“ I. five sets of two hands, fingers spread wide my best friend lying next to me squeaks out “never have I ever masturbated” a chortle and a shrug between the boys as they flick down their obligatory fingers and I can’t help but feel a twinge in my stomach as my pinky follows suit the silence in the room is thick and grey and suddenly sliced by “…really?” yes really. have you ever experienced fun? II. I pull away a hair caught in my scarlet lipstick in my reflection I see my table mate from english class behind me she blinks twice and scoffs “who are you trying to impress?” the bathroom door is closed behind her before I can ask the last time she did something to impress herself. III. before a trip to the mall one of my friends spends two hours perfecting her bronzer and choosing the perfect pair of shoes the other rubs in dry shampoo and is out the door in less than five minutes they are two of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen. IV. my father calls me beautiful through a mouthful of popcorn as I pour a glass of milk to accompany my now third piece of leftover birthday cake he plants a kiss on my cheek and I grin as I wipe it away. V. she asks me what to do to start loving herself and I send her away to my full length mirror and demand to only speak to her when she’s found something to adore the way I did with my knobby knees and tiger-striped hips and big square teeth fifteen minutes go by and she finally points to the freckles on her nose splits into a grin the one that makes everyone weak in the knees and I watch the lightbulb go off above her head as she realizes it’s never been her job to hate her body VI. i tell my sister she looks cute today and the look on her boyfriend’s face when she blurts out “damn right I do!” is priceless. VII. I used to worry that I’d never find someone who loved me at all and now my biggest fear is finding someone who can adore me as much as I’ve come to.
seven thoughts on self love that came to me before I got my driver’s license (llb)
