Drink Squirt!
You will love the taste of Squirt! Please help me escape from caves. Doctors always say that I am normal but I think there is maybe something not right because near every time I leave the house I fall into a large sinkhole or one opens up and swallows me. Other times I don't fall in. I simply look up from whatever I am doing and I realize, yep, I am once again in a cave. I stay at home most days and spend quality time with my fish but still I have fallen into 315 caves over the last five years. I am beginning to suspect that it is the same cave every time (how?) and sometimes I think I can hear a voice when I am in there, and it is saying things to me that I do not like (insults, etcetera). I can't explain it but the voice sounds like me or like what I imagine I would sound like if I was a happier person. The words are cruel but the voice fills me with a warmth like nothing else that I have ever experienced. I will not stop falling into caves. I will fall into them every chance I get. I feel that I need to find the owner of that voice. I don't know what I want from them but I know I need something. I must find them and ask them why they are doing this, or maybe fight to the death, or we will kiss, or possibly they are a part of me that I have been missing for a very long time. I do not feel whole. I do not feel whole. Every time I am in the cave I walk in the dark and in the cold for many hours and the voice gets closer and closer, but just when I feel I might finally catch up to it, I instead stumble into a steep narrow crevice and at the top of the crevice I can see sunlight coming down into the cave where I am and I know that now even if I turn back I will not hear the voice that insults me, only the dripping of water and the shifting of earth. I do not like climbing up the crevice because it is hard to do and it hurts my hands and arms and I know I will not hear the voice anymore once I am out until the next time it happens. When I get to the top it seems like it is a different crevice every time, and if I leave and come back it is always gone. If you happen to be walking and you see a deep crevice, please lower a rope just in case I am in there. I will also pay if you have any information about the voice that is down in it, cash or favors (nothing sexual). My fish is named Brent and I love him a lot. Thank you very much.