[sorrowandlaetitia]

Crying in my sleep, unconsciously.

[sorrowandlaetitia]

I went to the pool alone. I put my towel on the grass to lie down, read and sunbathe.

[sorrowandlaetitia]

[achillesinhighheels]

Illustration by Seiichi Hayashi, 1981, scanned from “Japanese Woman,” published by Sanrio.

[sorrowandlaetitia]

Taking baths and washing my hair are slowly becoming coping mechanisms.

[sorrowandlaetitia]

I must not call him or text him.

[sorrowandlaetitia]

How sad and completely self-effacing I am when I'm with him in public.

[sorrowandlaetitia]

[sorrowandlaetitia]

I need to take care of myself.

[sorrowandlaetitia]

9pm, time for a cup of tea and a mochi.

[sorrowandlaetitia]

I think that I don't enjoy drinking alcohol and going to parties or clubs anymore. I prefer to stay in bed, reading a book or watching a film, while the scented candle on the bedside table slowly burns away.

[sorrowandlaetitia]

I think it's time to finally read I Love Dick by Chris Kraus.

[sorrowandlaetitia]

Maybe I need a break to be more objective about my relationship with him. But the fear of finding myself alone again prevents me from doing so. Being aware of this is the first step I guess.

[sorrowandlaetitia]

My self-esteem is so low. I avoid taking photos of myself and looking at myself in the mirror.

[sorrowandlaetitia]

[sorrowandlaetitia]

I lived at his apartment most of the time the past few months. I went back home on Wednesday, lay down on my bed and yearned for a "good night" message from him.

[warmfigure]

my perfume collection has grown so much this year