✖️♈️✖

Here for the spooks..

[whitepeopletwitter]

[catchymemes]

[sloppystyle]

@frawgs

[frawgs]

mans is absolutely positively coolin

[awwww-cute]

[theweirdwideweb]

[teamnowalls-deactivated20180918]

your “god” cannot save you now

[misuzu-is-life]

BEGONE

THOT

[lavenderbroomsticks-blog]

Hullo everyone! 🌙 

Here is an illustrated set of instructions I made on how to make a Positivity Spell Jar for my illustration class this past quarter. 

What you’ll need:

A Jar

Lighter

Salt- for protection

Glitter-for fun

Candle- light and let melt around edges of jar to Cast Spell

Rosemary- for mental strength

Lavender- to keep calm

Citrine- for abundance

Rose Quartz- for love

Blue Thread- for harmony

—–

As you set each item into the jar focus on what they represent to you. Your magick and energy melding with each, coming from inside you and around you. Close off the jar and wrap the thread round the top of the jar. Light the candle, visualizing the flame as the energy casting the spell.  

This can be modified to make absolutely any type of spell jar. Use different ingredients and colors to symbolize different things.

Enjoy!

-Harpy✨

*Please do not delete caption or take credit for illustrations* 

[alittle-wildflower]

Herbs and their Magical Uses

   Acacia - Protection, Psychic Powers    Adam & Eve Roots - Love, Happiness.    Adders Tongue - Healing    African Violet - Spirituality, Protection    Agaric - Fertility    Agrimony - Protection, Sleep    Ague Root - Protection    Alfalfa - Prosperity, Anti-hunger, Money    Alkanet - Purification, Prosperity    Allspice - Money, Luck, Healing    Almond - Money, Prosperity, Wisdom    Aloe - Protection, Luck    Aloes, Wood - Love, Spirituality    Althea - Protection, Psychic Powers    Alyssum - Protection, Moderating Anger    Amaranth - Healing, Protection, Invisibility    Anemone - Health, Protection, Healing    Angelica - Exorcism, Protection, Healing, Visions    Apple - Love,Healing, Garden Magic, Immortality    Apricot - Love    Arabic Gum - Purify negativity and evil    Arbutus - Exorcism, Protection    Asafoetida - Exorcism, Purification, Protection    Ash - Protection, Prosperity, Sea Rituals, Health    Aspen - Eloquence, Anti-Theft    Aster - Love    Avens - Exorcism, Purification,Love    Avocado - Love,Lust,Beauty    Bachelor's Buttons - Love    Balm, Lemon - Love,Success, Healing    Balm of Gilead - Love,Manifestations,Protection,Healing    Bamboo - Protection, Luck, Hex-Breaking, Wishes    Banana - Fertility, Potency, Prosperity    Banyan - Luck    Barley - Love, Healing, Protection    Basil - Love, Exorcism, Wealth, Flying, Protection    Bay - Protection, Psychic Powers, Healing, Purification, Strength    Bean - Protection, Exorcism, Wart Charming, Reconciliations, Potency,           Love    Bedstraw/Fragrant - Love    Beech - Wishes    Beet - love    Belladonna - astral projection *DEADLY POISON!!    Benzoin - Purification, Prosperity    Bergamot, Orange - Money    Be-Still - Luck    Betony/wood - Protection,Purification,Love    Birch - Protection, Exorcism, Purification    Bistort - Psychic Powers, Fertility    Bittersweet - Protection, Healing    Blackberry - Healing, Money, Protection    Bladderwrack - Protection, Sea Spells, Wind Spells, Money, Psychic Powers    Bleeding Heart - Love    Bloodroot - Love, Protection, Purification    Bluebell - Luck, Truth    Blueberry - Protection    Blue Flag - Money    Bodhi - Fertility, Protection, WIsdom, Meditation    Boneset - Protection, Exorcism    Borage - Courage, Psychic Powers    