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Shoreditch. Or How A Beard Made My Day In Liverpool.

The last time I was in Otterspool, I’d guess I was about 8-9 years old, there was a Yellow Submarine there, and one garden was sponsored by Oranjeboom.

If that’s a little cryptic, it’s a reference to the Liverpool Garden Festival that used to inhabit the site.

Now that was 30 years ago, but my experience of racing in the park a couple of weekends back as part of the NWCCA league left me wondering why I’d not been back in so long. The guys from Liverpool Century set up a cracking course, with the greasy conditions adding to the technicality. The course had it all from left and right off camber straights and corners, pinch climbs in abundance, and the Muur de Otterspool which to be honest was a pig of a run up, shouldering the bike.

The inevitable greasy carnage of the first lap, which saw the field split in half almost immediately as someone went arse over tit on the off camber (again) banking in the first turn, gave way to the also inevitable stretching out of everyone into their discomfort zones.

I firmly found mine around 176bpm average. With my eyes crying tears of blood. As usual.

After the finish chainring arch – which was very cool – there was a short grass semi-straight leading to a short, sharp, off camber (of course) greasy (of course) pinch. The top of this was crowned with spectators.

Scouse spectators.

Renowned the world over for their sympathy regarding sporting performance.

Anyway, second lap as I approached it on my own, I made the hill and was greeted with “SHOREDITCH HAS CLEARED IT”; cue much cowbell. Didn’t think anything of it.

Lap 3 “OHHHH, SHOREDITCH IS OFF!!!!”

Lap 4 “SHOREDITCH IS IN THE BUSH”

Lap 5 “SHOREDITCH CLEARS IT!!!”

And so on.

By this time I’d worked out that this bloke had christened me Shoreditch. The only possible reason I can think of is that I have a beard. I say that because at no point was I wearing glasses with no lenses for hipster effect, carrying a latte, walking barefoot about town dressed as Mumford & Sons, nor sampling real ale whilst posting to Instagram.

Ergo; I assume it was the beard.

Alas, post race, I couldn’t catch our local comedian to ask. I guess he figured I was going to punch him. Quite the opposite. Now I’m off for a latte, and to post it on Instagram with a filter or five.

Yours,

Shoreditch.

On unpacking. And gluing. And sanding. And such.

No cross racing this weekend for me; basically too many boxes to unpack full of too many things that we needed too badly to go and play in the mud.

On the plus side, the container of belongings turning up from Australia meant a number of wonderful things;

A washing machine to try and get the mud out of my kit properly

My road bike turned up

I have clothes to wear for work that I don’t need to disguise as NOT being the same shirt day in day out using Febreeze

Point three may be an exaggeration, or may not. Definitely not if any colleagues are reading this. I digress.

Further plus points are that my boxes of tools and spares have turned up. This is exciting because it now means I shouldn’t have a repeat of the MASSIVE OVERGEARING INCIDENT OF ROSSENDALE 2014TM (1) and I can commence the unenviable task of gluing my tubs onto the Planet X 50mm disc rims I’ve had lying around for a looooooooong time. There didn’t seem much point until I had the brake discs here, and in any case, having not glued tubs before, I figured I’d need to do some research.

Good GOD.

Well, if there’s one way of gluing tubular tyres onto rims, no-one has discovered it yet. In the same way that Italian grandmothers are suspiciously protective of family recipes, it seems that the world of cyclocross has a similar attitude to the seemingly every day task of gluing tyres onto rims. Every single method is different. Well let me rephrase that, every single method is identical for 90% of the job, then the 10% makes all the difference between glue/tape/gluey tape/magic/prayers to Satan which all may or may not result in your tyres staying on.

Or not.

Which let’s face it really is the point.

I have no desire to roll a tub off. Like everybody who rides a bike, I’ve crashed. Unlike everyone who rides a bike, I’ve had the pleasure of a stint in intensive care following an off and the resultant massive abdominal surgery was a bit of a chore.

Although the arrow shaped scar pointing at my head indicating “THIS WAY UP” is funny. A bit.

Now of course, crashing on a cross course is likely to be less of a drama than steaming into the tarmac at 50kmh during a crit, unless you're Joey. But giving a tree a hug at 20kmh can still get the old adrenaline glands fired up. That split second of “oh bollocks” as you know you’re heading for the earth is quite the charm. Until you hit it.

Anyway, with Google in hand I have thus far sanded said rims to remove the shiny shiny shiny gloss from the rim bed, and cleaned them with alcohol.

I used a Gin and Tonic; Hendricks, slice of lime. Chin chin.

The first layer of four layers of glue is on, each one will require a day of application and drying. Similarly, the base tape of the tyre is glued and drying.

Let us review that brief method. It’s taking a week to mount two tyres. Even the toughest of tubeless mountain bike tyres take only an hour, tops to mount. And they run lower pressure. And they are puncture resistant to the MAX. And they are not 100 quid a tyre.

