Iris

My name is Iris. I like to think a lot. About books, shows, friends, and things that will never happen. I like to read and write; I like doing nothing. I'm starting to hate myself.

[springblossomofwisdom]

First Post

Hi, My name is Iris, I wanted to start a blog of everything that I have felt in life because I want at least someone to feel how I feel. Or to listen. Maybe I speak to no one. Maybe I speak to one. But at least it's out there. Tumblr might be an old platform. But where else am I to write just words? What platform do none of my friends have? Because if they were to read this, I don't know if they'll ever forgive me. If they do, I don't know what I'd do with myself. Is it bad that I am going to write about my life here? Is it unsafe? Am I going to get stalked by creepy people? Or am I just a nobody who no one will hear? Either way, if you ever do come across this, I hope you relate or enjoy it. If anyone ever finds this.

Also wanna ask me things?

[thebaselinecollective]

[springblossomofwisdom]

It’s easier to talk about hard things with people who know nothing about me than people who know everything.

[springblossomofwisdom]

Let me be Matriotic

[springblossomofwisdom]

Wasian Guilt?

I am wasian. My father is white, my mother is Japanese. I live in America. We speak English at home. I know barely any Japanese and I hate myself for it. I can’t talk, I can’t listen. I can’t hold a conversation version with my grandparents. Well, grandparent. I missed the chance to speak to my jiji (grandpa), before he passed away.

I’m going to Japan this summer with my mom. She wants me to study there. But I should know a little to get a head start. I should have started. But my head tells me I’m not good enough and I’m too old to try. That my accent is horrid and my grammar is worse. All my other children of immigrant parent friends are practically fluent and I feel horrible that I do not meet that level.

I’m looking for anyone who’s felt this way. Do you have any advice?

[springblossomofwisdom]

Sometimes I get this feeling of impending doom. Like something really bad is about to happen. Or I’m missing something really important. I’ve forgotten something and it’s going to nip me soon. But I have no idea what it is…or how to fix it.

[springblossomofwisdom]

I love making playlists. I choose my curated playlists over albums. I’ll make one for every occasion. I might only listen to it once. My latest only has two songs.

[springblossomofwisdom]

I need to let the canned heat in my heels loose tonight.

Catch me in my room with the lights off. :)

[springblossomofwisdom]

I need to learn Japanese for my family. Anyone have any good anime recs? Movies are good too. Just need subbed.

[loveridden1999]

[springblossomofwisdom]

I’ve seen no movies :|

[springblossomofwisdom]

Fuck me for trying new things. Make a fool of myself while I’m at it. Then, never get over it.

Dear Universe, give me strength to accept rejection.

[springblossomofwisdom]

The stranger things ending is making me urge for a pen so I can write a better queer subplot supernatural action story. Because holy fuck I don’t know why I relied on straight males to write a genuine experience.

[springblossomofwisdom]

My New Year’s resolution is to not be such a judgmental snarky hater bitch, because I hate every time I open my goddamn mouth

[laurelcanyon1966]

i wake up every day feeling like this

[loveridden1999]

[springblossomofwisdom]

Can someone just date me…literally anyone so I have some experience to put towards self-love and self-identity? Give me some development holy shit.

[springblossomofwisdom]

I just finished writing a 12-page retelling of the Christmas carol, about sibling love and parental grief. It might be one of the best things I've ever written. I don't know what to title it, though. But I'm so happy I wrote it. :)