Freely Jayly

Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager. A mutant yet ordinary.

[soohyejang]

한 때 강남에 샵에서 마치 밀리어네어라도 된 것 마냥 한껏 차리고 다니던 시절이 있었다. 매일 매일이 감시를 당해야 할 정도로 유명했던 시절이 있었다. 여행객들이 가득한 광화문한복판에서 아무것도 아닌것 마냥 유유히 광화문의 높은 건물로 핸드백하나 들고 구두를 똑똑거리며 들어서던 때가 있었다. 팀장님이라 불리고, 대표님이라 불리던 때가 있었다. 

그랬던 내가 미국이란 도시에 억지로 찾아와서는 스물 아홉이나 되서  다시 인턴생활을 하고 있다. 나라는 사람에 대해 그 누가 알지도, 신경쓰지도 않는 동네에서 어떻게하면 조금 더 돈을 벌까, 어떻게 하면 장학금을 벌까, 어떻게하면 시급이라도 받는 직장에 취직 할 수 있을까, 어떻게 하면 더 인정받을까 고민을 하다가 어쩔수없이 불법으로 아르바이트를 해야하고 학자금대출을 받아야만 하는 신세에 놓여있다. 학비를 제외하면 통장에 남은돈은 거의 없다.

자꾸 사고를 내고, 먼가를 부러트리고, 깨먹는다. 

 한국의 한강이 그립고, 출근길이 그립다. 내가 하고픈 것을 공부하러 왔는데 머이리 불만이 많고 슬프고 답답한 지 모르겠다. 금전적인 문제만 해결됬다면 이런 생각까지는 안했겠지...  요즘 한국에서 나와 같은 또래 아이들이 결혼을 하고, 가정을 이루거나, 엄청 유명해졌거나, 여전히 예쁘고, 여전히 더 멋있는 모습을 보면 또 다시 가기가 싫어진다. 현실인데, 나는 또 현실을 부인하고 있다. 내가 얼마나 대단한 사람인 지 모두가 잊었거나 모두가 알지 못한다는 사실이 화가나지만 더 화나는 건, 내 자신이 더이상은 대단한 사람이 아니란 사실이다. 내 영어는 화가 가득한 영어이고, 거칠 뿐이다. 내 몸짓역시 가벼운 자유의 몸짓이 아닌, 무겁고, 답답한 몸짓이다. 내 그림은 내 자신을 표현하려는 그림보다는 나의 대단함을 드러내기 위한 쉬운 그림들 뿐이다. 한국에서든, 미국에서든, 친구들과 어울리려면 어떻게 해야하나 싶다. 나는 내 친구들의 수준에 맞출 경제적 여유가 되지 않는데.. 이렇게 불만과 걱정만 하다가 내 주말은 언제나처럼 지나가고, 다시 언제나처럼 의미없는 월요일이 찾아온다. 그리곤, 또 다시 혼자있을 주말만을 기다린다.  만일 지금 다시 한국으로 돌아간다면, 시애틀에서 보낸 모든 시간들이 한낮의 달콤한 낮잠처럼 느껴지겠지..

미국사람들은 언제나 말한다. Be Open. 오픈하라고. 솔직해달라고. 그렇다고 솔직하게 말을 하면 그들은 그냥 공유해줘서 고맙다는 무슨 테라피에서나 나올말들만 상피적으로 해댄다. 그건 정말 도움이 되지 않는다는걸 모르나... 내가 요즘 말하는 모든 건, 너무나 부정적이고.. 슬플 뿐이다. 언제나 유학을 간 사람들을 보며, 저 사람들은 바보같다고, 만약 나라면 이렇게 하겠다고.. 자신있게 말했었는데, 이제서야 왜 그런지 이해하고 있다. 너무나 제한이 많은 이곳에서 내가 할 수 있는건 외국인으로서 학비를 잔뜩 기부하는 것 밖에 할 수 있는게 없다. 내가 가진 수많은 아이디어와 스킬도 그들에겐 소용이 없다. 

그리고 이 모든 불만을 한국친구들에게 말한다면 그래도 미국에서 살 수 있는게 부럽다고 할것이다. 하지만 그들은 지금 가진 것을 정말 모두 포기해야 한다는 걸 모른다. 엄마도 가끔은 그냥 조용히 하라고, 힘들다고 표내지 말라고 야단을 치신다. 한국인들은 반대이다. 속마음을 이야기하는것이 주접이고 불편하니까..

나는 욕심이 많긴 하다. 그래서인지 그만큼 심적으로 업다운도 심한 편인데, 그 이유가 바로 그동안 너무 많은 지위와 위치에서 왔다갔다 했기 때문이다. 

