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I haven't posted on this blog in a while and I realize it's because last year, I tried to keep this blog separate from my "deep, personal thoughts." And I definitely wanted to separate it even more from my thoughts about faith and Christianity.

But now, my faith is really intertwined with my day to day things. So I guess you should just read faithfullheights.tumblr.com if you want to know what's going through my head.

Fresh picked strawberries from Cottle Farms!! I love how everything here is fresh and local.

Bali Adventure. I'm almost there and I can just feel the paradise. But traveling to get there is awful. I'm exhausted. I think I'm on 20+ hours right now. Just chillin while charging my phone in a little cube in the Tokyo Haneda airport. Make it through one more flight and one more shuttle and I'll be there!!! GET READY FOR SO MANY MANY MANY MANY PICTURES.

Frozen veggies are actually best used for icing knees.

Breathe

I like breather days, like today. Didn't have to run. I was planning on going to my first small group here at a coffee shop but the leader texted me about half an hour before saying that none of the girls could make it so we'd meet again next week. Although I was bummed, I decided to still go to the coffee shop anyway to do my devos. It was really unique and cool and kind of eclectic. I got myself some dinner and iced chai and read the word.

Jesus talked about how his food is the will of the Father. It was funny how I read that while eating my wrap and I felt somewhat guilty although that was not the intention. But I thought of how cool it would be if the will of the Lord was as important to me as actual food was. The harvest is ready. Am I?

I then came home, found my hammock in front of my door (YES!!!!) and decided to try it out on two random trees next to my apartment. I probably looked so dumb to the people who walked by. It's okay though because I love it so much and can't wait to use it when I go on my trips this summer.

I stopped by my nice neighbor's house to drop off some whole wheat challah bread I baked. They invited me in to talk and drink wine with them. How classy am I? I really love people here in the south. They're so welcoming and make me feel comfortable even though we've just met. They invited me and my roommate over for dinner one night before we leave and I'm super excited for that. Their home is beautiful.

Tomorrow, I go back to work but it's awesome because I only have to work 3 days this week due to the holiday. We got our cubicles today and hopefully will get the computers tomorrow. Time to decorate it obnoxiously and make it a home for the summer because I'm at work significantly longer than I am at the apartment. Remind me to never work 10 hours a day ever again. I don't know how anyone can enjoy working over 8...

Granny Status

You know you're working and getting old when it's 10:30 PM on a Friday night and you're just about ready to go to bed. GOODNIGHT WORLD! No alarm set to 5 AM tomorrow! Praise the Lord.

Daydream

I'm finally done with the dreaded 40 hour training!! Sitting in a classroom every day for ten hours under harsh, fluorescent lights while learning nothing pertaining to your job is everything but enjoyable. Needless to say, my mind wandered a lot, and it helped pass the time.

I've always been a dreamer and I get really excited about things that might not excite others. I started daydreaming about my trip to Europe next year, the yoga class I'm going to tomorrow, the trip to a beach in Charleston this weekend, the outdoor climbing trip to Crowder's next week with some friends, learning how to lead climb (!!!), my future trips to North Carolina, Hiltonhead, Indonesia, and Tennessee. I have concluded that I have severe wanderlust and I just can't get myself to stop exploring. I think it's because I encounter and connect with God very deeply through His creation. And I know at the core of my heart and soul, they will always long to be with Him.

What's crazy is that during these summers, my daydreams become realities. When I'm not working, I have a blank canvas and endless opportunities to do whatever I feel like doing. It's a beautiful freedom and I don't like to waste it. Even though I'm following my summer of discipline schedule, it has given me the ability to meet people (I love southern people by the way, they're so kind and wonderful). I met F and S at the gym I climb at down here and they've already invited me to go outdoor climbing, hot yoga, and mountain biking, offered to teach me how to lead climb, and will continue to be my climbing partners throughout the summer. One of our neighbors I randomly started talking to today, L, told me all about the farmers markets and local markets around town that I can go to (score!). And just driving around downtown has been great to see the variety of places there are to visit. There's two long main streets similar to the one in Ann Arbor with fancy-looking shops and restaurants, a beautiful, large river and riverwalk nearby that I can run along, Five Points (another mini main street) about a block behind my apartment, the company skyscrapers of downtown, and USC's campus. There's just so much to see that it's kind of overwhelming. But it makes me incredibly excited to go exploring!