Bracken - Healing, Rune Magic, Prophetic Dreams    Brazil Nut - Love    Briony - Image Magic, Money, Protection    Bromeliad - Protection, Money    Broom - Purification, Protection, Wind Spells, Divination    Buchu - Psychic Powers, Prophetic Dreams    Buckthorn - Protection, Exorcism, Wishes, Legal Matters    Buckwheat - Money, Protection    Burdock - Protection, Healing    Cabbage - Luck    Cactus - Protection, Chastity    Calamus - Luck, Healing, Money, Protection    Camellia -Riches    Camphor - Chastity, Health, Divination    Caper - Potency, Lust, Luck    Carawy - Protection, Lust, Health, Anti-theft, Mental Powers    Cardamon - Lust, Love    Carnation - Protection, Strength, Healing    Carob - Protection, Health    Carrot - Fertility, Lust    Cascara Sagrada - Legal Matters, Money, Protection,    Cashew - Money    Castor - Protection    Catnip - Cat Magic, Love, Beauty, Happiness    Cattail - Lust    Cedar - Healing, Purification, Money, Protection    Celandine - Protection, Escape, Happiness, Legal Matters    Celery - Mental Powers, Lust, Psychic Powers    Centaury - Snake Removing    Chamomile - Money, Sleep, Love, Purification    Cherry - Love, divination    Chestnut - Love    Chickweed - Fertility, Love    Chicory - Removing Obstacles, Invisibility, favors, Frigidity    Chili pepper - Fidelity, hex Breaking, Love    China Berry - Luck    Chrysanthemum - Protection    Cinchona - Luck, Protection    Cinnamon - Spirituality, Success, Healing, Power, Psychic Powers, Lust               Protection, Love    Cinquefoil - Money, Protection, Prophetic Dreams, Sleep    Citron - Psychic Powers, Healing    Cloth of Gold - Understand animal languages    Clove - Protection, Exorcism, Love, Money    Clover - Protection, Money, Love, fidelity, Exorcism, Success    Club Moss - Protection, Power    Coconut - Purification, Protection, Chastity    Cohosh,Black - love, courage,protection,potency    Coltsfoot - Love,Visions    Columbine - Courage,Love    Comfrey - Safety during travel, Money    Copal - Love, Purification    Coriander - Love,Health, Healing    Corn - protection,luck, divination    Cotton - Luck,Healing,Protection,Rain,Fishing Magic    Cowslip - Healing,Youth,Treasure Finding    Crocus - Love, Visions    Cubeb - Love    Cuckoo-flower - Fertility,Lover    Cucumber - Chastity,Healing,Fertility    Cumin - Protection,Fidelity, Exorcism    Curry - Protection    Cyclamen - fertility,Protection,Happiness, Lust    Cypress - Longevity, Healing, Comfort,Protection    Daffodil - Love,Fertility, Luck    Daisy - Lust,Luck    Damiana - Lust, Love, Visions    Dandelion - Divination,Wishes,Calling Spirits    Datura - Hex Breaking,Sleep,Protection    Deerstongue - Lust, Psychic Powers    Devils Bit - Exorcism, Love, Protection, Lust    Devils Shoestring - Protection, Gambling, Luck, Power, Employment    Dill - Protection, Money, Lust,Luck    Dittany of Crete - Manifestations, Astral Projection    Dock - Healing,Fertility, Money    Dodder - Love,Divination,Knot Magic    Dogbane - Love    Dogwood - Wishes, Protection    Dragons Blood - Love,Protection,Exorcism,Potency    Dulse - Lust, Harmony    Dutchmans Breeches - Love    Ebony - Protection, Power    Echinacea - Strengthening Spells    Edelweiss - Invisibility, Bullet-Proofing    Elder - Exorcism,Protection,Healing,Prosperity,Sleep    Elecampane - Love,Protection,Psychic Powers    Elm - Love    Endive - Lust,Love    Eryngo - Travelers Luck, Peace, Lust, Love    Eucalyptus - Healing,Protection    Euphorbia - Purification, Protection    Eyebright - Mental