disaster fren

He/They 26 Idk this is a garbage fire. https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ficauthor/works

[ficauthor]

My main goal on tumblr dot com is to make a fandom post so emotionally devastating and resonant if entirely shifts how people view the character. And also makes them want to find my ip address so they can kill me with rocks

[hollanov-words]

MyShane was DEVASTATED when "Ilya Rozanov Best Hits Compilation" by Hockey_Guy435423 disappeared due to copyright claims. It only had like 200 views and 100 of them were Shane watching with his dick in his hand.

There are others from SportsNet and ESPN but that one just had a certain je n'ais ce quoi that got Shane going. Shane DMs Hockey_Guy435423 but doesn't hear back and goes on a deep dive trying to figure out if there's a way to recover deleted youtube videos and he never does but it's okay because in the process he finds like 5 more Ilya Rozanov fight compilation videos from small creators. He meticulously downloads these to a special folder just in case and adds them to the regular rotation.

[connorstorriegifs]

Connor Storrie + his signature wink

Bonus: Art Imitates Life

[pureloveandspite]

I couldn’t resist doing this for Scott Hunter after how often Ilya gives him sh*t for being old 😂

Song: Kesha -D.I.N.O.S.A.U.R ✨

[skepsies]

I WANNA DO BAD THINGS WITH YOU!!!!!!!!

[sylvanitchi]

looks at you like this

[niceinchnails]

It was a clitorical question

[madamoisellemabry]

i do think there’s a world where ilya tells cliff marleau about the friendship plan and cliff is like “well if ur cover story is friendship than we need to make ur reputation with friends super gay king” and ilya is like “bro … you would do that … for us …” and cliff is like “no worries big dawg”. because like, hollander doesn’t do the gay for the homies thing naturally, but if roz has a reputation, it won’t be weird if he does it in public even if hollsy doesn’t reciprocate. cliff is a genius.

anyway, that’s how the internet spends a year speculating that ilya rozanov and cliff marleau have explored each others bodies. they are so all over each other and constantly tweeting gay shit about each other that ilya’s time with shane barely even gets a second glance. the first time ilya drags shane out to meet cliff, a photo gets posted on twitter and everyone is like “poor shane having to third wheel these two #ally”.

obviously shane is gnawing on furniture because he’s so jealous, but the plan does work. and when they get outed, cliff works it into his best man speech.

[shrekhollander]

Fat toddler Shane grinning happily when his dad takes him a photo on his first day of school.(kinder garden) He is holding a backpack that is bigger than he is and he struggles as he runs outside to get in the car. He is so excited to go to school.

He comes back home with his angry kitten face and his pouty chubby cheeks because he realized school was not as cool as he thought.

[ilyapasta]

Post-outing and post- honeymoon pre-season Hollanov step out and are photographed for the first time in Ottawa featuring Shane— white t-shirt pre-season muscles bulging gray sweatpants dick outline healthy yes he's wearing his reeboks Mom and Ilya— decked out in TIGht Adidas track pants with the snaps black tank top clinging to that waist with Anya on a bedazzled leash— YES they're holding hands rings glinting in the golden hour YES they have their dog at this outside restaurant seating YES they're going to win this season YES Shane will have dessert and will give the first bite to his husband YES they're dropping a black card in the bill YES they're kissing each other's hands at the table and in a way it's kind of like Diana in her revenge dress except their best revenge is just living their best fucking life TOGETHER

[gobelindoll]

im rereading project hail mary already dont judge

[thegoatboy]

Just saw a leather jacket that says “my other ride is your dad” on the back and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same

[jairoglyphs]

let’s give credit where it’s due and thank ms. bob the drag queen

[dyslexic-canine-deactivated2025]

Me walking on my gay paws

[dispatchesfromtheclasswar]

[burymecherry]

thinking about hollanov having an outdoor shower at the cottage. shane had one installed to wash the lake water and sand off before going back inside after swimming, of course ilya discovers it on his first visit and he has to be horny about it. seeing shane use it after a dive in the lake, midday sun hitting his tan skin, swim trunks clinging to his body and around his ass, he wanders up to shane and wraps around him under the water kissing at his shoulders as the water runs over him in rivets. he plays with the waistband on shane’s trunks trying to see how far he can get shane to go, feeling him squirm and protest because they “can’t” they’re outdoors…anyone can see…what if my parents drive up. ilya just sinks to his knees and tells him he better be quick then…

ilya makes it his mission to fuck shane properly in the outdoor shower. maybe they go for a sunset swim one day and ilya is just rinsing off completely naked in the outdoor shower cause his trunks had “sand in them” and he’s glowing golden under the water…the soft spray of it diffusing off of him and creating rainbows in the sun. water dripping down his legs and into his v-line and down down down. shane is standing near by in his towel trying not to pass out at this spectacle. ilya motions for shane to drop his towel and trunks while putting a hand on his cock and stroking slowly. a recreation of the first time but this time it’s not in the dingy rink showers…this time they’re at their favorite place in the world, and they’re in love and it’s open but so private and it’s just the perfect amount of exhibition for shane. he joins ilya in the shower and they kiss hot and hungry, their skin slick with water sliding together. the warm water contrasting with the cool late summer air creating goosebumps on skin. shane is whispering to ilya between kisses “wanted it just like this…the first time-couldn’t stop staring at you, i was so scared you could read my mind” ilya is laughing softly softly against his skin “i could and i did, you are many things lyubimyy but subtle is not one” and shane is just kissing him back harder taking him in hand and showing him exactly what was on his mind.

[ivehearditbothgays]

that's not his name!!

[maulscrafts]

^ embroidered a net onto the front pocket of these overalls

^ shrimp in there