I exist, I have fingers, and I will make that some ones problem.  They/them pronouns. I am non binary. I am also a lesbian. Also, Janus is the hecking best and you can't say otherwise because that's not true. No cursing, only heck, heckin, damn, and dang it.
ok, Splatoon raiders people. I do not have a picture of her, but I have a question about Big Man’s ancestor. Should we call her Big Ma’am, or Big momma?
In terms of what is likely given Nintendo's track record w/ Splatoon:
❌️ Great Turf War Prequel, old man yaoi, squids in imperial Japan, actually elaborating on the Octarians more
✅️ 80s fashion revival, or perhaps something a lil more Y2k, squid kids gentrifying historic cities after Grand Fest like w/ Splatsville after Chaos v Order, everything being mostly the same as the previous games just w/ more retro clothes and music
(and im still down for it honestly but like, temper your expectations, be realistic)
We all know for a fact they'd PROUDLY state they were pulling another Robin Hood act. Also, y'know, they saved the world. It's actually their second time saving the world, if you count the defeat of Mr. Grizz in Splatoon 3's Hero Mode.
Drew some inkling and octoling swim forms on this days. They are pretty bad, but, they don’t suck so I’m winning in life. Also drew a piku, but not a niku, because she has been arrested for crimes she probably committed but shouldn’t be arrested for because she is cool and awesome.
I have never played a single Sonic the Hedgehog game or read any of the comics, but I think they should add Agent Stone to both of them. Or maybe just the comics I don’t know I just think it be cute as hell. I think he should just be there, and he should be head over heels for Eggman, and the eggs kids should treat him like a second dad. Well, Metal and Bell probably would, Sage would probably treat him like he’s just Eggman assistant or something and refuse to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, he might mean more to Eggman than an assistant should. Idk, I just really like Stones character in the movies and I think he deserves to be a part of the wider Sonic universe.
I also think Metal Sonic deserves his own name because the calling him “Metal Sonic” is just a constant reminder to him that he was made to beat Sonic and he doesn’t have an identity outside that and I think that might be giving him a inferiority complex, but I don’t know if y'all are ready for that conversation
I have never played a single Sonic the Hedgehog game or read any of the comics, but I think they should add Agent Stone to both of them. Or maybe just the comics I don’t know I just think it be cute as hell. I think he should just be there, and he should be head over heels for Eggman, and the eggs kids should treat him like a second dad. Well, Metal and Bell probably would, Sage would probably treat him like he’s just Eggman assistant or something and refuse to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, he might mean more to Eggman than an assistant should. Idk, I just really like Stones character in the movies and I think he deserves to be a part of the wider Sonic universe.
Divorced Robert but he broke up with almost each z team members besides Invisigal , Coupè, punch up and Golem during different stages of his Mecha man blue career. Alice he met one day in a music store and they ended up trying different music each other recommend. Often spending time doing silly dances in there shared apartment while doing stuff together. Alice got discoved shortly after getting married to him. She quickly grew over night with her light powers putting on amazing shows. Eventually Robert leaves her after her music manger convinces him that Robert is holding her back from being a star. Robert loved her but he wouldn't hold her back. He loved seeing her smile and would happily step back to make it happen. Unwilling caused her to spiral into villany after she attacked same manger after learning what he did.
Chad and Robert met during a cooking class each night was exploring different cultures and food. Robert fell in love with the spicy food Chad would make him. Chad fell in love with the Korean food Robert would make. Them often traveling across California trying new things. Things started falling apart after the wedding. Chad's sister had gotten sick so he started spending more time with her and his niece Robert understood. So he started working different jobs to help support the 3 of them. Often cutting back on things he needed to help them. Until Chad found Roberts mask and acused him of cheating with Mecha man blue. Which lead to Flambae trying to burn down a mall to draw Mecha man blue out. Causing the fight that made Chad lose his fingers. Robert crying in the suit while arresting him. Robert continued to support Chad's family until he got out. Then Robert vanished thinking Chad would heal better without him.
Victor Robert met during his earlier days of Mecha man blue. He answered a add for a dude looking for a chill roommate. At first they fought like cats and dogs. Fighting over shared space and who got to use thing's first. Until one extremely cold winter. When Robert bursted through the door holding a extremely cold puppy. The landlord cut the heat. Robert and Victor were focused to snuggle together for warmth. Slowly growing closer over those freezing days taking care of tge sick puppy. They lived off soup and snuggles for a week straight. Shortly after the 2 of them couldn't be apart from each other. Adding in Victor's bed mysterious got ripped in too. As there relationship grew so did there new puppy beef did. Only for a year after the wedding. Robert over hears a fight. Victor had with his mom. Her screaming about Victor putting off going to Harvard to play house with a broken boy. Screaming how his father pulled so many strings to get Victor into school. Robert quickly packed his things and left a note saying I love you Vic but I don't want you to hold back your dreams of Harvard. Robert would rather watch Victor rise above everyone else and leave him behind. Not realizing he triggered Victor fall into hard core drugs and college partying.
