I recently just reread twitch rivals (and by recently i mean i just finished it a couple minutes ago lol) and i just wanted to say that its still one of my favorite fanfics that i’ve ever read, and your writing is just ?? *chefs kiss*, I also checked if you’re still active (and tried to find some more TR content hehe) and was surprised that you posted smth in tagalog and i was like “OMG KABABAYAN???????” LIKE WHAT!! i was so surprised the one who wrote probably my favorite sunghoon ff ever was filipino as well like omg im so 🥹🥹🥹 but yeah!!! i dont really do this stuff so im sorry if this was a bit long but i just wanted to share my appreciation for your writing even tho ure not active anymore 🫶🫶🫶 i hope you have a great day!!!!
— xx cutesy anon
hiii !! 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 thank you for letting twitch rivals live in ur heart for this long. i can’t believe it’s been years since i wrote that .. TBH still one of my favorite things i’ve written too and god knows how much fun i had when i was actively releasing it .
thank u for taking the time out to write this kababayan hehehehe. i hope you have great days everyday and forever
Cops and robbers is and always will be one of the texts that keeps me coming back to this site (Seung-girlie). I just love the way you’ve written a seemingly simple trope so playfully, refreshingly and artfully. You have such a lovely gift that I hope you yourself can recognise!! All the best x
i know this is a very long overdue response but thank u sm 🥹 Always so very grateful for comments and messages like these . Oh i miss writing so much
hi! this is my indefinite hiatus announcement — long overdue but i always thought maybe i could find the time but everyday i’ve just been going home completely exhausted from uni
it’s def been so much fun writing! i had so many ideas written .. partially written . so many plans :’)
i’m not sure if i should archive my acc or keep it up so u guys could come back to a few fics u’d want to reread. let me know haha
and honestly idk if i’d ever find the time and come back but maybe u’ll catch me here and there, once every few months ? year ? unless i decide to archive BUT thank u sm for such happy years and thank u for being so kind to me and my work !!!!
i def owe a lot of the happiness and irreplaceable memories to u guys <3
your works are so gorgeous. truly. i love how real and raw they can be, as lighthearted as some are - the way the humour, emotions and themes r intertwined so artfully. its such a gift you have. reminds me why i love this art form so deeply.
hi, thank you so much for ur kind kind kind words ! i really do intend to write w as much rawness and sincerity that i can to try and write out feelings into words so this means so much to me 🥹
trope: kim seungmin x fem!reader | exes-to-lovers ; slight angst ; reuniting summary: coming home to the province, you reunite with your first love whom you'd left behind for a life in the city wc: 2.3k words
Gongjin is a small coastal village somewhere a little far from the city. There aren’t many things to do there, but the view of the ocean and the mountains subject it to a few tourists sometimes who are looking for an escape, despite the distance.
The way to your settlement from Seoul takes three hours, but you’re not too sure.
During winter, it takes longer than usual for the train to travel, and the walk downhill is challenging with snow heavy on your boots. However, you’re a few months short of the season, and the spring sun allows you for a shorter trip home.
So, it nearly ends up taking two hours and a half for you to reach Gongjin. And when you take the first few steps into your small town, you can’t help but think of how long it’s been since you’ve felt the familiar light breeze that used to greet you every day. Not a lot has changed in those six years. It still looked as beautiful as ever.
A gust of wind greets you as you pass the town hall, alongside the chatter of villagers around you. Behind you, the sun was slowly starting to set by the distant ocean.
On a different day, you could almost remember everything that happened on the route to your house—the wheels of your bike making squeaking noises, the sound of barefoot running, the laughter of two people. Yours and Seungmin’s.
A whirl of emotions emerge and sink to the bottom of your stomach as you think of your first love. The last time you were home, you’d said goodbye to him. Now, all you have left are pictures in your phone and a supercut of memories. What a grief it is that life and time work in the way they do, always forward and never back.
You decide to blot him out of your thoughts in exchange for the ambiance of the coffee shop you used to frequent. It looked the same, and you wonder if the owner is still the old woman who saw hope in you before you did.
You pull your scarf over your nose as a few customers slip past you to exit the shop.
“(Name)?” A familiar voice calls.
Turning to where it was coming from, you see Hwang Hyunjin waving at you. He looked like a stranger with the way time played beautifully on his features, his now longer hair, and the way his eyes crinkled in experience. But, despite the inevitable change, he still smiled the same.
