Thats Some Good Tea

Welcome to the South Park Eavesdropper Your go to about whose who in this small mountain town Get the latest on your classmates and teachers. SPE

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NEWSFLASH: Beware of the homewreckers!

It seems like nowadays in our small little mountain town, we keep running into more and more secrets yet to be revealed or problems that are causing its citizens to go wild. Take a girl that won’t leave somebody’s boyfriend alone for example? Or maybe a girl who made out with her best friend, who just so happens to not only have a boyfriend but also two newborn children? Let’s dive right in to the tea!

First we have Katie Gelson, notorious for using her drug dealer and (ex?) crush Damien Thorne for his blood. Sure she may have had a crush on him before and he turned her down, but after he got together with girlfriends Bebe Stevens and Wendy Testaburger, it seemed like Katie wasn’t going to let go of him without a fight. Her feuding is particularly known with Wendy, where she told Katie numerous times to back the fuck off of her boyfriend. In defense, Katie had kept telling her that no matter what, she was going to have him for his blood to satisfy her addiction. Also a goodbye kiss and cuddles? Sounds more shady enough. It seems like both Wendy and Bebe need to watch their backs and their boyfriend’s back just in case she actually tries to steal him away. It got us thinking, since Katie does have a boyfriend, why won’t she just leave the poor guy alone already? Let him live with his girlfriends and be happy for fuck’s sake!

Katie has also been known for recently nearly breaking up our favorite vamp couple, Ryan Ellis and Annie Bartlett. After a heated dispute about monthly payments for their formerly shared apartment when Katie decided to move in with her new boyfriend, Scott Malkinson, Katie had revealed to Annie that she was crushing on Ryan before Annie came into the picture. This caused an altercation to ensue between the three vamps where Katie cut ties with the two of them. Seems like Katie is not only trying to wreck relationships, but also trying to wreck lives too. Scott, beware of what your girlfriend might get herself into. Everyone else, watch your back or else she just might come ruin your lives next.

Lastly we have sweet little Lexus Martin. You may think that the current manager of Raisin’s may be innocent enough right? Oh no. Turns out our fiery redhead was spotted with former coworker and long time best friend, Mercedes Vaughn, in the girl’s locker room at the school. Seems tame enough right? Not when the two were allegedly spotted making out in the locker room before they immediately stopped after hearing noises coming from the front entrance. We’re quite shocked to find this particular situation out considering Mercedes has a boyfriend (Pete Thelman) and two babies, but shouldn’t Lexus know better to not step in the middle of a close friend’s relationship like that? Maybe Mercy should rethink her friendship with Lexus? Or even her trust and loyalty with her for that matter? Friends can quickly become enemies in a matter of seconds.

-SPE-

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~~Newsflash~~ Tenorman a psychopath?!

You heard it on the news like the rest of us. Our very own Scott Tenorman was sent to the mental hospital to receive some treatment. But that isn’t the full story. Rumor has it that he has been planning on this for weeks. The murder of his brothers cousin, the torment of his beloved half brother. What could have made this relationship go sour? Thats were we delve deeper into the truth.

But it leaves you wondering. Could Cartman follow into his older brothers footsteps? Will Kyle or Elvin survive being so close to the two? What would have have brought him to even go this far, bring harm to a child, shooting Cartmans husband. 

Perhaps it was a bout of jealously that brought on the sudden attack. Cartman has a family unlike Scott. His beloved husband and cousin, who he considers to be his son. Maybe it goes deeper than that. 

The duo have always been at each others throats for years. You would think that Scott would have been content with his so called princess. Yet, some of us are questioning if that was even real as well or just a ploy to lead people on. 

-SPE-

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~~Newsflash!~~ Bill Allen has STD’S!?

Several girls have been reporting in mass about getting an STD after sleeping with our very own Bill Allen. The word spread quickly after one isolated incident occurred with a girl we’ll call Jenna for her safety. She reportedly slept with him after a fun night out. Little did she know what she would gain from this encounter. Upon a visit to the doctor she discovered the truth. As she spoke to friends, the truth began to unravel. This isn't the only girl that has been infected by a horrible STD. 

Should young people be using better protection? Or just avoid this boy at all cost? We’ll leave that for you to decide!

-SPE-

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~~~Update~~~

We’re currently thinking the father is Clyde Donovan and the other girl is Wendy Testaburger.

