Revealing Pia

These Words Bore No Weight But Entangles

[remanence-of-love]

[leonardospoetry]

Strength is light ☀

[remanence-of-love]

[sophiatheflightlessbird]

Here is the last chance for the retribution of the gods and we are just foe thumbs to them

Allow this as practice of worship against any resentments but then it overspills

He raged forward on your cursed tongue

Fire spits unto another carelessly, truly unkind with each other

She was but anything of vengeance, unruly to how quick he has changed her ways

Both of 'em grappled the rope to their neck— bulging veins, fiery eyes

Then the goddess surpresses, unwilling to fight this endless game of absurdity

In heavy breaths, she calms and empties her core

Felt full with the void, praying to be healed and to heal

Never allowing hallowness and anger to take control

Clamoring away from the cycle of construed metaphors

Then her restlessness washed away as she cleanses

Slowly fills herself of anything but his

One becoming of an empty cup is now then followed to fill with fruits of grace and calmer tides

She will never be the storm that brews nor ever caved

It belittles her, she knows where to pace now

Hear thee to these pillars of strengths, may it pacify any turbulence so as to never shaken herself no more

[sophiatheflightlessbird]

My heat continuously dissapates

It aired in ventilation, it smoked to the hairs of his skin.

The smell lingers like a caress

With a suppressed groan, he thundered stomps toward my small frame.

I am but with a cheeky smile, waiting for the lunge from the raging beast.

And in a swift move, we danced in the clouds with rhythmic beating hearts.

Laughed and sang in tones just pleasant to each other

Clumsy but without a doubt p-

[sophiatheflightlessbird]

In the simplest of thoughts, justifies as the sacrifice of the mortal men to a lost soul, innocence of a moan. In concept and of fiction, boosted their ego whereas anything but of perversion.

Unwittingly, she beseeched her rightful place on her dignity and let them deflower her existence into their likeness.

They hushed and berated her like that of a child.

Awed her appearance, praised greatly on her womanhood; a man's prized possession.

To be used, be of use and make use of oneself. Such a pity she succumbed to the twinkle of gold that rotten her core.

A pitted soul inside a dismembered body. Her organs screamed. Her eyes stricken with dried out tears.

[sophiatheflightlessbird]

I pushed through a difficult situation, present bumps and fickles, but I made it. Proud, I was, in this small achievement feeling all giddy and bright inside. I knew I wanted to share. I always had a strained relationship with my family, enstranged from the few friends I still have. Always knew it was wrong of me to place all my expectations on about care and understanding to a single person. But I had expectations, wrongful in doing so. Overbearing. Unjustified.

My thoughts filled as I got overwhelmed. My giddiness turned to vertigo as I sat still. Questions swirled in my head as the conversation ran out in peaked tones, I cannot even keep up nor defend what I felt by then. I was struggling to put up with what was happening, I turned to my usual ways of deafening silence. Featherbrained, my ears closed and my words dried out.

How can you find it within you a love supposed to be flourishing when doubts are trickling with every second that passed by, as if time was running out on us? I really did feel helpless, I was succumbing to letting my windows close shut. Funny how it felt like he was barely holding the handle.

I have always been confused; mindful telling where I have grown into a person catered for others But as of a recent event, I am becoming of selfishness Choosing to satiate to what comforts me best, not on what they think should better me

I struggled to back down a couple of times in the conditions to meet with a lover's appeal/gest I am but a selfish person, and it is what has become of me. I am numbed of the things told of on my choices to face my struggles with them I chose to decide, might have come out rash, but it came to be I needed to prove to myself, this is no longer of chances to better my relationships with others, even to those I would learn to love This is a path chosen toward self-enlightenment, self-growth, and self-love. But I am mindful, it might not get me to what I expected But this is what I came up with. Our love didn't have any fight to it. I guess, I can say to myself that we both lost it.

I sacrificed a great connection with a person I had the courage to love and had the pleasure to know. I may not know what this person thinks of my choices, might hate my guts even. But I can only be grateful for the short-lived romance, it is because of these memories we created where I can say it is no regret to have began and closed this chapter. I can be spiteful, if he meant it when said he can see a future with me. I do know my faults, grievances, and that I was lacking. I used to say seasons change and ours experienced the drought. I should apologize for being cold but my ego halts me and I give no excuse With unfazed demeanor, I keep this feeling in my heart gate-locked. I still don't pray, but I sought to pray to the stars, moon, sun and to everything that is endless, for him to be safe and feel cared for more than ever. In hopes that I had no effect on him, that I am just a passing wind by his hair-- strong but unfelt.

I end this passage of our story with a cringe worthy phrase; he deserves the world regardless of me.

[sophiatheflightlessbird]

"You got lost in the sight of stars but never felt the space between us like I did, light-years away from what we could have called home."

[sophiatheflightlessbird]

Ending Letter

They ask if I had regrets of losing years from staying, caring, and giving in to those days of love, afflictions, happiness, and loneliness in the pit of what was “ours” abyss. I say with conviction and utterance in one breath that I have found myself with the comfort of his warm and tender language amidst the differences of our ideals, I was definitely happy.

I chose [to be] | [to keep] | [to give] | [to ache] | [to stay]--

And it was in every day that I have chosen to expend my being to what we had. If asked if I would do it again, I would say “always”.