Powers, Psychic Power    Fennel - Protection, Healing, Purification    Fenugreek - Money    Fern - Rain Making, Protection,Luck,Riches,Eternal Youth, Health,           Exorcism    Feverfew - Protection    Fig - Divination,Fertility, Love    Figwort - Health,Protection    Flax - Money, Protection,Beauty,Psychic Powers, Healing    Fleabane - Exorcism, Protection, Chastity    Foxglove - Protection    Frankincense - Protection, Exorcism, Spirituality    Fumitory - Money, Exorcism    Fuzzy Weed - Love,Hunting    Galangal - Protection, Lust, Health, Money, Psychic Powers, Hex               breaking    Gardenia - Love, Peace, Healing, Spirituality    Garlic - Protection, Healing, Exorcism, Lust, Anti-Theft    Gentian - Love, Power    Geranium - Fertility, Health, Love, Protection    Ginger - Love, Money, Success, Power    Ginseng - Love, Wishes, Healing, Beauty, Protection, Lust    Goats Rue - Healing, Health    Goldenrod - Money, Divination    Golden Seal - Healing, Money    Gorse - Protection, Money    Gotu Kola - Meditation    Gourd - Protection    Grain - Protection    Grains of Paradise - Lust, Luck, Love, Money, Wishes    Grape - Fertility, Garden Magic, Mental Powers,Money    Grass - Psychic Powers, Protection    Ground Ivy - Divination    Groundsel - Health, Healing    Hawthorn - Fertility, Chastity, Fishing Magic, Happiness    Hazel - Luck, Fertility, Anti-Lightning,  Protection, Wishes    Heather - Protection, Rain Making, Luck    Heliotrope - Exorcism, Prophetic dreams, Healing, Wealth, Invisbility    Hellebore,Black - Protection *POISON*    Hemlock - Destroy sexual drives *POISON*    Hemp - Healing, Love, Vision, Meditation    Henbane - POISON Not used    Henna - Healing    Hibiscus - Lust,Love, Divination    Hickory - Legal Matters    High John the Conquerer - Money, Love, Success, Happiness    Holly - Protection, Anti-Lightning, Luck, Dream Magic    Honesty - Money, Repelling Monsters    Honeysuckle - Money, Psychic Powers, Protection    Hops - Healing, Sleep    Horehound - Protection, Mental Powers, Exorcism, Healing    Horse Chestnut - Money, Healing    Horseradish - Purification, Exorcism    Horsetail - Snake Charming, Fertility    Houndstongue - Tying dogs tongues    Houseleek - Luck,Protection, Love    Huckleberry - Luck, Protection, Dream Magic, Hex Breaking    Hyacinth - Love, Protection, Happiness    Hydrangea - Hex Breaking    Hyssop - Purification, Protection    Indian Paint Brush - Love    Iris - Purification, Wisdom    Irish Moss - Money, Luck, Protection    Ivy - Protection, Healing    Jasmine - Love, Money, Prophetic Dreams    Jobs Tears - Healing, Wishes, Luck    Joe-pye weed - Love, Respect    Juniper - Protection, Anti-theft, Love, Exorcism, Health    kava-Kave - Visions, Protection, luck    knotweed - Binding, Health    Ladys mantle - Love    Ladys slipper - Protection    Larch - Protection, Anti theft    Larkspur - Health, Protection    Lavendar - Love, Protection, Sleep, Chastity, Longevity, Purification,    Happiness, Peace    Leek - Love, Protection, Exorcism    Lemon - Longevity, Purification, Love, Friendship    Lemongrass - Repel snakes, Lust, Psychic powers    Lemon Verbena - Purification, Love    Lettuce - Chastity, Protection, Love, Divination, Sleep    Licorice - Love,Lust, Fidelity    Life Everlasting - longevity, Health, Healing    Lilac - Exorcism, Protection    Lily - Protection, Breaking Love spells    Lily of the Valley - Mental Powers, Happiness    Lime - Healing,Love,Protection    Linden - Protection, Immortality, Luck, Love, Sleep    Liquidamber - Protection    