그래서 결국 지금 한국에 돌아가는 건 말도 안되고.. 기왕 그렇게 모두 포기하고 온거, 석사학위는 끝내고 가야겠다. 그리고 정말 아무런 고생도 안한것 처럼, 정말 정말 예뻐져서 갈거다. 그리고 한국에 돌아갈 땐, 후회없이 시애틀을 떠날거다... 이제부터는 정말 이기적인 사람이 되야겠다. 나를 위해서.. 나는 나를 너무 포기했었으니까... 

[soohyejang]

Void

I just offered a job to three people.

One my mentor became a professor at an university.

Two my friend got a job as a main dancer for a mainstream music video

Three I offered a strangers to take over my management job in Korea.

I am writing a grant to save the world while I am starving to pay my tuition fee.

I do this. Thinking that it will all come back to me. But has it?

I am still lost these days. I hate being a person of color. I want to talk about something but it’s just lingering in my mouth. I am busy but not productive. I am broke. My body is not functioning well out of stress. I complain all the time.

What’s wrong with me?

I need a mentor...Good one to tell me what I can do now.

[soohyejang]

Yesterday and Today

How much you achieved yesterday doesn’t really matter. What matters is today.

[soohyejang]

A Stranger in Seattle

Almost no one was from Seattle when I first arrived in this city. But it seemed like everyone had a scar deep inside when they were coming to Seattle. It could be their job, family, people, weather or anything. People warned me about the ‘Seattle freeze’ earlier but it was later when the word stricken me. After spending about 5months for my graduate study, I finally started to feel the isolation from the community, lack of diversity and the warmth among people. I was lost in color and the city suddenly seemed cold and blue in the rain.

I am a Korean girl from Korea. My first experience with US was when I did my exchange student program in a small town called, Seymour in Indiana. So you can imagine how different I could feel in one of the most white towns in US. But I never had the identity crisis back then. They all wanted to be friends with me and I wanted to be like them. I admired my people in town and they respected me. It was such a warm town that I have never felt homesick during my stay. I still think of Seymour as my second hometown. My American experience went on as I was working in other countries in Asia and Europe. And ever since I left Seymour, I have been always wanting to go back to US. Now, here I was after 15 years in Seattle, Washington. 

I came especially to Seattle because of my graduate school program studying Arts Leadership. I was told that Seattle was the third artistic city after New York and Chicago. I wanted to experience an artistic and young city where I could actually take part in. I loved Seattle first of all. But slowly, I started to see the real face of it.

My school program was designed to grow arts leaders in the community. So, we had a lot of Arts leaders as panels. My cohorts were all very competent people as I was watching a tv show ‘Apprentice’. All our professors are working professionals in town. I had a lot to learn from them even though the lecture was limited only into ‘Seattle’ area. At first, I did not like the idea of learning cases only in Washington area but later I started to feel Seattle as it was my own hometown. And this was a big problem.

Now that I took Seattle as ‘my space’ and took myself as a community member, I started to care about the issues in our town. I volunteered in community nonprofits. I took workshops and talks on discussing the issues in town. I worked for the school’s nonprofit program which gave me more information about the community. I was so passionate about being in a part of something. But this was when I started to get confused about my identity. In my country, I had no such thing as a color. But now, I was categorized as a person of color. People talk about racial equity so much but I was always stuck in the conversation. I could not understand everything they say. Some were not logical. It was more about black or white. Yet, I had no leader of my kind who could understand my situation. But I was not even an American. I was not in a position to get involved in this conversation. I was just a stranger from another country.

Everything was confusing. I did not even have to play a part as a community member but I was trying so hard to find my identity. I went over to Seattle Asian Art Museum to look for... perhaps something that would accord me. They were exhibiting Korean Contemporary Arts Series but it just seemed so far away from me. I had no energy and I decided to rent a car on the way back home and the accident happened. Everything fell apart since then and I was searching for something that will fire my heart again but I was too afraid to go out even walk outside. I needed a help.

So, I first started to find back myself. I took a rest. I spent time by myself in my room, a space alienated from the city. Soon, I went out to a yoga studio, which perhaps the warmest place in Seattle. I always liked this healthy part of Seattle. People might be cold to each other but they really cared about themselves more than any other cities. That day, the yoga instructor said this and it melted my heart. “The world loves you. Do you love yourself as much as the universe love you? 

When I started to love myself again, I started to care about people around me.

