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@sorryaboutthiss
I’m getting bad again, 0 days clean.
tips to baby selfharmers from a long time selfharmer
- if you still have a choice, stop. it will get worse and you will be covered in scars which will never leave you.
- remove all important items when blood is involved (your favourite shirt or jeans) preferably wear minimal clothes because blood gets everywhere, even if your careful.
- keep blades etc clean! this cannot be over stressed, infections can lead to lots of pain and in my case uncomfortable talks with doctors.
- if you can limit it to a location, for example i only selfharm on my left arm so i can push up my right sleeve in hot weather. this saves me a lot.
- if you are prone to loosing lots of blood keep on hand lots of water to stay hydrated and something sugary like sweets to stop you from passing out.
- soaking off plasters instead of ripping them, especially when you’ve gone deep enough for nerve damage. you may have limited feeling on the surrounding outside skin but the inside will most likely be on high alert.
- moisturise dry scars to stop the itching.
- safely dispose of blades etc when you’ve finished with them. the bin men don’t want to be cut to shreads.
- always keep a stock of plasters/bandages, you dont wanna be caught short.
- get medical attention when you need it. dont avoid going to a&e because your embarressed.
- for fucks sake be careful.
thought i’d add to this:
- bandage tightly when you’ve done something deep, it helps to stop the blood flow and protects it from accidental knocks.
- if your blades start to rust dont use them, throw them out and get new ones.
- if you live with people who dont know you selfharm check your face, hands, clothes etc for blood before you leave your room. nothing is more awkward than having a smear of blood on your face without you knowing.
- please eat well before and after to ensure your blood pressure etc stays stable.
- usually the most obvious, on show hiding places are the most inconspicuous.
- please keep your wounds clean to avoid infection.
- know your limits.
“I think the reason why you understand someone’s pain is because you’re someone who has experienced the same kind of pain”
Block them. If you’ve been wanting to block them because being reminded of them is painful, but you don’t want to be ‘rude’? Guess what? I give you full permission. Prioritizing your health is in no way rude.
Unrecognized signs of abuse
This list includes signs I exhibited while being abused and afterwards, as well as signs I’ve seen other abused youth display, all of which are less commonly recognized for what they are: red flags in disguise.
Being described as a “perfectionist” or having an extremely competitive attitude to the point of experiencing breakdowns if you are not “the best”
Developing a habit of locking the door to every room you enter, especially when at friends’ houses or your own home, or other places you would be expected to feel safe and welcome at
Excessive daydreaming or fantasizing which may be accompanied by restlessness, pacing, or listening to music, and will often last for hours at a time, and may interfere with daily functioning
Experiencing an inability to relate to your peers which may lead to you creating pseudo relationships or obsessions with fictional characters to replace your lack of social interaction
Refusing to look at yourself in mirrors in public, especially when buying new clothes or going into fitting rooms
Showering in the dark because you are ashamed of your body
Experiencing intense feelings of guilt when someone does something nice for you
Hyperfixation on a hobby such as drawing or writing, which is often used as an outlet and a way to escape the abuse
Purposely making yourself appear unattractive
Being known as the shy or obedient child who never acts out
Possessing an unnatural amount of maturity for your age which many adults may have praised you for
Not knowing how to live, having an “I can survive with the bare minimums” mentality
Hoarding food or other objects in your room such as toiletries so you do not have to leave your room. This may be as severe as going to the bathroom in bottles or cans, or having months worth of dishes piled up around your room
Having an anxiety attack if you’re woken up abruptly or if you wake up to loud noises in your house
Never experiencing sexual interest in others, never going through a “boy phase” or a “girl phase”; alternatively, being hypersexual
Intrusive violent thoughts about small animals or children
Having no sense of belonging since you were a toddler, never feeling connected to your childhood town or house, and feeling alienated among your family members
Feel free to add more to this list. If you or someone else has experienced at least half of these signs, it’s very likely you or them has been through some form of abuse.
if you’re a parent who goes out of the way to make you child miserable, then you’re a horrible parent
if you’re a parent and you cancel plans your child has set up for the future that they put money into and can’t refund, then you’re a horrible parent
if you’re a parent and you make your child feel unsafe and unwelcome when you’re around, then you’re a horrible parent
if you’re a parent and your child’s heart races in fear when you walk through the door, then you’re a horrible parent
if you’re a parent and you make your child so miserable that they start self-harming and become borderline suicidal, then you’re a horrible parent
When you’re growing up in abusive environment there’s such a strong feeling of “not belonging here”, “not being a part of anything” and feeling like you’re not supposed to be among humans at all, and only wishing that someone would come already and take you home. To another planet, where there’s people like you, where you wouldn’t be a burden or nuisance, where you wouldn’t feel guilty for just being, for existing as you are. It feels all wrong, being in a place where you’re so despised, as if it would be better if you didn’t exist at all. We all just want to go to our real home.
