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Welcome back...

Welcome back…

Prenatal Life So life is funny ; it works in mysterious ways and I’m proof that Jesus’s plan for my life is way better than I could of created on my own. Justin, Jarah, Urgent Care, etc. My life has changed drastically since March of 2022. I started dating Justin in December of 2021 right after starting my dream job in a Medical Pediatric Unit in Moultrie. We soon found out around Valentine’s…

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#pregnancy

Where have you been girl?

I remember the days I planned out each post, it was calculated a few days or a week ahead. Now it has been over a year since I have been back on here. The negative nancy in me would tell you, “Ya know the saying ‘if you have nothing good to say don’t say anything at all?”. But that is far from the truth, the best year and half of my life just occurred. Was it all rainbow and butterflies? Hell…

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Grace.

What is grace? Where did the word originate? Is grace used for only religious purposes? Grace for me may be different than grace for you, and even more different for the person sitting near you. Grace is not something that is learned by reciting a biblical verse, reading a spiritual or “self-help” book. Grace is something that comes from experiences; from making mistakes, realizing your…

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#mentalhealthblogger mentalhealthawareness selflove selfcare triggers anxiety depression PTSD happiness grace

If you have nothing nice to say, do not say it at all?

Definition of flaw

1a: a defect in physical structure or forma diamond with a flaw

b: an imperfection or weakness and especially one that detracts from the whole or hinders effectiveness

I included this picture to represent me, as my most natural state. To learn to love me, without all the extra stuff.

Is it wrong to want someone to see you for your differences and love you…

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F. E. A. R.

F : Facing E : Everything A : Aligned with R : Reality

I have had a lot on my heart lately I have wanted to share with the world.

This new year of 01/2020 started off on a different path for me for once. Every year I have set goals and aspirations for that following year. As mentioned in blogs from the past, I start in the end of October into November with setting these goals and finding…

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Uncertainty & Lack of Control

Hey y’all, I am back. Life took my mind off blogging for a while, but what better time to get back into it and let y’all see the progress and growth I have gone through the last time we have talked.

This is a season right now where everything seems so uncertain. The lack of control we have over things lately is unsettling. Not just for me, but for everyone.

I will start off to say, I would…

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Trauma

Trauma has a weird way of bringing itself back around no matter how long it has been. I know it has been 6 years since I was kidnapped but some days it feels like yesterday and some days it feels like 100 years ago.

Weeks go by that I am at my best, I am happy and I am flourishing. Everything seems great.

Weeks go by that I am in a hole, that I do not feel like myself and just doing whats…

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a friend in me.

I let myself down daily in the friendship area. I am not the best type of friend, I rarely check on people and I rarely make plans with them. I forget birthdays unless Facebook reminds me, and even when I do I don’t always tell them. It really has nothing to do with anyone or anything, but myself. How I feel about myself and the friendship I have with myself is what dictates all of this.

It is…

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S.A.D. + Seasonal Triggers

Happy Fall Y’all!!

Isn’t that what we all say “happy” fall? Not for everyone though. Fall is not always a happy time in peoples lives.

My heart strings have been being pulled towards telling you all about seasonal triggers. The fall and winter months have always been my very favorite part of my life. My birthday falls in January plus its the start of a new year. December has Christmas, family…

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Who is down for the Rollercoaster ride? 🎢

Life is short.

Life is sweet.

Life is unfair.

But y’all, this ride I’m on is full of ups, downs, yanks, pulls, tugs, and nothing short of an adrenaline rush.

I haven’t posted here in a few months because honestly, I have been back and forth in this life of mine and what my real purpose is and if I’m on the track that Jesus wants me on.

If you haven’t already watched my new vlog you should check…

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Part 4 : The Questioning

I kind of pushed this part back for a while and I think I am finally ready to speak on it. This is a raw part of the story. If you haven’t read Part 3, or previous parts to my story you should read them before this one.

After writing part 3 of my kidnapping I realized I had some unsolved issues circling around and causing my triggers to be ya know, triggered. I did not realize until then that I…

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Finding ways to settle my anxious mind...

Finding ways to settle my anxious mind…

via Instagram–

I have found that reading books brings me a sense of peace. It takes me out of the current moment in my life and actually allows me to reflect. Sometimes reflecting on others; sometimes it relates to my own life.

When I first started having panic & anxiety attacks I legit would freak out. I could not find ways to depress the situation or to switch my mind.

I soon realized that…

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#mentalhealthblogger mentalhealthawareness selflove selfcare triggers anxiety depression PTSD happiness

Busy life ahead...

Busy life ahead…

Not my typical blog post, but this is the journey I’m on right now so why not share. Not many educational references, but just my experiences in life that is pushing me to “save this world”!

So y’all, I have committed to a lot in the last 6 weeks and as overwhelmed as I feel at times, I know I am exactly where I need to be. Being busy has saved me. It has taught me time management to a new…

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spiritfilledwoman

Trusting God doesn’t mean trusting He will cater to our agenda, give us what we want, when we want it, how we want it.

Trusting God means trusting Him unconditionally, and submitting, and surrendering to His plans, will, and timing, what he gives, and what he withholds.

I use to be that girl, I use to try to start the new year off a new person, setting unrealistic goals and really goals that were for other people. I had set myself up for a big failure and followed suit pretty well. Once I changed my aspect of what a new year really meant to me and set realistic goals for my life my whole view changed.

I start my year off way before it actually comes. The more prepared I am the better I feel when the actual new year comes instead of waiting till the day of. I prepare for my year by praying for God’s plan for my life in this year. I usually just write down a list of things I want to accomplish. Some are very realistic, others are very simple. I even make a few of the things completely out of my comfort zone and a major dream. I have watched my own plans fail before, but His plans have always given me the sweetest blessings in the long run.

