I am back
Haven't been on this blog in forever, but I have so much on my mind that I just need to let out. Whether it's to a person blog idc, blog probably better tbh. I just feel so sad, alone, and hopeless. I feel like no one ever puts me first ever, even the people I put first. It feels like everyone is full of fucking SHIT. Maybe I was just blessed/lucky to have such good friends during high school and to have friends like that is actually a rare occurrence in general. Idk. But mostly just that way about the people in Austin, not other people. I also am starting to have really bad trust issues and I am skeptical of everyone and everyone's intentions; everything just seems so fake to me. I also feel like I repress every god damn thing in my life to the point where I can't even remember anything; especially my emotions. I'll get in these states of mind where I am so unbearably sad and/or angry and I can't even understand why I felt that way a few hours after. But then those feelings will come back. Then go away. Then come back. But the almost looming feeling of sadness and doom is still there. I feel hopeless, idk why. I feel depressed as shit, alone as shit, sad as shit, etc etc and I don't know why. Maybe it's even my birth control, but it's hard to tell when you've had a mental illness for years and been through shit that no one should have to go through. Not to mention the lack of food and nutrients in my body right now due to the fact that I am still recovering from God damn food poisoning. But I also hate blaming my sadness on those two facts, because I know that for myself, being happy doesn't come naturally. I actually have to work to achieve happiness, but lately that seems so crazy to me. I feel like I am going insane bat shit crazy. So many emotions at once that I am not used to and idk how to handle it