Looking back, I remember making calls to people around me on the day of the accident. It was a rush hour and no one answered me but my boss at work answered me. As soon as I heard her voice, I fell apart and started to cry like a lost baby. But I also remember this counterpart driver being goofy at me trying to make me laugh and console me. He was one of the most positive person in late few weeks of rain and gloomness. He said “ I hope this experience doesn’t give you a bad impression about Seattle. Just take it as a learning experience.” As two strangers, my boyfriend and I felt weird yet thankful about the accident.

I went back to work right away. It was important to be present somewhere at this point. My job as an intern at a local art organization kept me busy till now and I had an amazing experience with them but too much volunteering work sometimes wore me down. As an international student, I could not get paid for my workload. So, I volunteered everywhere to experience everything and the time of the accident was when I started to feel tired about working for free. I came to US with my money of 3 years labor back in Korea. So, I wanted to make it meaningful. At this interning job, I had three bosses who were doing very important job for the community. They were small numbered but humble and hard-working people. They struggled to be present in Seattle. As out-of-Washington State citizens, they understood me and I felt comfortable with them. I always wanted to do something for them but I had too much limitation as a stranger in the city. I know that it had been only 5months but I only had 1 and a half years to achieve everything. And this burning heart might have burned me up in exhaustion. When I talked about this with one of my bosses at work, she understood me. And I could hear that she was also going through a similar problem. I thank them accepting me.

At another job, I met this amazing group of women leaders. Thankful enough, the job at the school campus was paying me at least. And I worked for a Nonprofit Leadership program. It was interesting how all the main instructors were female who excelled at their position in the community. One day, I was invited by one of our faculty’s house-warming party. I found out that many of the guests including faculties were part of LGBTQ community in Seattle. And I was amazed by what they were contributing to the society. I have been always  agreeing to a concept of ‘universal love’ but I did not understand the reality of love without a boundary. But hearing those people about their children, education, and community involvement inspired me. Later that month, I also found out that the faculty who invited us to the party was just diagnosed with a cancer. She is one of the brightest person in Seattle. She was from Indiana where I experienced US from so I felt her like my own sister. She was a young professor with a brilliant idea and warmth. She made fine desserts and always fed the office people. She one day invited me to her secret group to share her therapy status to the people she is a friend with. Postings came up once in awhile and she was the most passionate about her life more than anyone. I thank her including me to her challenge because I could feel her challenge.

At school, I loved my classmates. It took me a while to be friends with them but they always made me feel better. They were the people who would lead arts scene in towns. We shared our opinion and we loved fighting about social justice. One of the classmates who I was very close to was David. He was a boy from Minnesota who studied dancing throughout his life. He truly valued beauty in the world. He was an artist with positive energy and a future leader with awareness. Him and I always went to performances together with fancy dresses. We loved discussing about the arts we saw. We also loved talking about our ideas of arts in Seattle. He was performing a great job in a local museum curating and making things happen. It was like Haily in the Mozart in the Jungle. He was inspired and passionate about the new positon in Seattle. He inspired me to define my beauty as the person who I am. I thank him for his views and insights.

Thinking back, they were the people who inspired this city and strangers with different backgrounds. I found out that many of Seattle residents were from other cities. I was interested to hear this people and make their work important.

So, here I am with a vague idea of making “Strangers Collection” in Seattle.

“. . .sometimes one feels freer speaking to a stranger than to people one knows. Why is that?" “Probably because a stranger sees us the way we are, not as he wishes to think we are.” ― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind

[soohyejang]

Chaos

Here I was at the four-way intersection in the busiest afternoon. The cars were crushed and so was I. What was I supposed to do? How could I wake up from this on-going dream? Was this a sign from the God to shake me up? 

Even after the accident, nothing had changed. I was still on my dilemma, not knowing  what to do. 

Seattle has been cold to me. Among those busy events and gigs on the list of the Stranger newspaper, none of it seemed warm for me.

Volunteering, Social campaign, hashtags, talks, classes and workshops..Everyone was asking me to come but none of them appreciated me but felt more like using me. People would do anything to let other people know about their opinions but never seemed like paying attention to me. Communications I get from was only from Mailchimps or Constant Contact. I felt DISCONNECTED from everything.

And that’s when I started look for my identity.

[soohyejang]

I love how black populations fiercely fight for their rights. As in the picture, equity refers to the principle of fairness while equality denotes that everyone is at the same level. Equity is more of a process and equality is more about the result. And these days equity and racism issues are more trending around the US, which perhaps I thought I was included in this topic somehow. Even when they hire an employee, a person of color is more likely to get employed than a caucasian person. American society is trying real hard but people themselves struggle hard to find back their own rights. 

