I tensed up, ready for him to yell at me and blow up. My grip on the banister tightened to suppress the subtle shake of my hands as I held my breath.
Finally, Roman spoke-- but it was far from what I had imagined him to say; "I don't know what happened. It doesn't make sense," His eyes rounded out, so heartbreakingly sincere. "We were good, and suddenly we weren't. I made sure you were safe from those girls, and then you went and flirted with that assembly guy... It doesn't make any sense."
I let in a long, shaky breath, feeling the guilt seeping through my veins. "I thought... I thought I needed you to say it,"
"Say what?" Roman shivered, clearly cold from his wet clothes. It made me wonder how long he had paced back and forth in the rain before approaching the door. "That I like you?"
My cheeks burned-- "Yeah..."
Another wave of silence ensued as Roman no longer met my gaze, biting his teeth together as he tried to steady his breathing. I could feel hints of his brewing anger beneath his attempts to keep calm; "Did you need me to say it so bad?" he mumbled. "Have I not shown you what I feel for you? Was it not blatantly obvious?"
Everything about his tone made me want to burst into tears-- it made me feel seven again, being told off in front of the whole class. "I'm sorry," I didn't know what else to say, at a loss for words. "You're just so hot and cold sometimes, I thought it would make me feel better if I got it confirmed. I sacrificed so much to be with you, and it was freaking me out that you couldn't say you want to be with me as well... I guess it really got to me."
It was clear that Roman was conflicted, consumed by a storm of thoughts. His green eyes softened, his brows drawing together in a look of melancholic sorrow as he let out a sigh. "I hear you, but it's just... Those girls went after you because you were with me. I know you've had a tough time, and I didn't want to make it any worse for you by making us official... By making my feelings official," His voice trembled, revealing the cracks in his tough exterior-- it was as though the weight of his own fears had finally become too much to bear.
Another wave of guilt washed over me, knowing I had driven him to this point with my schemes. "Why would that make it worse?" I dared to take another step down the stairs, letting go of the banister. "Wouldn't it be a good thing? Don't you think it would've made me feel better?"
Roman's eyes fixated on the laces of his wet shoes, and I watched him change his weight from one foot to the other. It was obvious that he was nervous, especially as he cleared his throat. "I don't think I'd be a good boyfriend," he mumbled. "I shut down. I retaliate when I'm angry. And I don't know whether Letha would ever forgive you if we got into a relationship, and I know that would crush you."
Despite the reminder of Letha, I had to bite down on my bottom lip to suppress my growing smile-- it warmed my heart to hear how he had thought this through down to every last detail.Â
Roman was rambling at this point; "I was just so shocked when you went to Daniel, I thought I was going to faint. The way you smiled at him, the way you touched him... I couldn't even look at you these past few days, and then I couldn't stand the silence either, hence that show in the hallway... I just didn't expect you to cry. I fucking lost it,"
I reached the end of the stairs by the time he was done, now close enough to see that his drenched clothes were leaving small puddles of rain along the hardwood floor. "Roman--"
"--And I just don't want to hurt you, y'know?" He finally looked up to meet my gaze, an unfamiliar emotion swimming in his green eyes. There was a certain desperation about him as his words came out like a stream in a never-ending river; "Because even though we're fighting, you're still in my sweater. And even though you're fucking infuriating, I still want to hold you. No matter what people think, you're good. You're sweet, you're kind, you... There is a sanctity about you in my mind. I really don't want to hurt you, but it's fucking inevitable with me! That's just who I am!"
I was batting away tears at this point; "Rome, please, that's not!--"
"--Of course I like you!" Roman's eyes glossed over, letting his emotions shine through his tough exterior at the sound of his new nickname. "If anything, I adore you half to death, and you doubting that makes me feel like I've failed! I've failed to keep you happy, I've failed to make you feel seen, and I'm just-- I'm a mess!"
Attempting to pat away my tears with the sleeve of Roman's sweater, I sniffled as I realized I was unsuccessful, my tears now spilling down my cheeks. Suddenly, many parts of him made sense to me; after finally letting me hear his true, inner thoughts, I had never seen him more clearly than now.Â
Roman sniffled as well, head hanging low in shame. "Why would you want a mess?" he echoed, his voice breaking. "I don't want to hurt you. I really, really don't."
Enough-- It was breaking my heart to hear him so broken. I finally dared to step towards him, slowly reaching for his soaked jacket. Roman's eyes widened as he watched me hang it up in the hallway; "What are you?--"
"Stay the night," I placed myself in front of him, having to get up on my tippytoes to brush his wet hair away from his forehead. "My parents probably won't mind if I ask nicely."
Roman's green eyes rounded out with every soft touch against his skin, and he placed his hands over mine as I cupped his face; it dawned on me that I hadn't felt so calm in a while. "I want to be yours, Rome. In every sense of the word," My thumbs stroked over his cheeks, watching his heavy lids fall over his eyes as he keened against my touch, succumbing to the comfort. "So what if you're a mess? You think I'm not, with the way I've been running around you for months like a dog?"
It warmed my heart to hear him laugh, even if it was for a few seconds-- I knew my eyes weren't deceiving me when I spotted a tear or two heavying down his long lashes, making their way out of hiding.Â
I had to bat away my own, my voice barely baring through the sentence; "You're much kinder than you think you are, much more gentle... If only I could make you see it yourself," Getting up to his level was impossible, but I was able to tilt his head down enough for me to place a soft kiss between his brows. "I want us to be together. I want us to at least have each other,"
Roman's breath hitched, letting his hands travel down to rest at my waist as he opened his eyes. revealing an ocean of tears about to spill down his rosy cheeks. "We're going to crash and burn,"
"... Let us, then,"
It was as though time stood still in the moments I waited for signs of a yes. My thumbs stroked over his temples, realizing our chests were rising and falling at the same time, trapping us in one breath, one body. For a second, it felt as though Roman and I melted into each other, the green of his eyes engulfing me with a look that told me everything I needed to know.Â
Roman's breath was hot and heavy as he searched for the right words. I was sure he'd said enough dumb things for a lifetime to know he needed to choose wisely for once. But hence, his lips curled up into the sweetest smile known to man as he spoke against mine--
"Let us," he breathed. "Let's burn together, then."
(a/n: if you've come this far, thank u so much omg!! here's PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, and PART 4 if you want to check them out!<33 )
Summary: After Azriel comes home battered and bruised, he refuses to eat the meal you've made him... Why?
Warnings: Angst, character injury, fluff
Author's note: For context, Y/n is Helion's bastard daughter. In an earlier draft of my other (very long) fic, The Shadowsinger and The Inkbird, this was going to be a scene that takes place after Azriel gets hurt during the Battle on the Lake where Y/n figures out Azriel is her mate. I wanted to finish it up and get it out there because I don't want to say goodbye to that story just yet and I wanted to get back into writing so.... here ya go!
The Townhouse sang quietly as it worked. Its melodies lay in the shifting curtains that shook off dust into the wind. Its lyrics in the whistling teakettle. You liked these sounds as you moved about the kitchen, preparing your tea and a crust of bread slathered with butter and jam.Â
When the Townhouse was empty, you didnât need to fear your power â there was no one around for you to touch and steal memories from. Mor had tried to drag you out to Ritaâs that evening â âRhys says youâve learned to keep your Clairvoyance at bay! Come dancing with us!â â but you couldnât muster the courage or the energy.
Besides, you were awaiting a certain Shadowsingerâs arrival.Â
âWonât you come back and make me your home? You whoâve stolen my heart as simple as a whisper, calm as a storm,â You hummed to yourself. You swore the Townhouse sighed in contentment. âDo you like my silly little songs then?â You mused.Â
The lights shone a little brighter, crackling the air with a flicker of energy.Â
You were singing about Azriel â of course you were â and blushing all the while. Heâd been the first to truly speak to you â the first to notice you â and the embrace youâd shared in Rhysandâs office had left you breathless for days. You could still feel the ghost of his breath against your neck as youâd buried your face in the hollow of his throat. The cracked leather beneath your fingers and the short hairs at the base of his skull youâd caressed as lovingly as any flower. It was the first time youâd ever been touched like that. Like you were something worth holding onto.Â
When he was gone, the Townhouse felt too empty. You felt too empty. Even now, the edges of your patience frayed like a worn shirt without him.Â
You spent the eveningâs hours combing through every book youâd managed to lug over from the Library. It was quick, but taxing work as every touch against the weathered binding allowed you to absorb its knowledge without you ever having to lay an eye on the page.Â
When the candle flickered dangerously close to your books and the dull throbbing behind your eyes had gone on for too long, you blew out the light and could do no more than curl up on the sofa before falling fast asleep.Â
The whispers of shadows woke you. You couldnât understand the words hidden within their overlapping voices, but their panic and relief were heavy in the air. You could almost taste their meaning on your tongue.