“Hyun?” You can’t help the way you mirror his smile, greeting him with a hug. He’s warmer than you remember.
“I grew out my hair and dyed it blonde, what do you think?,” he asks.
“It’s very dramatic, but I don’t expect anything else from you.” He feigns offense at your response, and you laugh at his reaction. It was relieving to know that some things still felt the same.
“It’s been a while since you came home.” He says, the tone of his voice significantly softer.
A feeling akin to guilt sits on your sternum. You never got to give him a proper goodbye. You can only laugh a little, trying to shake off the heavy feeling. “How’s Kkami?”
“She’s been eating a lot these days. You should come visit and see her.” Hyunjin catches you up on all things big and small; his painting endeavors, the business he’d opened up, his driving lessons, everything that he can think of. The one-sided conversation was something he didn’t mind. He was just happy you were back, and listening to him like you always did.
He kept going, kept words flowing, until he decided to stab the air.
“Does Seungmin know you’re here?”
Your heart rate begins to rise at the mention of his name, so much so that you could hear the blood pumping in your ears. “Uh, no. I actually just arrived a few hours ago.”
“You should see him. He really misses you, you know. Has for the last six years.”
You know how devastated he was when you left is something Hyunjin decides to leave out.
You feel your breath catch in your throat, and a mix of contradicting emotions in your stomach.
Seungmin had come before the decision you made of coming to the city, and as much as your recollection of him fails because of time, he’d always been kept safe in your heart.
“Yeah, of course.”
“I’ll tell him you’re home.” Hyunjin said no more before he wrapped his arms around you in a brief embrace and told you he had to go.
He didn’t have to narrate the details of Seungmin’s grief when you’d left him for the city, didn’t have to tell you how many nights the boy would drunkenly stumble across his apartment, asking where love was and why he hasn’t seen it in years.
He still wears the necklace you’d given him.
Instead, Hyunjin opts to smile politely before leaving.
+
You don’t expect anyone to visit your mother’s home except for the delivery man who had with him the water and electricity bills, and sometimes fruits he needed to deliver. No one really came by if they didn’t have any reason to.
The knock at your front door that evening came without warning. You were sure the delivery man dropped by every Saturday, four days away from the present. But you reason it could be a schedule change.
You walk past the living room where the same pieces of furniture stay in the very same places. Your mother never liked changing things and moving them around.
The doorknob scorched your fingers as you reached to open it.
“Hyunjin wasn’t joking. You really are home.”
Your eyes grow to double their usual size at the sheer familiarity that greets you at your door.
“Hi.” Seungmin breathes out. “I’m sorry for barging in like this, but I just had to know for sure that you were… home.”
It’s been years since you last heard his voice, but you would never lose the ability to distinguish it in a crowd of thousands.
He had changed so much within the six years that you were gone. The long, brunette hair he’d let fall over his forehead was shorter now, and he had a broader back. He probably came with new mannerisms and routines you wouldn’t be able to recognize. But even then, he still smiled the same, he still laughed the same, he still felt the same.
“You’re here. You’re actually here.” You fail to notice the hopeful glint in his eyes, and the way he’s trying to be careful with his words. How is a conversation supposed to go after being absent for so long?
“Mom called, said she missed me.”
“The whole town missed you, (Name). I… I missed you.” His tone is a mix of resignation, upset, and a tinge of desperation. Things like these were always hard for Seungmin to admit, but he finds he can’t withhold his honesty when he’s around you. It’s either the truth or nothing with you.
“I missed you too, Min.” And then there’s a flicker of indefinable emotion that flashes across his face at the nickname you used to call him, but he tries to make it look calculated. It isn’t fair that you still have him feeling this way, not when you’d left him.
And you don’t have the audacity to have been so cruel to him and not invite him to your home any longer, so you ask if he wants to come in, and he asks if you’re sure, and you’re not, but you let him in anyway.
+
“Hi.” Seungmin starts again.
You don’t realize how much has been deprived of you until you invite him back into your life unknowingly. And you’re unsure of what to say to him, not after so many years have passed by. Not after what you did to him.
At first, Seungmin had tried to make up for the distance between you. He’d send you messages, call once a month at least, as if it would be able to salvage whatever the two of you had left.
In that way, you could still be a part of his life. And he kept it up, for a while, even when you long stopped replying. He wrote, and messaged, and never expected a reply until he stopped. He would never know why you’d cut contact with him.
He would never know why you just wouldn’t remember to miss him like he did with you.
