i have raised myself through terrible things, learned only that others leave me once they’re done visiting. my chest is filled with fists and failure and nights that all blend together.
Hana raised an eyebrow at the stranger, wondering why they bothered to stop at all. “I mean… yeah, I know. Thus the… hunting for medicine.” She gestured at her own appearance before gesturing around her in the hopes that she would be shown in which direction the medicine lived. “Right. Hospital. I don’t think they really do anything for you if you don’t have any money though.” Fishing in the pockets of the coat she had borrowed from Jinx, she lit up when she found a snack she had stashed for herself. “I have… a Twinkie? I’ll give it to you if you show me where I can get some medicine?”
Sloan narrowed her eyes at the girl, her chin tilting up like the angle could help her sniff out any bullshit. Sloan had few rules in her life, a code which she lived by, and top two were:
1. Never turn down something free.
2. Especially if the free thing is food.
Sloan holds her hand out silently, waiting until the weight of the Twinkie is present before slipping it safely into the pocket of her jacket like a squirrel hoarding nuts. Sloan often got both bored and hungry on the drive home, so she would eat it then. She nodded back towards the building behind them. ‘I have Advil in my office,” she admitted like she was bestowing one of her best-kept secrets.
♫ five times my muse swears it’s not a date, and the one time it maybe is. idk go wild
[ This is actually from Hana so whatever, I make my own rules ]
Song used was Written in the Stars by Wendy and John Legend
1. Sloan had a habit of texting her whenever they were bored out of their skull with one common theme: they were hungry. Hana wasn’t bothered by it, always ready to swing by with a snack or some takeout, but something about this particular text had her a little confused. She was reading too much into it, that she was sure of, because Sloan was her friend (maybe) but she also knew that Sloan sort of barely tolerated her presence too.
Normally they met as far away from town as possible, as if Sloan was ashamed of being seen with her, but this time they were much closer. Hana had received the coordinates for a beautiful clearing, marveling at the way the sun rippled through the trees, and the plastic bag of too-hot Chinese food in her hand ruffled in the light breeze. Sloan looked up at her from their place on the ground, the ghost of a grin on their features as they watched Hana take in their beautiful surroundings. If Hana didn’t know better, she would think Sloan was actually happy to see her this time.
“Murakami. Focus. Food’s gonna get cold.”
Hana blinked herself out of her reverie, passing the bag to Sloan’s outstretched hand before settling a respectable distance away from them on the grass. She wasn’t special, Sloan was just hungry and probably in a better mood than usual. Nothing to see here. Hana pushed her thoughts and feelings away as she reached for a carton of pork lo mein, watching as Sloan’s eyes never once left their food.
2. It was burgers this time, piled high with every topping you could think of and some that probably didn’t make as much sense. The tater tots are questionable. Taking the styrofoam box from the waitress at Buckshot with a grateful smile, she exited the restaurant and looked around herself a few times before turning down a nearby alley that led behind a few buildings. At the dead end it spilled out into was Sloan, rummaging through a box of what looked like junk to Hana but probably somehow wasn’t to them.
“Find anything good?”
Her voice cut through the silence, causing Sloan to look up as though they had been caught. Realizing who it was, their face dropped back to a stony expression and they flipped her off for good measure.
“You’re late. I thought you weren’t coming.”
The words were said with the usual flat tone Sloan reserved for Hana (and, well, everyone else) but something about them made Hana’s heart rush for a second. Holding the box out like an offering, she teased gently, “And would you have missed me if I hadn’t come?” Sloan stopped what they were doing, rolling their eyes and snatching the box from Hana’s hands.
“I would have missed this free burger.”
Hana laughed the remark off, reaching for her own burger as they settled onto the ground next to each other, but she couldn’t help but feel a tiny sting.
3. It was absolutely pouring, thunder and lightning adding to the effect, so it was really no surprise when Hana reached the ranger’s office that an official call had just been put out that the road was closed due to flooding. The tacos she had tried to bring were now floating down the river that used to be the main road out of the park (may they rest in peace) and Hana was freezing, drenched from head to toe. She found Sloan’s office all the same, not really sure what to do without her usual excuse in hand.
Her teeth chattered as she explained, “The rain kind of… stole the tacos. I’m really sorry. Do you… maybe have like a towel? Or something?”
Sloan rolled their eyes, huffing as they pushed themself up from their desk chair and began rifling through a nearby cabinet. Turning around abruptly, they pushed a pile of things into Hana’s arms and she stumbled to make sure she didn’t drop any of it as they explained shortly, “Here. Volunteer shirt, spare sweatpants, hiking boots. We keep spares for stupid people who try to bring tacos in a flood.”