But in my point of view, Racism is much more subjective than people think. I have never categorized as ‘a person of color’ in my own country but I now have a COLOR. I often feel uncomfortable standing in between the war of black and white. But the most problem for me is that there are not many leaders who can represent my kind. I hear this word ‘equity’ so much. But every time, the word makes me feel lonely even though I am not even an American. So, I started to learn how to fight for my right. Of course it’s uncomfortable but someone has to start this anyways. 

[soohyejang]

G.I. Jessica

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself" ‪#‎DHLarwrence‬ ‪#‎gradschool‬

"나는 자신을 동정하는 야생동물을 보지 못했다. 얼어 죽어 나무에서 떨어지는 작은 새조차도 자신을 동정하지 않는다."

그렇지 뭐. 이겨내야지. 지아이제인처럼.

[soohyejang]

Reflection

[soohyejang]

Practicum

http://www.artsfund.org/about-arts-fund/arts-groups-we-support

http://www.4culture.org/

http://www.seattle.gov/arts

http://www.arts.wa.gov/

http://www.shunpike.org/

[soohyejang]

Another Challenge

I am a bit stressed and tensed about my health. I am concerned. 

And this lets me down a bit. Maybe it is not because of my health. Maybe because graduate school is changing me. 

I am starting to challenge more and more. I agree to none of the texts I read for class. I am becoming honest but at the same time, I am afraid bigger challenge will hit me. I am not usually like this but the way of thinking for graduate school is changing me and I am very confused and annoyed by this.

[soohyejang]

시애틀 현지취재_ 컴퍼니 윔윔(Whim W’him)의 젊은 안무가전

                                                                                    장수혜_<춤웹진> 미국 통신원

　미국 동서부와는 달리 문화적 교류가 어려운 북태평양지역에서 클래식무용이 발전하기는 쉽지 않다. 북태평양지역의 대표도시, 워싱턴 주 시애틀은 잘 포장된 유명한 예술단체가 투어를 온다 해도 상업작품을 선호하지 않는 현지 관객들의 취향을 맞추기가 매우 어려운 곳이다. 그중 약 200석정도 되는 블랙박스극장, 에릭슨 시어터 오프 브로드웨이(Erickson Theatre Off Broadway)를 7회의 공연 동안 꽉 채운 현지 무용단이 있다. 　시애틀의 컨템포러리 무용단 윔윔(Whim W’him)은 벨기에 출신 예술감독, 올리비에 위버스(Olivier Wevers)가 키운 무용단이다. 윔윔은 2009년에 활동을 시작한 뒤로 매우 빠른 성장을 보이며 지역 관객들의 사랑과 애정을 듬뿍 받아왔으며, 북태평양뿐 아니라 다른 지역으로도 영역을 확장하기 위해 매년 새로운 방법을 시도하고 있다. 특히 이번 년도에 처음 시도하는 시즌제에서 오프닝 작품으로 선보인 ‘코레오그래픽 신딕 (Choreographic Shindig)’을 보면 무용단뿐 아니라 소속된 무용수들의 실력을 넓히고 미국의 타 지역에도 무용단을 홍보하려는 예술감독의 야심을 엿볼 수 있다.

　‘코레오그래픽 신딕 (Choreographic Shindig)’은 약 1년 전부터 준비를 해온 신진안무가전이다. 그리고 그 선발과정이 돋보였다. 이 프로젝트는 안무가를 발굴하는 목적도 있지만, 무용단원들의 능력을 끄집어내기 위함이었다. 지난 해 9월, 전 세계에서 약 300명의 안무가가 작품을 제출했고 7명의 무용단원들과 예술감독이 직접 제출된 자료를 검토하며 인원을 추려냈다. 그렇게 선발된 안무가 죠슈아 퓨(Joshua L.Paugh), 마리야 커(Maurya Kerr), 익산 루스템(Ihsan Rustem)은 각각 주어진 50시간 내에 단원들과 각 20분짜리 작품을 완성해야 했다. 이렇게 완성된 작품은 9월 11일부터 13일, 16일부터 19일까지 7회에 걸쳐 공연되었다.