Robert didn't know what to expect seeing a dude broke into his apartment drew a circle and tried stabbing him. Luckily the little bit of blood the dude got actually did summon a demon. A pretty chill one. She quickly sent the dude flying into one of her portals. Then healing him. It was her first time being in American. So Robert had fun showing her around California. He later found out her name was Mal. They ended up traveling up the Oregon coast trying different candy shops and visiting some of the famous water falls. They ended up happily married for 3 years until Mal had to go back to Australia to take care of her sick dad. Robert gently breaking up with her because he couldn't follow her to Australia Mecha man waz needed after Shroud broke out of prison.
Waking up from the coma Robert remembering all his pass partners. During his months of unwilling bed rest. He misses them but he wouldn't want to mess with the happy lives they are living without him. Robert is very confused running into Chad at a bar where he tried punching him. Screaming I ruined his marriage lucky I caught his drunk ass before he accidentally slipped and knocked a tooth out. Chase and Robert had a surprise reaction to 4 z team members shouting Robert. He was my ex husband. Chase isn't happy hearing Robert got married 4 different times and didn't get invited to one of them. Robert didn't want to burden Chase thinking everyone else was too good for him.
Chase thinking he’s talking about Flambae: Yeah he complains a lot about to supposedly ruining his marriage. Sounds like BS to me but…
Robert: That was a huge misunderstanding and miscommunication…Look I’ve never had an office job or what is and isn’t appropriate but is it going to be a problem if I had a relationship with members of the Z team?
Blazer: There’s nothing against company policy but HR (Mr whiskey) will probably want to know just for a record so we can ensure no favoritism or harm is being done to either party.
Robert: Got it. Who’s HR?
Blazer brings me whiskey in all his glory to the room. And has chase wait outside for a moment.
Mr. Whiskey: nice to meet you Robert I’ve heard good and incredible amusing things about you from Chase. Now what this about you having a previous relationship with someone from the Z team?
Robert: Members. 4 of them to be exact. Umm the first was with Victor or I guess so at now. It was early on in my career as a hero. We were roommates and when the heat got turned off abd it was cold I found my now Dog beef and we would cuddle for warmth after that we were together but then I overheard that he was putting off going to Harvard to stay with me. I packed my things and left a note saying I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t go as far as his brilliant mind can take him.
Then it was Alice or Prism. We met at a music store and swapped recommendations and we were happy until she got discovered. Her manager told me I was holding her back so I left because she deserved better.
After that it was Zahir or Flambae we met at a cooking class. Things got serious but then his sister got sick I started doing more side jobs to help pay for her treatment and got sloppy. He found my mask and accused me of cheating on him with Mecha man. That’s when he burned down the ball to draw him out. I accidentally cut off his fingers and I well I couldn’t face after that. I kept helping with his sisters bills until he was out of prison.
Finally I met Mal, some idiot accidentally summoned her I front of home and she helped kick his ass. Since she had never been to the US before I offered to be her guide things were good but then she had to go back to Australia to look after her sick dad and I couldn’t follow her because Mecha man was needed and Shroud had just Escaped….
So yeah that’s how I had at least on my side 4 serious relationships with people I’m now supposed to send on missions?
Mr. Whiskey takes a long sip.: Thank you for your honesty. I will handle things on my end if they are Rude to you talk to me, or Galen if it isn’t recorded on the Coms. He’s your best bet if you need a second person to back you up.
Walks back to Blazer and Chase saying you didn’t tell me your boys got game. Before walking away.
Robert finishes his basic training and ignores Chase as he tries to figure out who Robert was in a relationship with.
Robert: Good morning I am your new dispatcher Robert Robertson…..
Bobert? Bob-bob? Robo? Bertie?
Who?
Robert: Yes it’s me and I am willing to talk later during lunch for now please focus on listening to me.
It’s when suddenly 3 members become very compliant and bae (who still thinks Robert was maybe cheating but learned after he got out that he continued to help pay for his sister’s bills during his incarceration he lost a lot of anger) that chase goes to suspicious to horrified.
Chase: You have horrible taste in partner Robert.
Robert says nothing just waits til lunch thinking he’s going to get yelled at and maybe his ass kicked.
