Yeetus Thyself Into Poetry.

Life is a game in which you hold the controller, you’re capable of picking your fights and following the path that you created.

[soundlessbymidnight]

The closer I get to where I wanted to be

The less I want to be there

Everything that I thought was a dream

Turned out to be a nightmare

[soundlessbymidnight]

I remember a time when your touch could send me into a state of pure comatose.

It was so peaceful. Everything inside couldn’t escape and I felt so happy.

As time went on, we hit our ups and downs. Our on and offs.

I thought when we found each other again I would feel those same feelings as before.

I don’t know if it’s you or if it’s me..

But this doesn’t feel right.

I don’t feel happy?

Maybe it’s the way that I crave you and the way that you create distance..

Like a heroin addict who fiends for their next dose but doesn’t have money for their dealer.

I don’t even mean sex, it’s just that I want to be close to you, I want for you to communicate with me like you did when you were chasing me.

Am I less exciting now? Is it because it’s not scandalous anymore?

I don’t know why I have such weakness for you..

Why I allow you to do this to me over and over again.

Even after all of these years, empty promises, longing for the life you created in my mind.

It’s always such a fucking letdown and I can’t do it anymore.

[soundlessbymidnight]

It’s weird how we chase the things that we want, but when we catch them.. they’re less vibrant, more dull..?

Like, this is what I worked so hard for?

I feel more alone than I did when I actually was alone.. and that’s not okay dawg.

[soundlessbymidnight]

The threads of your love are woven into the fabric that I call skin.

Every time the thread breaks, you start again from scratch, only cinched tighter than the attempt before.

Little holes left behind as reminders of your many attempts to love me.

But darling the problem was never that my skin wasn’t durable enough, it’s that the thread you chose wasn’t strong enough.

[soundlessbymidnight]

Is coming back to you, ten years later, a bad idea?

Yeah. Of course.

Am I going to do it anyways?

Yup.

Because I know I’m an ✨ Idiot ✨

[soundlessbymidnight]

You can give me a thousand reasons of why it is that you hate me,

I’ll face them all head on, I’ll listen to every word you say and criticize myself with you.

But even after you do, I will still love you.

[soundlessbymidnight]

Flirting with death lately, he says I’m cute.

[soundlessbymidnight]

I stayed,

Even after you slammed my heart through a concrete wall.

I would’ve never left your side.

If loving you was a crime then I’d plead guilty and beg for the death penalty.

Even in death would I have followed you, welded to your side we would’ve fought the fires of hell together.

But darling, you walked away, you left.

[soundlessbymidnight]

I could write you a novel full of ways to tell you that I’m sorry,

You wouldn’t read it, it would likely remain on a shelf collecting dust..

But I wouldn’t blame you, love.

You were the heaviest casualty I’ve ever had to carry.

I burden myself with apologies that will never be said aloud, nor heard.

But apologies nonetheless..

[soundlessbymidnight]

So blindly was I, the villain of your story.

This entire time you were the hero in mine.

[soundlessbymidnight]

I find solace in the pain, but then the memories start to fade.

Washed away by the rain, I start to feel a little more sane.

It pulls me in each day, the way I’d beg to hear you say;

“I love you.”

Just one more time.

[soundlessbymidnight]

My soul will remain lost, wandering for all eternity until it meets you again.

[soundlessbymidnight]

I cry when I see a picture of you.

I don’t cry because you’re dead and living a new life somewhere.

I cry because when I last told you goodbye I didn’t realize how big of a fool I was.

I didn’t know what love was at the time, I was so young.

Now that I know what love is, I cannot find you.

You’re living life and likely haven’t thought of me in years.

But I think of you constantly.

I wonder where you are, what you look like now.

I wonder if you’re somewhere safe and warm.

If I could, I would tell you how sorry I am.

I’m sorry that little me played your heart like a fiddle and broke every single string.

I’m sorry that I was so careless with your heart when you cherished mine so deeply.

I’m sorry that I didn’t show you how much I valued you.

I’m sorry that I hurt you.

I don’t blame you for cutting me out and disguising yourself as a ghost.

You’re protecting the very thing that I’ve already tampered with once before.

I’m sorry that you have to do that, please know that I’m ashamed.

You’ll always be my one that got away, but please - please know, from the depths of my matured heart, I am so incredibly sorry.

[soundlessbymidnight]

Walking with you is like walking on eggshells,

One step at a time but no matter how lightly I step there will always be a crunch.

I’m always avoiding hurting your feelings.

Anything you say is a joke and shouldn’t be taken to heart,

Everything I say is like a dagger to the gut that causes you to bleed out endlessly.

I cauterize your wounds with slabs of my own melted flesh,

Piece by piece I’m draining myself so that you can live with flawless skin.

No amount of “I love you”’s can fix the damage here,

I’m a walking skeleton with nothing left to give.

Yet you still take…

You rip the bones from my rib cage and use them to sharpen your backhanded compliments.

The compliments that you give me for praising you.

You take the cartilage from my joints and chew it like bubble gum that you’ll later stick to the bottom of a desk.

I’m not allowed to be upset, frustrated or mad,

But you’re allowed to put my feelings on trial and invalidate them when they plead not guilty.

You’re allowed to be the justice system in this corrupt world where the sun revolves around you and you alone.

In a last ditch effort to feel like you’re keeping it equal you’ll ask me for my input,

but when I speak my words to you, they are nonexistent,

I could scream that I hate you and want to leave this place but all you’ll hear is a screen that has been muted by the remote held comfortably in your palm.

You don’t hear me. You’re so in love with the sound of your own voice,

You’ve got a god complex bigger than god himself and nothing matters unless it’s about you.

Nothing you do or say is ever wrong, I tell you it’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong as long as we both get our point across, but all I’m doing is wasting my breath.

[soundlessbymidnight]

You said you didn’t want love, you wanted something more casual.

I followed in suit and we both promised ourselves and each other never to fall in love.

Oh how quickly something casual became a casualty.

[soundlessbymidnight]

If our lives flashed before our eyes in the moment of death,

Would you be proud of yourself?

Would you smile at the choices you’ve made,

Or would you regret it all.

If you had 24 hours to apologize for the pain you’ve caused others,

Would you do it?

[soundlessbymidnight]

He grabbed her by the hand, the full moon shining down upon them, and whispered gently into her ear,

“Until every star in the sky burns out, until every speck of dirt beneath your feet disappears, my heart will belong only to you.”