It's funny because I was disappointed when I first moved in. I didn't think I would enjoy the summer here and was just trying to make the best of it. However, the more I discover what this city has to offer, the more I fall in love with it. Whether it's running around the Horseshoe (USC's equivalent of our diag), pretending to be chic and walking through Five Points, randomly driving around, or impulsively getting two new ear piercings (yeah, that happened..hahah), I'm thoroughly enjoying my time here thus far. I'm also going to check out a new church soon which I'm super pumped about! I've been feeling kind of lost without church and a community but I'm hoping that God will lead me where He wants me to go.

There's my mini update. I'm doing well. I'm thankful that I'm here and I'm loving it a bit more each and every day.

Another Home

Finally have some time to post an update. I made it!! After a 12ish hour long road trip, I was so happy to arrive at my new apartment. It's huge with a lot of character and a lot of windows for natural light (YES!!!). It's also on USC's campus with downtown just a walk away. Unfortunately, the apartment was filthy and the girls we're subletting from didn't care to clean it up at all for us. I'm kind of a clean freak so I immediately got to cleaning up the place. After hours and hours of scrubbing, bleaching, wiping, swiffering, and the lovely addition of cleaning up dried puke on my bedroom door and in the bathroom, I was so beat that I had to sleep. But I think I was so tired from the day that I couldn't sleep and ended up tossing and turning until 5:30 AM.

I spent today doing more cleaning and now I am satisfied with the way it looks. No more black feet or huge dust bunnies! Also ran my training distance, bought groceries, and cooked my first meal here. I got a cute basil plant which will hopefully last me through the summer so I can have fresh basil at hand all the time!

This apartment is beginning to feel like home. I love my room, bathroom, and the kitchen a lot. I just love this apartment in general as long as it's clean haha. I know that the longer I live here and the more I get to explore campus and downtown, this place will hold a piece of my heart just like Troy, Ann Arbor, and Tennessee all do. Tomorrow I begin my first day of training as well as my summer of discipline. Wish me luck and send lots of prayers!

Discipline

Being able to live a disciplined life is an all-around desirable characteristic. I’ve always known of the goodness behind discipline and self control, especially when it comes to faith, but I never viewed it as something I could apply in my life. God has been laying it on my heart in the past month the importance of being a disciplined daughter of Christ and I’m making a commitment to live a disciplined life this summer. I’m hoping that this will then carry on into the rest of my days as I strive to become a Proverbs 31 woman.

I signed up for a half marathon that will be held the end of September. I’ve been contemplating the idea for a while and finally made the decision to register for one today. I’m not a huge runner and I’m very much out of shape at this point but disciplining myself physically as I train for the next four months will go hand in hand with spiritual discipline.

It’s going to be hard. Working 40 hour, 4-day weeks is tough and nice at the same time. I get Fridays off but I don’t have much time to do anything else on the days that I do have work. We report to the plant at 6:30 AM, and since it’s in the middle of nowhere, it’s a half an hour drive to get there. That means I must leave the apartment at 6 AM. I want to start my day off with Jesus so I’m committing to waking up at 5 AM every morning to do my devotions and then get ready for work. After work, I’ll probably get home around 5:30-6 PM. Then it’s either straight to running my scheduled distance for the day or straight to the climbing gym to climb/work out on the off days. Next comes a prepared dinner, a little bit of chill time, and right to bed by 10 PM.

In addition to that daily routine, I’m including time for small group once a week, depending on what church I end up at. I’m also committing to some sabbath time with Jesus every Tuesday night while I watch the United Pursuit live stream because I always do that anyway. My three day weekends will be filled with exploring the area, photographing, hiking, climbing, road tripping, the opportunity to be spontaneous, and all the other adventures that I love.

