Hello! 👋🏼 It’s been awhile! I wanted to put this here to remind myself that I am someone, I do have a purpose, and that I’m needed. The amount of appreciation that has been shown to me, has been eye-opening. What happened on Wednesday really snapped me back to my why— “Why I Do What I Do”.
I hesitated even sharing this, not with my coworkers, because they already know- but with anyone outside of that little circle. Part of me wasn’t sure if I should even post things that happen at work (I’m really going to cross my fingers and hope it’s okay for this posts sake- and mine). Maybe saying it out loud would just make the whole thing feel real. But it’s been sitting with me all day, and I think I need to let it out.
I had to give a student the Heimlich Maneuver, and the whole moment is still lodged in my chest. He wasn’t coughing, wasn’t making a sound- just sitting there with silent tears sliding down his face. The kind of tears that speak louder than any words ever could. His eyes were filled with pure fear, and the second I saw them, everything in me shifted.
I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t even think. First thrust- nothing. Second. “Come on, spit it out!” And then finally, that chunk of barely-chewed chicken came out. His tears stopped instantly, and he just folded into me. I asked if he was okay. He nodded. And all I wanted to do was scoop him up and hold him until the shaking stopped- his and mine. But we headed to the clinic instead, both of us still trying to process what almost happened.
What hit me even harder later was remembering that earlier at lunch, I’d watched another little one start choking from stuffing too many oranges in his mouth. He’d managed to cough it out, but that moment must’ve flipped some instinctive switch in me. Like my body was already bracing for something I didn’t know was coming.
It’s unreal, honestly. How fast it all happened. How easily it could’ve gone wrong. The “what if’s” are loud- louder than I want to admit. But louder than that is the relief and gratitude. The overwhelming feeling of “he’s okay… they’re okay.” I’m just thankful I was exactly where I needed to be, exactly when I needed to be there- even if I’m still trying to settle myself hours later.
Here’s the thing I want people to understand: How fortunate I am to keep over 400 babies safe every day. I love every single one of them equally. I might be a little tough on them, get a little stern when it’s needed. That’s because I take being their safety seriously. I’m proud to be the person they trust without even thinking about it.
Today got me. But it was a reminder of exactly “Why I Do What I Do”.
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