　첫 번째로 공연된 <심금에 관한 짧은 막 Short Acts on Heartstrings>은 죠슈아 퓨(Joshuan L.Paugh)의 안무 작품으로 턱시도와 드레스를 입은 무용수들이 익살스러우면서도 클래식한 빈티지음악에 노스탈직한 여운을 남기는 작품이다. 안무가 죠슈아 퓨는 현재 텍사스 다크서클스 컨템포러리댄스 (Dark Circles Contemporary Dance)의 예술감독으로 한국 유니버설발레단에서 발레리노로 활동을 했던 안무가이다. 클래식발레 컴퍼니와 활동했던 배경으로 그의 작품은 진지함보다는 가벼움과 유머에 중점을 둔다. 조슈아 퓨는 윔윔과의 협업에 대해 “흑백영화에 컬러를 더한 느낌”이었다며 소감을 전했다.

　샌프란시스코에서 활동하는 마리야 커(Maurya Kerr)의 <인투더 와이드 웰컴 Into the Wide Welcome>은 앞 작품과는 대조되는 느낌을 전달했다. 마리야 커는 알론조킹 라인즈 발레단(Alonzo King LINES Ballet)에서 약 12년간 무용수로 활동했으며 현재 샌프란시스코 타이니피스톨(tinypistol) 무용단의 예술감독이다. 　이 작품은 전통적이고 아름다운 조슈아의 작품과는 달리 파괴적이고 자극적인 안무를 선보였으며 많은 관객들의 팬심을 끌어들였다. 공연이 끝난 뒤 가졌던 관객과의 대화에서 무용수 토리 페일(Tory Peil)은 “클래식무용수 출신으로서 알을 깨고나와 이런 기회를 얻을 수 있게 되어 매우 영광이다. 그 어느 무용컴퍼니도 단원들에게 작품을 큐레이팅하는 기회를 주지 않는데 이번 기회를 통한 안무가, 마리야 커와의 협업은 나에게도 도전이었으며 경계를 넘어설 수 있는 좋은 경험이었다”라고 말했다.

　진지한 마리야 커의 작품과 익살스러운 죠슈아 퓨의 작품을 잘 마무리한 듯한 마지막 작품은 영국출신 안무가 익산 루스템(Ihsan Rustem)의 <더 로드 투 히어 The Road to Here>로 진지하면서도 익살스러우며, 듀오, 트리오, 앙상블이 잘 조합된 작품이다. 무엇보다 극장의 구조를 아주 잘 사용하여 간단하지만 기발한 안무가의 창의력을 볼 수 있었다. 극장의 문을 사용한 입체적인 요소나, 무용수들의 연기력이 작품을 풍성하게 했다. 익산 루스템은 미국 뿐 아니라 유럽지역에서도 활발히 활동하는 독립안무가로 즉흥적이고 추상적인 안무로 윔윔 무용단원들의 능력을 극대화할 수 있는 가능성을 열어준 작품을 만들어냈다.

　소규모의 공연이지만 지역 문화센터와 연계한 다양한 프로그램도 마련했다. 시애틀의 벨로시티댄스센터(Velocity Dance Center)와 함께 안무가들이 직접 작품의 일부를 가르쳐 주는 시간이 마련되었고 수업에 참여한 학생들은 본인들이 배운 안무의 완성된 버전을 볼 수 있는 기회를 얻음으로써 관객의 범위를 더욱 깊이 했다. 공연이 끝난 뒤에 마련된 관객과의 대화에서는 많은 인원들이 참여하며 대화를 시도했다. 무엇보다 작품이 하나씩 끝날 때 마다 15분간의 인터미션이 있었는데도 관객들은 끝까지 자리를 지키는 믿음직한 태도를 보였다.

　인터미션 때마다 예술감독은 로비에서 관객들과 직접 인사를 하며 편안함을 유지하기 위해 노력했다. 예술감독 올리비에 위버스(Olivier Weevers)는 시애틀 퍼시픽 노스웨스트발레단(Pacific Northwest Ballet), 캐나다 로얄 위니펙발레단(Royal Winnipeg Ballet)의 주역 무용수출신으로 지난 6년간 윔윔을 운영하며 지역사회 및 예술분야에 많은 공헌을 해왔으며, 본인의 예술적인 비전을 유지하면서도 지역사회의 니즈에 맞추며 무용단을 꾸려나가는 데에 집중하고 있다. 　그는 무용분야 뿐 아니라 다양한 예술분야의 포럼 등에도 참가하며 교류를 증진시키고 있으며 이번 코레오그래픽 신딩의 취지도 ‘교류’의 목적을 두었으며, 향후 미국 뿐 아니라, 캐나다, 유럽 그리고 아시아지역과의 교류도 고려중이라며 만나는 이들에게 참여와 관심을 당부했다. 그는 지난 몇 해간 윔윔의 빠른 성장비결에 대해 “관객들의 사랑”덕분이라고 언급했다. “외국인 예술감독으로서 지역사회의 일부가 되는 것은 쉽지 않았지만 윔윔무용단의 가능성을 알아봐준 관객들과 팬들이 지금의 윔윔을 만들었고, 앞으로도 그 사랑에 보답하기 위해 끊임없이 발전하고 도전할 것”이라고 답했다. 　윔윔은 2015년과 2016년 가을, 겨울, 봄시즌 동안 8명의 안무가의 9개의 신작을 준비 중이며 자세한 내용은 홈페이지 http://www.whimwhim.org/ 에서 찾을 수 있다.