Liverwort - Protection    Liverwort - Love    Looestrife - Peace,Protection    Lotus - Protection, Lock-Opening    Lovage - Love    Love Seed - Love,Friendship    Lucky Hand - Employment, Luck, Protection, Money, Travel    Mace - Psychic Powers, Mental Powers    Maguey - Lust    Magnolia - Fidelity    Mahogany,mountain - Anti-Lightning    Maidenhair - Beauty, Love    Male Fern - Luck, Love    Mallow - Love, Protection, Exorcism    Mandrake - Protection,Love, Money, Fertility, Health    Maple - Love, Longevity, Money    Marigold - Protection, Prophetic Dreams, Legal Matters, Psychic Powers    Marjoram - Protection, love, Happiness, Health, Money    Master Wort - Strength, Courage, Protection    Mastic - Psychic Powers, Manifestations, Lust    May Apple - Money    Meadow Rue - DIvination    Meadowsweet - Love, Divination, Peace, Happiness    Mesquite - Healing    Mimosa - Protection, Love, Prophetic Dreams, Purification    Mint - Money,Love,Lust,Healing, Exorcism,Travel, Protection    Mistletoe - Protection, Love, Hunting, Fertility, Health, Exorcism    Molukka - Protection    Moonwort - Money, Love    Moss - Luck,Money    Mugwort - Strength, Psychic Powers, Protection, Prophetic Dreams,              Healing, Astral Projection    Mulberry - Protection, Strength    Mullein - Courage, Protection, Health, Love,Divination, Exorcism    Mustard - Fertility, Protection, Mental Powers    Myrrh - Protection, Exorcism, Healing, Spirituality    Myrtle - Love, Fertility, Youth, Peace, Money    Nettle - Exorcism, Protection, Healing, Lust    Norfolk Island Pine - Protection, anti hunger    Nuts - Fertility,prosperity, love, luck    Oak - Protection, Health, Money, Healing, Potency, Fertility, Luck    Oats - Money    Olive - Healing, Peace, Fertility, Potency, Protection, Lust    Onion - Protection,Exorcism, Healing, Money, Prophetic Dreams, Lust    Orange - Love, Divination, Luck, Money    Orchid - Love    Oregon Grape - Money, Prosperity    Orris - Love, Protection, Divination    Palm,Date - Fertility, Potency    Pansy - Love,Rain Magic, Love, Divination    Papaya - Love, Protection    Papyrus - protection    Parosela - hunting    Parsley - Love, Protection, Purification    Passion Flower - Peace,Sleep, Friendship    Patchouly - Money, Fertility, Lust    Pea - Money,Love    Peach - Love, Exorcism, Longevity,. Fertility, Wishes    Pear - Lust, Love    Pecan - Money, Employment    Pennyroyal - Strength, Protection, Peace    Peony - Protection, Exorcism    Pepper - Protection,Exorcism    Peppermint - Purification, Sleep, Love, Healing, Psychic Powers    Pepper Tree - Purification, Healing, Protection    Periwinkle - Love, Lust, Mental Powers, Money, Protection    Persimmon - Changing Sex, healing, luck    Plot Weed - Protection    Pimento - Love    Pimpernel - Protection,Health    Pine - Healing, Fertility, Protection, Exorcism, Money    Pineapple - Luck, Money, Chastity    Pipsissewa - Money, Spirit Calling    Pistachio - Breaking Love Spells    Plantain - Healing, Protection, Strength,Snake Repelling    Plum - Healing    Plumeria - Love    Poke - Courage, Hex Breaking    Pomegranate - Divination, Luck, Wishes, Wealth, Fertility    Poplar - Money, Flying    Poppy - Fertility,Love, Sleep, Money,Luck, Invisibility    Potato - Image Magic, Healing    Prickly Ash - Love    Primrose - Protection, Love    Purslane - Sleep, Love, Luck, Protection, Happiness    Quassia - Love    Quince - Protection,Love,Happiness    Radish - Protection, Lust    Ragweed - Courage    Ragwort - Protection    Raspberry - Protection, Love    