happy birthday, i miss you a lot. i miss sitting next to you with your hand rested on my thigh as i listen to you talk and talk. i miss when you make a point you squeezed me and shook me a little and i’d always roll my eyes and smile because being touched by you felt like home. i miss how i’d tell you a story, talking with my hands like usual, and youd wave your arms around mocking my movements. i’d give you a look, youd apologize, and then smile and look at me. and when you looked at me, i knew you cared about every word that fell out of my mouth. you made me feel so special; and every time you held my hand i could’ve melted into the concrete and been happy to be a puddle. talking to you felt like you and i were the only people in the universe. you were the only person i didn’t mind making eye contact with while i spoke, because i could get lost in your eyes for hours. i miss the way you kissed me passionately just because, the way you squeezed me when you hugged me. you let me fall asleep on you, and even though i’m pretty sure i drooled on your shoulder, you held my hand as we both enjoyed the 3 AM darkness. you made me feel loved like i’d never been loved before. and i miss it. i would give anything to have you hold me, to get to listen to one of your rambling stories again, to have you look at me and softly smile just because i’m there. i miss your laughs at my jokes, the playful banter that brought out the soft side in you if you took it too far. i miss you caring, and asking ab my triggers and making sure i’m mentally okay. i miss feeling the way you made me feel. and i hope, one day you meet someone that makes you feel the same way you made me feel. because you made me feel like i was worth it, like i finally was someone worth being around for. while i know we can’t make these memories any more, i know i’ll revisit them in my dreams and i’ll get to love you unconditionally there. i’ll run my fingers through your hair one last time, rub my thumb over your hand, and kiss you like it is our last. we never got to say goodbye, so i’m saying it now. i’ll miss everything about us, including the ups and downs, but i need to come to terms with you not wanting me back. i’ll always love you, and i’ll search for you in my dreams.