Robert to prepare for the ass kicking decides to duck out a little early to go get beef hoping the little dog would soften the 3 maybe 4 of them up. Know Victor probably missed him. What Flambae didn't expect was a very strongly worded text about Robert. Robert had told her about what happened with her brother saying that he thought Robert was cheating on him with Mecha man telling her he was hired by Mecha man blue to help fix his suit because his father had helped the previous Mecha man and Robert grew up learning how to repair it from his dad. Adding in Robert often coming around to cook for Zahir sister and niece when ever they needed it. She misses his home-made Korea soup that tasted like garlic ,ginger and heaven.
Robert as Mecha man became a anonymous sponsor for Victor when he heard he fell into hard times. Often sending home-made packages off stuff to Victor during prison hacking the system to make it seem like his parents sent it despite learning after he got they didn't. Robert even sent a homemade blanket that he swears demanded a blood sacrifice to make.
Mal Robert helped with getting permanent visa for the united states. So she can return later on hopefully with her father. Even looking up a huge list of different states and things to go do in them. Robert had happy memories of his dad traveling across country with him during the summer when Robbie was to busy being Mecha man. Including a homemade soup to send with her and a book full of his family recipes she loved.
Alice Robert when he could would often ore order her albums including her limited edition stuff. Wrote fan mail about how much he loved her music and shows. Often sending little plushies he made for her knowing food wouldn't be trusted because of all the weirdos. He would also travel to see her performances until her manger banned him despite him never showing his face to Alice.
Robert did ended up getting punched but not by any of his exs instead. Invisigal punched him despite having a good shift. She screams about leading her on. Despite not knowing anything about it apparently she was flirting and found out after Sonar accidentally slipped out he missed snuggling with Robert. Poor Robert rushed himself to the med bay before even seeing his exs again.
Ok so the best thing to do is have an honest comment conversation with Robert. No problem. Sonar tracking down where Robert lives and sees the only things in the apartment are a lawn chair, the Mecha man armour, and things for beef. (Anything else or important is in a storage unit like mementos from each relationship)
Robert coming out of the bathroom: Victor why are you on my balcony?
Victor totally overheard Robert was Mecha man earlier but he wants him to admit it when he’s ready.: You left so fast we didn’t get a chance to talk.
Robert winces: Sorry. I got punched in the face because Visi thought I was leading her on except I didn’t realize she was flirting. Medical told me to go home and not strain myself.
Victor nods: Bae’s sister told him you work in the Mecha man armour can I see it up close? *points at the Mecha the only thing stopping him from coming inside being the balcony door*
Robert hesitates but opens the door for Victor. Beef immediately runs up to him looks overjoyed at seeing his favorite bat again.
Victor: How’s my favorite Beefy boy! *spins beef around while really trying to get a better look at the whole apartment trying to figure out why it’s so bare* You don’t have to talk to all of us at once. But can I at least tell Mal? She was really worried about you.
Robert: yeah go ahead.
Mal immediately makes a portal and walks thru. Robert doesn’t even get a chance to say anything before Mal pulls him into a hug. So she can check him for damage.
The conversation that follows includes the two managing to robert to admit he’s broke, his salary is under review, and he’s in medical debt before the two of them just pick robert and beef up and carry them back to the apartment they share while texting Bae and Prism details.
Robert tries to argue but he’s warm in comfy clothes and their couch is already better for his back than the Lawn chair ever was so before long he’s passed out and snuggled between his ex lovers.
Mal looking between Robert and Victor: Ya know, I’m not sure Prism or Bae would feel the same but I wouldn’t mind sharing Robert.
Victor looks at mal surprised but really thinks about Robert. How happy they were and how much it hurt when he left. Honestly even existing in the same space as him is a dream come true…honestly he would mind either…if he can keep Robert close and safe in any capacity that’s enough for him….
Victor: Let’s talk about it in the morning…I need to finish going thru Robert’s mail and pay off any debt he has. *holds up the mail he grabbed before leaving.* Also we are NOT letting him stay in that apartment the way it is. Plus there was no food for Robert to eat! And knowing him he’ll feed beef and starve himself without thinking twice. And that besides the fact that he just got out of a coma.
Mal: COMA?!?
Robert: shifted in his sleep.
Victor: I overheard him mention it to chase. Appearently He was the one who recommended Robert for the job…
Mal: Note to self get chase a nice coffee and Donuts to share with Robert come Monday.