Rattlesnake Root - Protection,Money    Rhubarb - Protection, Fidelity    Rice - Protection, Rain, Fertility, Money    Roots - Protection, Power, Divination    Rose - Love, Psychic Powers, Healing, Love, Divination, Luck,           Protection    Rosemary - Protection, Love, Lust, Mental Powers, Exorcism,               Purification, Healing,Sleep, Youth    Rowan - Psychic Powers,Healing, Protection,Power, Success    Rue - Healing,Health, Mental Powers, Exorcism, Love    Rye - Love, Fidelity    Saffron - Love, Healing,Happiness, Wind Raising, Lust, Strength,              Psychic Powers.    Sage - Immortality, Longevity, Wisdom, Protection, Wishes    Sagebrush - Purification, Exorcism    St.Johns Wort - Health, Power,Protection,Strength, Love, Divination,                    Happiness    Sandalwood - Protection, Healing, Exorcism, Spirituality    Sarsaparilla - Love, Money    Sassafras - Health, Money    Savory/Summer - Mental Powers    Scullcap - Love, Fidelity, Peace    Senna - Love    Sesame - Money. Lust    Shallot - Purification    Skunk Cabbage - Legal Matters    Slippery Elm - Halts Gossip    Sloe - Exorcism, Protection    Snakeroot - Luck Money    Snakeroot/black - Love,Lust,Money    Snapdragon - Protection    Solomons Seal - Protection,Exorcism    Sorrel Wood - Healing,Health    Southern Wood - Love,Lust,Protection    Spanish Moss - Protection    Spearmint - Healing,Love,Mental Powers    SpiderWort - Love    Spikenard - Love    Squill - Money,Protection,Hex Breaking    Star/anise - Psychic Powers, Luck    Stillengia - Psychic Powers    Straw - Luck,Image Magic    Strawberry - Love,Luck    Sugar Cane - Love,Lust    Sumbul - Love,Luck,Health,Psychic Powers    Sunflower - Fertility,Wishes,Health,Wisdom    Sweetgrass - Calling Spirits    Sweetpea - Friendship,Chastity,Courage,Strength    Tamarind - Love    Tamarisk - Exorcism,Protection    Tansy - Health,Longevity    Tea - Riches,Courage,Strength    Thistle - Strength,Protection,Hex Breaking,Healing    Thistle/holy - Purification,Hex Breaking    Thistle/milk - Snake enraging    Thyme - health,Healing,Sleep,Psychic Powers,Love,Purification,Courage    Ti - Protection,Healing    Toadflax - Protection,Hex Breaking    Toadstool - Rain Making    Tobacco - Healing,Purification    Turmeric - Purification    Turnip - Protection,Ending Relationships    Uva Ursa - Psychic Workings    Valerian - Love,Sleep,Purification,Protection    Vanilla - Love,Lust,Mental Powers    Venus Flytrap - Protection,Love    Vervain - Love, Protection, Purification, Peace, Money, Youth,              Chastity, Sleep,Healing    Vetch/Giant - Fidelity    Vetivert - Love, Hex Breaking, Luck, Money, Anti-Theft    Violet - Protection, Luck, Love, Lust, Wishes, Peace, Healing    Wahoo - Hex-breaking, Courage, Success    Walnut - Health, Mental Powers, Infertility, Wishes    Wax Plant - Protection    Wheat - Fertility, Money    Willow - Love, divination, Protection, Healing    Wintergreen - Protection, Healing, Hex Breaking    Winters Bark - Success    WItch Grass - Happiness, Lust,love, Exorcism    Witch Hazel - Protection, Chastity    Wolfs Bane - Protection, Invisibility    Wood Rose - Luck    Woodruff - Victory, Protection, Money    Wormwood - Psychic Powers, Protection, Love, Calling Spirits    Yarrow - Courage, Love, Psychic Powers, Exorcism    Yellow Evening Primrose - Hunting    Yerba Mate - Fidelity, Love, Lust    Yerba Santa - Beauty, Healing, Psychic Powers, Protection    Yew - Raising the Dead    Yohimbe - Love,Lust    Yucca - Transmutation, Protection, Purification