Hana lowered her head slightly, ashamed at her own stupidity as Sloan gestured, “Bathroom’s that way. Don’t get lost, I’m not coming after you.”
It didn’t take her long to get changed, wringing her hair out over the sink and attempting to dry herself as much as possible under the hand dryers before making her way back to Sloan’s office with her wet clothes rolled up under her arm. Placing them delicately on a wooden chair in the corner, she apologized again, “That was stupid, I shouldn’t have come. It’s just… Taco Tuesday, you know? I didn’t want you to be mad if I didn’t come.”
Something Hana couldn’t decipher flitted across Sloan’s face as they leaned back in their chair, tapping a pencil on the edge of their desk. “You’re right. It was stupid. You shouldn’t have done it.” There was an awkward silence between them for a long moment before Sloan opened a desk drawer and grabbed a small plastic baggie full of change. Standing up and jerking their head towards the hallway, they beckoned, “Come on. We can eat something from the vending machine.”
Sloan was paying for dinner? Well that was a first.
4. “Are we friends?”
Sloan looked up from their pizza and leveled Hana with a piercing gaze, a look that clearly said she was an idiot for even asking that question.
“You’re in my living room. Eating my pizza.”
Hana nodded because that was definitely true. Although she had paid for the pizza, but that wasn’t really the point. Looking down at her own slice, she let a small silence pass between them before continuing, “It’s just that… you know, you don’t like to be seen with me and we’ve never hung out without food being involved. Like… I don’t know what it would be like to hang out with you if we weren’t eating something and sometimes I wonder.”
Sloan let their pizza crust drop onto their plate with a quiet huff, obviously irritated with Hana’s train of thought. “What do you want exactly? We eat. We hang out. You talk a lot. I let you. Why do we have to do it in front of other people? I hate people.”
Hana picked her slice back up, taking a bite and chewing thoughtfully as she digested Sloan’s explanation. She guessed it didn’t really matter whether other people saw them or not, she just liked spending time with Sloan. And it sounded like Sloan liked spending time with her too, whether they were willing to directly admit it or not.
It was just that Sloan sort of made her heart pound in this really stupid way that she didn’t understand and she had no idea what to do with that information if she wasn’t even sure they were really friends. Sloan sighed audibly before getting up and leaving the room completely, Hana’s head tilting in confusion at where they might be going. They came back with a DVD in hand, the plastic creaking as they pried it open and began fiddling with the TV.
“Uh… what are you doing?”
Sloan came over after a moment, settling back down into her spot and grabbing another piece of pizza. Shrugging, they explained, “Movie. So you don’t have to think so much. And we’re almost out of pizza.”
Hana couldn’t hide the smile on her face no matter how hard she tried.
5. Hana felt like an idiot. Milo had said she could use his basement for the night because he wasn’t going to be home so she had texted and invited over Sloan. She figured they could eat dinner and then maybe watch a movie on his massive TV, enjoying the obscenely large sectional together that was really more of a giant squishy bed than a couch. There was a kitchen in the basement, because of course there was, so Hana had brought over some ingredients and set out to make breakfast for dinner.
It was as she finished the first round of crepes, humming along with the soft French music she had playing over the sound system, that she realized that she was entirely too dressed up for her usual hang out sessions with Sloan. She had spent a little too long doing her hair and makeup, trying to find the exact right thing to wear that said ‘I’m hot, but in a really comfortable way’ and at some point her brain had skirted past friendship and directly into date territory. She was acting like this was a date, but there was no way Sloan would want it to be a date. Would they? Maybe?
She heard a knock at the side door and quickly whipped off her apron, rushing over to open it and nearly skidding along the floor in socked feet as she did so.
“Sloan! Hi! Uh… I made crepes?”
Sloan raised one perfectly sculpted eyebrow at her and pushed past her into the house, their eyes roaming over every object the Whitegrass family had out on display. Wandering into the kitchen, they reached for the burner on the stove and switched it off, taking the pan Hana had been using off the heat source.
“Good thing you had already finished most of them then. This one is… crispy.”
They gestured at the blackened mass that had been her final work, Hana unable to stop herself from reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “Right. Sorry. I heard the door and I just left it, I guess.”
Sloan reached for a plate, Hana going to do the same thing before pulling her hand away as if she had been burned. The look on Sloan’s face told her that action did not go unnoticed and she kicked herself internally.
Just be normal, Hana. Act normal!
Opening the fridge to pull out some berries she had gotten to fill the crepes, she nearly slammed into Sloan as she turned around, managing to shove the berries onto the counter before she slipped and fell completely. Sloan reached out and grabbed her by the waist, steadying her, the pair of them locking eyes for a moment. As they awkwardly moved away from each other, Sloan took a bite out of their crepe and questioned, “Why are you being so weird? Like… weirder than usual.”
