rotten

twentyseven | in death I will prevail

[soulsuck]

21/05/26

it's growing

the anxiety

the self loathing

it's always there

but tonight it festered

and now it's overwhelming me

and I don't know how to fight it

[soulsuck]

21/05/26

I tried to off myself in my dreams

and even there it did not work

I tried and tried

and I was scared when I realised it didn't work

sure when I woke up I was relived but for a split second there was an outlet in sight

I was so close

and then I was dragged back into this misery

It should have worked

It should have worked

[soulsuck]

09/05/26

I had such a lovely evening

and I will not let it be ruined by my doubts

I was welcome I was wanted

I've felt validated and protected

I was part of something

and you cannot take that away

I had fun

and I deserve not to worry whether it was genuine

the companionship I felt

I will not let you take it

I deserve happiness

[soulsuck]

30/04/26

I am living on autopilot mode

[soulsuck]

24/03/26

my soul is rubbed raw

I have no other choice but to bleed

I am not thick-skinned

[soulsuck]

10/03/26

I am a house

and this termites called depression

are eating away at my foundation

it's irreparable

[soulsuck]

23/02/26

when I die

tattoo all my poems on my body

so finally someone will know the whole story

so they can rot with me

[soulsuck]

23/02/26

it was a world deafening sadness

that washed over me today

and suddenly the rails were coaxing me

the wind so feral, so beautiful

was calling me

I wanted to answer

wanted to move closer

[soulsuck]

09/02/26

destroying myself cause it's the only thing I am good at

keeping my ties thin

so when the time has come

I won't have much to loose

[soulsuck]

07/02/26

I am a black widow

I want to consume

I am devoid of all affection

I am not content

[soulsuck]

30/01/26

there is nothing to lose

in death

in the absolute

while in life

you behold all the possibilities

and watch them pass by, one after another

[soulsuck]

27/01/26

the closer my birthday gets

the sadder I become

the failures of my life

overwhelm me

mock me

I let them get too close

the memories of my absence

I let them get too close

the ghosts of my past

I never know why I even bother wishing it was different

from all those other years that

I hoped things would get better

and why do I repeatedly find myself hoping

that I might find joy in life after all

and meanwhile

I slowly find myself doubting

whether there was ever any joy at all

[soulsuck]

23/01/26

one hundred fifty posts

and ten years later

and I'm still depressed

but at least I made it this far

at least I get to tell myself

over and over

that every day is a new chance

[soulsuck]

29/10/25

You already died a hundred times in my mind

I grieved and grieved

I shed a thousand tears

but your still alive

and I'll just keep punishing myself

until my grief is justified

[soulsuck]

03/09/25

there are so many reasons to hate myself

so many tiny reasons

once I hated myself for no reason at all

but now I cannot count the amount of situations where

I could have done better

the amount of times when

I could have been a better person

and I cannot stop worrying

how long this is going to haunt me

how much of me is left to break

[soulsuck]

10/08/25

I let you ruin me

[soulsuck]

02/08/25

I don't wanna be perfect

I just wanna be me

and sadly the real me

is 'sad me'