JR

A place where emotions are words that we still don’t understand.

[spilledxemotions]

Ropes

Ropes pulling me up, 

down, 

left, 

right.

 Ropes tying me down, 

ropes I’m climbing up. 

Ropes in knots in my head,

twisted, 

tangled, 

muddled. 

Ropes holding me hostage, 

keeping me from getting loose. 

Ropes transformed, 

unwound, 

un-knotted, 

stretched straight across. 

Ropes holding me in, 

ropes now navigable to get out. 

[spilledxemotions]

Ropes

Ropes pulling me up, 

down, 

left, 

right. 

Ropes tying me down, 

ropes I’m climbing up. 

Ropes in knots in my head,

twisted, 

tangled, 

muddled. 

Ropes holding me hostage, 

keeping me from getting loose. 

Ropes transformed, 

unwound, 

un-knotted, 

stretched straight across. 

Ropes holding me in, 

ropes now navigable to get out. 

[spilledxemotions]

Motion

Everything moves.

The pencil as I write,

the ball as I run down the field,

the cursor as I type.

Everything moves.

From here to there,

there to here,

there to there.

Everything moves.

Swirling,

whirling around my mind

in a never-ending spiral.

Everything moves.

Blink and you’ll miss

the pass, the throw,

and-

Everything moves.

Fast.

Everything moves fast.

Everything moves.

The pencil as I write,

the ball as I run down the field,

the air as I breathe.

[spilledxemotions]

Tell Myself

Just hold on.

Just wait ten minutes for the next distraction

I tell myself.

Just hold on.

A couple weeks from now you’ll be less busy then things will get easier

I tell myself.

Just hold on.

Take it one thing at a time

I tell myself.

But how much longer can I hold on?

My fingers are slipping, I’m set to fall

One thing ends the next begins

The storm never ends

I’m drowning in an ocean of passion,

but passion and love shouldn’t kill you, should they?

Just hold on.

I tell myself.

[spilledxemotions]

Anchor

The weight holding me down no longer comes from my chest, it comes from the anchor around my ankle; it no longer comes from the scars left by him but from the rest of the world. 

[spilledxemotions]

Basement

You put my heart under lock and key. It no longer sits on the dining room table, but instead in the basement where it must be pried from the ice of the freezer.

[spilledxemotions]

Outside the wall.

How can one be overwhelmed and feel nothing at the same time? There are billions of thoughts running through my mind but none of them make outside the wall around my brain leaving me heart and soul empty.

[spilledxemotions]

The dark woods in my soul are spreading.

Trees have grown up and down my spine, through my intestines and stomach, and all over my ribs. Soon they’ll hold my heart hostage.

[spilledxemotions]

Locked up

You kept me in a cell. In a cell safe from the rest of the violent, abusive prisoners. Now you’ve released me into the black shadowy depths of the darkness in my soul.

[spilledxemotions]

Castle Wall

You built a wall around yourself. Around the truth of your life, around the parts you don’t want anyone to see. You built this wall, and you won’t give me the key. You won’t let me get close for fear of me leaving.

[spilledxemotions]

No attention.

Am I not good enough? Is that why I can’t get any attention from you, because I’m not good enough?

Are you too busy for this? Is that why I can’t get any attention from you, because you’re too busy to have a girlfriend?

Are you not serious? Is that why I can’t get any attention from you, because you’re not serious?

[spilledxemotions]

You enjoyed drinking my sweet milk

but never wanted to refill my glass.

[spilledxemotions]

I bundled up in

all kinds of winter gear to protect myself from your cold heart and it worked. I stayed safe and sound through the storm. My coat did nothing against your sword. The only use it served in the end was soaking up my blood. 

[spilledxemotions]

You’re writing the story of us.

You’re writing the perfect tale of love, the end all be all of love stories. Only the pen isn’t clicked so none of it will stick and as soon as you leave that story will cease to exist. 

[spilledxemotions]

Peace is the only thing I crave now.

Some silence in my mind would be amazing. One last gust of wind to blow away the storm you brought in and bring clear skies.

[spilledxemotions]

Picture a meadow in fall.

Still beautiful, but flowerless. It won’t be until a season of downtime passes before they return. You are a flower and you can’t forget that you need rest and recuperation before you can bloom again.  

[spilledxemotions]

I’ve reached a crossroads

where no matter which path I take it will lead to happiness and I have to make the impossible decision of which to take. One will give me what I always wanted and the other will give me what I never knew I needed.