Surprisingly when Victor tries to pay the medical bills he gets informed that someone else had paid them off. The hospital couldn't say who.... They just requested to keep sending Robert the bills so he wouldn't find out. The first thing Mal and Victor woke up to was a missing Robert and beef. After searching apartment for a bit they couldn't find him. After having a mini freak out Robert walks in holding 2 coffees and 2 breakfast sandwiches. While beef happly walked beside him. Sorry guys wanted to surprise you before you woke up. Holding out the coffee to them. I hoped I remembered your orders correctly one dark chocolate mocha frappuccino with a extra shot of espresso, One caramel macchiato iced with a little of whipped cream. One bagel sandwich toasted with cream cheese, ham and a egg and green pepper patty and one English muffin with rat cheddar cheese and a normal egg patty. Robert lieing about eating his coffee and food at the coffee shop. Robert also having gotten Bae and Alice's shared address from there files sent them there favorite coffees a spice cinnamon coffee with cold foam and a caramel white chocolate iced coffee with a egg burrito and a chocolate croissant.
Robert was very confused coming into work with a hr complaint from invisigal. Then having to ask Phenomaman to get off his exs car getting hugged and kissed by the dude then walking towards the bathroom to remove glass from him. Only to have invisigal try and kiss him before getting scared away from waterboy rushing in. Robert decided he'll just sneak out today so he can go home and sleep in his chair.
The only question is Bae and Prism game for sharing this incredible wonderful guy?
If so then Mr whiskey and Galen are getting free entertainment! Meanwhile chase is ready to pull his hair out! Why is his lil bro like this?!
Imagine someone says something gross or Perv-y about one of them Robert will not give them a chance to say anything else.
Robert: I am only going to say this once. Never imply something like that again. They along with EVERY member of theZ team has incredible potential that I am determined to help them achieve. That punch was a warning next time I won’t be so nice.
Everyone of them is blushing furiously at that point. Mr whiskey after checking with Galen only details also sides with Robert, and only gave him a warning and asked him to at least give a verbal warning before throwing a punch.
I wonder if they try to make an unofficial schedule about hanging out with Robert since they aren’t sure if he’s interested in continuing the relationship. But boy do they want to try!
Bae invites Robert to watch his niece who really misses him, have a soccer game.
Mal and Sonar were hoping to get coffee with him before work.
Prism wants to check out this new dog friendly restaurant she heard about after work.
They do all of this and forget the most important thing is to just ask Robert.
I think Chase is going to have to respect the fact that these people even if chase doesn’t like them truly care about Robert and will do anything for him!
Forgot to reply to this @glowinggemma28-fangirl I was meaning Chase seeing Robert not seeing his 4 exs want him back. More then just friends infact they getting really jealous hearing in this Blond blazer tried to kiss Robert but he turned her down then they get enraged because Phenomaman gets upset thinking Robert was trying to break them up. Until Robert explains what happened then he end up getting pulled into a kiss. They all want to know why everyone above them is trying to get with Robert. Plus Chase does a double take at Flambae claiming Robert cheated on him with Mecha man. He's fighting the urge to say that's taking go f u c k yourself to a completely different level.
Exactly the night everyone goes out drinking Robert admits he’s Mecha man thinking Bae’s going to incinerate him and instead bae literally ready to get on his knees to apologize to Robert for thinking the worst of him.
Bae: just I need to make it up you~
Robert: Careful there Zahir. If you keep talking like that people are going to think you still want me.
Everyone:…are you serious?
Mal:Robert, all of us have been trying to see if you were willing to be in a relationship again.
Robert: what?
Alice: Roberto none of us ever got over you. You are a stupidly wonderful and thoughtful partner. Hell most of what got us sent to jail and the Phoenix program happened after our time with you ended.
Robert:…what? But you all deserve better…
WE DONT WANT “BETTER” WE WANT YOU! AND ARE FINE WITH SHARING IF YOU ARE!
I feel like drunk Robert would gently tilt his head and look behind him seeing if there was another Robert. Because Robert during all his relationships he didn't see himself as thoughtful, or sweet. He saw himself as a obstacle holding each one of them back. Prism would have been discovered earlier if Robert didn't distract her. Doing silly dances with her or singing with her when she was making videos didn't help.( despite her manger trying to steal her heart away. ) Zahir wouldn't have went off the deep end if Robert just admitted he was Mecha man. He lost time with his sister because he was a coward. Victor was amazing at almost everything while it Robert a bit to figure things out. Often slowing him down to explain himself. Robert wasn't even sure what Mal got arrested for because she is tge sweetest person he's ever met. Often Robert felt like he was dragging her down with his plain as white bread attitude. His father would have been so disappointed in him Mecha man wasn't supposed to have a feelings all he was meant todo was to save the day then quickly fade out. He wants them back but the mental words of his father is holding him back. You are nothing but Mecha man how dare you ruin are family legacy Bobbie would have been ashamed of you I'm ashamed of you Robert. You aren't getting back you are allowing yourself to sink into normal. Cut the weight that's holding you down. Robert doesn't know what todo.