âY/n,â Azriel moaned. He leaned heavily against the open door, forcing it open against the drag of the carpet. His sword clattered to the ground before his knees. âY/n,â he called out again, more urgently this time. He prayed to the gods you were home. Heâd flown through the night, tattered wings struggling to keep him aloft, to make sure heâd see you again⊠just in case.
Blood and iron burned your nose and your sleep-swollen eyelids split open. âAzââ Your knee slammed against the coffee table in your struggle to escape the blankets. âAZ!âÂ
Azriel was always greedy for the sight of you, and that familiar tug in his chest tightened as you rounded the corner and sprinted towards him. You tripped where the hardwood ended and the carpet began, throwing his arm around your shoulder.Â
He smiled softly at you. Three months ago, youâd been too afraid to touch anyone. Now here you were half-supporting his weight as he staggered to his feet. He stole a few precious seconds to lean his head into the crook of your neck and breathe in your scent. For a moment, he believed it would be enough to heal him.
âHow bad is it?âÂ
âThree arrows in the right wing, two in the left. Fae bane.âÂ
âAnywhere else?â You both stumbled down the hallway back from where youâd come.Â
âI may have been stabbed a few times.â He offered the piece of information casually, like he was complaining about the price of eggs.
âWhatâs a few?â Your eyes were wide as the moon. Searching, searching, searching for wounds.
âTen?âÂ
Your growl tore through the quiet of the night.Â
Your hands were slippery with blood, and Azriel almost slid out of your fingertips as you deposited him against the table. You flung your arms out over the hardwood tabletop sending bottles of ink, pens, and sheafs of papers clattering to the floor before rolling Azriel onto the top and forcing him to lay down.
Under the chandelier, Azriel looked ghastly. The warmth was drained from his skin and the hollows of his eyes and the fullness of his lips were tinged purple from cold. His eyes drifted apart from one another.
âI need you to stay awake.âÂ
âI will.â His words were slippery as soap on porcelain, syllables sliding into one another as he promised you he would be alright and that he had suffered worse before. Â
âStay awake!â You commanded him and his eyes sharpened ever so slightly on your figure as you tore through the cabinets in the corner.Â
Where is it? Where is it? Glass bottles clinked and tottered on rounded bottoms. There!Â
You snatched one of the pale green bottles lining the back wall and bit off the cork top with a grimace, spitting it out onto the floor. You could taste the medicine inside coat your teeth with an acrid film.Â
âHey, hey, hey.â You slapped Azrielâs cheeks to keep him awake. âDrink this.âÂ
Azrielâs lips parted immediately and he accepted every bitter drop you forced down his throat. It wasnât a cure, but it would help stabilize him long enough for help to arrive. In the time it took for you to call out to Rhys and light the candle that would wake Madja and call her to the Townhouse, Azrielâs cheeks had flushed with some more color.Â
The sight did little to ease your worries as you worked on unbuckling the straps of his armor. Piece by piece they fell away with a wet thud on the ground.Â
He grabbed your wrist before you could run in search of something to cut off the clothes clinging to him like a second skin. Elain had left gardening shears on the back porch. Perhaps the kitchen had scissors?
âStay.â He begged. âPlease stay.â
âRhys and Madja will be here soon. I just need to get something to help you.âÂ
âThen stay.â His grip turned desperate, short nails digging into your forearm. âStay and help me. Donât leave me.âÂ
Azriel might have smiled if he wasnât in so much pain. His hand slid up the curve of your arm to hold your neck, thumb tracing the line of your jaw.Â
âI wanted to see you just in case.â His chest rattled with the effort, âGods, I missed you.âÂ
Heâd been gone weeks on the Continent, scrounging after every whisper of Koscheiâs name as far as the eastern mountains. Heâd scavenged and raged. Killed and tortured. And heâd missed you all the while. It was what had possessed him to fly all the way to Velaris, when he would have been better off breaking into the Day Court and throwing himself at the mercy of Helion â your father.Â
You felt the tears prick at your eyes, angry and hot. âIf you say another fucking word like youâre about to die, I will kill you myself.â You were not prone to violence, and Azriel felt some pride that he could elicit such an emotion from you.Â
Luckily for you both, Azriel didnât get a chance to say anything else, and you didnât get a chance to murder him before Rhysand, Feyre, Cassian, and Madja were bursting through the front door and following the blood-red trail to the dining room.Â
Azriel squeezed your hand once more. âStay with me.â
âWhere else would I go, Az?â You whispered, pressing a quick kiss to the palm of his hand before the others crowded close.Â
You stayed at the head of the table, one hand always holding onto Azrielâs. He swallowed his pain, the faintest groans slipping from his lips as arrows were pulled out inch by bloody inch. It was no easy thing to endure, not even for Azriel. Wicked barbs lined the arrow shaft and caught onto the delicate membrane of his wings no matter how Madja twisted, pushed, and pulled.Â
One particularly harsh wrench had Azriel crying out, his nails digging into your arm and drawing blood.Â
âIâm sorry,â he gasped, feeling your skin break beneath his nails. His skin was tinged green now. A sickly sheen covered his face and fell over his eyes.Â
âItâs ok. Itâs ok. Just look at me.â You grasped the sides of his face. âLook at me.âÂ
Once again, Azriel was ready to listen to your commands. His eyes never left yours, not once, until the last of the faebane-tipped arrows dropped onto the table with a menacing ring of metal on wood.
Feyre closed his wounds as best she could, but the flesh inside would take longer to heal. For now all they could do was carefully wipe the blood from his body and carry him up to his bedroom.Â
You lingered by Azrielâs side long after he fell asleep, fingers twitching with nerves as you counted every slow and steady breath of his.Â
âY/n.â Feyre gently touched your arm. âHeâll be alright.â
You nodded, still watching Azriel sleep. Then, to your mortification, you burst into tears. Your clothes were drying stiff with sweat and blood â none of it yours â and the red handprints Azriel had left along your arms were turning to copper rust.Â
She shushed you, softly tugging at your arms.Â
âHe-He asked me to stay,â you said between gulps of air.Â
âHeâd want you to be clean and well-rested, Y/n. Donât let him wake up feeling guilty.âÂ
If it werenât for Feyre, you would have remained glued to the floor of Azrielâs room until you became one of the faces trapped in the wooden floors. You let her lead you across the hall to your own room where she filled the tub with warm water and soap.Â
âShit,â you mumbled. Your fingers shook so much you couldnât undo the buttons of your dress. Shadows, loose and long as stalks of grass, wound around your back, plucking the buttons undone without a word.Â
âHeâll be alright.â Feyre repeated this phrase many times as you scrubbed off the nightâs events and turned the water copper brown. The magic of the Townhouse whisked away the grime almost as quickly as it appeared until you sat in a sudsy bath, milky and clean.
âWhat happened to him, Fey?â
âFrom what Rhys and I can tell, Koschei had over a dozen archers lying in wait for when he returned to Prythian. Weâve already warned Helion.âÂ
You nodded. Your head felt heavy on your neck, like a doll with a snapped neck.Â
âHe nearly died.â Once the words were out in the open, fragile and pure, you broke down again, knees drawn up to your chest in the tub.Â
âBut he didnât.â Feyre smoothed back your dripping hair. âIt will take more than arrows and faebane for Death to steal him from us, Y/n.âÂ
Gods you hoped that was true, or else your heart might give out every time Azriel walked out the door.Â
You returned to his side the moment you were clothed, hair still dripping onto his gray bed sheets as you leaned forward from your chair and held his hand. He slept on his stomach, wings flared out and peppered with white gauze like a patchwork quilt. Beneath the drape of his blankets you knew more gauze covered his chest and stomach, dotted with blood like blooming roses.Â
You didnât know when you fell asleep, but you awoke to a deep ache in your back and a faint choir of voices in the air.Â
Shadows.Â
They kissed your cheeks, cool and soft, urging your eyelids open. Azriel was already awake and sitting up in bed with a grimace. One hand clutched his side and a leg hung over the edge of the bed, like he intended to stand. When he saw you, his hazel eyes widened. First in alarm. Then in guilt.Â
âAz?â Your voice felt crusted with smoke and sleep and you did what you could to straighten the crook in your neck and your spine from the odd position youâd fallen asleep in. ââYouâre not supposed to be sitting up.â Your bones cracked obnoxiously as you moved for the first time in hours, and the guilt in his gaze deepened.Â
You pressed lightly against his chest, feeling the gauze scratch your skin, but he did not budge.Â
âAz, you need to lay down. What were you even doing up?âÂ
Azrielâs eyes flickered off to the side. âI was⊠I was trying to move you to the bed.âÂ
You swallowed your yawn and blinked in disbelief. âAzriel, youâve just been shot and stabbed. You need to lay back down.âÂ
He grabbed your wrists, tugging you forward until you almost collapsed against his chest. âThereâs space on the bed. I want you to be comfortable.âÂ
âThe chair is fine, and you are hurt. Now, pleaseââ He did not move. No matter how you reasoned with him. No matter how you tried to shove him back beneath the covers.