[moonlitmagic]

Witchy idea:

While getting a drink for someone, stir it clockwise and say a lil incantation:

“Should the drinker give consent,

return to them their energy spent”

That way you can try to be helpful while also not interfering with their free will!

This is particularly nice if you work at a returant or starbucks or something, or even just for getting tea for guests

[frenchdispatched]

halloween/witch-themed lockscreens

[recreationalwitchcraft]

5 Ways to Make Your Shower Magical

So, you don’t have a bathtub or the time to take an arduous bath. You’d like to do something mood-lifting and positive but honestly feel a little lazy (and maybe a little gross, too). The good news is, you can still be indulgent and just as magical with a good shower.

1. Make DIY shower disks with various herbs and essential oils. Not only will the steam improve your health, but the ingredients can have magical properties as well.

2. Steep the herbs you would put in your bath in a pail of warm water and rinse yourself with the brew post-shower. Many herbal rinses also offer tons of benefits for the skin.

3. Choose soap with intent. You can use bar soap (either DIY or store-bought) or handmade body wash. Looking to be energized? Try a minty eucalyptus soap. Need to unwind before bed? Go with a chamomile and lavender wash. Be sure to use ingredients that match your purpose! 

4. Use a purposeful body scrub. Rub away bad energy and dead skin with recipes for purification and protection, energy, stopping gossip, glamour, recovering from violation, preventing unwanted touching, removing bad energy, romance, self love, luck, or create your own recipe. 

5. Finish it off with a body oil post-shower. In addition to their various skin benefits, different oils have different mythological, magical, and aromatherapeutic connotations. Use coconut oil or olive oil for purification and protection, almond oil for prosperity, apricot kernel oil or avocado oil for love, or sunflower oil for energy. Add a drop of an essential oil for even more magic. 

[witchcraftyful-blog]

📑🕛🕒🕠✏🎨📖👍😆

Emoji spell to motivate you to work on on your grimoire. 

(Likes charge, reblogs cast.)

[thatgayguywitch]

“I am cleansed and my energy is rejuvenated”                                                           -Requested by @readingsbydestinylight

✨I TAKE SIGIL REQUESTS ✨ send them to @thatgayguywitch so I have something to do while I’m bored at work 😂❤️😂

[hereticalapothecary]

“On Ice” Anti-Attachment Spell

My friend currently has sort of an unhealthy attachment to an ex. (Don’t worry, she’ll be getting an earful from me once I’ve calmed down.) It’s harmful to her as well as several other people and is very much one sided. A lot of anti-love spells are self-focused or designed to split up a couple or just straight up impractical. This is more of a spell to decrease unhealthy emotional attachment. 

Need a friend to chill about their ex?

Supplies:

Paper

Pen

String

Red rose petal (optional)

Container (optional)

Your freezer

The intent of this spell is to essentially chill someone’s feelings for someone else. Please bear in mind that it’s designed for unhealthy attachments. Please use any love spell with caution and consent.

Write out the name of the target on a piece of paper as well as the object of their attachment. I’m using red rose petals because I have some as a way to symbolize the feelings of attraction. Tie it up with a piece of string (preferably red, pink, or yellow) and focus on your intent to essentially get rid of these unhealthy feelings of attachment. 

Either put it in a container of water and stick it in the freezer or just toss it in the freezer as is. Congrats, these feelings are now on ice! Go cleanse yourself and do a healing/cleansing spell for you or your friend. 

[dumbbbunnnyy-deactivated2021021]

Elemental Correspondences

[starletmoon]

Attract true love emoji spell

❤😍💍👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💏👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨💍😍❤

Likes charge reblogs cast

[bpdattentionseeker]

My favorite Shady/Illegal tips

*If you don’t have a stamp, reverse your destination and return addresses. The post office will deliver it to the return address for free

*One bag of garbage from a McDonald’s dumpster has hundreds of receipts in it, each of which has a survey. Submit each one for lots of free food

*Holding a cell phone to your ear justifies loitering. This aids in public urination, dumpster diving, stalking, trespassing, etc

*If you’re going to plagiarize, plagiarize something in a foreign language. Use a translator and spend a few minutes touching up the results.