If he says any of that out loud they are going to pull him into a big hug and start trying to figure out how to bring Robbie back from the dead just so they can kill him themselves for giving Robert self confidence issues and making him think he is unlovable and the burden.
Coop is watching this like it’s her new favorite show. Tho she is a bit curious how Robert keeps pulling bad bitches that seem so out of his league. Punch up is just impressed and thinks Robert is clearly a good match for any of the 4 and if they’re ok with Sharing power to them.
This means the 4 have to regroup and make a new Plan of attack.
Victor: OK so trying stir up old feelings and testing the waters isn’t really going to work…
Prism is angrily typing on her phone.: I just got screenshots of what my Asshole Manager sent to Robert to convince him to leave me. I should have run him over with my Car. Bastard thought HE WAS A BETTER CHOICE!?!?!
Mal leans over to read it and also gets angry.: let me know if you want him to be stuck somewhere unpleasant. If I pick the right spot not only will he suffer but nobody will find the body. All I need is his address and an alibi….
Alice: I’ll take u up on that later rn we need to figure out how to help Robert understand how wonderful and desirable he is. I thought our lil outings and drinks might lay the groundwork but all it did is make him run after he realized he was talking out loud.
Zahir: It wasn’t useless. Now we know the cause of what makes Robert think he’s not enough! It’s all MECHA MAN ASTAL’S FAULT!
Victor: Agreed. Speaking of which how’s finding a way to either bring him back to life or at least his spirit so we can make him feel a fraction of what he did to Robert, Mal?
Mal: I’ve been asking around I have a few leads but nothing concrete yet.
Zahir: Problem is while we argue Robert is alone in that dingy apartment with nothing but a lawn chair and beef as company! When he should be at one of our places getting spoiled!
Alice will be alot more angry when she finds out her manger had threw Robert out of the concert of hers. That he paid for. Adding in drunk Robert crawling into the closet incase anyone comes looking for him. Robert is just hoping everyone forgets they ever knew him. Despite missing Mal and Victor's cuddle with him. He's also mad he forgot the tacos. Waterboy is asking what drama did he walk into. Robert calls out sick Monday morning wanting one more day before facing everyone. Plus no more drinking and therapy sessions with z team.
Adding in drunk invisigal angry at Robert breaks into his apartment takes a picture of him in the closet and sends to z team group chat. Robert has been lying to everyone he's Mecha man. Not realizing he told everyone because she stormed off before she could hear. She's hoping to cause drama.
Victor: ok one outing bobert’s Hero ID cuz you’re angry he doesn’t want you is a petty and low blow. 2 he told us after you stormed off when we went to go get Tacos. Abc 3 look we get Everyone wants a piece of Robert. He’s kind and caring and make you feel like the center of his world aside from hero work, but you’re just not his type! I will literally pay you or set u up with someone else to make you stop…For instance you mentioned you we Bi and Blazer is single now! She’s also a good hero with a lot of the same great qualities Robert has!
Visi is about to angrily text back when she actually pauses to think about it. She does like Mandy…hell a small part of her wanted to make her Jealous by getting with Robert….:…you would help me get with our boss?
Prism: if it gets you to act ur age! Absolutely! Besides Blazer needs someone to help her loosen up. Ur great at that!
Prism holding Flambae phone away from him and Mal holding Victor's phone away seeing invisigal had sent him a second picture of her kissing Roberts cheek. She thought Zahir and Victor was Robert type. Invisigal calls out Monday trying to avoid z team scolding for breaking into Roberts apartment . Robert is very confused when he gets a fruit basket saying get well soon Phenomaman. What am I a walking hero magnet. Robert moans out.
-as dust and plaster coat the ground and wonder how I got into your house, I, jovial as ever, place an arm around your shoulders-
You, yes you. I need practice drawing the old men. Ya see, I need doodle ideas. Platonic/rival/romantic cuttletavio ideas. I am not as well-versed but I would like to be. Just send them in an ask.