âI will lay back down under one condition.âÂ
You frowned. He was much more stubborn when he was injured. âWhat condition?âÂ
âSleep on the bed. Thereâs plenty of room.âÂ
âAzââÂ
âPlease.â His hands slipped into yours, fingers pressing against the pulse of your wrists. âY/n, I will be comforted with you beside me.â He held up his finger before you could sleep. âAnd not in that gods-awful chair. Youâll wake up crooked.â
âIâm not a stalk in a storm,â you grumbled, because it only seemed appropriate that you should fight him on this. Otherwise, youâd have to admit that the thought of melting into his bed set off fireworks in your stomach, exciting and terrifying at the same time. Youâd also have to admit the scent of mountain air embedded in every inch of his room brought you comfort. You could lay your head on his pillows and sleep for an eternity.Â
I shouldnât be here. But you let him tug you closer to him. You slid your legs over his waist, calves catching on the waistband of his pants and dragging in a way that had your heart leaping into your stomach until you were safely on the other side of him.Â
Azrielâs bed was massive â over 12 feet across to better accommodate the span of his wings. You moved as far away from him as you could without eliciting offense and stared at the window.Â
Your muscles clenched as he shifted closer to you, wings rustling against the silk sheets and whispering as he got comfortable. Every time he so much as shifted, your back prickled, as though you had eyes there that shifted to soak up every inch of him.Â
Heâs hurt and Iâm taking up space andâ
He reached out his arm and his fingertips brushed against the curve of your back. You stiffened like youâd been struck by lightning. If Azriel were awake, he would have apologized and wrenched back his hand as if burned. But he was fast asleep and the touch was a natural movement he made in his dreams where he was imagining that you were closer to him. So close that he could breathe down your neck and feel you melt beneath his touch.Â
You didnât sleep, as much as the lull of his breathing threatened to sink you into sweet and comforting dreams. The sky was but a lighter shade of black when you were slipping out of bed with barely a whisper. Miraculously, Azriel did not awaken, and his shadows ghosted over the floors drowsily.
You were no stranger to dawn as you padded down to the kitchens. You hummed to yourself, cracking eggs over a well-greased skillet with onions, tomatoes, and peppers tossed in. They bobbed up and down in a sea of yellow like ducks on water. Potatoes browned to your right, their skins crackling and spitting grease as bacon popped and sizzled beside them.Â
You ate as you went, plating the final meal for Azriel, whoâif you knew anything about himâwould be waking shortly after the first rays of sunlight split his shadows in two.Â
You slipped back into his room as quietly as youâd left, and then nearly leapt out of your skin to find a dark mass of shadow covering the bed.Â
âYouâre awake,â you said blankly.Â
Azriel propped himself up onto his elbows, back rippling as he forced his stiff and swollen wounds to stretch until he could sit up in bed.Â
âWhere did you go?â There was but a faint slur to his words. âYou werenât here when I woke up.âÂ
âI was making breakfast.â You dragged over the ottoman from the foot of his bed as a makeshift table. âDid you brush your teeth already?â Not that it mattered. A sour mouth wouldnât keep him from a meal if he was hungry.Â
The flash of fear in his eyes was so subtle, so brief, that you missed it.Â
âIâm not hungry.âÂ
âWell that doesnât really matter. Madja said you should eat first thing. Oh!â You plucked a purple glass bottle from his bedside table. âAnd she said to drink this with a meal.â You pushed it into his hands, reluctant as they were to take the stoppered bottle from you.Â
âI canât imagine eating right now.â He said, shaking his head. His cheeks puffed out and he swallowed hard. âThe smell⊠itâs⊠I canât stomach it.âÂ
You frowned at that. He liked your cooking. It was only due to circumstance that you hadnât been able to cook for him in months.Â
âCan you please try?â you begged. âJust a bite.â
His skin turned pallid and the dark marks beneath his eyes stood out. He picked up a fork with a trembling hand, stuck it into a potato, then dropped it as if it burned. Suddenly, he regretted asking you to stay the night. Guilt ate away at his stomach, twisting it like spaghetti on a fork.Â
You sighed in dejection. âIâll bring it back downstairs.â You said. You began collecting the silverware from where youâd left them by his side.Â
âIâm sorry.â He murmured, catching your wrist in his hand.Â
You smiled softly. âTry and get some rest.âÂ
âWill you be back?â His words caught you by the door.Â
âYou wonât even realize I was gone.âÂ
He doubted that very much. Still, he settled back in bed, rolling onto his stomach to keep its rumbling at bay. He was quite hungry.Â
You closed the door behind you, carrying the untouched plate of eggs and potatoes. Cassian stopped his whistling as he made his way down the hall, a teasing smile playing at his lips until he caught sight of your dejected expression.Â
âWhatâs got our resident Librarian frowning? Did someone misplace a book in the House?âÂ
You didnât rise to Cassianâs jests. You cast a sullen glance back at Azrielâs door like it was personally responsible for everything, and shrugged. âHe hasnât eaten since heâs been back and Iâm starting to get worried. I read up on Illyrian anatomy weeks ago and he should be fine enough to eat by now.âÂ
Cassian leaned down, taking a careful sniff of the plate before grabbing hold of a butter and rosemary roasted potato and plucking it in his mouth. It was cold and the butter had hardened into a greasy slick, but it was still good. He told you as much as he walked with you back to the kitchens, stealing slivers of potato as he went.
âItâs nice to know my cookingâs not at fault.âÂ
Cassian jerked back in surprise and sudden understanding. âYou made him that?â
âYes. I know the House has its own will, but I like to cook. And it still feels strange having food just appear out of nowhere.â Â
Cassian fought with all his might to keep the cheeky grin from his face.Â
Poor Azriel, forced to go hungry because he was still too much of a sheepish fool to tell you about the mating bond let alone accept it.Â
He clicked his tongue. He loved his brother to the grave and back, but Azriel had a horrible habit of getting trapped in his own mind. Cassian had hoped you would help with that, given you suffered similarly.Â
âI wouldnât take it too personally. Azrielâs a picky eater. Always has been.â
That was a complete and utter lie. Growing up in the Illyrian war camps meant you either starved or ate whatever gray-brown mush you could get your hands on. Rhysand and Azriel had been quicker to move on from the rugged Illyrian lifestyle, and Rhysand especially had used his High Lord privileges to cultivate a refined and expensive taste, but if they were hungry and limited they didnât give two shits what went in their mouths.Â
âI didnât realize you could afford to be picky in a war camp,â You grumbled. You dropped the plateâs contents onto a skillet, patiently waiting for the House to light a toasty fire. There was no need to let good food go to waste.  Â
You thought over it, some minor irritation settling in that the Shadowinger had rejected the food youâd worked to make. It really didnât make sense that Azriel would be so particular about food. Or anything for that matter. Heâd always struck you as the practical, bare-bones sort, and you knew him well enough now to know that was true. His very job required it of him. But then again you couldnât remember the last time heâd accepted any food that youâd offer-
You froze. Oh. Oh.
The first night heâd visited your apartment in the Day Court, heâd refused your tea and cakes before leaving abruptly. Youâd agonized over that night for months, trying to figure out what you might have done to scare him off. But heâd been so kind and shy afterwards and then the whole matter of Koschei had arose and youâd never given it much thought because he just seemed so familiar and... Oh. OH-
âBASTARD!â You spat out in shock. The skillet dropped to the stove with a sharp cry that had Cassian blinking. Heâd never seen you like this. SoâŠagitated.
A mating bond with Azriel. You⊠you were his mate. He was yours. And you were his. And suddenly the pieces of it were falling into place so quickly you thought you might be crushed beneath the weight.Â
Mate.
Even the thought of the word crashed around your mind incessantly, like an anxious dog trying to settle down to sleep. Yet it all made such perfect sense. The way Azriel always found you when you were in danger or grieving. The awful days when Azriel had been away and youâd felt like a piece of your body had been severed. The way that the world felt right when he was beside you. Maybe it was the bond, maybe it was just something born out of love, or maybe they were one and the same. It was impossible to tell but it didnât change anything.
Mate.
Cassian glanced sideways at you and said cautiously, âWeâre both bastards, Y/n. I donât think thatâs much of an insult coming from your mouth.â
Your eyes snapped to his, suddenly remembering that he was in the kitchen with you. You brandished a fork in your hand like a weapon, pointing the pronged end up at him like he was a piece of meat to be skewered. You were shorter than him, but the sharpness in your eyes made him pause.
âYou.â Such a simple word, yet it sounded so threatening. âYou knew didnât you?â
Was he sweating? The room felt warm.
