Self-care in an unexpected form.
In this post Sally talks about how the question of self-care turned up in an unexpected form. She found herself challenged to clarify her ideas on her own value. Was she willing to continue to give her time and energy for free or was her input good enough to get paid? With these questions on her mind, she looked at some projects she was involved in from another perspective and came to some surprising conclusions.
I have recently been involved in a couple of creative projects that I started with enthusiasm and delight. Both of them enabled me to be in service to a greater picture, to potentially create social change for the better and involved me giving my time for free.
Initially I gave myself willingly and with delight and it was wonderful to see the projects grow and benefit from my input. However, there was another side to the story. Something has changed. I am starting to recognise the value of my experience and skill and put a price on it. I see that I no longer need to work for free in order to build my reputation or credibility or gain experience. As a mature woman with a lot of work and life experience I am beyond the level of the beginner or the amateur.
It has been quite scary for me to have this insight; I am used to being a pleaser. If I see that I am good and skilled enough to be paid, it means that I am now in the situation where I am no longer ignorant. I can make a choice, Do I continue to work for free, ask to get paid, or leave the project completely?
I have faced some uncomfortable questions over the last weeks. Can I say no to someone else so that I can focus on me? Can I put a value on my time and ask to be paid the fee that I think I am worth? If I take these steps, will I lose valuable contacts and friends?
After some struggling the situation became untenable and I chose to show up in full authenticity and state what was happening. It was fascinating to see that when I was fully honest and spoke from that place of fierce vulnerability others identified with me. When I speak from the heart there is a power in my words that resonates with a deep human space within all of us.
Ultimately, I see that this process has been about wanting to be seen and heard and recognised for the value of what I do. I have added a fiscal dimension to it, because that is a clear and measurable way to show my value. My celebration is that finally, as a silver haired, middle-aged woman I am beginning to learn my value and refuse to give myself away for nothing and that is a fantastic and important step in self-care, self-love and acceptance. Finally, after all these years I can love myself enough to put a value on my actions – there is a price on my head if you want me to turn up and be real.
Self reflection questions
What are you worth? Are you giving yourself away for free? Are there any places where you are leaking energy because you are giving yourself away too easily?
What will it take for you to recognise the leaky areas? What do you need to do to plug the gaps? Is your definition of a reward financial? Are there other ways you could be recognised?
Books I have enjoyed along the way.
The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
The Body Is Not an Apology, Second Edition: The Power of Radical Self-Love
Daily Rituals: Positive Affirmations to Attract Love, Happiness and Peace
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