Life sucks a lot of the times. Terrible things happen to good people. But that does not mean you have to be the evil that causes it. Every year around my birthday I literally have so much anxiety because on my 23rd birthday. I thought it was a normal year of bringing it in with my best friends. I have always called January 10th my “new year”. It is so close to the new year and it being the day I was born I have used it for my own new year. So can you imagine what my PTSD does when I got taken 3 days after my birthday and the day after celebrating with my friends out on the town. My anxiety for my birthday every year after has been a little different. I usually do not choose to spend it in a large group of people, unless that group is my closest friends and family. I am still slick terrified every year around that time, but honestly that is just how my brain got trained. A trauma happened and rewired my brain to always remember that day and to be overly cautious. I have tried for the last 4 years to get that off my mind, but every year when its time to plan something it falls that way for me. I try now not to plan too much around that time because I know I will more than likely want to be alone, mentally safe, in my own bed.

Now on to wonderful, fabulous, adventurous, loving year of 2019…

The start of this year I planned for things to be different. I planned for my life in the next year to be more simple and disciplined. I wanted to make sure I took advantage of the people who took time to stick around through some of my worst times and to really go out and adventure this world without fear. I made goals to love others while always putting my self first and on top. I set up timers to remind myself of those goals I had written down weeks before. I accomplished so much in the last year I knew this year would be so different.

I ended 2018 and began 2019 with some of the realist individuals. I was at my very favorite place, the beach. I set myself up to not focus so much on the goals those first few days and just be thankful I made it to see another year. I relaxed and organized my mind. I celebrated how far I had come and mentally released all the hurt and disappointments from the year before.

A few days later I returned home for just a few short hours to re-pack my bags and head to my next favorite place in the world, my parents. I spent just a few hours relaxing in my childhood home and surrounded by the people who molded and created me all these years. (So so thankful for them by the way, keeping my two spoiled rotten children while I traveled the world meant so much, they knew just how much I needed and deserved it.)

I then hit the road early the next morning headed to one of my newest favorite places, the smoky mountains. I spent 4 days there exploring nature with a few of my favorite people and trying new things. I fell in love with the little town of Gatlinburg, TN. From the little shops and their samples, to the foggy mountain tops, the constant breeze whirling around us and the comfort of a cabin surrounded by nature and wildlife I felt more “at home” than normal.

Before my 28th birthday and only just after 2019 had begun, I had traveled over 2000 miles across the state and ventured it mostly alone. Regardless who was with me, I was comfortable and confident in myself and truly took the time to reflect over all those miles. I had become the woman I needed to in 2018. I had conquered the fears surrounding the beginning of January and up until my birthday.

I returned home to Valdosta with my two furbabies, Cam and Clover who clearly needed their mama time. I snuggled with them for a day or two before returning back to work after such a wonderful holiday vacation. I had left my home clean and mostly all my clothes washed and ready to start off fresh and ready. (I am superstitious, and have to have a clean home to start the new year.) Returning to work was no different. I had set myself up for positivity and rewards all 2019.

I started off my birthday with my coworker family, they surprised me with a little work party (we live for these btw). I had a cake fulllll of icing because they know just how much I love icing and sweets. Then we had a pizza party with my favorite types of pizza. I was slick in heaven. Some of my favorite people I have met since working in the ICU plus my favorite carbs and still making money. Can you really beat that? For a moment there, being an adult wasn’t so bad after all.

It was the weekend again and I was back on the road, headed to spend time again with my “originals” in my childhood home with my mom’s cooking, daddy’s hilarious dry sense of humor, and my partner in crime since day 1, my sister.

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I decided while I was there why not just drive a few more hours up the road and see my college besties. I traveled to Atlanta, Ga for about 24 hours and continued to celebrate this year and my 28th birthday. I wish I had a picture to show y’all, but yeah when you are having just that much fun you forget to take photos to capture the memories. Thankful for people who I have known for almost 10 years now, who stuck by me, kept me sane during my college years, and always support me even if I am the worst communicator ever.

I said all this to say…PREPARE, PLAN and EXECUTE.

If you know you have a mental illness that will flare up or be triggered during certain times of the year or around certain people take care of it first off before hand. I planned this year to be different and so far we are 24 days in and it has surprised me at what all I could accomplish in such a short amount of time. I said to my self that this year I would not spend it on fear or worry. I would spend it traveling the world with my favorite people, taking care of myself first and loving them second but twice as much. I avoided all the triggers that came with my kidnapping and pulled my own self out of the funk to start off the 2019 year the best I had in the last 5 years. My 5 year anniversary of my kidnapping came and went without any anxiety, moping, fear, or depression. I handled my business and made sure I was busy with my favorite things when the day came. It was honestly 2 days later when I realized it had been 5 years and that was not because of PTSD, anxiety, depression, co-dependency, or any of the things I had been dealt in the past. I had overcome my fear of failing another year and stepped up to the plate and set myself up for the best year yet. There is no new year, new me. There is a new year, better me. I am finally becoming the woman the Lord created me to be. Here is to the new year, and another month of progress and pure happiness.

Are you the new year, new me type? I use to be that girl, I use to try to start the new year off a new person, setting unrealistic goals and really goals that were for other people.

The mf’n FUNK

F: fear ::

a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling:an abnormal fear of heights.

concern or anxiety; solicitude:

U: unavoidable ::

unable to be avoided; inevitable:an unavoidable delay.

N: necessary ::

being essential, indispe…

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purplebuddhaquotes

“I used to pray for answers, but now I’m praying for strength. I used to believe that prayer changes things, but now I know that prayer changes us and we change things.”

— Mother Teresa

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Sour then she's sweet.