âI donât know what-â You snatched his wrist and with your magic, you stole the information from him that you needed. It was as easy as plucking a flower from a field.Â
Fuck. Cassian groaned at the same time you did. You knew now. Not that you really needed confirmation from Cassian. Still. It was rather embarrassing to learn you were the last of⊠well everyone to know, even if it was your fault for not noticing the signs. In your defense you had been preoccupied with other mattersâŠ
âStupid, stupid, stupid.â You muttered, heating up the remaining food with a great deal of force before setting down a fresh tray, plate, utensils, and mug of tea on the countertop.
You keep muttering to yourself, your joy disguised by your embarrassment and no small amount of shock. Cassian watched nervously as you prepped the plate.Â
Youâd no sooner growled, âMove,â before Cassian leapt to the side and you set off out the door and down the hallway back to Azrielâs room.
She knows. One shadow whispered in his ear. Azriel felt his heart skyrocket and his stomach plunge to the cradle of his hip bones.Â
She seems⊠upset.
Upset was a mild word. You were alight with every emotion possible â fury, fear, anxiety, excitement, love â and Azriel struggled to tease them apart. It was like heâd been hit in the chest by a tangle of snakes, each a writhing, living, ever-changing thing. One moment you seemed nervous, the next angry.Â
âYou.â Your knuckles were pale as they gripped the tray. Sunlight molded to your form like a crown, and it became all the more apparent that you were Helionâs daughter â his bastard daughter, but daughter nevertheless.Â
He scrambled into a seated position just in time for you to drop the tray in his lap with a clatter that sent fork and knife skittering over the dish.
You looked down at the tray, then up at his eyes, wide and molten as amber. âYou didnât tell me.â You didnât need to elaborate any further.Â
âI didnât thinkââ
âYouâre right. You didnât.â You blinked, suddenly shy. âDid I not make it clear enough that I liked you? That I lovedâlove you? Or perhaps you donât⊠perhaps you donât want me.â That was a possibility you hadnât thought of in your excitement to see him again.Â
Oh gods, you hadnât thought of that possibility had you? Youâd just aggressively thrown food at him, expecting that he wouldâ
Azriel gripped your chin, forcing you to look at him again. Your cheeks were warm and painted with color.Â
âI always worried I was reading into actions that meant nothing to you. But, never think for a moment that I donât want you.â He smiled then, a shy, secret smile reserved for you. âIâve wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you.âÂ
Now your cheeks were burning, but Azriel did not mind feeling this kind of heat on his hands. He let go of your chin, twirling a fork with his fingers like it was a knife. It was one of his few nervous ticks whose knowledge was reserved for the people he trusted. For the people he loved.Â
âBeing with me will put you in more danger than you know.âÂ
âBut I expect it will bring me more happiness than I could have ever imagined.â You raised a hand up to his face, twisting away a stubborn curl of hair that fell over his forehead. âAnd you forget who my father is,â you reminded him. âMaybe it is I who will put you in danger.âÂ
âMaybe,â Azriel whispered. His breath fanned over your cheeks, soft and sweet.Â
You picked up the fork, lifting it up in between you.Â
âEat.â You commanded him.Â
Azriel smiled, plucking it from your fingers and stabbing a potato. He sighed. âI never could deny you anything, and I would never want to,â he said, before chewing carefully. Cautiously.Â
You blinked in surprise, instinctively taking a step away when you felt something new and warm begin to burn in your chest, like someone had taken a drop of the molten hazel in Azrielâs eyes and dropped it into your heart.Â
âOh.â You breathed.Â
âYes,â Azriel murmured, âAn unusual feeling, I know.â He placed the tray beside him and heâd no sooner opened his arms before youâd buried your face in the crook of his neck. You wanted more of that warmth in your chest. You wanted to slip into Azriel's skin as close as possible to his beating heart. To feel the mating bond wrap around you both like a curtain to block out the rest of the world.Â
Azriel groaned in pain, but would not let you leave his embrace. No pain had ever been worth so much.Â
You forced him to finish eating, even though all he wanted was the taste of you on his lips. âLater,â you promised him. When he was healed and whole there would be more breathless kisses and urgent touches, but for now he had to content himself with eating his meal and drinking his draught. But he would not be denied the press of your skin against his as you slipped beneath the covers and curled up beside him. This time, you fell asleep quickly and your dreams came over you like water.Â
This is my first ever one-shot or fanfiction type writing on here, so be patient with me bc it will be FAR from perfect or good.
This is purely self-indulgent bc again, I'm new at this and just wanted to write an insert or y/n type little blurb.
Summary; Being the best friend of Feyre when she was human, you regretfully got roped in and turned with her sisters as a tool for manipulation by Hybern. As the sister's find it hard to settle in claiming the attention of the two other bats, you attempt to make Feyre's and the inner court's life easier by flying under the radar and figuring it out on your own. However, are you really as unnoticed as you hope or is a certain shadowsinger entrapped by your caring and soft nature as his heart battles his mind for the third sister or you.
Warnings: None really, mentions of PTSD and anxiety, loneliness and self-help, slow-burn, slight angst with a fluffy ending, reader just wants to be seen but feels like she can't ask
Word count: 2,389
Pt2
The sound of a door opening broke you out of your thoughts as you sat in the drawing room in the house of wind. The gentle crackle of the fire Infront of you allowed your body to sit comfortably within the rather cold season and the book you were just reading sat loose in your lap. You haven't gotten used to your enhanced hearing yet as your now longer and thicker hair gently fell from where you had tucked it behind your ear.
"Y/n?" Your best friend's voice echoed into the room as her footsteps followed. A soft smile spread across your features as she came in, confirmed you where there, and plopped down ungraciously on the couch next to you. "Thank the mother you are here."
Her features where stressed, the worry written all over her face as she took your form in.
"What's going on?" You ask, hopeful to help.
Feyre let out a sigh as she let her eyes wonder to the fire Infront of the both of you.
"Nothing. Everything. I don't know, it seems that everything I do to try and help Nesta and Elaine seems to only make things worse." She rung her hands, a trait she picked up back in the human lands when she was nervous or upset. "It just never seems enough to make them comfortable or to try and apologize for everything that happened."
Your best friend's eyes slightly widened as she took her gaze from the flames.
"How are you? Are you doing okay?" The genuine care and concern oozing off of the female Infront of you reminded you of why you cared so much about your friend in the first place. When she was taken, you had searched high and low for her in hopes to get her back only to have her return happy and healthy with a loving man, or male, doting on her every need. You were ecstatic, and expressed yourself as so, even if it was with fae beings. When you and her sisters were taken, that happiness was put on hold to make sure that you are all where comfortable. Feyre's self-sacrificing nature did always drive you mad, even now when she was so close to being truly happy.
"I'm okay Feyre." She shot you a look, trying to dig deeper and call the bluff you made. "Seriously, I'm here with you and in an amazing place that I could only dream of with great people."
"A lot happened Y/n. A lot happened to Elaine and Nesta, but a lot happened to you." She was right, and it was weird for you to be so put together when the worlds of the other two were falling to pieces. With your more emotional and strong relationship with Feyre, you had been held captive with her sisters yes, but you also took the brunt of interrogation that the wicked king deemed necessary to gain any information of her court. You had put yourself in that position, you knew how awful she would feel about her familial blood being brutalized in such a way, so you took the heat. But, in the end, her sisters still took the change harder and refused to accept their new life, making everyone on edge and overexerting themselves to help.
With one look at your best friend's-tired eyes, you knew that she couldn't handle another burden. More like she shouldn't have to handle another burden.
The word tasted sour on your tongue.
Burden.
Shaking your head a small gentle smile graced your face, and you forced your features to emulate that same energy.
"I'm okay Feyre, really. Aside from some cool new power thing that I haven't figured out, I'm fine. " The breath she released could only register as relief in your mind as she met your smile.
"Okay, and we will definitely start working on that when we are all settled here." Her reassurance did little to reassure that it would be investigated. Again, with the two sisters gaining war altering abilities, your random energy (that had yet to manifest) would be put on the back burner until everyone else was settled. Again, the slight dismissal ached, but you understood the need for others to take precedence.
Giving a little nod, you two sit in silence for a bit just listening to the crackling of the fire and enjoying each other's presence. That is, until a wince rippled across your friends face and she slowly rose.
"I'm sorry, I have to go. I think Elaine is out and not talking to Lucien and it's a mess-"
"It's fine Feyre, go make sure they are okay." You assure with the same smile. Giving one last 'thank you, I love you' she was gone like the wind that howled outside the windows. The silence that followed her exit had the ringing in your ears become a bit to unbearable. Removing yourself from the couch, you travel down to your room and grab a quick change of footwear.
Today would be a good day to explore the town, or at least good enough to get your mind out of the dark slump of trying to acclimate to its' new body and abilities.