That’s all the physical, “to-do” things, and now for the spiritual things. During this time, I commit to consecration, so my heart and life is purely and solely focused on Jesus. I also commit to living in self control and purity as some of you know I’ve struggled with sin patterns all of my life.

Most of you know that I’m a pretty laid back, somewhat spontaneous, go with the flow person, which is very true. But you might not know that I really like to-do lists and being organized and having a planned schedule on my Google calendar. I think this period of discipline will really help me spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally. It’s also the perfect timing to do this because I will be far way in South Carolina and have no other obligations other than working.

Some say that strict schedules like this don’t work and I’ll just get tired and lazy and give up. Honestly, that quite possibly could happen. I don’t want to be legalistic about this, and if something comes up that changes up my day-to-day, I won’t be upset. But if I’m training to be disciplined and self-controlled in every way, I want to know that I have a set schedule and commitments to follow and I will try my best to keep to them.

The reason why I post this is because I want you guys to keep me accountable. Ask me how I’m doing, what I’m learning, how I’m struggling. Prayer for this summer of discipline would be greatly appreciated. I know it will be extremely difficult for me but I’m kind of excited because I know God has been laying this on my heart.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. -Hebrews 12:11

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. -Titus 2:11-14

Here We Go Again

I'm reviving this blog from the dead. Almost one year later, I am in the same position, readying myself for another summer away in a completely new place. It's different this time around though because I'm a totally different person. Last year, I used Tennessee as an opportunity to run away from everything that I didn't want to deal with and to completely run away from God. I'm thankful for last summer, though, because it was sovereignly planned to bring me back to Him in the fall. Since then, I've cultivated the genuine faith that I've always desired and I couldn't be more joyful. So this year it's different--I'm using South Carolina as an opportunity to step into another adventure, seeing what God has in store for me every step of the way.

I'm curious to see how the blog posts this summer will differ from the ones I wrote last summer when I wasn't walking with the Lord. Either way, it's cool to see how God has worked in my life since then and I look forward to recording my thoughts and memories from this coming summer. I'm a bit sad reading my last post which talked about how I'd most likely return to Tennessee this year. As much as I wanted to, a new and different opportunity seemed too enticing.

So yes, I will be in South Carolina this summer. Still the south, which I love, still full of beauty, which I love. I'm ready to see what this summer has to offer. I'm walking in with complete faith that God will do whatever He plans on doing.

If you could keep me in your prayers throughout the entire summer, I would greatly appreciate it:

Pray that God would lead me (ASAP) to a church with a good community of believers where I can feel at home for three months.

Pray that I can live Christlike for my roommates, my coworkers at my internship, and the campus around me (I'm living on University of South Carolina's campus).

Pray that God would continue to reveal Himself and for me to be disciplined in my faith to seek Him through all circumstances.

Write me! Send me things! 828 Gregg St. Apt #2 Columbia, SC 29201

Thank You, Tennessee

Thank you, Tennessee, for keeping me alive, not just physically but on the inside. I needed to get away for a while, to experience a completely new place where no one knew me. I was thrown out of my comfort zone in order to learn about myself. I wanted to run away from my wounds and my past and everything that was haunting me. Although some things still found their way here, it was quieter, and I had something new to carry me.

I entered into a world of beauty that I never would have imagined and it surrounded me the entire time. I met some of the most genuine people I've ever known and I got to learn so much at my job under the coolest boss. Who knew that when I nonchalantly filled out the application back in December I would actually end up here. I thoroughly enjoyed this summer, probably one of the best summers I've ever had.

My bags have been packed and the car filled up to the brim. I have half a day left of work tomorrow and I'll head out right away. My parents booked me a hotel outside of Cincinnati that I'll stay at overnight to split the 10 hour trip in half. It felt like just yesterday my dad and I were driving into the city over the ridge, me anxiously excited for the upcoming adventure. Three months later, the adventure is over, but I know there's always more to come. Adventure after adventure.

I (most likely) will be returning next year and I will eagerly await the time that I can come back. I know I'll miss this beautiful place, my house, Nutmeg the dog, the wonderful people, the memories, everything that I hold near and dear. I'm returning home a somewhat renewed person, with a subtle southern accent, and a broader perspective. Goodbye for now, Tennessee, you've become a home in my heart. I'll be back.

