ANNOUNCEMENT: This blog is now private. Please read under the cut for details.
Frankly, the Frozen fandom and the history of this blog have driven me to a point where I barely even want to be here anymore. It seems these days like, every time I log on, there's some new drama I want to avoid and I end up just logging off and going to a different blog. It isn't fair. It isn't fair to me and it isn't fair to the partners who rely on me. It isn't fair how many times I've been made to think about dropping a character I've worked so hard on, whether because of lost partners or fandom wars or anonymous hate. It's gotten to the point where I've pushed away even threads I really enjoy.
First of all, the fandom: it's not exactly a secret that I've never really considered myself a part of it, since I was largely alienated from it for my differing opinions on Hans's character. Admittedly, I'm still a little (or very) bitter on the subject, because I don't feel that anyone has ever had the right to say to me the things that have been said. I never tried to stifle anyone's creativity and I continue to feel slighted, perhaps immaturely so, that anyone ever felt they had the right to do so to me with impunity, let alone many people. But lately, even pulling myself mostly out of the fandom hasn't been enough. The ridiculous ship wars and the constant stream of hate that the Frozen fandom has begun to become famous for sickens me to the point where I hardly even want to be associated with it via character; it makes me want to wash my hands of ever being involved at all, put this blog on permanent hiatus, and never return. I feel safer and more secure in the ASOIAF fandom than I do here by a long shot and frankly that's just a terrifying notion. The fandom has every reason to reflect and feel ashamed of itself for being so fucking cruel to each other. I want nothing to do with it anymore.
Secondly, while the past seven months on this blog have in some ways been rewarding, I've had far more than my share of hurt and heartbreak, certainly more than I've ever experienced on any other blog I have ever had on Tumblr. Despite appearances and what I am not comfortable posting publicly, I am an emotional person, and like most others, I find it very, very difficult to deal with losing people, feeling replaced, or being the target of anyone's hatred. All the anonymous slander that ends up in my inbox, none of which I choose to post, does affect me, as it would almost anyone else. I hate feeling the way that I do most of the time that I log onto this blog: bitter and sad and helpless, frankly. And regardless of whether I turn anon off or on, I never feel quite safe here because of everything that's happened. Logging in feels like just one giant bad memory at this point and I hate that.
So I suppose it should really come as little surprise that I've felt my muse for Hans slipping for quite some time. It's nobody's fault, but simply a combination of many bitter factors that leave me feeling empty and uninspired when I come here. I keep my partners waiting for weeks and months and... that really doesn't help at all. You've all been beautifully patient, but that does not keep me from being hard on myself, which kills the muse even more. It hurts that I feel like I'm disappointing some of my closest friends so deeply, especially Veronica, who has been so good and sweet and wonderful and I adore our threads and verses so much, yet no matter what I go to write, Hans just isn't there. That pains me and I hope to bring him back, but it's very hard to say what, exactly, will end up happening with him, because what do you do when the space a character once inhabited feels empty?
I will be dropping some threads in the near future. Frankly, I haven't been writing much at all on any of my characters, but if anybody would prefer more prompt responses, any of my other three accounts (Tyrion, Rhaegar, and Pearl) would all be better bets, even if I'm slow all around at the moment.
A thousand apologies to all my good partners. Like I said before, this is nobody's fault but my own, I suppose. I could have done more than just hiding out when I couldn't find Hans. I could have forced myself until I got him back. I haven't done these things and maybe it's hurt the situation more, but whatever it is, I promise to do my best. I just can't possibly promise that my best is enough. I love all of you, I really do, and I wanted to avoid a post like this, but you all deserve an explanation for my bullshit.