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@spilledthoughtspoerty
Wonderland
Sometimes I wonder…
But, then I realize that wondering takes you to Wonderland
 Wonderland can take you down two different rabbit holes
The bad thing is you never know which rabbit hole you have entered until you have unlocked the door to the unknown of Wonderland
May 6th, 2015
As the moonlight illuminated inside the car I rested my head on his shoulder and our hands became one.
We drove into the darkness of the unknown.
My mind drifted into The Sea of Undetermined Knowledge, yet I stayed anchored.
If I wasn’t holding his hand, who knows where I would have drifted off to, who knows if I would have found my way back.
In this space of solitude
I have began to get the feeling of regret
 I am recluse in the state of regression.
The person I never signed up to be or
the place I meant to go.
 The passion that once kept me alive
And filled my body with warm
red color that seeped through
My pores has now turned me grey
 50 shades of
blank.
 I sit breathing in the air that keeps me fruitful.
Like romance keeps the couple on their cute
Picnic lunch date,
I yearn for that time in my life
When it was calm and colorful.
Tropophobia
6:50 am.
My alarm clock goes off each morning.
I wake up.
I walk to the bathroom.
I walk downstairs.
7:00 am.
I make a cup of coffee.
I add two spoon full’s of Hazelnut creamer.
The black sea and clouds of white mix in the cup .
The aroma feels my nose with the mornings with my grandmother.
This is how I start each morning.
Today.
It’s not the same.
There’s only French vanilla creamer.
My cup is no longer filled with memories.
Instead.
It’s filled with Tropophobia.
The clouds of white roll in like a storm
7:15 am.
I’m going back to bed.
April 2, 2015
The rain came as I walked down the sidewalk.
Phone in hand, I received a call.
I wasn’t expecting it at all,
Just like the rain.
 My phone rang, I answered.
As the excitement in my voice rose
the drops fell harder and faster.
 Earbuds tangled around my umbrella,
The thoughts wrapped around my brain.
Here comes the rain.
 Rain usually signals sadness,
But not today.
It signals happiness.
April showers bring May flowers.
Constant Thoughts
It’s heavy on the heart and mind to think about the future.
Questions constantly run through my head.
Hush.
Positive
Negative
Hush
I know I still have time to figure it out
But…
Hush.
I can still work towards my dreams
While have fun right?
Hush.
A part of me wonders…
How…
Hush.
Will this all work out?
Will I be everything my parents wanted
When I came into this world?
Hush.
Will I grab my diploma knowing where
I’m going when I cross that stage into the real world?
Hush.
Have I been leaning on faith?
Or is it just a word I wear on a shirt?
Hush.
Worry
I gotta keep pushing
Hush.
I have to run with my dream catcher
Stretched out in front of me
Hush.
My mind drifts
My doubt fills
Hush.
I just have to tell myself
Hush
You got this
Hush
This Is Gods plan
Hush.
Directions
Take a plane west until you reach the last state, closet to the sea.
Be sure to arrive a few hours before sunset.
Grab a cab outside the airport, and tell the driver to take you to the top of the biggest hill. You will get stuck, bumper-to-bumper.
But it will be worth the view. But take this moment to see who might be in your rearview.
Once you get moving, the roads begin to wind, the palm trees wave as you pass by.
You get to the entrance and begin to climb. Up you go and up you go as your ears pop and the hikers have stopped.
You’ll look to the right but all you will see is trees and the ground way down below.
The sun is settling while the city is just getting started. You look out to the horizon.
Stop the driver, get out, and take a picture of the little city. Get back into the cab, you’re almost there.
Climb a winding road the driver will let you out. Walk towards the fence where the paparazzi are standing, with backs turned.
Look slightly to the right. You’ll see it just like Miley’s song.
Don’t pull your phone out, live in the moment.
Let the lights twinkle in your eyes. Listen and feel.
This is where you belong.
March 15th, 2015
That four-letter word…
I’ve heard and spoke that word since I can remember.
First from my parents, my grandparents and sisters
Then my friends
Then it was just a word.
 But it was no longer just a word when it came out of his mouth
It was something that I had only dreamed of hearing
It was something that took my breath away
It was something that stopped my heart
It was something that made me scared
But yet it was something that made me happy
 Then I thought to myself
Do I know what love is?
Not just the love from family and friends
I know what that is.
 What is it when you put “In” in front of those letters?
I know that word didn’t leave his mouth just as it would my family’s
It meant more.
 But what does it mean to me?
Did the word leave my mouth because I’m use to saying it to family and friends?
Or did I mean it like he did?
 People say you’ll know.
I’ll know.
Do I know?
How will I know?
When I know will I know that I know?
 Is it when I get nervous every time I know I’m about to see you?
Is it the tingles I get every time we touch?
Is it when I don’t want our lips to part?
Is it how I melt perfectly into you?
Is it how I never want to leave when I’m with you?
But is this Love?
 That Four-letter word everyone wants to hear
at one point,
that one time,
from that one person.