The only excuse is no excuse.
minusthenegative.com
Basically
Let’s play, “was I abused” game! Reblog and bold the things your parents have done to you! Italicize if you’re not sure. (copy paste it all and then bold)
Physical abuse
parent slapped me to prove their point/teach me a lesson
parent spanked me as a “punishment” saying it was for my own good
parent pulled on my hair to force me to move
parent threw things at me while angry, things heavy enough to hurt me
parent trapped me into a room/corner so I couldn’t escape them
parent hit me when I wouldn’t obey them/tried to confront them
parent used a twig/stick/belt to lash at my body
parent grabbed me to force me to pay attention to them
parent pinned me down and physically prevented me from escaping
parent brought me into situations where I feared for my life
parent made it painfully obvious for me that I’ll obey them or suffer injuries
parent threatened to beat me if I wouldn’t do as they say
parent forcefully fed me something I refused to eat
parent made an attempt at strangling/drowning/burning me
parent banged my head/body into the wall/furniture
parent forced me into sexual activities
Emotional abuse
parent called me derogatory names and slurs more than once
parent said my name mostly with hatred and scorn in their voice
parent degraded and humiliated me in front of others for fun
parent insulted and devalued something really important to me
parent deprived me of something that meant the world to me
parent yelled and swore at me in anger more than once
parent blamed me for things that were out of my control/not my fault
parent shamed me for my physical appearance
parent guilt-tripped me for not pleasing them well enough
parent regarded me as a burden, and shamed me for needing them at all
parent insisted I couldn’t take a joke after I got hurt from their insults
parent never comforted me/got angry if I reached for comfort
parent punished me for crying/showing fear/showing trauma symptoms
parent humiliated me for showing excitement and happiness
parent subtly let me know that my feelings and my problems don’t matter
parent got angry at me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal
parent blamed me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal
parent compared me to cousins/other children to prove how I’m the worst
parent decided for me how I feel when it was convenient for them
parent told me that I was crazy/delusional/need to be locked away
parent threatened me with kicking me out/sending away if I don’t change
parent refused to accept my sexuality/tried to force it to change
parent required for me to act normal to protect family’s reputation
parent isolated me from family activities they all enjoy
parent assured me that nobody will ever want me
parent insisted that I was lucky and that I could have had it much worse
parent made me responsible for their well being and made me the caretaker
parent insisted that their harmful acts were all made “out of love”
parent demanded me to be available for their requests at any time
parent punished me for trying to establish boundaries
parent destroyed my belongings as a revenge
parent made inappropriate sex jokes and comments in my presence
parent denied doing any of this and insists that all the blame is on me
Psychological Abuse
parent kept pointing out my flaws as proofs that I wont achieve anything
parent called me stupid, incompetent, ignorant, while withholding information that I needed to know in order to complete tasks
parent would change their side of the agreement in crucial moment and then pretend it was obvious from the start
parent stalked me/distrusted me without any reason/invaded my privacy
parent attacked my insecurities and vulnerabilities in any argument
parent forced me into degrading actions while they watched me do it
parent threatened to leave me
parent accused me regularly of behaving the way they did
parent never acknowledged, praised or approved of my actions
parent always demanded they are right without any proof/explanation
parent insisted that they’re a great parent using financial support as proof
parent insisted that I should be grateful for how good they are to me
parent gaslighted me and tried to make me believe my memories weren’t real if I confronted them with what they did
Neglect
parent didn’t notice I haven’t been eating properly
parent didn’t notice I was sick/didn’t care for me while I was sick
parent didn’t notice I was injured
parent didn’t notice I didn’t have clothes/shoes I needed for school
parent didn’t notice I suffered from trauma
parent didn’t notice I was anxious and stressed
parent didn’t notice I was depressed
parent didn’t notice I was cutting myself
parent didn’t notice I was suicidal
parent didn’t notice I was being sexually abused
parent didn’t notice I was being bullied
parent failed to get me medical attention when it was needed
parent failed to teach me the very basics of self care
parent didn’t seem to notice any of my needs and feelings except the absolute minimum I required to survive
when I notified them of these things, they denied it, accused me of lying, decided it wasn’t happening and/or blamed me for it
Financial Abuse
parent made me feel ashamed for needing money
parent made me feel like I’m a financial burden to them
parent only gave me minimal money to survive
parent made sure I never have a decent amount of money on me
parent took the money I earned from me
parent used the money to blackmail me (if you continue this way let’s see who will pay for your bus ticket!)
parent insisted since they “pay for my stuff” they have the right to control my behaviour and actions
parent had enough money for luxury but kept me without anything
parent refused to get my medicine/get me medical attention because it’s too expensive while they got everything for themselves
parent would keep me anxious over if they would pay my expenses or not
parent would make me do as much work for them as possible before they would pay for a necessity
parent kept me in the dark over family finances even when I was of age
parent would make sure I never have enough money to escape them
If you bold more than 5 things, you have been through abuse. For some particular ones, even one true thing on this list means you’ve been badly harmed by your parents. Also this list is not complete, there are many more abusive behaviours not listed here, feel free to add!
You need a private talk? Just send me an ask!:)