Making your way towards the door, a small flicker of shadow catches your eye.
"Hello?" You call. You know that Rhys is most likely with Feyre and Azriel is also probably there because of Elaine, so you dismiss it quickly after a moment, chalking it up to just a trick of the light.
Opening the door, the slight chill on the wind has a shiver run through you, but the sun quickly chased it away. Breathing a sigh, you look at the vastness of the stairs below you.
No time like the present.
Taking one step at a time and avid breaks when needed, you would rather not admit to yourself just how much time that trek took. However, upon reaching the bottom, the satisfaction that filled you outweighed the journey. Walking down the streets of Velaris, the bustling normality of the people filled you with ease. As your heels clicked against the stones below, your gaze just missed the little shadow that trailed behind your body.
Taking in the colors and vibrant people, the ease and happiness that covered their faces had the ache in your gut grow more and more. Your mind wandered to if you would ever be that happy and mundane. With everything that had happened so far, the familiar life in the human forest (although had its struggles) seemed like an ideal. It was the lack of routine, lack of knowledge, the newly sprouted life, the misplacement, all of it plus more. You didn't notice your breathing gain more weight and take longer to fill your lungs than it did at the house. You also didn't notice the little skitter of the shadow that had followed you as it raced away towards some unseen location. The heat in your body seemed to increase as the sight of a simple family loving and walking together entered your mind.
Would anyone love you like this?
You couldn't think.
Ducking into a nearby ally, the overhead sheets and covering allowed it to be shaded and darker than the streets 20 feet away. Even then, the darkness of the ally seemed to illuminate with your presence there. However, it wasn't the light, it was the lack of grasp of oxygen you could inhale and the strenuous shaking your body couldn't stop. The tears that fell without your knowledge burned their tracks into your skin and sizzled as they hit the ground. Your body gave way to the spasms that took ahold of you as your mind raced. Burring your head into your knees, you attempted to shut the world out and let your mind slow but to no avail. You wished the darkness of the alley would swallow you whole, allow the sun and light to escape you being seen just this once.
Almost as if your prayers where in fact answered, the light surrounding you died as the darkness of the ally surrounded you. Picking your head up to view what cloud or magical being answered your plea, your eyes were met with those of hazel crouching Infront of you.
"Azriel?" You hadn't met this male for more than a couple days ago. He was nice, offering to go with you places or chat every so often. You had a couple nightly talks with him where you shared some stories between the two of you. Nothing out of the ordinary though, you felt safe around him when he was near. Confusion washed your features and for a moment your brain stopped running in circles and focused on why the male might be in front of you in this very unfortunate situation.
"You're okay." His large hands had gently pried your head from between your own. He Slowly, as if not to spook you further, reached for your hands and took them in his own. As twisted as it sounded, the morbid scarring that littered his skin grounded you further and pulled you back to this moment and out of that forsaken cell and cold water. "Focus on me, breathe."
The ease of your breath returned as the seeming dark cloud that surrounded you peeled back revealing that same dampened alleyway. However, the slight char on the walls and burns on the ground was distinct enough to question. Looking around, more of those marks surrounded you but faded as it got further from you. Opening your mouth to ask, a quick look from the male had you hesitant as he shook his head.
"One thing at a time sunshine." You nod, ignoring the small butterfly that hatched in your stomach at the nickname, but the pain in your head from the little outburst brought you back to reality. Bringing your hand up to caress the muscle between your eyes, Azriel scanned you from head to toe checking for any other possible injuries. "Let's get you back to the house, okay? Have Madja take a look at you and maybe give you something to help process."
Although the beginning of his statement was directed at you, for an answer, the second part was mumbled more to himself.
"Okay." The short response was all you could get past your lips as he sent you a small smile and opened his arms.
Looking at him questionably, he held back a chuckle.
"Have you never flown?" Shaking your head, no, you had never flown before. Winnowed? Yes, but never in the arms of one of the three males residing in the same house at you. The aspect of Azriel being your first had a little flush cover your cheeks. He approached you carefully, scanning your eyes for any aversion to being touched or space invaded. If you didn't just have a literally breakdown in the middle of Velaris, you could've sworn there was a deeper emotion residing in his eyes.
Guilt?
Worry?
Longing?
You couldn't place it and decided not to keep the process waiting. Taking a step towards him, he kept his arms spread out to accompany your space against his.
"Wrap your arms around me." His voice was lowered with your closer proximity. Slowly you brought your arms to wrap around the back of his neck. He waited until you settled there before moving to hoist you up into his arms and walk slightly out of the alley to give his wings more room to take flight.
While doing so, you couldn't help but settle into his warmth as it felt nice against our colder frame. With all the adrenaline wearing off, you were left shivering.
"Make sure to hold on." He noted, which was all the notice you got before suddenly you two were no longer on the ground. Tightening your grip instinctually, you shut your eyes as you could practically feel the male smile at your nature.
"How did you get down there anyway?" With the loud wind it was hard to hear, but again due to the lack of space between the two of you his voice rang clear.
"I walked."
"Down those?" Without realizing the easygoing atmosphere he created, you had peered open your eyes to look down at the stairs you both were currently soaring over. Only a brief look however as you still had some human tendencies and did have a slight aversion to heights.
"Yeah." You nodded and went to shut your eyes once more to finish out the flight, but as you did you caught sight of a new look on the spymaster's face.
Pride.
Landing as softly as possible, Madja was already there waiting for the two of you to arrive. Without thinking, you blamed it on the spymaster's shadows (but grateful they were there). Feyre also stood to the side of her, worry wringing her hands again and you let out a sigh of defeat.
Stumbling out of Azriel's arms, he steadied you, giving a once over before his high lady had shot him an inquiring look. She looked at you shortly after.
"You are never to lie to me again Y/n, you hear?" Her chastising voice was filled with love and worry all the same.
But before you could open your mouth to respond with a thousand reasons why you might, a certain male beat you too it.
"Don't go too hard on her, admittedly we have all been a bit busy to check in." You both glanced back at the male in question as his shadows wrapped around him in song. He has said it was so to promise his attention to fix the problem, which warmed your core.
"She will be okay Feyre." Meeting eye contact with him, he had sent you a small nod of his head and smile before disappearing into the dark.
Your best friend looked at you in question, but a deeper thought was spinning in her head. However, the little throat clear of the healer nearby jumpstarted the next 24 hours of care and therapy from your best friend and the best healers in Prythian. The whole endeavor couldn't tear your thoughts to a certain inner court male and the way his arms felt around you.
Author's Note: Just a lil oneshot. Lots of fluff â both IC and Azriel x Reader. Sleepy Azriel is the best Azriel! No warnings.
Y/nâs back was beginning to ache, like an uncomfortably hot stone had knotted itself into the base of her spine. She twisted this way and that in her seat, neck craning over the textbook like a slim tree in the wind. Her family members bustled around her. Cassian kneeled on the ground, palms outstretched as striking practice for Nyx. The little boy beat at him with tiny fists, every thump, thump, thump punctuated by a fake grimace from his favorite uncle.Â
âYouâre becoming too strong for me, little one,â Cassian cried out, cowering to the floor before sprawling out in a dying heap. Nyx leapt onto his chest, declaring his victory for the whole house to hear.Â
Nesta smirked from over her book, with Gwyn and Emerie similarly arranged around the coffee table.Â
Elain dragged Lucien out by one flour coated arm to watch for a few moments, a sugar-dusted smile on her rosy cheeks as she wiped sweat from her brow. âDinnerâs running late,â she called out before slipping back into the warm kitchen with her mate in tow.Â
Everyone hummed their acknowledgement.Â
Soon the boy grew tired from their games, but he was too proud to admit it. âWhatâs taking them so long?â He asked instead, taking the welcome break to lean his damp head of curls under Cassianâs chin.Â
âIâm sure theyâll be done anytime now.â Debriefs with Azriel always took long â the male was too thorough for his own good. Nyx made a point to glance at Y/n. His aunt always had a habit of disappearing into her work whenever Azriel was away. It kept her mind off the distance where it might have driven Cassian and Nesta, or Rhysand and Feyre mad.Â
Mated couples didnât like to be separated, especially not for this long. But at least Y/n could hear Azriel in her mind now. The bond had been stretched thin â his voice faint and difficult to hear â during his long months on the Continent.Â
Her head jerked up suddenly and no sooner had she stood up from her seat before Azriel was by her side in a burst of darkness. Tendrils of shadow snaked out from his feet, drinking up the sunlight like it was wine until the temperature stuttered with a cool whisper. He sank back into the seat, dragging her with him so she was sitting in between his sprawled out legs. He wrapped his arms firmly around her middle, pressing her back against his chest and nuzzling into the crook of her neck. Whispers were exchanged between presses of lips against skin. She smoothed the rough calluses of his hands, murmuring âWelcome home.â
And he answered in her mind, Gods I love you.Â
He rested his chin against her back, watching over her shoulder as she eventually went back to her reading, comforted by his presence so close to her. It was thrilling how much she loved him. Azriel could scarcely believe it most days.Â
I canât believe I get to love you. He thought sleepily. He hadnât intended to let the thought slip through the bond, but she warmed immediately, cheeks touched with heat.Â
Youâre a hopeless romantic. She teased.Â
He sighed happily, eyelids fluttering shut despite his best efforts. He hadnât slept well while he was away. He never did. His head grew heavy on her shoulder, but she appreciated the weight of him at her back.Â
When dinner was finally ready, and their family members carefully streamed through the kitchen, they marveled at the sight of Azriel fast asleep against Y/n, one hand of hers carded through his black hair.