[soohyejang]

Taking a breath

I got a on-campus job at the center for nonprofit leadership as a marketing assistant. I can at least cover monthly payment now. And I am extremely happy for this.

Few things I found for past few days were that I depend a lot on ‘finance’, ‘friends’ and ‘quality of life’.

It was hard for me get my hands on anything for past few weeks without having to make money. It was also hard because I was trying so hard to make good relationship and it was hard because my basic life style was not settled.

But now that I have few close friends, job, and a life style, I think I can keep go on for few more months. After that, I will set something more.

One of my Chinese friends asked me why I am here: I came here because I wanted to get a degree and become an expert in an extend that I can teach someone else.

I try really hard to speak out in the class. Classmates are pretty helpful when it comes to making me in comfort. Classes are not hard except we have too much readings...

Gradschool. It’s a piece of cake. (not really)

[soohyejang]

Experience in Non-profit Arts Organization

 Albert Einstein once quoted, “It is every man’s obligation to put back into the world at least the equivalent of what he takes out of it.” Definition of ‘nonprofit’ has been always controversial to me but one fact was clear. It is about giving back. It is also about fulfilling the mission and vision. ‘Nonprofit organization (NPO)’ is an organization that focuses on fulfilling its mission by using its surplus revenues for the public or shared benefit. In this sense, what Albert Einstein stated about man’s obligation equals the purpose and goal of nonprofit organization. I learned about this throughout my experience in various organizations I worked for. I have questioned and answered to myself to explain myself why I will be working for such organizations in future.

 Professor Woongjo Chang at Seattle University asked to Arts Leadership Master’s students. “Why should art be nonprofit? Why can’t it be for-profit?” To talk back in my own understanding, how do you make profit for either selling or promoting the true arts? Nonprofit organizations have distinctive purpose than other business entities. Most arts organizations were found to make the beauty in the society while most of for-profit business entities cannot afford this mission due to different goals. The definition became clear when I was working for Lockton Companies Inc.; an insurance brokerage firm that offers big amount of payment to employees who excels at sales. It was a rich company. I had a great time working with a full support of the company to make their employees work in a better condition. However, this experience gave me a big thought on arts organizations. During the time of my work, I questioned myself why arts workers or artists could not receive the same benefit as other mega-sized business employees. It was because nonprofit organizations are aiming at everyone’s benefit while for-profit businesses are aiming at individual’s benefit. From my understanding, art was for everyone. This is my reason that I consider that most arts organizations are nonprofit and why I should learn the operation of nonprofit.

 Furthermore, I could learn another definition in the structure of NPO. They had Board of Directors, employees and volunteers with limited external and internal budgets. In terms of external budgets, NPO is allowed to take a funding from the government, charities or individual donations. At the IPAP(International Performing Arts Project) from Seoul, South Korea that I worked with, I was in charge of applying and receiving the government’s grants. Because the IPAP was nonprofit organization, I had an access to make valuable arts with the money that were given from the government. During the process, the concept became more obvious. It was about giving back. When it comes to granting, we needed to have fine vision and purpose in making the true arts for the public. The standard was not about the quality of art. It was about values and meanings: How much can this organization offer to the public. If it were for-profit, no one would’ve spent money on keeping the underground art performances only to keep its meaning and value. Director of IPAP, Kwangryul Jang often emphasized that what we do is necessary for the history of art in Korea. I felt dignified on doing what I do. However, I also learned that the purpose of NPO does not always mean the organization had to be operated without making a profit. IPAP re-operated the revenue to partly pay for the monthly paycheck to employees and to make a budget for the new production. This was one of the reason why I finally registered my volunteer group ‘Chaeknuna Project’ as nonprofit organization.