You can also add your favorite bits of cuttletavio lore/head canons, so that I may absorb the knowledge like a sponge. Becoming part of the hive mind.
he would not fucking say that, but with disability.. he would not fucking be able bodied. sick n tired of characters walking away from multiple life changing injuries without a scratch. let’s get some natural consequences in here.
give that knife/sword fight survivor nerve damage. give the character who was shot in the gut a stoma. give that fire survivor lung damage and an oxygen cannula. give that leg injury survivor a cane. give that starvation survivor gastroparesis. give that spinal injury survivor a manual chair or powerchair.
while we’re at it, give your characters congenital disabilities too, just because. give them intellectual and development disabilities. give them acquired and postviral illnesses. dare to make somebody bedbound. for me.
no bc wydm Robert Robertson III was a hero for fifteen years, was blown up twice, threw hands at a bar fight, slept on a chair and the floor, AND fought Shroud AND came out just fine?
Where’s the chronic pain? The prosthetics for his missing limbs? The mobility aids like crutches or wheelchairs? where’s his PTSD diagnosis?
New Flambert fic idea, because I looked at Robert Robertson and decided, someone needs to get that man pregnant. (This is the thing that silly screenshot came from)
First thing to make clear about this idea is that it isn't ABO and Robert isn't trans. Robert is a normal cis guy, but he still ends up pregnant because of a meta ability. Which sounds ridiculous, but honestly, not every meta gets the nice clean genetic lottery of fire powers or invisibility or super strength. Some people just get strange, wildly specific abilities, and in this case somebody got the ability to make a body capable of pregnancy.
The actual incident is pretty mundane, which I think makes it worse. Robert's at a convenience store late at night after work, getting a snack, when some guys start arguing. He tries to step in and get them to leave before it turns into an actual fight, because of course he does, and one of them panics and shoves past him. Robert gets knocked into a shelf, the guy runs, the others chase after him, and that's basically it, easily written off as a pretty mundane experience all things considered.
Except the guy who shoved him was a meta, and his power activated by accident. He didn't mean to do it and probably doesn't even know he did it. There's no evil villain with a weird baby ray, no secret plot, no grand conspiracy. Just a scared guy, one bad shove, and Robert’s body quietly starting to rewrite itself in the background like the worst possible software update.
It takes a while before anything actually happens, because his body has to build and adjust to all the new reproductive organs first. Internally, the power creates a uterus and ovaries, along with a temporary channel that lets sperm reach where it needs to go. Once pregnancy actually happens, that channel closes for the duration, and later, when the body prepares for birth, a new channel forms that leads to an opening on the perineum. Basically, the power does not half-ass it. It makes the body able to do everything it needs to carry a baby to term and safely give birth. Which is horrifying, actually, cause Robert’s body has been changed in an intimate, invasive, medically impossible way, but the change is functional. It is working. It is not killing him. It is just completely rewriting the terms of his life without asking first.
Before the pregnancy ever happens, Robert even has what's basically a period and doesn't even realize that's what it is or that there's even anything new going on. There isn't much bleeding, and because of his awful health and all his old injuries, occasionally having bloody stool or diarrhea is unfortunately not that unusual for him. He has a personal rule that he only goes to the hospital for that kind of thing if it gets excessive or goes on too long, which is horrifying but also very Robert. His body has done so many alarming things over the years that his danger threshold is horrific.
Then, later, after all of that's already happened without him knowing, he and Flambae sleep together. It's a one-night stand, one of those nights where they finally stop pretending for five minutes, immediately panic about the implications, and then both insist it was a mistake. They are not looking for anything serious, they are not interested in each other like that, they absolutely do not want a relationship.
They are both lying.
They know they themselves are lying.
They do not realize the other one is also lying.
So they agree, in the dumbest possible emotional stalemate, that it cannot happen again.
Then they find out Robert is pregnant. At first, there isn't even a clear option to safely terminate, because the doctors have no idea what the meta ability actually changed. They don't know what organs are there, how they're connected, what's temporary, what's permanent, what's load-bearing, what could hemorrhage, what could collapse, or what might happen if they interfere too quickly. It's not that they refuse to help him, it's that they genuinely do not know how to do it without possibly killing him. So Robert is stuck in medical limbo with an impossible pregnancy he did not ask for.
When they first find out, Flambae does not handle it gracefully. He panics, flies off, and disappears for a day or two. Not because he doesn't care, obviously, but because his first response to huge emotional shocks is usually big, hot, explosive reaction first, actual thinking second. It's fear this time, not anger, but the shape of it is the same. He needs to get away before he says or does the wrong thing.
Robert actually gets that and isn't mad at him. He thinks it's a pretty valid reaction, considering the man has just been told his one night stand with the exsuperhero he definitely has no feelings for resulted in an impossible pregnancy.