Summary:Â Azriel loves you so much. Even though you can't cook. You're trying though.
Word count:Â 1.3k
Warnings:Â A small injury
a/n: Consider this a small gift to make up for me disappearing for a month <3 This is part of the line cook au, but as I've mentioned, nothing is really in order so read however you want :) The rest of this AU can be found in my masterlist right there ⏠love you <3
Main Masterlist âĄ
~~
âLike this?â You shook the pan a little harder, the handle's weight tweaking your wrist at an odd angle.Â
âAlmost. Try not to hold your elbow so close to your body. It wonât flip right.âÂ
You pressed your lips together and narrowed your eyes. âThis is so hard.âÂ
âI believe in you,â Azriel teased, an amused upturn of his eyes as he watched you struggle.Â
âWhy is this pan so heavy? Itâs literally like 40 pounds.âÂ
âItâs cast iron, baby.âÂ
âThatâs stupid.âÂ
Azriel barked out a laugh, red tinting his cheeks as if he hadnât expected the sound to leave his lips. Your mouth quirked up in a small smile despite your struggle. You shot your gaze to the side to try and catch the sweet expression that still lingered on Azrielâs face.
âWould you like me to do it?â Azriel posed after clearing his throat.Â
âOf course not. I came early so you could teach me.âÂ
âI could teach you another time. You have class soon.âÂ
âWhy do you want me to fail?âÂ
âI donâtââÂ
âYou totally do. You want me unable to cook for myself so Iâll always have to rely on you, and then Iâll never be able to leave you.âÂ
Azriel laughed again, a quiet, rumbling sound. âYou caught me. Now hand that over before you hurt yourself.âÂ
You groaned and turned slightly to evade your boyfriendâs reach. âAz, Iâm serious. Teach me how to flip these stupid eggs right now.âÂ
âOkay, okay. Just let me help.âÂ
The feel of Azrielâs hand lightly sliding over yours startled you. You jumped and your fingers twitched, the sudden motion sending the tips of your fingers too far forward until a simmering pain shot through your skin. You flung the pan back on the burner instantly, its contents splattering along the stove and into the open flame. It burned a bright orange and then settled as you held your hand close to your chest.Â
You hissed a breath through your teeth and Azrielâs hands were on you.Â
âShit, baby, let me see, yeah?â he stressed, mindlessly turning the burner off without taking his eyes off you. He tugged your hand at your chest with gentle fingers. âLet me see.âÂ
You released the tight grip on your fingers and rested them in Azrielâs open palm. âI was just surprised. I donât think itâs that bad.âÂ
Azrielâs brow furrowed as he examined your burn. He tsked, pulling you gently by your wrist over to the sink. âItâs going to blister.âÂ
Cool water rushed from the pipes and soothed your skin. Azriel held your wrist in a soft grip and turned your hand slowly, back and forth in a repetitive motion.Â
âI donât think so, Az. Itâs not that bad.âÂ
Azriel shook his head. âThat pan was pretty hotâIâd be surprised if it didnât.â He looked up at you. âIâm sorry, baby. I didnât mean to scare you.âÂ
You offered a gentle smile and pressed a kiss to his jaw. âYou didnât scare me.â You raised your brow playfully. âYou just made me nervous. A cute guy like you holding my handâreaching over to help me to cook. Made me all jumpy.âÂ
Azriel breathed out a disbelieving scoff. âIâve done far worse than just hold your hand.âÂ
âScandalous!â you proclaimed, affronted. âHow can you say such things at work, Azriel? Youâll be fired.âÂ
âI can only hope,â Azriel grumbled.Â
Azriel directed you to keep your hand under the water as he dug through a cabinet for the first-aid kit despite your protests. You truly felt that you were fine and didnât even need a bandaid, but it was easy to forget the multitude of scars that littered Azrielâs hands and how they contrasted with your completely unmarred skin.Â
That was purposeful, meaningfulâAzriel worked hard so you wouldn't have to. Azriel found peace in keeping you safe and happy.Â
So you let him fuss.Â
âOkay, let me see again, baby,â Azriel requested, flipping the water off and reaching for your hand. Your skin stung as it met the air beyond the sink, but Azrielâs caring touch was like a balm.Â
He dried your fingers with a towel and uncapped a spray bottle, coating your burn with too much of the medication before grabbing a set of gauze and tape. You stared at the materials in exasperation. Azriel didnât notice the expression and continued to admisinister care as if youâd been in a fire.
âAz, I love you so much, but I donât need all of that. Itâs a small burn. Iâve probably done worse with my curling iron.âÂ
Your boyfriend only hummed and continued his work. âI donât want it to scar. It blistered already.âÂ
âYes, butââÂ
âAlmost done.â
You let him work. A few moments of silence passed. Azriel kept his gaze hard and his brow set in a harsh line.Â
That wouldnât do.Â
Once your finger was fully wrapped and protected from everything Azriel could fear, you puckered your lips in contemplation and shook your head.Â
âStill hurts really bad,â you admitted, leaning back against the counter. Azriel followed your movements, leaving little space between you.Â
âWhat?â he questioned, a tinge of panic in his tone. âThat shouldâve numbed it. How bad does it hurt?âÂ
âReally, really bad. Like my whole hand is on fire, actually.â
Azrielâwho had yet to release your fingersâstared down at them in startled befuddlement. He turned them one way and then another as if that would answer his questioning gaze, and then looked back up to meet your eyes in a way that was almost pleading.Â
âIâm sorry, maybe I shouldââ
âYou have to kiss it,â you revealed, not wanting the sad expression to linger on his face any longer. âDuh.âÂ
Azriel let out a breath that bordered on relief, but most of it seemed founded in exasperation. He shook his head and brought your fingers up to his lips all the same, smiling to himself as he began to kiss each of your fingertips. Even the ones that clearly werenât burnt. He flipped your hand over and kissed the knuckles, too, capturing your eyes as he glanced at you from beneath his lashes.Â
ââM sorry you got hurt,â he mumbled with his lips against the back of your hand. âTold you you shouldnât try cooking, baby.âÂ
The warm feeling that had begun to seep into your chest paled in comparison to the offended scoff that echoed in the empty kitchen. Azrielâs poorly concealed, devious smile was hidden in the kisses he started pressing into your palm, and although it would have fit the sound you let out, you didnât pull away.Â
âAzriel, you are just asking for me toââÂ
âThe hell is going on in here?â The kitchen door smacked against the frame as Cassian made his entrance. âSomeone get hurt?âÂ
Azriel dropped your hand just as soon as Cassian had spotted him pressed against you, clearing his throat and turning to the disheveled first-aid kit on the counter. You brought your knuckles up to your mouth to hide your laugh at Azrielâs expense, his face flushing in vulnerability.Â
âOh, I see what was going on. You were romancing your girl, werenât you, Az? Well, donât let me interrupt. You came in early and everything,â Cassian teased, his hands raised in surrender.Â
âWe were just finishing up,â you countered, a laugh trickling through. âI have to get to class, Cass. You can start your shift.âÂ
âUh huh,â Cassian smiled, raising his brows and then lowering them when he caught your hand reaching for your backpack. âYou okay?âÂ
âSheâs fine,â Azriel interrupted. He took your bag from you and slung it over his shoulder, pressing a nonchalant kiss to your head that you knew was actually not nonchalant. âIâm going to take her to school. Cover for me for 20?âÂ
âSure, man.âÂ
âAz, I was going to take the bus you donât have toââÂ
âCâmon, baby.âÂ
âBut I donât even have my helmet for your bike.â
You've been gone. Azriel's been broken. Something has to change, and Azriel would do anything.
Part 2 of If You Cared to Ask
âThis is for you,â Mor huffed, plopping down a small bouquet of roses onto the growing garden that seemed to have sprouted on the table. âWhat is that, number twelve?âÂ
âI donât know, I donât count them,â you brushed off, your gaze falling on the gifts for a fleeting moment.