 Being nonprofit organization meant being official in using money for the business. ‘Chaeknuna Project’ is a volunteer group to read books to children in need. Represented by myself, we had 5 board members who started the project and 80 volunteers participating in the program over 10 different regions in Korea. Most of our work was done by volunteering but we needed some budget and plan to pursue our mission. We had annual events to raise money for the establishment of a school for blind children. We needed to get funding and donations from other people to hold an event. Thanks to a great experience at IPAP, I could easily apply to government’s program and we were granted to operate the events. During the process, I could be able to receive tax reduction and I could help our staffs with plans and money for preparation. I understood our grants as a gift from the government for fulfilling the gap where they could not fill in by public service. By going through this process, I felt proud of my organization for holding necessary duties to envision what is needed in the society.

Yet, it is still in question how NPO should continue its operation when there are ups and downs in economy. NOPs always have hard time on budgeting due to fluctuating funding and donation status. It was the same for my organization as well. Without the government’s support, there is no other way for us to keep our business. Living is hard. But without extra works of nonprofit organizations, the world would have been tougher to live in. Capacity development is the next task for nonprofit organization. We all worry about consistency and growth. Without developing leaders in nonprofit, the world will suffer more amongst successful money making mega-sized commercial businesses. Nonprofit organization not only gives but also meets public’s needs. One of the reason that I made my organization as nonprofit was due to our vision of educating, sharing and spreading. I hope that someday those children on our knees would share their experience in book reading and spread as they grow up. And I came to this school to become a leader in arts. Envisioning the future in long-term is what arts leaders should pursue and I believe that my decision of investing in arts was valuable. It is around the time that I need to fresh up my definition on what I am doing. I expect to seek more chances for growth and learnings throughout this course. And I expect to give those learnings back to the society one day.

[soohyejang]

About Leadership

”If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.” - John Quincy Adams

[soohyejang]

Goal Setting

What is that you want to do? What do you learn in your graduate program? What are you gonna do after you graduate?

Again? After all that answers that I have been answering for 4 years of my undergrad years? It came again. And this time, it was painful to answer.

To be honest, I lost my goal after I arrived in Seattle. I have not yet found anything that I have thought of. Maybe, I didn’t think of anything when I came to graduate school but a pure degree itself. Then, why did I need this degree for? 

I wanted to become the best at something when I am having a life-long job. And performing arts was it. But then, where can I become the top person?

I had to set a goal. At least. 

1. What I am not interested in:

-Becoming a theater/ gallery owener, Living in Seattle forever, Going back to Korea and being nothing.

2. What I want my ideal be in 2 years.

- Graduate. Learn many examples. Get a degree. Become a part-time lecturer.Work at cultural exchange institution. 

3. What I want my ideal be in 10 years.

-Become a director at a cultural organization. Use governments money on building real artistic organization. Become a artistic director once a year and have a title as a producer at the same time. 

4. What I must do while I am here.

- Study. Work but not in unnecessary place. Try to make small money while I study. Go back after 2 years. Write/produce something when the program is finished.

[soohyejang]

Autobiography

  As Annie was born for the gun, I was doin’ what came natur’lly. I am a dreamer who follows my heart and who is aware of difficulties by doing so. My life begins in Seoul, South Korea when I started my career as an actor at an early age of 6. Because I was always surrounded by arts and society, I could observe the world from different perspectives. Instead of only seeing the beauty of arts, I learned how fragile it could be. There was another side of the world behind the camera where people end up killing themselves due to vulnerability, poverty and jealousy. But at the same time, I learned how strong arts could be. Arts could change the world and it changed me. It led me to survive and challenge another chapter of my life to study Master’s in Arts Leadership in the United States. Now that I am here, there is no backing up.

  After 20 years of acting career, I started wonder about jobs in the backstage or in the office. I have been always wanted to know how it feels to care about others than just focusing only on myself and being always alone. So, I first started my career as a translator and a local house manager for a Canadian circus tour, ‘Cirque du Soleil’. Standing in the very back of the theater, I found true happiness. I liked hearing the reactions of audience during intermissions. I loved complimenting the artists and working for the team. Then one day, I saw a man seating in the very back of the theater with his serious look. He was the founder of the show, Guy Laliberte. He was the one who developed this show to the world-wide scale from a small street performance. I approached to him and asked what I could do to become like him. He said, “Be yourself and magic will happen.”

   Since then, I worked excessively in theaters and shows to make something happen. My degree in English Translation and my background in Theater helped me to get jobs easily. I got involved in famous productions as stagehand, stage manager, sound engineer, lighting crew, and as an usher. I never minded wiping the swat out of artists or mopping the stage floor as long as I was in the theater. Then it was a time when I had to choose between the dream and the reality: Graduation. However, my parents were not fond of a daughter hiding backstage instead of standing onstage. People often misunderstood me that I ‘gave up’ becoming an actor. To persuade them towards my aspiration that someday I will become an arts leader, I had to set a long-term plan.