As weird as it is to upload a photo of a couple I don't know, I just wanted to share this from the shoot I had this evening. It's so simple yet it speaks volumes to me. Her gaze, the kiss on the cheek, their hands, and of course the golden hour sun. A completely candid moment, an intimate moment, shows that the little things are still really beautiful.

Alabama and Back

Today, I woke up bright and early at 6 AM to get to work early and meet my boss in the parking lot. We took a road trip to Browns Ferry, one of TVA's plants in Alabama in order to talk with the program owner about the project I've been working on all summer. I brought some honey pumpkin bread I baked with homemade chili peach jam to share for breakfast in the car. We talked a lot about life and other random things; I love how he's not too much older than me so we can relate in many different ways.

Two and a half hours later, we arrived to the plant to the welcoming smell of bad fish because one of the cooling towers was active. We spent most of the day discussing all the discrepancies and questions that I found with the site's flow diagrams. As a break, we had lunch at a hole-in-the-wall barbecue place with the best hush puppies. I also gave the program owner the link to my recipe blog because he was talking about how much his wife likes cooking and has a blog as well. He sent the link to his wife and she immediately responded with how she wanted to get family pictures done and that she liked my blog! I got a follow on Twitter from her and everything. I guess I made a new cooking friend! Unfortunately, since I'm leaving this weekend, I can't take their pictures. I've also gotten other requests from friends of the people I've taken so far but I can't take those either. :( I knew I should've started earlier!

Anyway, the trip back was the same. We talked about everything and I tried to stay awake. In total, I worked 10.5 hours today and I was beyond pooped. I got asked to take an engagement shoot in downtown though so I headed straight there right when I got back. The evening was beautiful and you all know how much I love shooting during golden hour. It's been a long day but super fulfilling. Did I mention how I don't want to leave? Yeah.

What You'll Never See

People are usually content with what they have and what lies in front of them. You don't realize what you've been missing out on until you experience something better. But how would you know unless you actually get the opportunity to experience it? This goes for a lot of things. I could use thousands of analogies. See the world through dirty lenses and then through clean ones. Getting a burger from a 5 star restaurant after eating Burger King all your life. It goes on and on.

I always thought that the hill at Oasis was so pretty. It is, no doubt, but that was all I saw. I thought and still think Cranbrook is gorgeous. These were ordinary places that I would frequent, all dear to my heart. But when I came to Tennessee, that curve in the highway that turned into mountains upon mountains, I was forever taken away. Nothing so breathtaking have my eyes ever seen and the views just got better and better as I went hiking and boating to different places.

Now, I think Tennessee is the most beautiful place, except I know that it's probably not. I see photos of my friends who have traveled the world this summer and how amazing the creation is in those areas. I see the countless photos of world wonders that are "must sees" but cost thousands to get there. So I've come to accept that there will be things I will never experience, more beautiful things, grander things, but it's all about mindset. Yes, it's sad that I might never swim the infinity pools on skyscrapers, see the world's largest natural mirror, or the pink waters of Lake Hillier, but I've always appreciated the things that surrounded me. I think that's the best way to go about life. Things will just get more and more beautiful.

Missionary Ridge over I-24.

The Last Weekend

It's hard to believe that all this is coming to an end. I leave Tennessee on Friday after my last week of work. Knowing that this would be my last weekend here, I tried to fill it with as many things as I could. On Friday, I picked up my finished pottery and then made another trip to McKay, the used bookstore. I got some books for less than a dollar! I have enough books to keep me busy for the next year or two.

I woke up bright and early on Saturday to take family photos for my boss with another program manager. The morning was incredibly humid and hot, as usual, and we made it before the thunderstorm came. All of us were sticky with sweat but it was nice to walk around downtown Chattanooga near the riverside. Afterward, my boss treated us all to The Blue Plate where I ate one of the best breakfast burritos I've ever had. We then took a walk through the small Saturday market, an extension of the Chattanooga Market that happens on Sunday. We split up and the other program manager drove me around like last weekend. A little adventure took us up to Missionary Ridge, complete with a gorgeous view over the entire area. This was the view I first saw when I drove into Chattanooga that night in May, full of anticipation of what the summer would bring. No matter how many times I see it, I fall in love over again...and no amount of photos can recreate it.