Hana opened and closed her mouth uselessly as she tried to think of an excuse before squeaking out, “Uh… I’m just really clumsy? I’m not used to such a fancy kitchen.”
It wasn’t until much later in the night, a movie playing across from them as they curled into the couch, that Hana actually told the truth. Sloan had fallen asleep a few minutes earlier and that was what Hana needed to feel brave. “I… was weird before because… maybe I want this to be a date.”
She turned over to face the wall away from Sloan, never seeing Sloan crack open an eye at her confession.
6. To say that Hana was confused was an understatement. Sloan’s text had been cryptic, but had told her not to bring food when she came over this time. She read it a few times to make sure she was reading it correctly before realizing she would be late if she didn’t hurry, as weird as it felt showing up to Sloan’s without something in hand. Knocking on the front door, she shuffled back and forth with nervous energy before Sloan appeared on the other side.
They looked… nice. Nicer than usual. Were they wearing their favorite pants? They swore never to wear those around Hana again after she accidentally got ranch on them once.
Following Sloan inside, she noticed that their place was just a little bit cleaner, a nice spread of Thai food waiting on the table in the living room. “What’s going on? Is it my birthday?” Hana couldn’t help her cheeky question, poking at Sloan’s side only to be swatted away and directed towards the food.
“Just… shut up. I got your favorite. If you even have one. You’ll eat anything.”
Hana couldn’t help but agree with that statement, nodding sagely in response, “I like to think it’s one of my best qualities.”
Sloan had already taken a seat on the couch and started serving themself and if Hana hadn’t been paying attention, she wouldn’t have heard them respond quietly, “It is.”
A blush warmed her cheeks at the compliment and she decided not to make a thing of it, sitting down next to Sloan and making up her own plate. “So what’s on the agenda? If you want to watch a horror movie again, you’re going to have to deal with me sleeping out here with the lights on. Just fair warning.”
Sloan finished a spoonful of curry before scowling slightly, “That’s stupid, Hana. And a waste of electricity. You would just sleep with me.”
Hana couldn’t help but choke at those words, noodles going down the wrong pipe, and Sloan quickly reached over to firmly pat her back and hand her a glass of water as she regained her bearings. Lifting up the curtain of Hana’s hair so they could see her face, Sloan asked, “You okay? Was it too spicy?”
Hana took a few sips of water and a deep breath, looking at the genuine concern on Sloan’s face and feeling even more confused than before. “I uh… no, it wasn’t too spicy. I’m okay. I… thanks. Sorry.”
Sloan was still close, closer than they had ever really been while either of them were actually thinking about it, and Hana felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest. Sloan’s hand had dropped from her hair down to her shoulder but it lingered there just slightly longer than made any sense. Hana reached up and squeezed it and Sloan pulled away, almost as though they were worried about making her uncomfortable.
“Are we… okay? Not that I don’t appreciate the food and everything but… what’s happening, exactly?”
Sloan was about to take a big bite of food, gently putting it back down onto their plate and then placing their plate on the table. Hana did the same with her own plate, a little worried about their behavior. “You said…”
Heaving a sigh and rolling their eyes, their tone going a bit flatter than they had used with Hana in awhile, they continued, “You said last time that you wanted it to be a date. So I thought that’s what you wanted. A date. Clearly, I misread that.” Sloan stood up to move away muttering, “Just forget it,” as Hana caught their wrist.
“Whoa, wait! Don’t I get a say in any of this?” Sloan stopped in their tracks, but fixed Hana with an unamused look. “I don’t know if you’ve realized this about yourself or not, but you’re not exactly easy to read. And I didn’t know that you heard me say that last time, to be honest. I thought you were asleep. You know, cause I’m a coward.”
Sloan smirked slightly at that, letting themself be pulled back down onto the couch. “It is a date. It’s a really nice date. I’m sorry I was confused, but you should know by now that it’s kind of my thing. Okay?”
Hana squeezed Sloan’s hand, giving them a small smile. Sloan rolled their eyes good naturedly before nodding, “Yeah, okay. Will you just pick a movie already? And… I wouldn’t be mad if you picked the horror one.”
The smirk on their face was downright devilish for a moment and Hana laughed, “Yeah, I’m sure you wouldn’t. Perv.”
Leaning in, Hana wrapped her arms around Sloan’s neck and pulled them in for a gentle kiss. Leaning her forehead against Sloan’s for a moment, she murmured, “Maybe I wouldn’t mind it either.”