Mor hummed. âAre they doing anything for you?âÂ
âNot particularly.âÂ
Your friend shuffled into the small sitting room and gracefully landed in the chair beside yours, her eyes piercing a hole in the side of your head when you refused to look up. She sighed, and then sighed again, making a show of slotting her chin in her palm and looking forlorn.Â
The third sigh was your breaking point.Â
You placed your book on the table and turned to Mor with your brows raised. âYes?âÂ
âOh, nothing,â she airily replied. âI was just wondering when you were going to give this up. You donât have to forgive the guy, but at least put me out of my misery and let me tell him where youâre staying. Iâm basically a delivery service at this point. He says sorry again, by the way.âÂ
âOh, well in that caseââÂ
âMore than just sorry, but I canât remember everything he said. It was all rambly and his face was all gaunt.â Mor pressed her fingers up to cover her eyes. âIâm not even sure if heâs eating. Rhys had to stop sending him out because he almost fell out of the sky.â
âIs this supposed to make me feel bad?â
You hoped your ruse was believable because hearing that Azriel was doing so poorly did make you feel bad. Your heart lept up to your throat at the prospect of your mate falling from the sky from exhaustion. But he had had so many opportunities to make this right and you werenât about to give up your anger so easily.Â
Mor offered a sad expression that looked authentic this time. âY/n, he loves you. Heâs an idiot and the whole lot of them are mindless fools, but Azriel has never loved anything the way he loves you.âÂ
âYeah, Iâm sure,â you snorted. âAnd he shows that love by forgetting me and then arguing when Iâm clearly upset over it?âÂ
âI know. He told me how much of an ass heâs been. But, I promise you, Iâve known Azriel for a long time. He was justâjust handling everything with Rhys poorly. He felt so so guilty when Rhys got trapped. You know that.âÂ
You bit the inside of your cheek and avoided Morâs gaze. âI know.âÂ
The lack of vitriol in your tone had Mor perking up. âAnd you remember how hard he tried to get him backâhow broken he was when Rhys sent out his last message. Az feels responsible for everything when it comes to his family.â
You didnât need the reminder. The tortured way he carried himself over the past 50 years was evidence enough of the truth behind Morâs words. And you had been there to soothe that pain, to help run the court that Rhys left behind.Â
When silence persisted, Mor craned her neck to catch your gaze. âIâm not saying what he did was right, but you know heâs been in overdrive since Rhys returned. He goes off on those missions when Rhys calls, but⊠y/n, he only leaves without notice when his informantsâŠâÂ
Mor trailed off.Â
Your gaze finally flickered up. âWhen?âÂ
Mor bit her lip and winced. âHe told me not to tell you this part. He said he didnât want you to think he was making excuses.âÂ
âTell me anyways.âÂ
âFine. But you canât rat me out.â Mor sighed and leaned back in the chair, still facing you. âHe does go on every mission Rhys proposes, and thatâs⊠stupid, but he tells you about those ones, I think. When he just up and leaves, itâs becauseây/n, itâs because they're about you. You know thereâs a slew of people that want you dead for your involvement up in Illyria. He has a team of informants with the sole purpose of listening for you name.
âHe goes on Rhysâs missions because he doesnât want his family separated again, but sometimes, itâs because he just wants to protect his mate.âÂ
A stone dropped past your ribs and into your stomach. âBut, he never told meââÂ
âYou know these overgrown bats think that suffering in silence is an honorable thing to do,â Mor rolled her eyes. âThey overwork themselves fighting the good fight or whatever and seem to forget that the rest of the world is still out there, facing the consequences of their actions. And⊠I think he just wanted you to feel safe. I think heâs been scared.âÂ
Something sickly climbed its way up your consciousness. You looked down at your hands as they rested in your lap.Â
You hadnât seen Azriel in six days, and each day had more anger coursing through you, building up a wall that you thought impenetrable. Because you were so angry; Azriel had disappointed you time and time again, left you feeling abandoned and alone, and then he got defensive about it as if you were the one at fault.Â
Part of you always knew it was a defense of some sort, but you had thought it a defense of something nefarious. You had tossed around the idea of infidelity a few times, and that rivaled the thought of him simply falling out of love with you.Â
But it was this.Â
It was him hiding how hard heâd been trying to protect youâhowever idiotic his tactics may have been.Â
âYou can tell him where I am,â you murmured clenching your fingers into your palm. âAnd leave the door unlocked, I guess.âÂ
Mor had left the small apartment on the outskirts of Velaris before you finished your sentence.Â
It took approximately 7 minutes for a tentative knock to sound at your door.Â
Mor had left it unlocked, but there was still a knock.Â
You took a glance at the pile of flowers on the table before heading to the front door. The old floorboards creaked under your feet, a reminder of the rundown apartment you had sought out after you left. It was a frantic process, searching for a place to stay; you hadnât cared much for luxury or comfort. Â
Opening the door was jarring. Azrielâs wings were half-raised as if heâd just flown down and then forgot how to control them. His face was pallid with dark smudges beneath his eyes. His hair was windswept, expected from the flight, but it looked tugged at and disheveled beyond that.Â
âHi.âÂ
Maybe youâd been looking him over too long because Azrielâs voice cracked at the single word. He sounded unsure, verging on afraid, and all you had done was pass over his figure with your eyes.Â
You tightened your grip on the door handle. âUm, hi.â Your tone was harsher than you meant it to be.Â
Azriel flinched. âIâm sorry, Mor saidâŠâÂ
âNo, IâCome in.âÂ
You stepped back and pushed the door open to accommodate his hesitant steps into your rental. Azriel stood in the middle of the space and wrung his hands as you shuffled behind him, a slight tremor showing in his fingers. You leaned back against the door with your own hands pressed at the small of your back. You watched Azrielâs lingering gaze trail over the flowers in the corner of the room.Â
âYou didnât like them?â he meekly asked.Â
Something inside of you hurt.Â
âThey were okay,â you answered. âBut I didnât want flowers.âÂ
Azriel nodded and his lashes fluttered shut. His hands twitched.Â
âIâm sorryâfor the flowers, I mean. They were a pathetic reason to send Mor to you. You wanted to be left alone.âÂ
âI did not want to be left alone, Azriel.â You kicked away from the door, bringing your arms across your chest for some form of protection. âI wanted you. I wanted you to care about me.â
âI do,â Azriel stressed. He took a step forward and the wood beneath his boot creaked. âI do, y/n. I care about you more than anythingâI love you.âÂ
âThen why couldnât you show me? Why did it take me leaving, me getting hurt, for you to finally listen to me and see how much Iâve needed you?âÂ
Your chest was heaving, each word from your lips a choked gasp. Azriel took all of it and absorbed your full meaning, seeming to wince at every insinuation that he didnât love you. His jaw quivered and he opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.Â
âWhy did you stop talking to me?â you asked, a broken rendition of your anger. âWhyâMor told me⊠She told me things. Things that make sense. But why does it feel like I donât matter to you?âÂ
âMy love,â Azriel stressed. Yearned. He rushed forward, abandoning all reservations and gathering you into his arms as tears began making headway down your cheeks. âIâm so sorry, baby. I canâtâIâm so so sorry.â His words were almost lost against your temple as he held you, each apology a whisper of a kiss against your skin.Â
âYou werenât there and DevlonâheââÂ
âI know, angel, I know and Iâm so sorry. Had I known⊠Had I listened.â He pulled you back from his chest, crouching down to meet your eye and wiping tears from your cheeks. âAll Iâve ever wanted to do was keep you safe. I thought I was doing that. I donât know what Mor told youââÂ
âShe told me everything. She told me youâve been following leads about me and taking on too much. She told me youâre scared.âÂ
Azriel breathed and it sounded anguished. âI am terrified. We lost Rhysand and now you are in the throes of a society that almost killed me. IâI wake up every morning and everything is good and I am so afraid to lose that. I thought I was protecting you, protecting us. But I almost lost you andââÂ
You let out a breathy cry. âYou could never lose me, Azriel.âÂ
He pressed his forehead to yours, the wetness of his cheeks now apparent. Azrielâs hands were firm on either side of your head and his fingers laced up into your hair.Â
Gods, you missed him.Â
You missed him and everything hurt.Â
âIâll do better. Iâll be better. Just pleaseâplease, donât leave again. Please come home. Let me fix this.â
The want was overwhelming. It would be so easy to say yes, but it would be just as easy for nothing to change.Â
âYou canât do that again, Azriel,â you stressed, shaking your head and causing your mate to draw back. Only a breath was left between you. âYou have to tell me whatâs going on. You canâtâyou canât leave me in the dark. You canât make me feel like that.â
Azrielâs head shook in desperation. âI wonât. I promise I wonât.âÂ
âI need to know I can rely on youâtrust you.âÂ
âYou can, angel.âÂ
âI need to know that you love me.âÂ
A pained sound escaped Azrielâs throat. He licked his lips and reaffirmed his hold on your face, locking his eyes with yours in a beseeching gaze.Â
âI love you more than life itself, angel. I couldnât breathe when you were gone. I canât believe I made you think that I donât. You are my life. Let me show you. Please, let me show you.â
You tracked your eyes between both of his. âOkay, Azriel.âÂ
Azriel hasn't been listening. You got hurt. Sometimes, an argument can't be boiled down to just one instance.
