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may 2019 bring you your “i’m doing better than i ever was” moment
showing up late to a meeting with an iced drink is a power move. like with hot drinks the cup is opaque and people cant tell the temperature so they dont know how long ago you got it. maybe its hours old. maybe you just got caught in traffic. who can say. but iced drinks. its clear. they can see the ice. they can see if its still frozen. they look you in the eye and they know you were standing in line fifteen minutes ago and made the conscious, deliberate decision to get a mocha frap instead of being on time. and then you made ANOTHER conscious, deliberate decision to bring it into the meeting with you, informing everyone in attendance that on your list of priorities, each and every one of them ranks firmly below one (1) mocha frappuchino.
This getting dark early has me getting in bed at 5:30 like ok goodnight.
It doesn’t happen like that. You don’t just wake up one day and find that everything has worked itself out. You must get out of bed, morning after morning, and make a conscious effort to control the circumstances of that given day. You must learn to handle your issues with grace because you respect what they are attempting to teach you. You must drown your insecurities slowly, one self-realization at a time. You must allow yourself to feel the fear bubbling just beneath your skin but you must never allow it the satisfaction of crippling you; grit your teeth and march on. You see, they never tell you how hard these things will be. This fight to reclaim yourself is not easy or straightforward but, my god, is it necessary.