Angry Tired Jew

When I Emotion I write poetry this is where it goes

[sosotiredd]

I hated it there. “Too jewish,” I said, rolling my eyes at the yarmulkes and tefillin

That are required, for some reason

I roll my eyes at all the songs in Hebrew I have to sing, can’t we just sing an English song, like normal people?

And I can’t help but feel so confused when I hear a girl say, “I’m so proud I was born jewish.”

Why would someone be proud of that?

Why would I be proud of that?

But now that it’s all gone from me,

And I don’t even have my religious holidays off,

I miss it.

I want to feel at home with a hundred people chanting to a prayer,

And I want to hear that beautiful join of voices sway, cut off

And I want to look around victoriously, surrounded by my people, thinking,

We are still here

We are still alive

And we are proud.

[sosotiredd]

I’m not even angry anymore, I’m just tired.

I’m tired because today, another synagogue was shot up.

I’m tired because today, I had to sing Christian hymns.

I’m tired because exactly six months ago, the Tree of Life synagogue was shot up, too.

I’m tired because today, my friend told me antisemitism doesn’t exist.

I’m tired because it’s the last day of Pesach and it’s Yom HaShoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day.

And at this point I just don’t know what to do anymore.

My people deserve better.

I deserve better.

From a school I trusted, a school I expected not to put me in the situation, not again.

But for now,

All I have to say is

May her memory be a blessing.

[sosotiredd]

I know I should be sad that such a historic place was destroyed and

I know it’s history and religion all gone but

They can rebuild.

They have the money and the power to make a thousand more but

I can’t find a synagogue dating past the 1950s because YOUR people destroyed them and

My people are afraid and dying because of YOUR people and

We can’t even name all of the dead because of YOUR people

So excuse me if I won’t cry

Excuse me if I have little pity for you tonight

[sosotiredd]

Walking past these huge cathedrals that my family pulls me inside of, I feel guilty

I feel that I’ve forsaken something by being here

And we walk back to the buses

And there it is, a small synagogue and a large cemetery.

And I heard all of the people crying about the beautiful history back there but

Here is where I feel how old my people are

How long we’ve survived, persevered

I close my eyes and I feel a staggering...something

And I feel at home