My frustration with pain management finally reached the point that I’m over it.
When hearing that I’m doing worse without pain meds, that I’m accomplishing less… he makes me fight to keep my muscle relaxers threatens to take away the seizure meds. When I ask what to do about the immobilizing pain, he says nothing.
I laid out how it affects me. That I’d like to run errands, see friends occasionally, be able to job hunt, be able to walk down stairs without crying at night…
He asked, “What are your plans for the holidays?”
Currently the holidays aren’t an option.
Seeing a friend for my birthday next Sunday, just won’t happen.
I found myself back in front of my primary today. Not willing to accept that fate…
I voiced my frustration, my goals, my limitations…
He suggested acupuncture, I said why not.
I’m a firm believer in exploring new options.
I asked what to do about the pain in the meantime when he realized I haven’t been able to treat my pain since September.
I was gently informed that since I experience chronic pain I’m better accepting my fate and dealing with the tears; despite the fact that I was able to function before they pulled pain meds from the equation.
I can’t stop thinking of the letter from the CDC to a fellow chronic pain patient, that clearly stated the new recommendations were merely recommendations. That patients weren’t meant to be left in the cold.
It finished with the suicide prevention hotline.
Why would I call that number?
I’m 40 and being told that I need to spend the rest of my life isolated in pain.
I find myself wondering wether or not tell my nieces to live hard, fast, seize life by its horns and to never back down. As one day those those things may no longer be an option and at the very least you’ll have the memories. ©️Autumn Bear 2016