I have known you since we were 11 years old; we're 17 now. I didn't realize how blinded I was by the lack of nothing that was
us. We never dated, never had a fling.. none of that. The only thing we both knew was that there was something there and there will always be something there. It's always complicated explaining to people about us because they don't fully understand. Heck, I sometimes don't understand myself. Everyone that knew always asked me if I loved you. My answer was always "Love is a strong word." which it is, and I don't use it lightly. They reword themselves by replacing 'Love' with words like 'Fancy', 'Enjoy', 'Like', even though I know they never believed me when I said I didn't love you. I was telling the truth and I still am. I don't love you and I never have. I can't love someone whom I never dated nor had anything real with. I can't love someone or grow to love someone who can't figure out their feelings or know what they want. I never loved you, I just really liked you. Besides, I think I'm way too young to know what love is. I know, you're a 17 year old guy. A lot of boys this age just wants to have fun and live before they get into a fully committed relationship. I know that. But don't show me that you care, don't make me feel like a kid on christmas day every damn day and don't look at me like..like
that. Don't fucking do that to me. When you left for all those months, I felt like something had been ripped out of me. Every other boy I talked to, I never got those giddy butterflies like I did for you, I didn't feel nervous, I didn't feel anything. You were the first person to ever made me feel that way and then I stressed myself out by thinking what if I never have those feelings ever again? Then I got mad at myself because it was my fault. My fault for having feelings for you, my fault for falling for you without knowing that you can't make up your mind and figure out what you want and what you feel and if I was worth it. But I knew; I made up my mind, I figured out how I felt and you were so fucking worth it. I know I'm a "stupid" teenager and yes, I can be naive but I was never sure about anything, but I was sure about you. I was definitely wrong, but don't fucking do that to me... why did you do that to me? All of your friends talked to me, you know. Telling me the reason why you're not taking us being nothing to something is because you genuinely have feelings but you don't want to hurt me. So you don't do anything, so you go and do God knows what with someone else. Your intentions for me might of been real but that hurts a hell of a lot more. That fucking hurts because I would rather have you break my fucking heart by being mine rather than you breaking my fucking heart seeing you with someone else. You don't know how many times I tried to get over everything that happened but when things are going fine and I start feeling okay, you come back. Every damn time.