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~~~Newsflash~~~ Bebe Stevens is a homewrecking slut

We were just informed that everyone's favorite blonde and the head cheerleader, Bebe Stevens, has been spamming any boy she can with inappropriate pictures of herself. For example;

And begging for someone to call her pretty, tell her they want her, and other very desperate things. We're unaware at this time what caused the blonde to crack but we'll keep you updated.

-SPE-

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NEWSFLASH: Heidi and Butters back together?

Recently, former lovers Butters Stotch and Heidi Turner, have started spending quite a bit of time together. He's been spotted visiting her hospital rooms both in South Park and in Denver. They seem to be getting closer, and Butters was even photographed bringing her flowers.

Recently we heard news that the couple was officially back together, and after what he did? We're more than a little shocked. Maybe Heidi is just desperate for someone to love her, much like Red, and will settle with whomever will give her attention.

-SPE-

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Red Tucker: Desperate for love? Or just attention?

All this talk about cheating and love and lies all leads down to yet another story about possible relationships ending or beginning! Red Tucker has been quite the notorious name going around town. Honestly, at first, I didn’t know who the flying fuck she was, but until she started opening her mouth, that’s when that bad reputation came out. Now let’s take a look at who had fallen into Red’s desperate trances for love.

Victim #1: Heidi Turner - Okay let’s be honest, the fact that Red kept calling Heidi her “queen” and Heidi calling Red her “knight” seems gay enough, right? But have you noticed how much more Red is into Heidi than vice versa? It’s almost to a point where it's looking like a crazy, stalker-like obsession.

Victim #2: Sally Darson - This comes as a shock to me. When I first found out Red had an interest in Sally, I thought there was absolutely no way in hell Sally was going to be interested in her. Maybe I’m right? Maybe I’m wrong? Coming from the way that Sally has been treating her, it sounds like she’s not truly interested in her. 

Victim #3: Gregory Thompson - Red has been spotted with Gregory a long lately, and even more before the purge. There are numerous accounts of the two going shopping together or her going to Gregory's house and not being seen till the next day. We couldn't manage to get any sort of statement from Gregory so the nature of this relationship is still up in the air.

Seems like most of this fiery redhead's love is one sided, and I can't wait to see how it all comes crashing down around her.

-SPE-

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~~~NEWSFLASH~~~

Earlier our favorite blonde Raisins girl was seen at the OBGYN with her boyfriend, Pete Thelman. The two have been seen with each other frequently as of late, and the fact they were at the OBGYN could only mean one thing. Mercedes Vaughn got knocked up by the goth kid with the demon jizz in his hair. What kind of unholy child do you suppose they will have? It’s almost unheard of for a goth to even want to be with anyone outside of their social circle. Even Mercy could do better than him. So many potential suiters are out there for her. 

Now I know what you’re all thinking. Could this all be a hoax? Well, considering the amount of evidence, how could anyone believe she’s not pregnant? 

We all know our beautiful raisins girl to be one of the many sluts in this town, and very easy to get into bed according to a couple of sources. It’s very likely our perfect girl forgot birth control. Now we can only wait and see what this poor girl will have in store for herself and her dark lover in the future. 

-SPE-

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Eloped Too Soon?

So during our first annual Purge, we’ve seen quite a lot of chaos going on. Burning down houses, home invasions, breaking into gas stations.. but what about illegally getting married during the purge? It seems as if people nowadays have found crazy ways to get married (I mean, this is 2018. People have found really stupid and idiotic ways to do absolutely anything), but nothing compares to what loverboys Eric Cartman and Kyle Broflovski have done recently.

Now we all knew from even their banters when they were children that they were going to end up together, but getting married now? Rumors have spread around town that these two extracted a really interesting plan to get married after what? A week of dating? Two weeks? This included breaking into a jewelry store and stealing wedding rings and finally breaking into a courthouse to sign marriage documentation together. This may seem like quite the plan at first, but how the fresh hell was this ever a smart idea?

Only time will tell if their relationship will either ascend into more glory or completely steep downhill just like every other fast-paced relationship. Will Kyman keep up the marriage and take it seriously? Or will everything get completely fucked over? If you ask me, this was taken way too soon and not seriously one bit. Good luck boys, marriage is no joke and one hell of a wild ride.

-SPE-

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Welcome

As the school year looms closer the kids are getting into relationships and trouble. The Purge has really brought out the worst in our students and I wonder how they're gonna live with themselves afterwards.