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reconditioning

lost to unearthly feelings your being follows misdirection caused by brainwave malfunction misunderstanding all reality you see things in a different light un-right in many eyes un-well to all you fall into your madness seeking truth in small doses

over emotions

i say yes, you say no

my head overfills

my feelings show

i toss my cards in

you take the dice

i smile as i hurt

i seek out advice

words overflow

from parting lips

i lose control

i sink my ship

the return of bad habits

why is it always fall

when I must avoid the siren’s call

tugging at my heart strings

roping every emotion

like a love lasso

feeling blue if it’s not true

love’s calling

bawling to WHY? songs

on repeat

the loss of heat making

me desire warmth

but it all makes me sick

like being kicked

in the stomach

never seafoam

no longer mermaid

seeking aide to

grab man of

choosing

willing to lose voice

split limbs

and hurt while

moving

just for the hopes

of sweet whispers and

kisses

(the cures to curses)

you've become advocate of choice

and alternate ending

the reason to stay in the ocean

and avoid the afterlife

"trying to make people laugh isn't easy...

you'll never get your soul back that way. "

limitations not always suiting expectations

you try to tongue it out before speaking how the sky looks day-glow technicolor when you're dreaming and if only you could capture completely the colors you see when you're bored/alone you were artist born a curse that makes you yearn constantly for a projected reflection more at purpose with your own you'll dump poems but hang on to the right words like nostalgia until dust

and still it continued

your love was too dry

to write for you

spires of poetry

my words failed me

when you hoped they'd

weave for thee all my

mysteries in one package.

“who was this written for?”

you implore and then redact

it, using your math as fact

realizing they’re not for you

jealousy making you blue

and me wary of your adoration.

“who cares, don’t you want to know

how they were created?”

the creativity in my blood

might as well be mud

for i could’ve loved someone else more completely.

your fears, defeating me to

assure you all feelings expire in my beliefs

but you wanted to be the only

one to have made

me complete

and we were only dating for

what?

a week…

this fall I’ll miss the call of my emotional sirens

something masculine about this perfume oil,

makes me toil with thoughts of another love

coiling around my limbs.

he, connecting cohesively

to a part of me permanently

or temporary…

it’s hard escaping addiction of attachment.

my phoenix has been wounded far too many times

for further entrapment

but i still day-dream destiny's calling

like a teenage girl still wishing for prince charming...

off the wall off Ball

lost in a sea-salted

wash of soap foam

not far from home

have I roamed

caught in a bath

which suckled savings

brain breaking prior to

hospitality hostility

demanding, dancing

singing my way through

insanity

later to be handed off

and hand-cuffed

without understanding

why I'm trespassing at all

off Ball

new year, same issues

i can't believe

it's the eve

of 2013

and these

memories

still torture

me...

teeth

it's all that's evidence

of skull in life that you treasure

a painful endeavor

not present at birth

and through the years

cutting them hurts...

Hopelessly Reminding Myself

I’ve been too easily impressed

by flashy gestures

to fall into another of

destiny’s callings

This isn’t fate

it’s just another date

I’d be a fool

to call out hearts

until I fall apart

based on coincidence

I have no confidence

in fatal attractions

they often happen

It’s too easy to feel

the thrill

of a new someone

who fulfills current desire

setting your chest phoenix

on fire

I will not fall

for the call of

all my torches

My heart is a fortress

space-radish

love chaos theory

i’m tired of wasting time cycling through the signs pondering the “what does it mean?” of things instead of taking them as they are by far i’ve spent enough minutes processing and never to finish because the flare from your stare leaves me constantly fixed in bliss…

things come and go (as we know) and i can’t help to ponder why hearts wander lost for bits out of orbit (we can’t control it)

drowning in john waters

my dreams seem to me to be pre-recorded capsules eye-lidded and reelled inside a time-ripple magnetically recorded and mooned up to my cycle based on calender remembered or recalled randomly in déjà vu’s awe: reality’s rare absence…

#poem #poetry #poems

you would always snore...

i wear and bear my woe's weights

like warrior's welts

a sign of self abuse

where love lacks luster

these have been trying times

my head held heavy

reality redacting facts

so the math won't add up...

as far as i can remember

i've been self correcting

my demeanor

ever invested in evolving

my current state and manner...

when a ripple rattles my memory

it takes a while for the

waves to whisper down through

to the tides...

good night!

#poem #poetry

my old sould will never understand your ignorance

love wasn't the four letter word i placed before you anymore.

our faux flame burning as a lit torch no longer.

all mixed signals left unscrambled...

you began to avoid me like most do missionaries

not wanting to acknowledge or hear anything

a simple coward to expressing rejection

a mammary not a memory holding you back

mother's precious son.

believe me i wanted to move on

to no longer be able to feel the weight of the

emptiness in memory left over from a once

imagined friendship turned

relationship turned into nothing

like ghosts only existed on b-sides of tape decks...

i should've believed harry when he told sally

that men and women could never be friends

because cocks always block

and cunts are all the girls that cum after...

#poem #poetry

single until certain

i daydreamed i was in love once

it was unspoken

i was in real love twice

i was heart broken

i've been told i'm some sight to behold

but i've never been loved

for the reasons i love myself

and i've felt

i've gone unnoticed...

when is it love and when is it real?

people call out hearts like it's no big deal

do only fool have hearts?

i don't want to fall apart

anymore...

i've been keeping score

i'm 0 for three

and

the only person i've really impressed

was me...

#poetry #poem

self-hate is humaity's love lobotomy

eyes take the best snapshots

mirrors our cameras

life toying with our emotions

like lovers slave...

i behave for no one

i am not son

nor sun of earth

giver of life and rebirth

being un-afraid of the afterlife

death is just blood and guts

life is our breath

our words

memories nostalgic noise

of our neurons firing

for internal sirens

to sing and warn

our lives to live

despite dust

dirtying, toying or destroying

love's lack-luster

luminosity

temporarily or permanently...

without curiosity we'd have

no cat, nor rabbit

just god's bad habit's

playing eye tricks in dreams...

we could all live

longer if things seemed

less impossible,

time is always adding

and subtracting digits anyway...

words, the universe's

numeral orders for

men to follow without warning

women speak to beauty

in another language...

haunting their thoughts

even after grave

we all ask for our names to be remembered

and recalled before becoming bones

and dust under earth's crust.

gods lie.

heaven is the earth we keep trying

to escape from...

not learning our lessons

with expectation our highest attribute

animals and mammals live in harmony with

their orbit

but death haunts humans

in our waking present

when time is now and the future is a myth...

"we are here on the earth to fart around,

don't let anyone tell you any different..." -k.v.

each and every human being

is a different species...

a dying breed in need of

love and shelter when

shit gets all

helter skelter...

#poem #poetry

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