*If they have free refills, save your cup. Next time you eat there, your drink is free.

*A plastic coffee stir stick can fool any push in coin acceptor that loads the coins on edge. Just insert stir stick, push the mechanism forward until you feel the stick hit a bump, push the bump down with the stick and push the mech all the way in

*If you look like you know what you’re doing, no one will bother you.

*When lying, always include something slightly embarrassing, or something that makes you look bad, as part of your story. It’s not only going to disarm their skepticism (admitting to something embarrassing gives an impression of humility), but even if they remain skeptical, they’ll be left wondering why you would make something up that you’d rather keep secret if it were true

*Using Clorox or any bleach will turn the red/pink liquid detection dot on electronic devices back to white so they replace them under warranty

* “A drug dealer in DC taught me to pick my nose if the police are staring at me. No one picks their nose if they think someone is watching them, so it’s the ultimate way of being nonchalant.”

* "I learned that you can get into almost any special event by wearing a chef coat. Even just carrying one and walking like you know where you’re going will work every time. Most people don’t want to look stupid by asking you who you are.“ 

* "My go to missing work call was never "I’m sick”, it was “Family problems”. They never questioned it, it’s vague enough and embarrassing enough that nobody ever asks.“ 

*As part of the employee training at Target, they teach you that if a customer argues over a price, and the full price is under $20, to just give it to them for whatever price they claim. It’s cheaper for the company to move on to the next customer than to call in a price check.

*Put a rolled up sock in the change slot on a vending machine, come back back 4 days later….and pull sock….you will be 6-ish dollars richer.

*If it’s a small lie, like who farted or who put the empty milk carton in the fridge, I’ll tell a terrible lie. I’ll not be able to hold a straight face, contradict myself, basically suck at lying.Now everyone I know thinks I can’t tell a lie to save my life. So when I really need a big lie, I nail it every time. No one ever suspects me when I lie straight faced.

*Bring crutches to an airport. Bypass every line (including boarding) and you are chauffeured to your gate the second you pass through security.

*Make up a secret to share with someone- they may open up and share far more valuable real secrets.

*Here’s a classic. Drive over to your 7/11 of choice. Fill up a Slurpee and drop some candy bars in that bitch. Make sure the candy bars aren’t showing. Cover the Slurpee and pay for it. Free Snickers bitch.

*I tell everyone i’ve never done any drugs. Suddenly everyone offers me cocaine, ecstasy, pot, lsd. I think i’ve had $200 worth of drugs each weekend for free.Same with liquor. "Im not drinking tonight” BOOM! Everyone gives me booze. Its like everyone wants to break your integrity as soon as you tell them you are not doing whatever they are doing.

*If you need to cash from an ATM and its not a large amount, buy a 5 cent piece of gum from a gas station that has the cash back option. Its cheaper than a $3 charge

*Act less intelligent than you really are. Acting stupid can get you out of some tricky situations. Feigning ignorance is way better than admitting you knew better but did it anyway. My old man used to say ‘It is easier to beg forgiveness than ask for permission’…sometimes it’s true.

*Every time I fly, when I land I’ll pen a little complaint to the airline that flew me. You know, I’ll come up with something like “oh, they denied me a drink! Oh, the food wasn’t vegetarian!” Whatever miscellaneous hogwash potpourri comes to my crazy brain. And like clockwork, within a business day, they’re reimbursing me with a $50 voucher, a $100 voucher, I can sell that on the secondary market.

*I’ve always had a lot of success in shutting nosy people up by blaming any personal issue on allergies. Crying from a panic attack? Allergies giving me puffy eyes. What’s that mysterious pill I’m taking? Allergy meds. Why am I acting spaced out/hungover/tired? Allergies meds making me drowsy.

*If you really wanna get away with some shit, buy a reflective vest, a white hard hat, and a clipboard. You can go ANYWHERE.