 It’s scary,
Confusing
Beautiful
It’s unknown
 That four-letter word is not just a word
That four-letter word is more than just letters
That four-letter word has multiple definitions
Now it’s not just a word
That four-letter word
Esplanade
You just looked at me.
They just looked at me.
 Is there something on my face?
Shoot!
Did that ketchup get on my shirt?
No…
Is my hair sticking up?
No…
Maybe my make-up is smeared?
Nope.
Nothing.
 There’s nothing on my face or shirt.
My make-up and hair are in place.
 Heat reaches the surface.
 Keep you’re head down.
You’re fine.
 I can still feel the laser beams from the stares of their eyes.
 “Is she okay?” I’m fine.
“She probably doesn’t have any friends” I do so!
“Maybe she failed a test” No, actually I’m passing… shockingly.
 Wait… I’m talking to myself.
Can people see that I’m talking to myself?
 Wait… this is inside my head.
 Maybe I’ll look up now.
 Abort Mission, abort mission!
Blue, green, brown, red… my face.
Even through sunglasses.
 They see me.
 When did I speed up?
I look like a mom on her morning speed walk.
 Great, now I look like those kids who run across campus.
 Slow down.
 Crap, now people know that I know that they are looking at me.
 Just get to the door.
You’re almost there.
 Look at the clouds.
They’re nice right?
 Crap now I look insane!
 I’m gonna run into someone I just know it.
 Are people looking?
 Of course they are!
I’m wearing a bright yellow shirt.
It just screams, “Look at me!”
Yellow isn’t even a good color on me.
 The door’s right there.
 Here come’s that one girl I know.
Do I have to say hi?
 “Hi”
“hey”
 How awkward was that?
That was a solid 3 seconds of eye contact.
How red was my face?
 The door.
My hand.
 They meet.
Finally.
The Puzzle
You can’t deal with the unknown
Your mind wonders
You’re trying to put the missing puzzle pieces together
But you haven’t found then yet
Your mind wonders
What memories will I hold on to?
But you haven’t found them yet
How much longer will this puzzle take?
 What memories will I hold on to?
I’ve only put 10 pieces together
How much longer will this puzzle take?
The box has a beautiful picture
 I’ve only put 10 pieces together
You can’t deal with the unknown
The box has a beautiful picture
You’re trying to put the missing puzzle pieces together
The wind caresses my cheek
as I reach the peak,
Signaling peace.
The silence of mankind
is scary.
But the escape empties
my mind.
 Each tree has been
perfectly sculpted by the
same wind that continues
to caress my cheek.
 As I look at the beauty
of the green below,
 The longer I look,
the deeper the unknown
goes.
 This is all apart of
His creation.
Pink Bubbles in a Tub
This bath is filled with nothing but bubbles
Which has turned the whole tub pink
As a child I wish that would be the color of my dream car
I wish I had a book
and gum
that tasted of my favorite drink
 I wish that drink
had bubbles
that popped like gum
and left my tongue pink
while I read that book
about a girl in her car
 In that car
she would drink
and think about that book
that filled her head with bubbles
and turned her cheeks pink
as she popped her gum
 The gum
was the same color as her car
that oh so special color pink
and she did drink
that day when her head was filled with bubbles
that reminded her of that book
 That book
where she chomped on her gum
and popped bubbles
the color of her car
that reminded her of her favorite color, pink
 If you couldn’t tell her favorite color is pink
and her favorite book
is about that drink
that makes her pop the gum
in her car
the color of her favorite bubbles
 in the drink which is pink
like the bubbles that fill her head when she reads that book
and pops her gum in her dream car
140Â Charters
Anxiety
Oh how I love thee
You make my heart race
Feet pace
You take my breath away
Need to refill
One two three
Oh how I love thee
Anxiety
@_Raven_NevarÂ
Press Play
Your mind is your remote
Rewind
Fast forward
Pause
Stop
Play
 Life is in play
 But you want to press fast forward
You can’t deal with the unknown
You’ve already started writing an alternative ending
But you haven’t even seen your beginning
 Life is in Play
 But you constantly compare your play to your rewind
You want to go back in time
You wonder if your DVD called life will be stuck in reverse
But have you placed upon yourself a curse?
 Life is in Play
 But every now and then
You want to press stop to take a breathe
You want to press pause to take break
But life is in constant play
 In a movie theatre
There is no
Stop
Pause
Fast forward
Rewind
 There is only play
 What has happened, happened
There’s no going back
The future is unknown
But that’s the beauty of it
 There’s no pause or stop
Only bathroom breaks
And popcorn refills
But the movie keeps going
 The movie is in constant play
Your life keeps going
Your life is in constant play
 Live each day in the present
Thank the rewind for the memories
Look onward for the fast forward
Because life is in playÂ
Ice Breakers
“Tell me about yourself”
The sentence that I dread
Oh Lord, my face is turning red
 Those four words every teacher ask on the first day of class
My mind is racing
My heart starts chasing
 Will my words come out right?
Why am I even taking this class?
Am I even interesting?
 I haven’t even been listening
Three more people to go
Lord, please give me something to say!
 “Your turn”
Face red, hands-a-shaken
Hi my name is Raven.