[sophiatheflightlessbird]

cigar

back to the time I once knew

few sticks were packed inside his pockets

paper folds then cents are in for the trade

a warning faze kept at a constant deposition

clouds his mind, his regrets to self-blames

he reaches with at every triggering slaps

on every harsh pull from honed tongues

[sophiatheflightlessbird]

9.5.19 HIS

I promise that I’ll be the man for you, that you deserve and you’re willing to be with the rest of our lives. I still hold on to our promises made by me, but because they were made with you. I hope that until I prove it to you, you’ll find your way to be happy again. Because I’m happy when you’re happy. That still haven’t changed. I love you [Nameless].

I love you so much -Nick

[sophiatheflightlessbird]

Every one is a shitty asshole big or small you and me.

Nobody is inherently that good. Especially to me. Kasi gago nga ako, lapakels nga ako sa ibang tao diba? And then I met you, you piqued my interest until I felt I love you. Takot ako before that so I gave myself a chance and ngayon I’m happy but lagi akong nag iiwan ng margin of error. May konting doubt as to what will happen regardless of all the plans and fantasies. Kaya umiiwas nalang ako sa problema kasi baka maremind ako ng margin of errors na binibigay ko sa sarili ko and sayo. Okay? I say sweet stuff and I mean them pero logical din ako mag isip. Magtatagal ba tayo? Sapat lang ba ang love? Lol of course not. Kung ganun nag elope na tayo. See? May doubts ako, very minimal pero meron. Masakit parin yun. Alam mo yun? Kaya feeling ko ang tanga ako. Tinatago ko sayo kasi hindi ko din gustong paniwalaan. –Nick

[sophiatheflightlessbird]

"It's not even about you I'm thinking about right now. It's about myself. If you can't wait then it's fine. It's on me. And you're not too much of a burden, sure you're becoming one but that's not how I know and love you. I choose to ignore the negatives even if I do accept them. Please don't remind me of the things that are negative about you and proceed to do them, hindi ka na bata. And my dream was because I felt like I lost you and am losing you. If I can't find resolve to do everything to keep you, it's on me. Plus one of the reasons why I ran from that wedding was because sobrang laki ng ilong nung bride (it means I don't know her. In anyway) If you truly know and feel we aren't meant to be, go ahead. Decide now, later, think about it. I'm just going to take time to think for myself right now. " -Nick

[sophiatheflightlessbird]

There was a memory training back past the meadow of hurdles and screeches. A woman stood so still without sound nor a gesture but of calming temper and bellows her tranquility of whimsical distress.

Disingenuous

Unheard

Bereft

Those were the calls on dial but sped past by the alarms of a passing vehicle, fast and unforgiving. Then she kneels because it buckled and with her weight pulling forward to make her face dirt and clay. She wails through hope and loving under the shadows of her frailty shouting in silence, "Mercy! Help me of these sins I bear! Can do no more.. Cannot be pained for long.. Lift me, I say! Do not hold me nor to touch but lift me of my miseries."

I look but past,

I hear but unsound, and

I feel but numbed.

[sophiatheflightlessbird]

Hey, it's been ages. You changed the link and I couldn't find your tumblr anymore which was a shame. Had to try a few times and then I thought you just stopped writing altogether. I'm glad to see you doing the same thing you're hella good at. You'll always be someone dear to me which is why I hope you get through what you're going through. You're a strong woman but everyone deserves a break. I'm here to be a proper friend if you want. -Kev/M whichever you prefer

Hey there. I'm doing great and a lot has happened over the years. I keep calling you Kevin because I don't remember your real name, lmao. I couldn't because back then I was just closed to the thoughts that concerns you and backtracking rn to the past-- I wasn't really angry with you. I think I was just upset to what happened and how I let it be like that for me. Thank you that you still seem to think of me even though it has been so long and that you care :)

[sophiatheflightlessbird]

I reel into this cloudscape with a struggling heart. Looking straight but through his hazy figure, I figure out the way to clear my eyes with the dirt pile I dug out behind me. I move to lay and he sits still. I fall flat then heard the crumpling of leaves-- a silent escape that follows. With quivering lips, I bite hardly with the closing of my eyes. In every drum of my beating heart, I feel like I am sinking even when it is just the cold hard ground. I grab as much as my palms could and feel the gravel slipping away. The wind starts again as if deciding this fate, my fingers itched to open as I let them and here I bear my acceptance. A love that is lost might be what I needed to breathe instead of craving for the dirt to come off me all these years.

[sophiatheflightlessbird]

This is to my first day and my first night of trying to extend my horizons without the need of asking for help (regarding connections or interrelationships). I do feel scared but I have to make the move or else I'll keep falling to the loop of what ifs behind my father's money. It is nothing like being independent from him but my wanting or maybe even needing to learn the harsh realities to find opportunities. I have been hibernating for so long. From the moment I failed to step up and say a loud NO to finish my degree in a well-knowned institute (which is now a university) to settling to an easy major just for the sake of finishing college. I have blamed everyone and me from not doing anything beyond the comforts of what they call home. This is not my home, this is not my salvation. I might just die here waiting for someone to move me when I can just pick my heavy ass up from the ground (well the soft bed). Toxic relationships lead to my demise-- why I am mentally incapable of pushing myself to self-actualization.

Haa, to why I stopped writing in the first place.