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You think your son is stupid, despite everything? What would it take for him to be smart in your eyes?

📺 A very deep, ragged breath. " Do you think being 'smart' just means knowing things..? Clearly. " He practically growls. " Ridiculous... child... intent on asking questions like this... but that's a lesson... I will NOT be spelling out for him... or you... "

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If you don't like questions, you shouldn't be so darn foreboding and mysterious and quiet all the time! And, dare I say...handsome, in your own way. A shame about the early balding and your eyes and facial features, though!

📺 The 'handsome' comment seemed to garner a strong reaction but it was hard to say if the way he furrowed his brow tight and grimaced was out of just irritation-- though there was always plenty of that-- or also... confusion.

He doesn't talk, no response beyond that face, though. It seems he has no intent on stopping his foreboding nature.

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Do you go upstairs to hang out with Lesly and the Big and Bigger Boys often, or do you just stalk the puppets within and outside of their house everyday? Do you have a floor of your own, a basement perhaps?

📺 " I don't live there. " Breathe. " I only visit. "

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I don’t think you need to worry about your son’s batteries anymore; his friends don’t like him when he’s with them either, and they’re more than willing to swap them out. The only batteries in the house are with the one who needs them to keep the house functioning, Electracy.

📺 " Yes... I saw. " Of course he did. Just because they can't see him doesn't mean he can't see them. Or did you think that was a privilege only you had? Still, the father does not seem as enthused about the subject despite the good odds. " You leave... my worries to me. "

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Did someone take you to punishment land when you were small too?

📺 " Not... quite. " That wasn't just a breath but a skipped beat of hesitation in his at first quick answer, as if a thought was halting him from giving a totally earnest 'no'. " Of course not.... In my day... they didn't have means like this. But innovation... marches on. "

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Do you work well with Lesley?

📺 " Lesley? " The withered man so rarely gave his full attention, his jaundiced gaze glazed over and indifferent, but at the clearly familiar name the man shoots over a look. Perhaps he forgot to breathe, as he suddenly has to take a sharp breath in, but his expression returns to its usual scowl as he mutters practically to himself, his words chased by a stiff drink.

" ... Nevermind her. "

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Why have you damaged yourself to the point where your speech is damaged and your batteries are decayed? Don’t you want to be back to normal, whatever that means for you?

📺 The father is pouring something from a flask. He takes a long drag of his cigarette and coughs the tar from his lungs. He rolls his bloodshot eyes. " .... And what are we making now...? A public service announcement..? " He scoffs.

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Could you elaborate on what you said in your one and only interview? What is punishment land and why is your son going there? Did he get charged and too smart for his own good and is punishment land just the show you have him star and tortured in?

📺 Ugh. He can tell he's going to be talked to quite a lot now, all of a sudden. The realization seemed to garner a very deep frown before he slowly, steadily turns to stare with his bloodshot eyes.. But he doesn't talk during the length of questions, he just... stares. Breathing. " ... To learn his lesson. " The father impatiently sighs. " You call that 'smart'... " Was that almost a twinge of amusement in that haggered voice? " If he was smart... my boy... would have learned his lesson by now. "

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*insert credit card information here* I can’t wait for some exclusive DHMIS merch because of this!!! Praise Roy!!

📺 || " ... pre-orders, then? " About five tabs of something that... can't be shown on tv is exited out of before he gets to the tab where his long, spindly fingers presumably jab the information into the keys. He'll keep you in the records! For safe keeping.

He breathes, stands, staggers right up to you. He raises a hand and baps your head. But not out of anger, he seems to have placed a sticker on your forehead. ' You did it! ' it reads, with a red balloon. On his way out, he limply lifts a marker and marks a tick on a board as he snakes back into the dark again.

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5 Roy Fun Factz !!

{{ 1. Roy is actually very well spoken and smart himself, but both his severe health problems and reoccurring drunkenness is what causes that noticeable dissonance between how he writes in his interview response and how he speaks in person. You can often see him begin attempting to speak fluently, grow tired, and just start speaking in sentence fragments to hurry things along.

2. Do not ever show him that his son's batteries have been replaced. He can tell by the look in his son's eyes, and he hates that look. He will rip them out or attempt to damage the functioning ones, and he will attempt to damage whoever gave him the batteries too.

3. Roy intervenes most when something within the show ( not outside the set / in the real world-- that's Lesley's department ) is obstructing the story's ability to return to the status quo by the end of the episode.

4. I don't... usually subscribe to the idea that he's habitually a cannibal, I think he's just very violent and really likes fried chicken, but I'm open to that idea too if you want me to write him that way.

5. Roy also has batteries. But they have a different kind of decay, and that decay is self afflicted. }}

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what if i wrote Roy for real though

haha jk unless--