The first year, you ached for your old life. You were afraid you’d run home the longer he’d talked to you, not when you’ve worked too hard to achieve the greatness you’d always aimed for.
“Your hair’s shorter.”
“Just wanted to try something new.” He lets out a small laugh, brings a hand to his hair in an abashed scratch.
“It looks good. Uh, sit down. Wherever you’d like.” You don’t know what else to say, or how to respond to him. You choose to walk a few steps towards your kitchen instead. “Do you still drink coffee the same way?”
“Yeah.” He takes a seat just as you turn off the faucet, setting the kettle on high heat.
There are so many things you want to say to him—things you had refused to say before and you’re too afraid to say now because they’ll all just come out wrong. They’ve fossilized in your mouth for so long.
You take the two cups and make your way towards him. “Here. It’s always cold on spring nights.” You hand one to him before hesitantly sitting next to him. When he takes a sip, you decide to say the two words that’d burdened you since you arrived.
“I’m sorry.”
Seungmin keeps the piping hot mug in his hands.
“It’s okay.”
While it had pained him that the only way he could get to you before were Facebook posts he refuses to mute, he’d gotten over it. It didn’t hurt as much as it brought a nauseating nostalgia.
“But it’s not.”
You don’t mean to, but your eyes lock with his, the same eyes you’d avoid meeting with the fear of seeing a life you could’ve lived with him if you stayed. You don’t want him to think you weren’t at least apologetic for what you did, even if it was for the better.
“I understand why you did it.” You watch his shoulders relax as he takes another sip. He doesn’t let his eyes stray away from you than the few seconds it takes to drink coffee. Genuine.
“But I hurt you.” It comes out in a whisper, and it looks like you’re beating yourself in your head. You say it like your wrists are meant to be bound in chains. Like you deserved the pain you’d inflicted on him.
“You didn’t mean to.” He mutters. He has the sound of understanding in his voice. “It’s not your fault I still think of you every single day after you left, either.”
The same moon reflected on the same surfaces even after you left, and the same stars twinkle in your absence. They make him regard your absence. They just remind him of you. Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
“Do you…” Seungmin hesitates. “Do you ever think of me too?”
“All the time. I was so afraid I’d forget you.”
“Did you?”
“No. But I’ve forgotten a lot of things.” You bring your line of sight to his hands. Were his palms as warm as it was when he’d held your hand the day you left? Do you recount the way he kissed you correctly?
“Will you help me remember?,” you whisper, meaning to say it to yourself. He hears you.
His lips twitch at your question. He doesn’t say a word, but he doesn’t need to. Not when he moves to sit a little closer to you, not when he sets his mug down in favor of taking your hand in his.
How dare the city cost the feeling of his hand in yours?
Seungmin looks at you with the kind of smile he hasn’t felt since you said goodbye to the province. A squeeze of your hand follows. It prompts you to bring your sight to his lips, and the way he’s looking at you like he did years ago.
“Can I kiss you?”
He brushes his lips against yours so delicately. Almost hesitant. Almost hopeful that you want the same thing. You kiss him after you say another ‘sorry’.
Seungmin kisses you with the thought of never letting go, the way he had wanted to for years, the way he had been stripped of the ability to. He kisses you with the same love, the same beating heart from six years ago. There is heat, and heat, and desperation, and love, and heat when his fingers graze over your cheeks.
When he pulls back, your mouth twitches with the urge to kiss him again. You do, and every emotion you’ve felt the past years collide into the kiss. His hands fit perfectly locked around your waist, just like they’ve always been. And while his hands were a little rough, his lips were soft, forgiving even if there was a little pain etched in it.
He snatches you by the arm and brings you to his chest when you’ve lost your breath, hands bunching in the sweater you’re wearing, the one his mom had given you many Christmases ago.
When he holds you, you palpitate in fear of the forgetting spirit’s pursuit. That you’ll forget how this would feel again.
Seungmin holds you tighter. There is still so much to make up for all the things you’ve forgotten, and all the things he lost when you left.
He hopes he’ll be enough to make you stay this time.
note. in honor of eternal sunshine (deluxe), here’s a from the vaults fic i’ve kept in my drafts since last year. enjoy!
no questions but you are such a talented writer <33 genuinely, you have such a way with words and i admire you so much! please keep going, the way you write is so lovely <333 keep up the good work!! tooooo amazing
:(((((((((((( what the hell. thank u so much !!!! i’m so so so so honored and privileged and grateful to even receive words like these
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