   After the graduation, I made a choice to join a management team at a financial firm, Lockton Companies Inc. My purpose was to learn about business operations in the richer fields and input the idea into the arts. Because I was involved in the company’s M&A set-up process, I learned every aspects of business from Human Resources to Financial Management. At the same time, I never stopped working for arts. I worked overnight in theaters after my full-time job. But having my two feet in different grounds was hard to balance. One day, my mother found me lying on the floor unconsciously and I was diagnosed with Renal cell tumor. As I was going through an operation, I lost all my will to continue anything. Then I started to think deeply about the reason of my being. But strangely, that was the time when I truly listened to myself reminding a word from Guy Laliberte, “Be yourself and magic will happen.”

   The magic did happen. I was recovered from the operation very fast. I recharged myself fully enough to explore and continue my plan. I went back to the office and worked as nothing has ever happened. But I stopped working overnight in theaters. Instead, I started my own volunteer group called, ‘Chaeknuna Project’ to run children’s audio book theater programs in libraries for children in need. In this project, I made thousands of children to enjoy reading books through artistic activities. I could use various talents of volunteers to teach blind children, North Korean refugees and children in orphanage. From only 3 starting members, 80 volunteers were gathered nationwide to work at 10 different organizations. Once a year, we organized a charity book concert with artists to help establishing a school for blind children. We are continuing out project for 2 years since I started and now it is recognized as nonprofit organization. It was a great example of making the arts useful. What we did was necessary in this world and it accorded my vision. Gathering different talents and helping the needy not only influenced each volunteer but also my life-long sponsors- my parents- to finally accept my passion for arts leadership.

    During the project, I officially spanned my capacity into arts management. Giving up more than a half of my annual income from the previous company, I started back as an associate at the Cultural Foundation in Korea. Giving up on money rather felt good. Working for a nonprofit governmental organization was new and meaningful. I was promoted in a very short period of time. Soon after, I have reached to the management position at another nonprofit arts organization, ‘IPAP (International Performing Arts Project)’ to operate major international dance festivals in Asia. At work, I used many examples and lessons that I learned from previous experience to manage people and become a leader. And I did not forget to keep listening to myself. Without experiencing the pains and difficulties I went through, I would not be able to come this far. Without it, I would have been a deaf to myself following the ideas of others more. And without recognizing the value of people around me, I would not been able to make things happen. But I have proven that Arts is needed in this world. And I will give my life to educate more people to do the right thing. Because I know how to make it happen.

[soohyejang]

Replug - Journey Starts in Seattle

 It feels like a blow of an whistle. I have been here almost 20 days already. Is it exciting? Am I okay? Am I liking Seattle so far? Every ordinary questions doesn’t mean anything to me. The only time I would be feeling something is when I am actually working in the arts. 

  It was a long journey. It took me about 4 years to come this far. Coming to Seattle was not a difficult decision. I was ready to go anywhere if they accepted me.Then Seattle University accepted me for their MFA in Arts Leadership student. It was my decision coming to this city. After the arrival, it was a consistent conflict conflict with myself. First, I was suffering from different environment. It had been almost 15 years I’ve been to US and actually had a life. (I guess it would have been more stressful to my boyfriend who is coming to a big journey for the first time in his life. We are here together but we live seperately.) I wanted to get accustomed to this right away. Luckily, I got to live with very nice 6 college roommates. They helped me a lot to settle. But I was living without a bed in a cold basement floor for 5 days. I had no idea how expensive everything would be. I was affording myself and there was no way I could live on this place without making money.

I started to worry about living all of sudden. Making enough time for study was not a problem. I thought about making some cash under the table. I also wanted to work at a theaters and art related events. But none of that worked with my visa. Everything was complicated and my boyfriend was keep asking me to go for sightseeing. We fought for the first time in one and a half years. That teared me more. I bought the bed but It was only bed frame but not the mattress. I had no idea how uneasy my start could be in here. 

But at some point, I started to let go of things. Slowly, I was reflecting myself and thought of the reasons:  What I came here for, what I should do, what is more important. 

Immediately, I acted it out. I started to volunteer at theaters. I interviewed for on-campus jobs. Luckily enough, I got a chance to intern at a jazz festival right away. Of course it was unpaid but I was just happy to know that it was not my ability, or english skill that they did not employ me. It was perhaps my status. I made sure of myself. Whatever happens, happens. But I will always be fine.

I cannot expect what will come next. I do not fear it nor do I be anxious about it. Replug, journey is starting now and it is going to be interesting.