It is a curious feature of cycling that tradition seems to trump technology every time. The wistful memories of “things being better” when racers carried their own tubs round their backs and guzzled amphetamines to get through brutal stage races are precisely the things that lead us to still glue tyres. Now I like tradition. I like reading about the old heroes and battles. But things do move on.

So as my headache clears from the solvent intake courtesy of Continental, a weeks worth of labour had better be bloody worth it to get me from 50th to 48th.

(1) The short version is never take a knife to a gun fight; 40T x 12-28 is WAY TOO MUCH when the entire course is a) uphill b) rough as a roofers glove and c) is better suited to motocross bikes.

#cyclocross #spoxe #cycling #womenscycling #cyclelikeagirl #bikes #tubular

NWCCA Round Another - THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL

After the previous week’s quad numbing hilarity at Rossendale, I was relieved to see that the upcoming Weaver CC course was, essentially, as flat as a tack and looking pretty quick. I suspected that the week priors’ over gearing horror would be replaced by a triumphant return to Australian conditions; a week of decent weather, flat course on hard pack paddock grass, little mud.

Needless to say it hammered down for a full 24 hours before the race.

Once more unto the decidedly muddy breach, then.

It is another curiosity of UK racing that, at least in terms of enjoying the best of the conditions; the highest grade riders get the bummiest of deals. This view was expressed in typically northern fashion by a fellow racer on the warm up lap as we moonwalked sideways up one of the clay bound slopes, as he proclaimed, “This is fucking shit”.

I couldn’t disagree.

Of course being willing to engage with the locals, I managed to get him to expand said wisdom, including further profane gems, but the gist was thus; why do the “best” riders get the chewed up course everyone else has already raced on?

Who knows. It's how it is. Harden up, probably.

It was another big field on the start, 61 riders in total. The first ten in the league standings were duly called up, then it was out with the elbows to secure something not entirely at the back for the start from everyone else. With the philosopher Paddy Oliver’s words regarding my own start line tactics ringing in my ears, I ended up almost right at the back.

The course was composed largely of long, straight and surprisingly boggy sections split by switchback turns. There were two switchback climbs following straight descents, made technical by the ground conditions, and the final sorting out done by two sections of steep, muddy, descent-into-hell type drops followed by mud pit power action and a “run” up a slippery wall of disintegrated clay.

Out of the first section of switchbacks and onto the switchback climbs, it was immediately apparent that a) I was over geared a little again mainly due to the conditions, compounded by b) my Vittoria XG Pro TNT’s being crap in the mud.

They’re an all conditions tyre, but these conditions weren’t for all.

Out of the second climb and the bunch attempted to squeeze at least 50 of the 61 starters through onto a single track descent covered in a foot thick layer of clag. Since steering wasn’t a priority, as it didn’t make any difference, and braking was just for show, hilarity ensued with the majority of us immediately resorting to running.

Running, knowing full well that I wasn’t going to be able to clip back in with this crap stuck to my soles. Cue much gnashing of teeth and tap dancing of pedals. The course designers were then kind enough to furnish us with a slow, painful, death of a minor ascent back up to the bog-formally-known-as-grass, featuring more switchbacks. Then the second descent into hell.

This one was far, far worse than the first, complete with hairpin left hander at the base of the Un-Brakeable Hill Of Sloptm, before running through a Field Of Actual Bottomless Mud And Nettlestm and finally ascending the Hill That Shouldn’t Be A Hill, But Because Of The Ten Thousand Tonnes Of Shit Moved By Riders Before You, It Is Nowtm (HTSBAHBBOTTTTOSMBRBYIIN for short).

And then more switchbacks.

This race was made even more special than usual for me, being spat out the back as per usual after the first lap, by the presence of my good old Mum and Dad turning up to watch me race for the first time in their lives.

Dad was a bit of a decent roadie in his day, but his day was almost 40 odd years ago.

Still, it was with much enthusiasm that he got stuck into shouting “DIG IN!!!!” on every lap, which would have been helpful, had I not dug in, made flower beds, done the weeding and dug out again sometime before he piped up even the first time.

Mum merely watch in horror.

The bell lap was sweet relief as it always is, and as I looked back to double check how close to last I was, it was with some amusement that I found I was already last. Only I wasn’t. Everyone (ok, the four other blokes) behind me had been pulled on the previous lap. And so it was that I managed to ride the last half of the last lap with the tape being rolled up around me, and took a relatively huge round of applause at the finish from everyone else who had finished at least ten minutes earlier.

I love cyclocross. It’s utterly stupid.

P-

#spoxe #spoxecross #cyclocross #nwcca #stoemper #weavercc #muddyhell #grassmyass

Successful meeting yesterday planning the next phase of #spoxe world domination. Held @popupbikes - secure bike parking and cafe in the city! How awesome is that! #spoxe #cyclocross #womenscycling #cyclelikeagirl #straya #bikes #bikegear

#bikegear #spoxe #straya #cyclocross #bikes #cyclelikeagirl #womenscycling

Further thoughts on UK 'cross racing. And stuff.