Part 2
âYou never listen! I have tried over and over to get you to understand but itâs like you donât even care.â
Azrielâs brow twitched in irritation, the only tell on his otherwise passive face. âThat is not true. We have sat down and discussed this at length, y/n. I listen.âÂ
You laughed, an incredulous pressure weighing down your shoulders. âOkay, fine. You listen, but you never hear me, Azriel! I feel like Iâm talking to a brick wall most of the time.âÂ
âI can reiterate every word youâve ever said to me. I hear you and I listen to you.âÂ
Anger twisted through your gut at his nonchalance. You clenched and unclenched your fists and tried to ignore the heat slowly encroaching upon your ability to remain composed. Although, compared to Azriel, you were not even close to the picture of calm.Â
âTell me why it bothers me then,â you seethed through clenched teeth. âReiterate it for me, Shadowsinger.âÂ
Azrielâs jaw shifted as he clasped his hands together in his lap, the faelight in the kitchen clashing harshly with the planes of his face. He leaned back in his chair and let out a tortured sigh that almost sent you reeling.Â
âYou seem to believe,â Azriel began, his voice a low drawl. âThat I am blatantly avoiding youâthat I am choosing to serve my high lord in place of spending time with you. Both of which, I am not doing. I simply have a duty to this court, y/n. You know that.âÂ
âOh, fuck you, Azriel,â you rolled your eyes. âMaking this about duty and honor. Making me seem like Iâm the crazy one for being angry when you promised meââÂ
âYou know there is little I can do about promises,â Azriel snapped, a hint of anger finally showing through in the darkness of his eyes. âYou knew when we were mated that I have responsibilities that go beyond our relationship.âÂ
You pushed back from your seat at the table and set to pacing in the kitchen, fighting the urge to tug at the roots of your hair. âYes, obviously, Azriel, but this was so important to me. I needed you there and this isnât the first time Iâve been abandoned without even a word.âÂ
âAbandoned,â Azriel scoffed. âI would hardly call not showing up to your clinic at the camps one day abandoning you. Rhys needed me toââÂ
âI needed you!â you shouted, your hands pressed to the countertops and your gaze frantic as you stared at Azrielâs unmoving figure. âI needed you, Azriel. I had every eye on me in that camp and when Devlonâs men had me yanked from the clinic for what I was doing I needed you toââÂ
âHe did what?âÂ
âOh, donât act like you care now.â You waved off the staunch posture he had adopted and rolled your eyes for a second time at the piercing hatred that had taken over his expression. âDonât you dare act like you have the right.âÂ
âYou are my mate, y/n. If anyone put their hands on youââÂ
âWell, they did. Bruised up my arms and everything. But you were so busy with your duty to your high lord that you couldnât give a shit until after I was thrown into the mud surrounded by the women I was supposed to be helping up there.âÂ
Azrielâs hands turned white as he clenched them in his lap. His lashes fluttered and his brow furrowed and he looked utterly lost at the situationâunable to formulate any kind of response to what could be considered his failure.Â
âI thought you were simply setting up the back rooms. I didnât know you were starting the practice or speaking to the camp,â he croaked, eyes downcast and searching the floor.Â
âExcept I told you I was. I told you two weeks ago and then again right before I left.âÂ
âIâI canât remember you saying that.âÂ
âOf course you canât. Because if it isnât Rhys giving you orders or Cassian leading training youâre absent. You stand right in front of me and youâre not even here.â
Azriel finally looked up from the ground and met your eyes with the same torture his sigh made you privy to earlier. But this time it was rooted in something elseâthis time, he seemed to finally grasp the weight behind your words.Â
But you were utterly sick of trying to get him to this point.
âIâm so sorry, my love,â he expressed, pain in the furrow of his brow. âI hadnât realizedâwith Rhys just returning to Velaris Iâve been so caught up inââÂ
âIâm sorry too,â you cut him off.Â
Azriel froze. âWhat?âÂ
You bit the inside of your cheek and felt the dread begin to rise. You knew you were going to hate this part, but you hadnât expected Azriel to apologize. He hadnât apologized for anything in months. Youâd been alone in this relationship and he chose the day youâd packed your bags to show remorse.
âI canât do this, Azriel. Not right now.âÂ
âCanât do what?âÂ
The silence in the kitchen was oppressive. Azriel had leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and you were on the other side of the kitchen counter, protected by a barrier you knew you should have put up weeks ago. Your eyes never left his.Â
âI canât do this with you.âÂ
Azriel breathed in sharply, his eyes widening. âNo,â he stressed, heaving up from the chair. âNo, y/n, donâtâwhat do you mean you canât do this? Explain it to me.âÂ
Your mate attempted to round the counter and reach for you, but you werenât going to accept the affectionâŠnot when you had been begging for it for months. Not when he was only ready to give it to you now.
You backpeddled until you reached the hall. Azriel didnât follow, afraid you would take off.Â
âIâve been telling you this was a problem for months now. I thought it was just an adjustment periodâI knew that having Rhys back would change things at first and I was okay with that. Your brother returned from hell and you needed to be there to support him. To support your family.Â
âBut Iâm your family, too. And you forgot that. I canâtâI canât be relying on someone like that right now. Iâm doing too much at the camps for you to⊠forget about me so easily. I canât keep building you up in my mind just to be disappointed and hurt.âÂ
Azriel's jaw quivered.Â
âEmotionally and physically. I wouldâve asked someone else to come to the clinic with me yesterday, but I chose you. And you forgot about me.âÂ
Azirel looked as if heâd been punched in the stomach, his shoulders caving in with his anguished breath out. You pressed your lips together as you watched him, all of your anger morphing into a twisted sort of guilt that didnât sit right in your gut.Â
âPlease,â Azriel whispered. His hands shook at his side. âPlease, Iâm so sorry, my love. I never wantedâPlease, donât leave me.âÂ
âYou donât get to have both, Azriel.â Your voice was as weak as his. âYou donât get to have me and treat me like Iâm something you deal with on the side. I matter more thanâÂ
Azriel shook his head and broke through your words. âYou matter more than anything. Iâve been a fool. I know Iâm an ass. Please, let me fix this, my love. Please donât leave.âÂ
You clenched your fists so hard your nails embedded into your palms.Â
âI need time to be alone.âÂ
Azriel was quick to nod. âIâll give it to you. Iâll leave andââÂ
âNo, I need⊠more time than that. I have some things packed. Iâll be back, but⊠I need to leave. I canât think clearly around you.âÂ
A choked cry left Azrielâs throat and the sound burned at your waterline. âWhere?âÂ
You only shook your head.Â
âTell me where. Please. How am I supposed to know youâre safe?âÂ
warnings: mentions of child birth, azriel being so grossly protective and loving, tooth rotting fluff
author's note: i'm actually so in love with this. based on this request âĄ
Your labour was anything but an easy one. You had been pushing for six hours. You're beyond tired. Madja has been trying to make this as painless as possible for you, but birthing an Illirian's baby with wings was a challenge you weren't ready for. You were shattered, and absolutely drained. Azriel has been nothing but supportive, whispering sweet nothings in your ear for the duration of your labour.
"You're doing so well, angel. You're almost there. Just one more push." he had said, wiping a line of sweat from your forehead, pushing your hair out of your face.
And now, six hours later, your baby girl is born. Arella, the most perfect little girl. You can't take your eyes off of her, even though your mind is screaming at you to go to sleep, get some rest. Azriel notices you fighting sleep and moves over to you, sitting on the edge of the bed, taking your hand in his. "You need some sleep my love. I'll watch her while you rest." You exhale deeply, nodding in agreement. You really could use the rest.
You look up at Azriel, closing your eyes and opening them again slowly, dreadfully tired. "I look like an absolute mess right now. I desperately need a bath, Az." you say, and Azriel's features soften. He takes your hand in his, looking at you with a small smile. "You look as beautiful as ever, my sweet girl." he places a feather light kiss to your lips. Your heart flutters at his words, and you tear up at the gesture. If Azriel did only one thing in all the time you've known him, it would be showing you that you're always beautiful. No matter the day or event. Even after pushing a living faerie out of your body for six hours.
Your eyes flutter closed not long after, and you awaken several hours later. Thoroughly rested and ready for the whirlwind that is motherhood. Azriel is there as you wake with baby Arella in his hands, a protective hold on her. You're pretty sure that she might be the safest babe in all of Prythian. You smile at the two, your whole world.
And you wouldn't have it any other way. Life with Azriel is everything you could ever hope for. And now you'd be sharing it with Arella too.