But while Flambae is gone, the doctors ask Robert if there is anyone they can call for him. Robert answers without thinking, Chase, and then immediately regrets it. He has spent fifteen years taking care of himself. Fifteen years as Mecha Man, alone, injured, exhausted, and convinced that needing people was something he had already outgrown or lost the right to. But now he has Chase back in his life, and somewhere along the way, without fully admitting it to himself, he started relying on him again.
So he tells himself that when Chase gets there, he's going to brush it off. He'll say it's nothing serious, the doctors are overreacting, find some way to make him leave.
Then Chase arrives, and the second Robert sees him, something in him breaks. He cries. Like, full on sobbing, unable to speak. Just Robert finally seeing the person he instinctively wanted when everything went wrong and not being able to keep himself locked down anymore. For once, he lets himself lean on his big brother in a way he didn't allow himself to do for fifteen years, and Chase just lets him. No big speech. No judgment. Just there.
The original plan is for Chase to help him through the pregnancy. More specifically, for Robert to move in with Chase, because absolutely no one in their right mind thinks a pregnant man should be stuck in Robert’s terrible apartment.
But then Flambae comes back. He'w calmed down, thought it through, and decided that whatever Robert chooses, he is going to support him. He also insists Robert move in with him instead, since he has a guest room, a better living situation, and more actual experience around pregnancy and kids because he has siblings with children.
Surprisingly, Chase accepts this pretty easily. He may not love Flambae and may judge Robert’s taste, but he's also seen that Flambae can be reliable when he's serious, and he knows Robert wants him. So Chase, being Chase, decides he is not going to stand there and let his little brother trip over his own happiness just because he's scared to admit he wants something.
So Robert moves in with Flambae. And this is where the terrible domesticity begins. They both keep telling themselves this is all just because of the pregnancy. Flambae is only making sure Robert eats because of the pregnancy. Robert is only letting Flambae come to appointments because of the pregnancy. They only live together because of the pregnancy. They only spend all this time together because someone needs to keep an eye on Robert … because of the pregnancy. They only have soft little moments in the kitchen and on the couch and after bad doctor visits because the situation is intense.
Sure. Absolutely. Completely normal.
Two clowns in a trench coat these two.
The Z-team, Chase, Mandy, Royd, Galen, Mr. Whiskey, basically half of SDN at this point, all get involved in making sure Robert doesn't sabotage his own health. They keep him away from junk food, keep him out of the Mecha Man suit, keep him from overworking himself, and generally form a deeply annoying protective circle around him and his little passenger.
At first, Robert is pretty dismissive of the pregnancy care. Part of that is his usual disregard for his own health, and part of it is that he isn't planning to keep the baby, so he doesn't understand why everyone is being so intense about all the rules. Flambae finally has to sit him down and make it very clear that a lot of pregnancy care isn't just about protecting the baby, it's also about protecting the person carrying the baby. And in Robert’s case, his body wasn't naturally made to do this, so if something goes wrong, no one can guarantee what the consequences will be.
That gets Robert to shut up. He still complains, obviously, because he's Robert, but he begrudgingly accepts the care. Then later, after he's had time to live with the pregnancy, after scans and heartbeats and quiet moments where the baby becomes less of a medical condition and more of a person in his head, he decides he wants to keep them.
And once Robert decides to keep the baby, he becomes terrifying about it. He has decided this baby is happening, and God help anyone who jeopardizes that. Suddenly he's taking the rules very seriously. He's asking questions, he's following medical advice, he's even willingly letting people help.
A big problem is that the pregnancy isn't just difficult physically in terms of his health. It also completely wrecks his relationship with his body. Robert has never had a great relationship with his appearance, but before this, it was more of a dry acceptance that he was not desirable: too many scars, too much damage. The coma also ruined his muscle definition and weight. He just sort of filed himself under “damaged goods” and moved on with the emotional range of a man sorting taxes. But pregnancy is different. His body is changing in real time. His stomach grows, and eventually it is not something he can pass off as weight gain because his belly gets firm and obviously pregnant. His chest starts growing actual breasts. Because of the new hormonal balance, he also gets other changes, like wider hips, a softer jaw, thinner and softer facial hair, and a generally different fat distribution. A lot of the same kinds of effects trans women can get when going on estrogen, except for Robert it isn't affirming. It is not something he chose. It makes his body feel unfamiliar and wrong to him.
At first, the Z-team jokes about it because they joke about everything. That's just how they are. But then they realize Robert is actually hurt and upset, not just annoyed, and they stop immediately. They may be idiots and rough around the edges, but they're not cruel, especially to their own. After that, they try to be careful with him, sometimes too careful, because Robert being genuinely vulnerable is like seeing your emotionally unavailable dad cry for the first time, very unsettling and off putting.