I realise I may have rambled aimlessly about some of this before, but I shall ramble further, and perhaps rant even in places, again. So there.

Yesterday was Round 4 of the NWCCA series. I'd raced the previous round at Heaton Park in Manchester, and feeling improved and full of the joys of......well, Autumn......headed up into the moors behind Rochdale to have some more of it. I have to say, that by far and away and without a shadow of doubt, this was the hardest course I have ever ridden on.

To the extent that the warm up lap made me think about not starting. Softism. I had a word with myself.

Of course, it was due to the fact that I'd ignored the advice about gearing. Well, I say ignored. More had no option. All of my spares are in the shipping container coming back from Aus. I'm assuming my spare chainsets have got a nice tan, since they haven't done any work and have been on a cruise for two months.

All your gears are belong to me.

Why the gearing? I run a 1 x 10 setup. I run a 40T no-drop Wolfstooth chainring and a 12-28 cassette. This is enough for the flat, fast, Aussie courses with the odd pinch climb. This is not enough for a boggy, Somme-esque moorland hell with a 45 degree 10-15m vertical climb per lap following a compulsory dismount, two creek crossings, several bogs and of camber sections that would make a trackie wince.

Soup of the day.

Of course I loved it. Mind you, there were several occasions I thought I'd die, I needed gloves I didn't have, had two sense of humour failures and got off once to have a pep talk with myself. All this in a one hour race. Magic!

Oddly, the Vets and the Seniors races were won by riders on mountain bikes. Stand by for that rant.

I race cyclocross. Badly, I'll admit, but still. This means I ride a cyclocross bike and I generally expect my opponents (by which I mean everyone who always finishes in front of me) to have the same gear, roughly. Riding a mountain bike, especially on a course like yesterday which was rough as hell, is a serious advantage. Now I was never going to win, but second place might have, if the leader was on a cross bike.

Ergo; it wasn't a cyclocross race.

Secondly I still cannot understand the race categories here. Making anyone over 23 but under 40 race in the same category, Pro, Club Hero or Have a Go, is decidedly demotivating for the latter categories. Essentially we turn up every week and pay our money to a) have the event put on and b) watch other people clean up the prizes because British Cycling dictates the categories.

Australia is better. A grade, B grade etc, at least gives everyone an ability based category, with age bands within, with chance of doing well and encouraging participation through decent results. If everyone just got smashed by the big lads and girls every week, who'd bother?

Not given up. Just staggered across the line and dropped it.

Anyway.

I tested some new spoxe cyclocross specific bibs yesterday; thinner, narrower chamois for running in easier and heavier fabric. Brilliant for those of you who might not want a skinsuit, but want something without the thick road pads you buy in most bibs. Available soon! Will throw in a free jar of mud with every pair*.

Also tested during warm up was our new Spring/Autumn Jacket. Based on the bitparkyout vest, it uses the same windproof and waterproof fabric which we've had so much good feedback on. One question, and feel free to email [email protected] with your preference, would you prefer a single rear zip pocket on the jacket, or three external pockets like our jerseys and vest?

Thanks for playing along!

*Will not throw in the mud. Shush.

F'kin ouch. I'd say that's the toughest hour on a bike I've had since the last one....blog write up at blog.spoxe.cc sooooooon #spoxecross #spoxe #cyclocross #nwcca

#spoxecross #cyclocross #spoxe #nwcca

@stoemper The Ronny put in a much better effort than me today... #stoemper #spoxe #cyclocross

#cyclocross #spoxe #stoemper

SHINY!!! #ritte

#ritte

Bit slidey out.

Farkin steep.

Rossendale. Looks like it's cross season proper. #cyclocross #mud #spoxecross #spoxe

#mud #cyclocross #spoxe #spoxecross

Ask a trusted shop keeper to look after your ten grand Pinarello.

thismachinekillscobbles

via OPQS

Another fire breathing snorter of a race in the #nwcca league. 58/70 today, felt better, felt smoother, @stoemper Ronny was rad as always and my #spoxe gear got a solid workout. The @1ookmumnohands birthday socks probably helped too....! Now smashed. #spoxeperson #dgct #cycling #bikes #cyclinggear #bikegear #melbourne #melburn #newkitday #womenscycling #cyclocross

#bikegear #cycling #spoxe #womenscycling #melbourne #cyclocross #bikes #dgct #spoxeperson #nwcca #melburn #newkitday #cyclinggear

Regram from the awesome @caztheturtle. One of our kits doing what they do best; making people look rad on bikes. Thanks Caz, I'll call this a birthday present! 😊🎉🚵

Cycling in Britain is HUGE now eh. A dedicated womens cycling mag! AWESOME! Get on board Aus! #womenscycling @cyclelikeagirl

#womenscycling

Massive effort from mrs #spoxe @minniemoo101 today at #cycleshow. Yes, she made me do this. ❤️

#cycleshow #spoxe

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