We went back into downtown, had some frappes at Rembrandt's (a local coffee shop) and I drove back home, up the mountain in the rain. I managed to edit all of the photos from the morning when my coworker asked if I could meet him and his fiance downtown to take their engagement photos since the storm passed. I was in bed, bumming, and so tired, but I thought it'd be good to go back outside. Again down the mountain and another photo shoot in somewhat the same area as before. It was still as humid and hot and sticky as the morning. He treated me to Genghis Grill, a Mongolian BBQ place, and I ate dinner with him and his fiance. I got all my meals paid for that day! Score.

I let myself sleep in a little bit this morning before I woke up to go to the Chattanooga market. It was hot and humid again, no surprise, but the combination is pretty awful to bear when you're walking around. It's always about 100 degrees here with 98% humidity--I'm not joking. I've never experienced this until I moved here. Anyway, I walked through the many booths selling fresh vegetables and fruits. Then many places with jewelry, baked goods, crafts, photos, etc. I bought me some South Carolina peaches again because last week's were so darn good. I also got a bag of the best freshly popped kettle corn I've ever had in my life. They pop it on the spot in a huge kettle that I could fit into. My last purchase was a moonshine peach salsa to bring back and share with the roomies. Peach moonshine is the first ingredient, so yes, I don't doubt that it's good.

I drove to the mall area to check out the D800 which I will be buying soon. I stopped by Michael's to splurge on some decor for our apartment because I'm obsessed with stuff like that. I also bought some nice, simple stationary to write thank you cards for everyone with my new fountain pen. They have a nice old-world, classic feel to them.

The rest of my day was spent relaxing and making homemade pasta. I'm now going to read a little before I go to bed because I'm going to work extra hours earlier on in the week in order to leave sooner on Friday. This blog is going to end soon...how sad. I'm glad I was actually able to keep it up and post 10 pages worth of things! I'm excited to look back on this in the future to remember all these days, recollecting how much I love this place and how I hope to be back here again soon.

The Best News

Yesterday, I had my exit discussion with my supervisor (the one I mentioned earlier in the post about painting pottery) because she would be leaving for vacation and would not return by the time I leave. She asked a few questions about my experience, the pros and cons, and the things I think could make the whole process better. Toward the end, she gave me the best news that I'm still having lots of trouble processing. I'm super thankful and I feel like I've been blessed beyond what I deserve. She told me that of all the interns, I'm the one who got picked to come back. She consulted all the program managers and even some of my colleagues and they all said that I was the best choice! She thanked me kindly for all the work I did this summer and how it would benefit our group and TVA as a whole.

She said that she might only have one spot for an intern next year and I automatically get it as long as I choose to come back. She's going to immediately start talking to the site managers to see if they have any openings around the time that I will be graduating. Depending on the openings, I'll be coming back next summer and working at the specific site with that manager to see if it's a good fit. As long as the manager thinks I will work well and I enjoy the job, that spot will be guaranteed for me right when I graduate.

So, within thirty minutes, I went from being a summer intern to potentially having my future job laid right in front of me. I was so surprised and so grateful. I would gladly come back next year and get some more experience working at a site, especially since y'all know how much I've fallen in love with Tennessee. However, I know that there are many other options and I will definitely consider them before limiting myself to something. I'm just incredibly thankful and so happy right now.

Those who know me understand that I'm a very easygoing, laid back, "whatever" kind of person. It may seem like I don't really motivate myself enough in my studies but my work life is a different story. It's super high priority for me. I always try very hard so that my supervisors will always think well of me. I want to leave an impression. I believe I achieved that goal this summer and I am so thankful for the reward. My personal life has kind of been a struggle so this is a much-needed pick me up. I will leave Tennessee a very happy girl!

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