(it’s five in the mornin’ and I’m going all in, I’m busy ballin’ so the formatting is trash and I don’t know what this is but here you go i love you bye)
when: early December 2019
where: The Last Drop
with: open / @shiverstarters
The wind is brutal, he can hear it still over the dull roar of the drunken conversation that surrounds him. Halfheartedly he entertains a customer a little too eager, but his mind drifts to the cold outside. It is hopefully not too apparent that he does not give a single shit what the woman before him is saying. Instead, He thinks about how this may be one of his last nights he can work this winter. The threat of the change is too close, his skin feels too tight — even here, warmed by bodies.
That used to scare him. How animal he could feel between these people too human. But it feels like a far away thought now.
The woman slaps a five dollar bill down on the table and he tries not to react outright. The small snort of a laugh still manages to weasel its way from his mouth. He certainly hadn’t tried hard enough for that kind of tip. She’s gone already though, and he’s pretty sure on the napkin next to him is a phone number. Still he pockets the money, and lets the napkin ‘accidentally’ slip to the floor.
“How can I — oh” Elyas’s face breaks out into a grin. “You looking for trouble?”
Sloan does not like it here, but she likes the drinks, several of which she manages to weasel for free from a guy she let off the hook a few years ago after finding him doing God knows what in the woods.
She sits in the corner, reading a tattered copy of a book that Cassidy lent her back in high school. He said lent, but Sloan decided that she liked the look of the cover, so she kept it.
She looks up from her book like she’s smelled something rancid, eyebrows raised and nose scrunched. She wonders, idly, how much money he spends on hair products every month, and what would happen if there was a breeze? Would his hair even budge? She blinks a few times, unamused by the twinkle in his eyes. “Is that the name of a drink?” She asks, poking her empty glass towards him. “I’ll just take another gin and tonic.”
when: sunrise, december
where: the woods behind charlie’s house
open to: anyone
Charlie has been visiting Marcus’ grave more often than usual. It’s the cold that’s getting to her, that and the stress. She has too much guilt to bear, about Avery and Addison and Jacob, and it’s going to be winter soon. She’s afraid of changing. She’s afraid of not changing back. Marcus, as always, helps her feel better. She bundles up in nearly every sweater she owns, drags a chair from her back porch and into the woods, and sits beneath the tree where his bones lie.
Some days she talks, and imagines what he might say. He always knew what to say. Most days she just sits there, back against the tree, watches the wind rustle through the branches, and wishes he were here with her.
She hadn’t realized she’d fallen asleep, slumped over in the chair, until the sound of a branch breaking beneath someone’s shoe jolts her awake. Her neck and shoulder blades ache. She reaches her left arm up to rub the kink out of her neck. There’s still sleep in her eyes, and her bones are stiff. It’s a chill morning in Blackrock.
“Who’s there?”
Sometimes Sloan just walks. Her feet move and her mind wanders. They are the trees, the branches bowing in the breeze, the leaves rustling their sad song. She gets paid to do this, technically. Wandering should look more like patrolling, but no one has ever said that Sloan is good at their job.
The first thing they avoid are snakes.
The second are people.
So it is a testament of the extent to which they disassociated that they accidentally stumbled right onto someone. It is the curve of her neck that Sloan notes first, and her first thought is that she’s dead. The second thought is furious that, of everyone to stumble onto, its a dead woman and now they have to fill out an abhorrent amount of paperwork and ––
Sloan jumps back, physically jumps back when the woman stirs. “Fucks sake! I thought you were dead!” Sloan is breathing heavy, her hands braced on her knees as she tries to slow down her racing heart. She looks up at, who she now recognizes, Charlie. “Who falls asleep sitting up, Charlie?”
DATE: December 8th, 2019
TIME: Just after sunset
LOCATION: Outside the Ugly Mug
STATUS: Open
@shiverstarters
Hana was alternating between shivering and sweating because of her fever, the bite on her arm throbbing beneath the bandages Jinx had wrapped tightly around it. Her savior had so graciously given her a coat and a change of clothes, but she couldn’t shake the sick feeling in her stomach. Of course she would get the flu on top of getting her ass kicked and being robbed blind. “Does this place have like a drug store or something? I need to find some Dayquil. Or Nyquil. Maybe both.”
Sloan stared at the girl, expressionless. Frankly, she looked like shit. “You look like shit.” They stated, taking a step back for good measure. Sloan didn’t get sick. If they felt a cold coming on they just, simply, didn’t. Call it willpower, supernatural immune system, whatever. “Like you need to find a hospital. There’s one that way,” they said, pointing in the opposite direction from their person. They had no idea which direction the hospital was in, to be honest.
