Currently writing a novel so here's a scene i lowkey wanna put in my novel for angst ("Trapped in my Worst Novel" currently on wattpad).
Btw these arent spoilers, its just a quick draft (and theres not really any plot here).
I sat down on the cold, green grass, my arms wrapped around my legs as i looked up at the dark, star filled sky.
It's been...weird. Everything about my situation is weird.
I died and woke up in my worst novel, I managed to become somewhat acquaintances with some of the important characters of the original novel....Yet...
Yet...I still can't see them as human. I can't see this entire world as a real.
I'm still stuck. Stuck on this idea that im the only real person here. Stuck on the fact that im the only one who knows that this world isnt real.
I can't talk to anyone here about it, they'll just think I'm a psychopath or have some sort of mental health issues.
"....I miss my friends..."
My vision felt a bit blurry, as if I was about to start crying.
My old family, my friends from my past life. They were all so dear to me. So important.
But...even though I wrote these characters to be inspired by my old friends, nothing can replace the real thing no matter how many times you try to recreate them.
Even though the moonlight was the only possible source of light, Zineb still manages to find me.
I quietly wiped my tears away with my shirt so she coudnt see me act so weak.
My voice thankfully didn't sound shaky, so she wasn't suspicious of me at all.
"I knew it!! It's really easy to recognize you because of your eyes!! You know? Those hetechromia red and cyan blue eyes you got? They really shine brightly in the moonlight."
She sat down next to me, but unlike me, she leaned backwards and put her arms behind her to keep her upper body standing while crossing her legs.
Her ocean blue eyes shone brightly as the moonlight hit it perfectly.
'No matter how much i look at my surroundings or the characters infront of me, I still feel like i don't belong here.'
My mind and heart couldn't fully connect with her, almost as if I put up a wall to avoid being close with a character that shouldn't have noticed me in the beginning.
"The moonlight is really pretty, huh?"
I looked back at the moon and the stars, which looked so close yet so far.
"Mhm...They really are.."
I didnt want to be close with a character I created.
I wasnt supposed to be here in the first place.
I couldnt accept that this was my reality now, and i knew that I had to pay the price.
"...You know..It feels a bit weird trying to hang out with you."
My confusion was pretty clear from my voice, and my eyes glanced back at her.
She had..a somber look on her face, which was nothing close to her usual cheerful look.
"Well...You always look at me and other people as if they were annoyances to you, you never looked at me as if I was your real friend..."
This...was something I never saw before.
"But you aren't an annoyance to me.."
Although I said those words with as much sincerity as i could muster up, I knew that it was a lie.
A lie I've spoken so often in my past life that its almost natural to me.
"Stop..Stop fucking lying to me. Your eyes tells me all I need to know. You dont see me as a real friend, do you?"
"W-what? I-i do see you as a real friend! I...I just..."
'I just can't see you as anything more than a character. A useless character that is supposed to die in the story for the main character's sake.'
I couldn't actually say that though, it would sound rude.
"Then why...Why do you look at me with those eyes?"
My mouth couldn't even answer that question..I didn't know what to say, i didn't know how I even looked at others.
"I...uh..I just always looked at others this way...."
I don't know if she would be gullible enough to believe me.
"I..Tsk....Forget it. Just pretend this conversation never happened."
She quickly stood up, her curly blue hair shining as she looked at me coldly.
'Right. I wrote your destiny, and you were destined to die. I deserve that cold, hateful look in your eyes.'
I couldn't tell what she was thinking. I never knew what complex feelings other people felt just by looking at them.
As she walked away, she took one quick glance back at me, almost as if hoping for something, anything.
....And I just waved her goodbye. I didn't know how I even looked at her but she got even colder than before and quickly stormed off.
'Wow....Hah, I must really be stupid if i couldn't even know what she was thinking there...'
'I'm the author who took her own sweet time writing each character, yet i can't even know what one of the most importantly characters of my novel is thinking...'
I buried my head into my arms, which were wrapped even tighter around my legs.
'...How fucking stupid am I? Why don't I have the intelligence or skills like most isekai main characters?'
No helpful system, no extra perk, absolutely nothing.
It's almost like this world is mocking me for being so useless without help.