Flambae tries to help him through it in a couple of ways. One time, he focuses on reminding Robert that none of this makes him less of a man. His body is changing, but he's still him. He is qstill Robert. He is still a man, and the fact that Flambae, a very gay man who is not usually into feminine guys, is still absolutely catastrophically attracted to him is at least some evidence that Robert still has it. Another time, once they are much closer and have very clear boundaries in place, Flambae helps Robert explore the more feminine parts of his changed body. The rule is that they stop the second Robert feels even slightly uncomfortable. No pressure, no pushing, no making it into something it is not. But Robert ends up discovering that some of it does not feel bad. Some of it even feels good. He likes being feminized sometimes, under the right circumstances, because now it's something he's choosing instead of something being done to him. And Flambae, as it turns out, finds him in feminine lingerie horrifically alluring. This doesn't magically fix everything, but it helps Robert realize that his changed body is not only a curse. It is strange, and scary, and not what he asked for, but it is also still his. He can choose how to exist in it and can choose what parts to reject, what parts to keep, what parts to play with, and what parts to make his own.
Meanwhile, both Robert and Flambae are also quietly freaking out about the idea of being fathers. Robert’s fear is obvious. He was abused as a child, and his main frame of reference for fatherhood is Robbie being absent, occasionally having good moments, and then mostly pressuring him into the Mecha Man legacy. Robert does not want to do that. He wants to be supportive and to love his child no matter what they like or who they become or what they choose to do with their life. But he has no idea how to be that person. The thing is, Robert had also written off the idea of having kids a long time ago. Being Mecha Man did not leave room for that. His life was too dangerous, too controlled, too lonely. Even after retiring, he hadn't really reached the point of realizing that fatherhood might be an option for him now if he wanted it. And then, suddenly, it is. Once he has time to think about it, especially with Flambae there, he realizes he does want it. He wants to be a dad. He's terrified, but he loves the idea. Flambae’s feelings are just as complicated, but in a different direction. As a gay man, he never imagined a future where he could accidentally get a partner pregnant, so that's a huge adjustment, but that doesn't mean he never wanted kids. He actually loves children. He adores his nieces and nephews and is great with them. The problem is, he thinks that only counts in small doses. It's different being the fun uncle who gets to hand the kids back. Being a parent means being there all the time, even when you're tired, stressed, angry, impulsive, overwhelmed, and scared. He's afraid of his fire, yes, but he's also afraid of his temper, his anger, his intensity. The parts of himself that feel too dangerous to keep near something small and fragile. When Prism points out that he's wonderful with every kid she's ever seen him around, he doesn't really believe that proves anything. Because he isn't afraid that he can't make a child laugh, he's afraid he could make his own child afraid of him.
This actually causes a conflict between him and Robert, because Flambae tries to bottle all of that up. He knows Robert is the one whose body has been changed. Robert is the one dealing with the medical fear, the dysphoria, the pregnancy, the birth, all of it. So Flambae tries to be steady and positive and supportive. He talks about the baby and fatherhood like he's handling it well. Robert takes this to mean Flambae isn't scared the way he is, so eventually they have a blow-up argument where Robert insists Flambae doesn't understand what it feels like to be terrified of becoming a father, and Flambae finally cracks and admits that he's terrified too. Of hurting the baby, of being too angry, too impulsive, too dangerous. He's terrified every time he lets himself want this because wanting it means he has something to ruin.
That argument is what finally forces them to be honest. Not just about the baby. About everything. They both want the child. They both want to be fathers. They both want each other. They've both been using the pregnancy as an excuse to get the closeness they were too scared to ask for directly. So they finally pull their heads out of their asses and actually get together.
By the time the birth gets close, the doctors have a plan. After the baby is born and Robert has had time to recover, he is supposed to have surgeries to remove the power created organs and permanently seal the channels. It makes sense. That was always the assumption. His body was changed without his consent, so of course the end goal is to undo it as much as possible. Except after the birth, when they start discussing dates, Robert says he wants to hold off and think about it, in a way that leaves the future open-ended. Maybe he eventually has the surgeries. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe he and Flambae have more kids one day. Maybe they don't. The important thing is that, for once, Robert is making the decision from a place of choice instead of panic.
do you think that Father Jud from Wake up dead man: a knives out mystery, would enjoy terminalmontage’s Christian kirbo? Like do you think if you should him one of those videos he’d like, I don’t know, have a sermon about them and how they show how good Christians should act and shit? I have not been to church in years, I just think if Father Jud was shown like, one of the Christmas Kirbo videos he’d really like it. Idk why. Ok bye
tangentwithtanner
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snowghoul
