GUIDE TO THE IDIOT BRIGADE
PAPRIKA
Full name: Paprika Dr. Pepper Mamma Mia
Obtained: Early January 2025
Markings: Tortoiseshell
Nicknames: Peepa, Peeb, Peebert, Freakpa, Bitchpa, Sweetpa, Pisspa, Miss Piss, Miss Fucking Yells At Me, Pretty Mama, Criminal, Miss Buttcheeks
Backstory: Was abandoned by original owner after eviction along with nine other cats, was taken for spaying and vaccinations by a neighbor a few doors down and rehomed with us just after the holidays
Notable Traits: Loud as hell, scratches up the bed and couch, drops nuclear bombs when she shits, looks like a bug, baffled by possums, hates raccoons
SLINKY
Full Name: Spingle Raymond?
Markings: Tuxedo (fancy man)
Obtained: Late August 2023
Nicknames: Sping, Spingray, Stinky, Spingle, Spingle Dingle, Mister Butthole, Spingy Dingy, Me Pingy, Little Idiot, Abraham Slinkin, Mister Baby Boy Baby Man, Little Son Sping, Handsome Mansome, Dickhead
Backstory: Was abandoned and left in our neighborhood (an unfortunately common practice), wandered my street occasionally squeaking at me until deciding one day that he trusted me enough to eat from my hand, and has been mine ever since (consolation gift from the universe after a hurricane canceled a Ghost concert that very same day)
Notable traits: Scared of the kitchen, will freak out if a ceiling fan is off, squeaky meow, stares at you with his mouth open, wants you to see his butthole, Number One Vertical Stretcher
CLOVE
Full Name: TBD
Markings: Tortoiseshell
Obtained: Late October 2025
Nicknames: Clobe, Clobus, Cloverfield, Clovert Operative, Cloba Bola, Jelly Bean, Little Bit, Fart Baby, Lemming
Backstory: Was one of the kittens belonging to a neighborhood stray, and was abandoned and left under the house across the street (it's all glorified stationary trailers around here). Once rescued, she immediately decided she was never leaving. She was right.
Notable traits: Wants to fistfight her reflection, sits on people's shoulders, makes a weird sound while playing that we've tried to google but there's really no answer for, farts nasty and loud
